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13 Of The Funniest Google Autocompletes

By Jordan Stratton

Whether you’re double-checking how to spell “definitely,” checking how many calories are in that quarter pounder, or proving your annoying coworker wrong (the 1996 Olympics was in Atlanta, Jeff. God, I hate you so much), Google is your best friend and confidant.

Well, sort of.

See, Google takes note of what others have searched and takes guesses as to what you want based on that information to help you out in your own quest for knowledge. This useful autocomplete search algorithm helps one to clarify exactly what they need, but it also reveals just how frickin’ weird people are.

Here are 13 of the funniest Google autocomplete options, courtesy of weird, stupid, and/or disturbed people around the world.

pregnant wife i

Word to the wise: Do NOT share this first one with your pregnant wife.

what happens

The same thing that happens when you use a mushroom in Mario Kart.

old people b

I’m all for alternative fuel sources, but I feel like we’ve crossed a line.

when will j

Jesus Christ, we’ve been waiting over an hour!

how to raise your

I don’t… I just… what??

what would happen if !

Pretty sure it’s The Santa Clause rules: You kill a ninja, you become a ninja.

there's a p

Nice try. If a platypus was controlling your mind, you wouldn’t be Googling it… unless it wanted you to Google it. Oh no, what if a platypus is controlling my mind and making write this list?

i pooped

The new Katy Perry parody? Not great, but not bad. 6/10

i like to t

Just because I don’t understand this doesn’t mean I don’t want to be a member of whichever church believes it.

can a human

No. Just, no.

Seriously. No.

i am extremely t

NEWSFLASH: People be racist. And sleepy.

dinosaurs we

Jokes on you CIA. That’s the only reason I want to time travel.

cats like

Wait, why is this one on the list? This is just common knowledge.

 

 

Father Figures: Dedicated

By Mike Julianelle

“My wife and I grew up together close since single digits. Dated in the late teens, and went our separate ways.

We stayed in touch and even though we didn’t always see eye to eye, we still talked. Years later we reconnected through friends, and at the time she’d just had a son. He was 5 weeks old and the other half (to be polite) wasn’t around. We stayed together and I raised him as my own.

Our son grew and has become a wonderful caring person and a great son. When he was 8, my wife was pregnant with our second son. Even though my wife took excellent care of herself and the baby, God felt he was too good for this world and took him too heaven at 31 weeks. Our angel baby is and will always be loved. We grew stronger as a family and we worked hard to push through our hard times.

She became pregnant again and worked until the day before her delivery, when she had a c-section. She gave me another handsome, and chubby, baby boy. My wife is a tough girl who had two rough pregnancies and smiled the whole time.

I give everything I have to her and all my boys. Even though We continue to struggle with what ifs, we remain dedicated to our family and our future.”

– Jason Houdek

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

Check out the previous editions of Father Figures here

Gary Larson’s ‘The Far Side’ Comics to Return In “A New Online Era”

By Devin Holdraker
The Far Side Returns
(TheFarSide.com)

Fans of The Far Side have a new reason to celebrate. The iconic cartoon recognized the world over is making a triumphant return, not to the comics page of newspapers across the country, but to the world wide web of all places.

The news may sound minor to those not familiar with cartoonist Gary Larson’s feelings on sharing “his children” on the internet. Back in 1999, Larson emailed a fan site asking them, and fans at large for that matter, to refrain from sharing his comics on what was then a relatively new medium at the time.

“…Please, please refrain from putting The Far Side out on the Internet. These cartoons are my “children,” of sorts, and like a parent, I’m concerned about where they go at night without telling me. And, seeing them at someone’s web site is like getting the call at 2:00 a.m. that goes, “Uh, Dad, you’re not going to like this much, but guess where I am.”

While keeping photos off the web these days seems unlikely if not impossible, at the time, many fans respected Larson’s feelings on the topic. Books, reprints, and calendars continued to fill the void for many, while others went about sharing their favorite panels on message boards and eventually social media sites like Facebook and Instagram.

However, all of that may have changed with a recent announcement on TheFarSide.com teasing a change in policy may be coming soon.

“Uncommon, unreal, and (soon-to-be) unfrozen. A new online era of The Far Side is coming!”

Fans have reacted with enthusiasm and, of course, their favorite panels.



Originally running in print form 1980-1995, Larson’s single-panel comic became part of the fabric of modern humor. While details are yet to be released as to what form this new “online era” will take, chances are you’ll be able to see all your favorites from the award-winning comic series is some way, shape or form in the next few months.

Don’t Get Downsized at Dunder-Mifflin While Playing The Office Game

By Devin Holdraker
(Target)

Fans of NBC’s The Office have had reason to celebrate recently thanks to a few new developments.

Cardinal, the game maker behind such sitcom based hits as “Golden Girls: Any Way You Slice It,” has released a new Dunder-Mifflin based game that’s sure to have you saying “that’s what she said.”

The Office: Downsizing, currently available on Amazon, is a game of workplace survival in which players choose their favorite character and attempt to make it to the weekend without getting canned. According to the description, it all starts by choosing a side.

“Be part of Team Michael, intent on exposing Toby as the Scranton Strangler. Be part of Team Toby, just itching to issue a pink slip (or two or three). Orrr, BE TOBY in disguise! Each day of the week comes with a new email from HR and enough episode-specific gameplay references to separate the avid show watcher from the hard-core Dunder Mifflin devotee.”

The game, suitable for 5-10 players, comes with everything you’ll need to ascend the corporate level all the way to middle management. Complete with name badges, a dry erase board and your very own Dundie Award, this game is sure to be a hit next time you have 20-30 minutes to kill.

The game is currently on sale for $11.99 on Amazon and makes a great gift for that secret Santa exchange coming up in a few months.

Also announced this week, a new podcast featuring Pam and Angela will launch this fall.

“Office Ladies” premieres Oct. 16 on Stitcher’s comedy network, Earwolf. Photo credit: Adam Hendershott Photography. (Earwolf)

Real-life pals Jenna Fisher and Angela Kinsey are reuniting once again for Office Ladies, a weekly podcast where the pair will answer fan questions and share behind the scenes details. The first episode debuts October 16th and will be available on multiple podcast platforms.

I’m not sure why they didn’t call it That’s What She Said.

Just a heads up, if you buy stuff using the provided links, The Dad may collect a small commission.

Guy on Instagram Hilariously Adds Himself Into Movie Posters

By Mike Julianelle
The Shining Remixed by thatguyinthemovies
(Instagram/thatguyinthemovies)

Not all heroes wear capes.

Some are just really good at PhotoShop.

Instagram user @ThatGuyInTheMovies is one such hero. Calling himself Guy, “an unknown actor that’s been in every movie ever!!”, his Instagram account is nothing but movie posters, but with a twist. Using his graphic design skills, Guy has inserted himself into every poster, with hilarious results.

And somehow he doesn’t even have 10,000 followers yet.

Just look at these gems. From looking supremely unimpressed with the dancing couple in momentary Best Picture winner La La Land:

 

View this post on Instagram

 

#lalaland @lalaland

A post shared by ThatGuyInTheMovies (@thatguyinthemovies) on

Guy does superhero flicks too. Sometimes spotting him is a little like playing Where’s Waldo?:

Notice him reaching out for help from his friendly – and lazy? – neighborhood Spider-Man:

 

View this post on Instagram

 

“If only somebplblpone could hear my cries for helbpbpl!” @tomholland2013 #spidermanhomecoming #poster #film

A post shared by ThatGuyInTheMovies (@thatguyinthemovies) on

Dunkirk is obviously a prime selfie situation:

And he joined the Trainspotting 2 crew for a potty break:

 

View this post on Instagram

 

#t2trainspotting @t2trainspotting

A post shared by ThatGuyInTheMovies (@thatguyinthemovies) on

He doesn’t just do recent movies. Check him out giving Mrs. Robinson a hand:

 

View this post on Instagram

 

Is this a tighter fit Mrs. Robinson? #thegraduate #mrsrobinson

A post shared by ThatGuyInTheMovies (@thatguyinthemovies) on

And joining Marty McFly in disbelief that Doc made a time machine… out of a DeLorean!

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A magician never reveals his secrets. @backtothefuture_movie #backtothefuture

A post shared by ThatGuyInTheMovies (@thatguyinthemovies) on

Who knows if Guy really is an actor, but who needs to audition when you’ve already landed prominent roles in some blockbuster movie (posters)?

I’m also impressed by his lack of vanity. Look at him hiding BEHIND Shelly Duvall:

 

View this post on Instagram

 

“Ahhhhhhh” #theshining #shellyandme

A post shared by ThatGuyInTheMovies (@thatguyinthemovies) on

Take a spin around his Instagram page for more hilarious edits to your favorite one-sheets.

I hope he does Basic Instinct next.

Science Teacher Wows Class With Amazing Experiment

By The Dad

5-Yr-Old Boy’s “Up” Photoshoot With Great-Grandparents Goes Viral

By Mark Chalifoux
5-Yr-Old's Up Photoshoot
(Facebook/Rachel Perman Photography)

5-year old Elijah had high hopes with he chose to celebrate his fifth birthday with an “Up” themed photoshoot. He’s a big fan of all the characters in the Pixar flick, so he was thrilled and perfectly suited to dress up as Russell, the boy from the film. But he also had the idea to cast his grandparents in supporting roles so he popped the question. 90-year-old Richard and Caroline happily agreed and everyone completely nailed it.

The boy’s twin-sister celebrated turning 5 with an epic, unicorn-themed photoshoot.


Their mom, and photographer, Rachel Perman was diagnosed with cancer right after her twins were born and the photoshoot was a chance to celebrate a milestone she thought she might not make.

Well, she’s currently in remission, so, “It’s a celebration for me and them!” she told CBS News.

She’s been floored by the attention the photos received, adding that the kids were excited to be the subject of one of her photoshoots, knowing she provided the service for others.

“I had no clue this would receive recognition,” she told Good Morning America. “It’s been fun to see how many people are touched by it! I keep telling the kids, ‘You are good at bringing happiness to us. Now you are making the nation happy, too!'”

Xbox Promotes Gears of War 5 by Tattooing Its Artwork Onto Fans

By Jordan Stratton
(Getty/Andrea Borile; Xbox)

Tattoos definitely aren’t the sign of reckless rebelliousness that they used to be, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t put a little thought into what you’re permanently inking on your body. For instance, Xbox believes etching your flesh with the sigil of a not-yet-released video game is totally a fine and normal idea.

In honor of the Gears of War 5 release later this month, Xbox is hosting a number of tattoo events worldwide, appropriately called “Gear Ink.”

While ‘Gears’ has no doubt prompted a number of badass tats in the past with their famous skull emblem and chainsaw-featured weaponry, few would disagree that the 3rd person shooter franchise is a bit passed its prime.

(Twitter/ROFLcopterEVO)

That isn’t stopping Xbox from leaning hard onto their inked-up Gears community, though. In fact, it’s kind of a genius marketing ploy; turning fans into walking billboards must mean the game is amazing, right? For the sake of the newly tatted, I sure hope so.

The pop-up events kick off on September 5th in Shoreditch, a district in the East End of London, before heading to Los Angeles, Berlin, Paris, Melbourne, and Mexico City.

(Xbox)

Fortunately, the first event is already promising some of the best tattoo artists in London, so even if Gears 5 falls flat with reviewers, your tattoo will still look cool as hell.

If you want to check out the newest Gears game but are feeling a bit hesitant to let a needle grace your pristine baby bod, Gear Ink is offering all guests an opportunity to sample the new Horde, Versus, and Escape modes coming to the latest entry in the franchise, even if you don’t want a permanent reminder of it.

Too far to check out an event in person? Stay tuned to Xbox’s Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram accounts for live coverage.

Chance Encounter on Flight Leads to Breakthrough for Child With Autism

By Devin Holdraker
Breakthrough for Child with Autism
(Twitter/Rachel R. Romeo)

Maybe it was a simple coincidence. Maybe it was fate. No matter what you believe, some things in life are hard to just chock up to chance.

Such is the story of Rachel Romeo’s recent flight home from a conference. The speech-language pathologist had boarded an 8-hour international flight and was seated next to a father and his young son. In broken English, the father began to explain that his son had nonverbal autism, going on to apologize for what would likely be a difficult flight. Before takeoff, the young boy had already begun exhibiting some behaviors the SLP immediately recognized.


Sharing her experience on twitter, Romeo says things quickly began to escalate. “Screaming, hitting me, and grabbing for my things. The father repeatedly apologized, but did little else,” she recalled.

But instead of sitting back and ignoring the behavior, Romeo saw it as an opportunity to put her skills to work and potentially help not only the young boy, but his father as well. “I asked him how his son preferred to communicate. He didn’t seem to understand. Perhaps this was a language barrier, but I think instead the child had very little experience with communication therapy. I put away the talk I was working on & asked if I could try.”

For the next few hours, Romeo tried creating ways for the boy to communicate. She used common symbols and even a few hand drawings to help illustrate things in a way the child could easily understand. “I made symbols for the things he was grabbing, for his favorite stuffed penguin, and for his dad.”


Romeo says the almost instant results stunned even her. “He took to it very quickly. I introduced way more symbols that I normally would, but hey, how often do we get an 8-hour session?!”

By the end of the flight, the family was able to communicate like never before. “He had made several requests, initiated several times, & his behaviors had reduced quite a bit. The father was astounded – clearly no one had ever tried an AAC approach with him. I gave him the paper & showed him how to use it, and he nearly cried.”

While quick results like this are indeed a rarity, Romeo says that oftentimes it’s as simple as finding ways to communicate that can make all the difference. “This was the human desire for communication, pure and simple. To connect with another person and share a thought. Communication is a basic human right, and I was overjoyed to help someone find it. What a privilege and a gift.”

The term “nonverbal autism” isn’t an official diagnosis, as many on the autism spectrum have difficulties with communication. While there’s much still to be learned, scientists and researchers are making new discoveries every day, much of it surrounding different ways to encourage verbal and non-verbal forms of exchange.

Whether you believe Romeo’s encounter was a simple coincidence or divine intervention, it’s a reminder that one person’s actions can indeed make a huge impact on others.

Cops Assemble at IKEA to Halt 3,000-Person Hide and Seek Game

By Mike Julianelle
Cops Thwart IKEA Hide N Seek
(Getty/Johnny Green - PA Images)

If you’ve ever been to an IKEA, I’m sorry about your divorce. Just kidding. But I’m glad you’ve managed to escape. Unless you’re still in there now?


IKEAs are enormous, cavernous mazes that are almost as complicated to navigate as their furniture is to assemble. Visiting one isn’t typically a lot of fun, and that’s even before you factor in the inevitable argument you get into with your wife. The large warehouses are like labyrinths and every trip there is almost guaranteed to last longer than you’d like, merely because of the square footage you need to traverse to reach the exit.

Some clever people in Glasgow found a fun way to put IKEAs size to use. They organized a massive game of Hide and Seek!

Someone organized the Hide and Seek event on Facebook, and 2000 people registered to play the childhood game inside the Glasgow, Scotland location. 10,000 more people indicated they were interested in the event! That’s a lot of people. Too many, it turns out, for IKEA.

The people who run the Glasgow store learned about the event and called in police to help.

“The safety of our customers and co-workers is always our highest priority,” the store’s manager, Rob Cooper, said. “We were aware of an unofficial hide and seek Facebook event being organised to take place at our store and have been working with the local police for support.”

This is probably the first time the police were called for Hide and Seek.

“While we appreciate playing games in one of our stores may be appealing to some, we do not allow this kind of activity to take place to ensure we are offering a safe environment and relaxed shopping experience for our customers.”

Police were turning away potential players at the door so they wouldn’t be able to join the people inside, who were hiding in cupboards, beds, ad even fridges, like Indiana Jones. (Where my Kingdom of the Crystal Skull fans at?… Nowhere!)

Believe it or not, this isn’t the first time an IKEA has hosted Hide and Seek. Previous events were planned in Belgium, the Czech Republic, and the Netherlands, much to IKEA’s chagrin.

They released a statement: “It’s hard to control. We need to make sure people are safe in our stores and that’s hard to do if we don’t even know where they are.”

The problem is half the people inside an IKEA don’t know where they are either! Might as well have some fun with it!