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20 Tell Tale Signs Your Child Is A Goth

By Tom Aldworth
(Getty/Chris Oakes/Barcroft Media)

“Oh my God! A ghost!”

No, you silly dads. It’s not a ghost – it’s a goth.

I can understand why you’d be confused; it’s hard to keep up with these fricking teens and their fashion trends. So that’s why I have put together this handy guide to tell if your kid is a goth.

1 Translucent Skin

The classic goth giveaway, pale skin, my friends.

2 Black Clothes

Again, a classic, something you should be familiar with already. But we’re just warming up.

3 Smokers

You’re a dad, you’ve seen South Park.

4 Carry Around the Head of an Animal

This one could be subtle. Be sure to check their pockets for the heads of small rodents, and their backpacks for the heads of large equine animals.

5 Big Fans of Harry Potter

Magic? More like… something snappy and dark that rhymes with magic

6 Lost their Virginity on a Grave

Don’t be afraid to ask the difficult questions, okay?

7 Drink Blood in their Coffee instead of Cream

Can be tough to spot, but just give the cream (or milk, you guys) a sniff before you use it.

8 Prefer Pepsi to Coke

9 Don't Like Sports

The only sports goths like are Quidditch and tenpin bowling but using skulls instead of bowling balls.

10 Enjoys Horse Riding

It’s practice for when the four horsemen of the apocalypse arrive.

11 Listens to Marilyn Manson

12 Favorite Simpson's Character is Dr. Marvin Monroe

13 Listens to Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn Manson + Marvin Monroe = Marilyn Monroe. Wake up, people.

14 Says words like "Radical" and "Cowabunga"

Or maybe that’s surfers.

15 LOVES Murder

Just. Fucking. Loves it.

16 Has a Goth Name like "Alvin Thicklewight," or "Penelope Quickstop"

*shakes fist* Alvvvviiiiiinnnnnn

17 Has a Pet Raven

 

18 Draws the Letter 'S' Weird

You know what I mean. With the lines and stuff

(Wikipedia)

19 Favorite Wacky Racers are Gruesome Twosome

Slag Brothers all the way, my friends

20 When you watch Scooby Doo they always root for the bad guy

This a huge giveaway. You need to clamp down on this shit from a young age

Father Figures: Thank God You’re Here

By Mike Julianelle

“It’s 3:33 in the morning, and I, a man known by his wife to be a world-champion sleeper, am hopelessly awake.

Since I work from home these days, I’m not too concerned about having to power through tomorrow’s work day; one of the silver linings of this terrible pandemic is that instead of catching the 5:45am Manhattan-bound bus in a suit and tie, I wake up at 7:30 in mesh shorts and a t-shirt and go with my wife to get our little 9-month old daughter out of her crib.

Eventually I fire up the computer and earn my paycheck, but not before taking the time to be a good father and husband. I’ll miss this dearly when life goes back to normal.

But I won’t miss the underlying sense of concern I constantly feel for our Siena as we live amidst viral pandemic.

I never used to be this way; back in my twenties, when my bod wasn’t so dad-like, I was pretty fearless.

9/11 literally hit close to home and became my inspiration for joining the Marines. In the nine years I stuck around the Corps, I found myself volunteering often to deploy, eventually hanging it up after four tours. I never thought seriously about the possibility that I might get hurt or killed. Why bother with those harsh considerations when you are an immortal twenty-something anyway?

But the thirty-something game is way different. I used to run around with an M4 rifle strapped to my chest, my adventurous soul fueled by nothing more than Mountain Dew and a youthful ignorance sometimes known as bravery. Now, I take baby aspirin to reduce my risk of heart disease (okay, not really, but to be honest maybe I should start).

Life is not just about me anymore. It’s about the woman I get to wake up next to. It’s about the little girl in that crib who smiles and gives you this ‘thank God you’re here!’ look every morning when you rescue her from the monotony of her mandatory rest period.

No, little girl, thank God you’re here. You are my reason for being and I’m glad you’re awake.

And as uncertain as things are these days, at least one thing is for sure: there is no one I would rather be stuck with in this damn house than you and Mommy.”

– Nick De Gregorio

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email [email protected]

Check out the previous editions of Father Figures here

Sports Apparel Companies Start Manufacturing Hospital Supplies

By Mark Chalifoux
Sports Apparel PPE
(Twitter/AROD/BauerHockey)

Getting healthcare workers the supplies they need has become a worldwide effort, with companies doing what they can to make sure doctors and nurses have enough personal protective equipment (PPE) to safely treat COVID-19 victims. We saw it with medical TV dramas donating their supplies to local hospitals, and now sports equipment manufacturers are shifting gears to help answer the call.

Major League Baseball and Fanatics, the company that makes its jerseys, are retooling their efforts to instead make some of the most in-demand items in hospitals: masks and gowns. Fanatics immediately stopped making jerseys for MLB and is using the fabric to make those masks and gowns. Their goal is to make one million for hospitals around Pennsylvania (where the factory is located), with hopes to increase production to help the New York/New Jersey area as well.

The employees are appropriately spaced out in the factory (read: more than six feet apart) and volunteered to be part of the movement. MLB commissioner Rob Manfred quickly agreed to the shutdown of MLB jerseys and cleared the way for Fanatics to refocus on much-needed hospital supplies. Baseball greats approve:

Fanatics isn’t the only sports company getting in the mix. Bauer, which is synonymous with ice hockey, has joined in to start manufacturing much-needed face shields for doctors and nurses. Sure, it would be cool if they were inked up like a goalie’s mask, but I understand how that may be time prohibitive. The legendary hockey company released a statement on social media, saying:

Protection that allows athletes to give everything for their team is our heritage. Right now, we’re all on the same team. We’re repurposing our facilities to make face shields so that medical professionals battling COVID-19 can safely continue to help those most vulnerable.

Bauer will put skates and helmets on hold, and will instead be dedicating its efforts to making the equipment doctors and nurses need more than ever.

The 9 Best Disney Virtual Rides and Tours You Can Enjoy at Home

By Jon Wilmot
9 Best Disney Virtual Rides and Tours
(YouTube/Theme Park University)

Disney might be closed right now, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy their rides. Videos of just about every ride are available online now, and even better you don’t have to wait in line! With so many to choose from, it’s hard to narrow down, but we’ve come up with a handful of our favorites. (Maybe one of these will even inspire you to create a DIY Disney ride experience for your kids.)

Star Wars Millennium Falcon

Turns out a galaxy far far away was actually only Florida. Galaxy’s Edge opened last year and has proven to be enormously popular. The best ride is undoubtedly Millennium Falcon: Smugglers Run, and with this video, you can see why. As Chewie says….actually no I have no idea what he says.

Pirates of the Caribbean at Walt Disney World

You shouldn’t watch pirated videos at home – unless it’s this one. This ride is always popular and a firm favorite and this video nicely captures the magic.

It’s a Small World at Walt Disney World

Another essential for younger kids, and even better this will keep them entertained for 13 minutes and 7 seconds, which really is Disney magic!

Space Mountain

It’s one of the best and most iconic Disney rides. There are a number of videos that use night vision to capture the real experience but we enjoy this one, the lights are on and it’s cool to see what you’re screaming about!

Splash Mountain

You can’t ride Space Mountain without its bigger, wetter brother. Enjoy the relaxing first section through the caves before that incredible drop, when my stomach introduced itself to my feet.

Expedition Everest

Another classic, this time from Animal Kingdom. Kids will love the part when the track unexpectedly ends, resulting in a thrilling backward plummet. And watch out for the Yeti!

Slinky Dog Dash at Disney’s Hollywood Studios

As it is the best ride in Toy Story Land at Hollywood Studios, the lines are usually pretty long. But online they’re not, and you get right to the front! Get ready for that boost start midway through! To infinity…and well, back to the start.

The Seas With Nemo & Friends

If you can find Nemo, this ride is an under-rated gem at Epcot, and you can see here what a fun, colorful experience it is.

Test Track

A Dad favorite – designing a car, and then testing it out on the track? We’re all in. Do not wear driving gloves though. People laugh. Don’t ask how I know.

Dad Makes up for Canceled Disney Trip With DIY Splash Mountain Ride

By Mark Chalifoux
Dad's DIY Splash Mountain Ride
(reddit/laramargaret)

The coronavirus has taken something from everyone. Even for those who are in good health, it’s disrupted and changed daily lives in ways we are still unpacking. Even the small indignities can have big effects on kids, such as missing graduation, a prom, a birthday party, or even the last three months with a beloved first-grade teacher. And for plenty of families, a missed vacation is part of the equation.

Obviously not equivalent to having a family member or friend struggling with the virus, but it’s still a bummer to see your kid’s heartbroken at the cancellation of a long-awaited trip to Disneyland. That was what one Utah family was experiencing. So their dad decided if they couldn’t go to Disneyland, they would bring Disneyland to the living room. All he needed was the library of virtual Disney rides on YouTube and a little dad-ingenuity.

In a video shared by their mom, the dad is shown with his five-year-old son on his lap, as they watch a POV video from Splash Mountain. He’s got his kid in an empty diaper box that he’s moving around along with the ride and even adds authentic home-made splash effects throughout.

When you can’t go to Disneyland…thanks for the idea Reddit! from r/Disneyland

This is where we’re at after only a few weeks into life under pseudo house arrest. For now, we can turn our living rooms into theme parks. If this lasts into the fall, we can kick off the NFL season in our basements, ruthlessly bowling over toddlers on your way to a badass touchdown.

Everyone is going to cope with changes in their own way, so if some dads are going to kick that creativity up a notch, more power to them. And maybe we learn we don’t really need Disneyland because the real Disney was in our hearts the entire time.

And that’s the lie we’ll all tell ourselves until this mess is over.

Here at The Dad, we hope you, your families, and communities stay safe and healthy during the COVID-19 pandemic. For the latest information, please utilize online resources from local public health departments, the Centers for Disease Control, and the World Health Organization to remain as informed as possible.

Ryan Reynolds in Talks for Live-Action Dragon’s Lair Adaptation

By Mike Julianelle
Ryan Reynolds Dirk the Daring
(Don Bluth/Cinematronics)

I have a confession to make: I don’t “get” Dragon’s Lair.

This was the supercool looking arcade game that seemed to take things to the next level. It didn’t look like other games, it looked like a cartoon. Like something you’d watch on Saturday morning. But it was playable! Somehow. Like I said, I was never really able to figure it out and preferred to waste my tokens on Outrun and pinball. It was an incredible looking game that foreshadowed more immersive video games with movie-quality graphics – like we have today.

Which makes it the perfect time to bring Dragon’s Lair back. To the big screen!

Ryan Reynolds is doing just that, having signed on to a movie version, both live-action and animated, that he’ll star in for Netflix. The Hollywood Reporter says that the movie will be written by Dan and Kevin Hageman, who worked on The Lego Movie and wrote the recent Scary Stories We Tell in the Dark. Netflix only just secured the rights to the game, so there’s no word on the director, plot, or release date yet. Obviously.

Released in 1983 with animation from Don Bluth, who went on to direct An American Tale and All Dogs Go To Heaven, Dragon’s Lair was a sensation.

Apparently, according to The Hollywood Reporter, the game used LaserDisc technology to deliver the graphics, and they were so good that the game was the most popular arcade game in the country for a time. It recently had a cameo in Stranger Things, along with every other piece of 80s pop culture you can think of.

The game is about a knight who is trying to rescue a princess from an evil wizard and a dragon, and one presumes Reynolds will play the knight, Dirk the Daring. Or maybe a man playing the actual game itself? Hard to tell at this point, but one thing is for sure: no matter who he plays, Blake Lively’s husband will spend a lot of time winking at the camera because that’s basically what he does when he’s not supporting bartenders or donating large sums to food banks.

If anything, the dude knows how to have fun, and this movie will surely be that. We’ll find out, eventually.

MLB Teams Share Messages of Solidarity as Opening Day Passes

By Mike Julianelle
We Miss You Baseball
(Twitter/RaysBaseball)

Usually, this is a triumphant time for baseball.

Winter is over, teams are hopeful, and fans are ready for a new season. Opening day is a special day in America, even if baseball doesn’t occupy the same place in our culture as it once used to when it truly was the country’s national pastime.

Unfortunately, thanks to the global pandemic we are all dealing with right now, opening day has been postponed, along with the rest of the season. But major league teams still did their best to recognize opening day online.

First, Rob Manfred, the MLB commissioner, put out a statement urging fans to stay home to help contain the coronavirus, sharing ways they can watch classic games for free online, and professing hope that the sport will return soon.

Teams across the league put out video messages on social media, sharing messages of solidarity with fans.

The Rockies made an exception to the “no crying in baseball” rule.

The Red Sox put out a statement recognizing fans for their efforts to protect themselves and others from COVID-19:

And the Mets put a call out to fans to share images of themselves celebrating this unique opening day with their gear:

We may not have baseball this April, but we’ll have it again, and the MLB is doing its best to keep fans happy and hopeful as we wait to return to our favorite ballparks.

Community Hosts a Social Distancing Parade for Girl Finishing Chemo

By Mark Chalifoux
Social Distancing Parade for Coco
(Twitter/momuses)

Social distancing has been in our lexicon for only a few weeks, which in 2020 time, is equivalent to about 40 years. And as we get used to the guidelines of our new society, we’re finding ways to make it work. Friends and family are connecting over Zoom. Neighbors exchange pleasantries with the proper six feet of space between them. Kids school themselves on iPads with all screen time rules abolished. And we are also finding new ways to celebrate.

In one of the best feel-good stories you will see today, a young girl was returning home from her last chemo treatment, and her neighbors wanted to do something to celebrate. But with our social distancing rules in place, they had to get creative. So they did, helping set up a social distancing parade to welcome home the young girl.

Hat tip goes to John Krasinski of Office fame since he put the call out for good stories, and to the girl’s mom for delivering the video we needed to see today.

The girl’s friends, family, and neighbors all lined the street in decorated cars, holding balloons and signs, cheering her on as they pass.

It’s the most heartwarming thing you’ll see today, and frankly, we can use all the good news we can get these days.

Welcome home, Coco.

Teaser for Solar Opposites, New Show From Creator of Rick & Morty

By Mike Julianelle
Dig Old Bicks Solar Teaser
(YouTube/Hulu)

Despite some new movies being made available to stream, most of the content being released on various platforms is old stuff. Don’t get me wrong, it’s admirable that these companies are doing what they can to help get us through the Coronavirus quarantine, and when you have kids, it’s super helpful, even if the content is stuff everyone has likely seen before.

But it’s also nice to get some brand new content. Which is just one of the reasons we can’t wait for May 8th. That’s when Solar Opposites hits Hulu. Solar Opposites is an animated show about four aliens who crash land on earth and have to start new lives. Oh, and it’s from the guy who created Rick & Morty.

Got your attention now?

Justin Roiland, who co-created Rick & Morty with Dan Harmon (Community), is the man behind this new show, which drops every episode in early May. Hopefully, after we’ve all gotten out of confinement! A teaser for the show was just released.

“Solar Opposites is coming! We can only show you the teaser right now, but the whole season will be out in a matter of weeks! Stay inside and stay healthy so you can watch and love this show and call us geniuses and all that shit.”

The short description of the show reads: From Justin Roiland, the co-creator of Rick and Morty comes a series about a family of aliens trying to fit in on this human-infested crap-hole of a planet called Earth.

That doesn’t say much, but the teaser helps fill in the blanks. It’s obvious this show is from the guy Rick & Morty based on the style of the jokes and the sci-fi trappings. It surely won’t be long before it develops an insanely loyal cult following (and snacks) like its predecessor.

Check the teaser:

Medical TV Dramas are Donating Much-Needed Supplies to Hospitals

By Mark Chalifoux
Shows Donate PPE
(Instagram/ontariofiredept)

One of the biggest challenges ahead is keeping health systems from being completely overrun by COVID-19 cases. An essential piece of this puzzle is keeping healthcare workers healthy enough to treat patients. And for that to happen, they need enough supplies to stay safe in the line of duty. Sadly, they don’t have nearly enough.

Personal protective equipment (PPE) is what hospitals desperately need, and they are going to any length necessary to acquire it. Masks, gowns, and gloves are the basics, and healthcare workers are searching high and low to find them. Several medical TV dramas are heeding the call, donating their supplies to healthcare workers and actually doing something real to help people (beyond making sexy doctor dramas).

The Resident on FOX donated their supply of masks and gowns to an Atlanta-based hospital. The staff there was overjoyed to see the shipment come in, to help replenish their supply.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

“Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” . To the entire team @theresidentonfox, thank you for this incredibly generous donation of #PPE from your set, including gowns, masks, gloves, and all the things our healthcare workers need to provide safe care for our community during #COVID19. . Yesterday, I had a serious discussion with the residents about how, though supplies are low, a magical shipment of masks is unlikely to arrive. And yet, a magical shipment of masks DID arrive, in the form of this very generous gesture. This kind of community support means so much to our #frontlineproviders who are making many sacrifices to staff our hospitals and care for our community. . Thank you, @theresidentonfox and @foxtv for being helpers. We needed this kind of good news today. . PS: Sorry it’s not a great pic, but the focus was not on the photo at the time. Similarly, the team @theresidentonfox are good citizens doing good deeds and not looking for a shout out. Though I encourage all to support The Resident and the great team behind the show and to pay their good deed forward any way you can. . #Hurstlife #residentlife #emoryIMresidents #lookforthehelpers #gratitude

A post shared by klaw (@karen.ll.law) on


“Yesterday, I had a serious discussion with the residents about how, though supplies are low, a magical shipment of masks is unlikely to arrive,” wrote a doctor at the hospital. “And yet, a magical shipment of masks DID arrive, in the form of this very generous gesture. This kind of community support means so much to our #frontlineproviders who are making many sacrifices to staff our hospitals and care for our community.”

Grey’s Anatomy on ABC is one of the longest-running shows of all time, and they also followed suit, donating medical supplies, gowns, and gloves to a California-based hospital.

“At Grey’s Anatomy, we have a backstock of gowns and gloves which we are donating as well,” said producer Krista Vernoff. “We are all overwhelmed with gratitude for our healthcare workers during this incredibly difficult time, and in addition to these donations, we are doing our part to help them by staying home.”

Fire drama Station 19 donated their hundreds of N95 masks to a real fire station.

The Good Doctor, Chicago Med, and several other medical dramas plan to donate their inventory to local hospitals. Several popular medical dramas on the BBC are also donating their set supplies to hospitals in the U.K.

It’s not much, but every bit counts, and hopefully, they will inspire more to donate what they have.

Here at The Dad, we hope you, your families, and communities stay safe and healthy during the COVID-19 pandemic. For the latest information, please utilize online resources from local public health departments, the Centers for Disease Control, and the World Health Organization to remain as informed as possible.