Tweet Roundup: The Funniest Tweets About New Year’s Resolutions

(Getty/Towfiqu Photography)

It’s the same story every year. January: a blank planner, crisp new workout clothes, and an attitude brimming with optimism. March: you’re putting ranch directly on the pizza.

So why not pop on those novelty glasses and enjoy these hilarious tweets about venturing into the New Year.

First things first, have you gotten these jokes out of the way?

Good. Because it’s time to get serious and make some resolutions.

Sure, you can start working on yourself any other day of the year.

But what’s more fun than new year, new you?

Start by making a list of important things you could work on.

Weight loss is a popular one.

But be sure to set realistic goals.

Sharing them with others never hurts.

Now that your resolutions are made, it’s time to party!

Just don’t get too hungover. You’ve got a big January planned.

Tweet Roundup: The 30 Funniest Tweets From Dads in 2018

(Getty/gradyreese)

Excellent work, dads. We crushed it this year. Wind it down and reward your grueling work as a human napkin with some of the funniest tweets from dads we saw in 2018.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

17.

18.

19.

20.

21.

22.

23.

24.

25.

26.

27.

28.

29.

30.

Father Figures: In His Last Seconds

“My parents divorced when I was 11 or 12, and my dad had a hard time for about ten years after that. He got his life back together, found love again in remarriage, and became a great help to many who struggled with addiction like he had.

I always kept in touch with him, and he was a kind grandfather to my daughter Maisy when she was a baby.

The last time I spoke with him was by phone on Fathers Day, 2012.

We caught up, and told each other how proud we were of each other, and just before we hung up, I swore him to secrecy with the information that my wife was expecting our second child. He went so quiet, which was unlike him, congratulated us in a hushed voice, and told me I was a good dad.

He had a hemorrhagic stroke out of the blue a few days later, and died on the spot. I never got to introduce him to his grandson Wilt, but can always hear his voice saying his name, and I know what he thought of in his last seconds – his family.”

– Martin O’Brien

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email [email protected]

Dad Turns Leftover Bread Into Successful Beer Company

(Instagram/toastale - Toastale.com)

Despite our best efforts over the holidays, it’s not possible to eat every single bit of food that’s in the house. Inevitably, there will be leftovers. And tons of waste. Check out the staggering numbers for bread below – and they only represent the United Kingdom. 

(ToastAle.com)

But with a little ingenuity and know-how, those leftovers might turn into a thriving business.

That’s exactly what happened to one dad of two in England, who, along with his food activist friend, turned the excess of the UK’s wasted bread into a new beer, and that beer launched a successful brewery, Toast.

“The idea was to provide a tasty solution to the shocking daily waste of bread. We estimate that 44 per cent of all bread is thrown away in the UK,” Rob Wilson told The Sun.

Together with co-founder Tristiam Stuart, who had the idea to turn bread into booze after he visited Brussels and sampled Babylone, a Belgian beer that uses the same process, which has been around for centuries. Sorry, millenia.

Toast was inspired by a 4000-year-old Mesopotamian beer practice, and thus far produces a Pale Ale, a Session IPA, and a craft lager. Each bottle contains the equivalent of a slice of bread – leftover bread they gather from supermarkets and delis – and has a 4.5% ABV.

“Six months after the launch, I resigned to be involved with Toast Ale full-time. It was terrible timing. I was expecting my second child and Thomas, my eldest was just two-years-old, so he also needed attention,” Wilson explains. “I had to have a serious conversation with my wife. She was worried but very supportive.”

But the decision paid off, as Toast – which was started with savings and crowdfunding – now turns over more than 1 million pounds a year. I guess you could say it’s his bread and butter.

And Wilson still makes time for his family.

“Striking a work-life balance is the most difficult part of my job. It’s important to try and prioritise genuine family time and holidays.”

MLB Rookie Gives Supportive Parents Christmas Gift of a Lifetime [WATCH]

(Twitter/Bsinger51)

The dedication and sacrifice required to become a professional athlete is impossible to overestimate.

The hours of practice, the cost of equipment, the years and years of playing and learning and exercising and getting better and better; all in the hopes of getting drafted to play a sport for a living. And that’s just the kids.

The parents of a kid with athletic dreams are nearly equally involved in helping their son or daughter see it through, especially in those early years, when s/he needs a ride to and from practice, or a new jersey, or some skates, or a bigger glove. Young kids rely on mom and dad for all kinds of support, including emotional support as they compete and weather bad games and tough losses.

One young baseball player, drafted by the Kansas City Royals this summer, knows how important his parents’ own dedication and sacrifices were to realizing his dream of becoming a major leaguer.

Then during Christmas, after he signed his rookie contract, he made sure to pay them back for the money they spent on traveling to his games, buying his gear – and Gatorades – and more.

Brady Singer was a first-round pick, and just about the first thing he did upon achieving his dream of becoming a major league pitcher was make sure his parents know he is aware of how often they put him and his dreams first and how much they mean to him.

So he did what he can to give them their dreams back with the gift of a lifetime.

What a wonderful way to recognize your parents’ role in your success. Brady could walk every better he sees, he’s already pitched a perfect game.

Adam Sandler’s Sweet Tribute Song to “My Friend Chris Farley” [WATCH]

(YouTube/Netflix)

Adam Sandler is one of the most successful comedians of the past twenty years. He made a fortune off movies featuring man-boys who lose their temper and speak in gibberish.

He’s also well-known for the goofy songs and funny voices he made famous on Saturday Night Live and touring as a stand-up comedian, including the holiday staple “The Hanukkah Song.”

Forgotten in all of the hilarity is Sandler’s softer side, as evidenced by his winning romantic comedies with Drew Barrymore, and his reputation as a truly nice guy who gives back.

Sandler’s latest Netflix special combines all of the above. It features songs and bits from a patched together collection of touring appearances. He remains likable throughout, gamely tossing about jokes about sex, parenting, UFC fighters, and more. But it’s when Sandler gets sentimental that the special really shines, particularly in his heartfelt ode to his old friend and Saturday Night Live cohort Chris Farley.

(Getty Images/Jeff Kravitz)

Farley and Sandler hit it big on SNL at the same time, appearing on the show together from 1990 to 1995 before embarking on movie careers, but Farley’s demons famously prevented him from having the long career Sandler has carved out for himself. In the decades since Farley’s tragic death, Sandler has largely stayed mum, leaving the tributes and testimonials to mutual friends David Spade, Chris Rock, and others. But in his new 100% Fresh comedy special, Sandler shares a sweet song about his old friend.

The lyrics to the song touch on their first meeting, his warnings to his pal – “We told him ‘Slow down, you’ll end up like Belushi and Candy,’ he said ‘Those guys are my heroes, it’s all fine and dandy.'” – and references many of the sketches and characters that made Farley a household name, from “the van down by the river” to the Chippendales audition and more. It’s sentimental and sad, while the clips and references to beloved moments simultaneously can’t help but make you smile.

The song culminates in a guitar solo, during which slides of Farley’s life are shown on the screen on stage, and the entire performance makes “My Friend Chris Farley” the highlight of the special, and maybe even Sandler’s career.

We’re Pretty Sure Grover Just Dropped the F-Bomb on Sesame Street

(Getty/Paul Zimmerman)

Things are unpredictable when you’re livin’ on the streets—yes, even Sesame Street.

In a video that’s circling the internet, viewers point out that it sounds like Grover remarkably blurts out the f-word. While talking with another monster, he apparently exclaims, “Move the camera! Yes, yes, that’s a f*cking excellent idea!”

Finally, that filthy blue fella has let his true colors show, right?

Well, maybe not—it appears we have another “Yanny/Laurel” situation on our hands. While some are adamant that Grover needs his felt-filled mouth cleaned with soap, others claim to hear him saying, “that sounds like an excellent idea.”

In the end, it seems like people hear what they want to hear, but is that going to keep the internet from dramatically breaking into factions over it?

Of course not.

So what camp are you in?

Should Grover be excommunicated from Sesame Street over his crude vulgarity or is this all just a big misunderstanding?

Cute Kids Wash Dad’s Car in Motor Oil

(Twitter/Manyiki)

When you’re a parent, you quickly realize that kids being cute is not an accident; it’s an evolutionary necessity. Kids, especially young ones, do a lot of dumb, dangerous, ill-considered and naughty things that, if they weren’t so adorable, they’d be dust.

One dad probably had to keep reminding himself of just how cute his kids are after they gave his car the world’s worst washing.

Ronald Manhique, who goes by @Manyiki on Twitter, is a mechanic in South Africa. His two little boys tried to do dad a favor by giving his car a bit of a bath. Unfortunately, they decided to use something a little less effective than soap: motor oil.

Needless to say, Dad was not pleased, and he shared some photos on Twitter so everyone would know why.

Yikes.

To his kids credit, they look both confused and remorseful, which is about the best reaction a dad could hope for. After all, if they’d intentionally dirtied the car, and then laughed about it, dad’s reaction would probably not be suitable for social media.

As it was, @manyiki allowed other tweeters to lighten the mood with some hilarious responses to his kids’ escapades.

One user thinks he should look at the bright side.

Another wonders if maybe the kids weren’t the true victims.

And this tweeter shows exactly how these kids get away with this stuff. Their cuteness trumps all!

I hope he took the car to an actual car wash – and paid for it out of their allowances!

Man Gives Mom Picture of Jesus – Except It’s Actually Obi-Wan

(Reddit/Ryan)

To many people, Star Wars is their religion. They wait in line for every release, they dress up like their favorite characters, they create fan fiction. They worship at the altar of George Lucas.

For other people, religion is their religion. In the United States, Christianity rules the roost, which means George Lucas takes a backseat to Jesus Christ.

For one mom who fell victim to a hilarious prank on Christmas, Star Wars and Christianity have merged. And the son who pulled the prank doesn’t know how to undo his deed.

Ryan Buchanan of Utah gifted his mom with a nice portrait of her lord and savior Jesus Christ, only it was a framed image of Ewan McGregor as Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. And mom still doesn’t know.

(Reddit/Ryan)

Buchanan took to Reddit to share his prank and the pickle it has gotten him into.

“I’ve made a huge mistake. Mom loves her Jesus Christmas present and I’m not sure how to get out of this thing alive when she figures out.”

To his credit, it’s a great painting, and Obi-Wan and the popular image of Jesus definitely share some similar characteristics – a resplendent head of hair, a stylish robe, bright blue eyes. Their similarities even go beyond physical attributes – both are patient teachers, both spent some time in the wilderness, both were betrayed by close friends.

Ryan’s mom and dad are Mormons, and aren’t familiar with a lot of popular culture, the funny son told INSIDER, which explains how he pulled it off.

He eventually confessed to his father, who told Ryan that maybe Mom wasn’t as clueless as she seemed after she remarked, “There is something off about that Jesus picture. I’m not totally sure I like it.”

Here’s hoping she’s as forgiving and patient as a Jedi master. And also Jesus.

90210 Is Being Rebooted…With Original Cast!

(Getty Images/Mikel Roberts)

2018 was a big year for reboots, remakes, and returns, and it doesn’t look like 2019 will drop that trend. A new Men In Black is on its way, Disney has several live action re-imaginings heading to theaters, and 70s TV show Charlie’s Angels has another movie coming down the pike, to mention just a few.

The latest reboot news to hit the wires concerns the lives of glamorous and rich high school students, featuring everyone’s favorite zipcode.

That’s right, 90210 is coming back!

You may remember there was already a reboot of the Fox classic that featured a few original cast members reprising their roles, including Jennie Garth and Tori Spelling. But that show revolved around a new generation of high schoolers, and a different set of siblings who’d transferred to the ritzy California neighborhood.

This time promises to be a little different.

This version of 90210 will feature almost everyone from the original cast, aside – so far – from Luke Perry and Shannen Doherty. With such a casting coup, you’d assume would feature their old characters now well past their 20s and into full-fledged adulthood with families of their own.

But apparently not.

Because while there are few concrete details about the show, the description being bandied about indicates that Jason Priestley, Jennie Garth, Ian Ziering, Gabrielle Carteris, and Brian Austin Green will not actually be playing the roles that made them famous.

CBS TV is running this “”untraditional reboot,” the untraditional part being that the actors “are not reprising their original characters.”

Um, what? So we’re just going to get a new TV show based in Beverly Hills that stars the original cast playing different characters? Strange, especially when I am more than ready to see Brandon and Steve continue their bromance but in full-on dad mode.

New characters or not, I just hope they make everyone keep their old ’90s hairstyles. Priestley isn’t Priestley without those killer sideburns, and I don’t want to live in a world in which Ian Ziering isn’t either fighting weather-based shark catastrophes or sporting his groundbreaking mullet-perm.

To tide you over, here’s the lessor seen intro from the first half of the first season – before it was replaced with the one you know and love:

Father Figures: Love and Support

“In May of 2016 I was diagnosed with a non smoking form of lung cancer. I required a massive surgery to remove a large chunk of my right lung.

My dad sat at the hospital for my 8-hour surgery, taking my kids to eat, keeping them distracted.

After my surgery I had to live with my parents for three months until I was well. My dad brought me coffee every morning, adjusted my pillows, took me for small walks. He drove me to every doctor appointment, the pain clinic and to the hospital for many more surgeries.

I can’t express the unconditional love and support he gave me at 40+ yrs old.”

– Charlotte Butler

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email [email protected]

Dad Spends Christmas Airborne to Be With Flight Attendant Daughter

(facebook)

We’re calling it: this Dad won Christmas 2018.

When his daughter Vaughan was scheduled to work as a flight attendant on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, Hal was determined to spend the holidays with her. She’d never had a Christmas without her parents and he wasn’t about to let that change this year.

Fellow passenger Mike Levy was amazed by the story, and shared it in a post on Facebook.

(Mike Levy)

It was the first time Hal flew on one of his daughter’s flight because a few months after she started working as a flight attendant, he broke his neck. Doctors said he might never walk again. But after months of physical therapy, Hal was mobile and strong enough to be able to travel with his daughter.

“I’d just never been without my parents on Christmas, so my mom took one for the team and stayed home with all of the pets so he could take his first trip since the accident with me,” Vaughan said in an interview.

Look, up in the sky! It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s SuperDad. If anyone earned the title, it’s this guy.

The Four Dads Of Christmas