14 Of The Worst Toys To Give This Holiday Season

Slingshot Flingshot Flying Screaming Monkey

With the holidays approaching, it’s almost time to soak in the magic of watching an excited child unwrap a brand-new toy. Those smiles are what it’s all about. But there are a few things that you do NOT want to see your child unwrap. We rounded up some of the absolute worst, most annoying gifts available on Amazon this year. If someone gives these gifts to your kids, you can absolutely assume they hate you. If you bought these, you have no one to blame but yourself for the sheer torture that is to come.

1 Toy megaphone (with siren sounds)


What’s more annoying than a child yelling at you? A child yelling at you through a megaphone. Hey, and I know, let’s add some SIREN SOUNDS. Customers who viewed this also viewed Advil and earplugs.

2 Enormous Nerf guns

Nerf Guns

No one can argue that Nerf guns aren’t fun, and they have super cool names. (Mega Mega Mastodon was my nickname in college.) But do yourself a favor and buy a smaller Nerf gun, that takes effort to reload, and do not enable your child to launch a rapid-fire assault with 60 foam darts to the face of his enemies. Just, no.


Bow and Arrow

Why does it need to be said, that I don’t want anyone to give my child a bow and arrow set? Do you think, that because it says “for outdoor play,” that my son will not shoot me with an arrow as I drink my morning coffee in the kitchen?

4 Spy tools

Spy Tools

It just seems like common sense to me that we should not enable our children to hear all conversations with bionic ears or secretly record things we don’t know they are recording. It is, at best, training your kid to be a creeper, and at worst, providing evidence against yourself that will come to light should you ever try to run for office.

5 A doll that cries (And pees? Apparently?)

Baby Alive

You know what most parents say to themselves on a daily basis? “Gee I wish there was more crying around here.” Ah, the sweet sounds of a synthetic baby cry, with “real tears.” And diapers to change. And her nose lights up when she’s “sick” so now you get to console your child when they are panicked that their doll is sick.

6 Motion-activated noise makers

Motion-activated noise makers

This is the child equivalent of strapping a bell on an animal so you can know it’s coming, except with Kidz Bop.

7 Furbies, now with extra creepy


True story: I had a Furby as a child and it scarred me for life. It creeped me out so much I closed it in my closet, and I once heard it speak to me in the dead of night from in there. But maybe they have made Furbies less creepy now? Let’s check out the description:


Nope, sorry, I am not going to pay $150 so my kid can give a creepy robotic demon a virtual shower.

8 Sound effect machine

Sound effect machine

Do you think fart sounds are funny? Of course you do. But will you think it’s funny when you have you heard it nonstop for seven months? Of course you won’t.

9 A talking hamster

A talking hamster

Oh good, a small rodent to mimic whatever my kids say in an even more annoying and high-pitched voice!

10 Slingshot screaming monkey

Slingshot screaming monkey

This might seem like a fun little stocking-stuffer at only $7 but let me tell you how this is going to go down. Your kid is going to immediately slingshot this at your retina, and it will be SCREAMING as it comes in for the kill.

11 Light up, noise-making swords

Light up, noise-making swords

What’s worse than getting hit in the shins from behind with a toy sword? Getting hit in the shins from behind with a toy sword that lights up and makes noise.

12 A drum set

A drum set

Look I get it, music is good for kids. But if you give my kid an 11-piece drum set that I have to assemble and then listen to for years to come, I get to hit you with a drum stick. Fair’s fair.

13 Obnoxiously-themed Monopoly


All the family-destroying stress of Monopoly, with all the joy-destroying aesthetic of Minions. This is straight out of my nightmares.

Pee-Wee Football Player Gets Pumped Up on the Sidelines

Jim Gaffigan Has Something to Say About Beer

(Getty/master1305/Tom Briglia)

A general rule of thumb when making small talk: Don’t talk about religion, politics, or beer preferences.

All three are bound to erupt into heated debates. In the dad community beer in particular tends to be an extremely touchy subject. Everyone seems to have an opinion on what makes a beer amazing or downright sacrilegious, and comedian Jim Gaffigan is no different.

You’re either in full agreement with Jim’s purist perspective or cracking your knuckles to write a scathing comment touting your superior craft beer palate.

But that’s the great thing about beer, nay… America. We all have individual tastes. Just because some guy doesn’t share your affinity for a specific brew, that doesn’t mean he’s wrong (even though he is!) It just means you get to connect with someone with a differing perspective, while drinking beer!

So, if you see Jim in a bar, don’t make fun of him for his taste in beer. Instead, buy him a round, and make fun of his age – like an adult.

Cheers, Jim!

Back To School Photo Fails


Parents love to capture the moment on the first day back to school, but sometimes that moment isn’t what we envisioned. Check out these hilarious back to school photo fails from The Dad community.


Dad Grades – Hal from Malcolm in the Middle

(Photo Credit: 20th Century Fox)

Years before his dark turn as meth kingpin Heisenberg, Bryan Cranston starred as Hal on the criminally under-appreciated sitcom, Malcolm in the Middle. While his sadistically overbearing wife, Lois, was perpetually at wits end with their four mischievous sons, the much more care-free Hal happily took the passenger seat in their parenting roles.


(Photo Credit: 20th Century Fox)

Hal is a loving husband and father. He shows Lois affection through raw animalistic passion and utter dependence. He even admits to it, once telling Lois that he and their boys are not smart enough to function without her, and in return can only offer his total obedience.

He takes a much calmer, more sympathetic approach to parenting than Lois. She has a short fuse, at the end of which is a barrel of dynamite eager to ground someone for the rest of their life. Hal, conversely, seizes any opportunity to bond with his boys by having a sit-down and doling out fatherly words of wisdom.

(Photo Credit: 20th Century Fox)

He’s far more lenient, but will raise his voice and put his foot down when necessary. He’s often creative in his punishments. For example, when Malcolm told him “[bleep] you,” Hal sat him down in the backyard and forced him to look him in the eyes and read aloud a comprehensive list of every vile swear words, teaching him their power.

His biggest strength, however, is his laid-back, often immature attitude. It serves as a refreshing palate cleanser for Lois’ incessant shouting. He is truly the yin to her yang.


He’s more permissive than his wife. In one episode, Hal surprises the boys by letting them skip school to accompany him at some stock car races.

Hal’s lax approach to parenting is, regrettably, his biggest weakness. His spontaneity and often childish behavior sets a bad example for his sons. Case in point: the steamroller. After winning some money on a scratch-off, Hal secretly rents a steamroller.

(Photo Credit: 20th Century Fox)

When Dewey catches him, Hal agrees to let him steamroll over Reese’s bike. Ultimately, Hal goes mad with power and Dewey must talk him down from steamrolling a row of cars. Surely this gave Dewey license to misbehave in the future. His impulsive nature is typically harmless, but still sets precedent for the delinquency of his kids.


Despite shortcomings at the cost of his need to be the parent his sons actually like, Hal is a great father. Sure, all four of his sons are rambunctious hellions, disobedient and destructive at every turn, but that’s predominantly the result of their stubborn, temperamental mother. He’s a big-hearted working stiff, determined to provide for his family however dysfunctional they may be.


Dancing Dad Embarrasses Daughter at Baseball Game [VIDEO]

Being a dad involves a lot of anxiety, drudgery, and stress. Sometimes you get to enjoy the perks of parenting, like embarrassing your children on television. Or in the stands at a Cubs game.

Or both!

This dad knows what’s up. He ignores his daughter’s attempts to get him to stop dancing and then doubles down on the silly moves.

Father Figures: Be Positive

“My twin girls (Faye and Felicia) are both autistic.

Felicia was diagnosed before she was three; she’s non verbal and loves life in her own wee bubble. Once she lets you in, it’s amazing. That’s her circle of trust.

Faye is her total opposite, always singing and chatting up a storm. Once they started preschool, we found out that Faye was showing signs of autism that we perhaps overlooked because she was so advanced.

My wife and I, with the assistance of Faye’s teachers, pushed hard to get her assessed, reassessed and diagnosed. Faye is very smart and fooled the specialist in the first assessment regarding extra help in school. We were very lucky when she was diagnosed, because the specialist ASD doctors could still recognize her traits.

It’s been a long journey and no two days are alike. Through it all we’ve learned that Faye is just a younger, female version of her older brother. From her diagnosis, we were able to recognize the ASD traits in Jordan. He is now beginning the diagnostic process.

But long story short, both our girls now attend an autism unit in a special school. It’s a God send and they are both doing great! They turned 6 in August and Jordan will be 11 this December.

Be positive and always make sure your child gets all they need. Raising a child with special needs definitely puts into perspective what’s important in life!

Everything for the kids!”

– Nic Young

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

8-Year-Old Girl Stuns Crowd at Harlem Globetrotters Game [VIDEO]

(YouTube/Harlem Globetrotters)

When the Harlem Globetrotters called Samaya Clark-Gabriel onto the court at halftime of their game, the crowd at Madison Square Garden wasn’t sure what to expect. But at this stage in a Globetrotters game it would certainly take a lot to impress them.

First she just started dribbling.

But then she started dribbling two basketballs at once. And then she started dribbling two basketballs at once while wearing a blindfold. And then she started dribbling two basketballs at once while wearing a blindfold and DOING A SPLIT.

Wow. Did they sign her yet?

Big Dad Rides Small Bike as a Tribute to Late Daughter

(JustGiving/Peter Williams)

Peter Williams of Penzance, England is showing incredible strength after the loss of his daughter. On Friday at 10am, he began a 211-mile ride to raise money for The Brain Tumour Charity.

In 2015, Peter lost his 7-year-old daughter, Ellie, to a rare form of brain cancer, only six months after she was diagnosed.

To honor his daughter he decided to begin his ride at Bristol Children’s Hospital where Ellie was treated. He’s also making the entire trip on her little pink bike, which is only 20″ high. Given Peter is 6 feet tall, that’s going to make for an additional challenge, but he’s up for it.

Aside from a small modification to the bike’s seat, he’ll be riding the bike as-is. “My knees clear the handlebars by about half an inch so it’s going to be really tight, but it’s a great bike,” he told the BBC. When he factors in his unique mode of transportation Peter estimates the ride from Bristol to Land’s End will take him a week to complete.

Ellie loved cycling and impressed her dad at age three, when she was able to ride without training wheels.

(JustGiving/Peter Williams)

The bike he’ll be riding was her pride and joy – a present she received for her last Christmas.

So far Peter has raised £23,349 (roughly $30K US) through his JustGiving campaign, already doubling his £10,000 target.

What a guy! What a dad! Go, Peter, go!

If you’d like donate to Peter’s campaign, visit his JustGiving page.

If you want to learn more about where the money is going, check out The Brain Tumour Charity.