Father Figures: Text Message

“My husband and I were sleep training our girl. Since I’m a light sleeper and early riser, he’d take the night shift and sleep in the guest bedroom.

I woke up to this text message back in April.

‘Woke at 10:38.

Changed diaper and put her back down. Cries for 3 minutes fell asleep standing. Started crying 12 minutes later then stopped after another 5. Still standing. Started crying again 10 minutes later. Went in to comfort, left after 2 minutes.

Started crying again for four minutes then asleep again standing up. 35 minutes later crying again went in to comfort. Cried again for a couple minutes then asleep standing up.

About 18 minutes later she put herself down at about 12:10. She’s been sound asleep for an hour.

If she sleeps through the night, please bring her to me so she knows Daddy loves her. If she wakes up in the middle of the night then she’s already next to me so boo.

I’ll do it again until she learns, which she will. But I want bacon in the morning. And this dog snores like she’s dying.

Love you.’

– Anna

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Check out the previous editions of Father Figures here

Woman Pranks Parents by Slowly Replacing Photos With Crayon-Drawings

Family Photos Become Crayon Drawings
(Facebook / Kristen Vogler)

After countless weeks of quarantine, chances are you’ve grown weary of your living quarters, and are actively seeking ways to break free from its monotony. Sure, you could paint an accent wall, shuffle some furniture, put a succulent on the window sill. You could even stick your dad’s belongings to the ceiling to see how long it will take him to notice. The living room is your oyster.

Or, in the case of graphic designer Kristen Vogler, you could sneakily replace all the family photos with terrible crayon drawings.

“Sneaking these masterpieces up was not easy,” Kristen wrote in a Facebook post. “I had to hide in the bathroom clutching the frames multiple times.”

Sure enough, over the course of 12 days, she swapped them out one by one. Her commitment to the bit is impressive, to say the least.

“The beginning, just a normal photo wall of memories.”

(Facebook / Kristen Vogler)

“Day 1. The first crayon drawing is placed, bets were made on how many photos and how long it would take them to notice.”

(Facebook / Kristen Vogler)

“Day 2. After FaceTiming with my grandparents (the subjects of my first crayon replica) for an hour near this wall, I decided to add another piece while my parents took a walk.”

(Facebook / Kristen Vogler)

“Day 3. Up to three crayon artworks now and still not even a glance. That door on the left? It’s used multiple times a day.”

(Facebook / Kristen Vogler)

“Day 4. Thought I would get caught today. I had been posting on Twitter about my progress and my mom chose today to try to start a twitter account to talk to John Krasinski about Some Good News but luckily her account was locked.”

(Facebook / Kristen Vogler)

“Day 5. At this point it was getting harder to pick photos I thought weren’t noticeable plus I felt like I smelled like crayons constantly.”

(Facebook / Kristen Vogler)

“Day 6. After getting a ton of rain for days I was needing to get sneakier to be able to add these to the wall. I think today I convinced my mom to go for a run before it rained haha.”

(Facebook / Kristen Vogler)

“Day 7. Today was a twofer with these classic Christmas photos. At this point I was starting to think I should have guessed based on weeks and not days for how long it would take them to notice.”

(Facebook / Kristen Vogler)

“Day 8. I legit did not think I would get this far, but here we are.”

(Facebook / Kristen Vogler)

“Day 9. Only three left to go before my work is complete. I should probably take a moment to apologize to my art teachers. You tried really hard to teach me to draw people, and this is what I’ve done.”

(Facebook / Kristen Vogler)

“Day 10. Happy Easter. My mom was nice enough to hide Easter eggs for me, in return I did this to the photo of her first born.”

(Facebook / Kristen Vogler)

“Day 11. I almost got caught hanging this one up. Had to hide in the bathroom but they still didn’t notice.”

(Facebook / Kristen Vogler)

Kristen’s mom and dad caught on to her shenanigans by day 11, unfortunately. But thankfully she caught the moment on video.

“Day 11 – 7 hours later. I heard the initial “wait… what” and went running over in time to capture this moment. I like to think they noticed because I replaced my senior photo and of course they look at the picture of their favorite daughter the most right?”

She was too deep to give up now. On day 12, she finished the job.

“Day 12. I needed closure, Kerri wanted to be included.”

(Facebook / Kristen Vogler)

Pranks don’t get much more wholesome than this. Bravo.

We applaud Kristen for the strides she’s made in interior decorating, and wish her and her crayon family the best in health and sanity.

Click here to check out her Facebook page for Kristen Vogler Design!

NFL Right Guard Now on COVID-19 Frontlines Months After Winning Super Bowl

Laurent Duvernay-Tardif vs COVID-19
(Getty/Tom Pennington Instagram/laurentduvernaytardif)

We love to lionize athletes and entertainers, freely tossing around words like “genius” and “hero,” often largely because they do things we can’t, and wish we could, do. Of course, during times like these, with a global pandemic forcing nearly everyone to reckon with tragedy and fear, we learn what real heroes look like.

The healthcare professionals and other essential workers putting their lives on the line to help others, to help all of us, are truly heroic and selfless, and we owe them all the same reverence we pay our favorite superstars.

Sometimes, those things overlap. Like with Kansas City Chiefs right guard Laurent Duvernay-Tardif, who, just a few months ago was playing in – and winning – a Super Bowl. Duvernay-Tardif had already made a name for himself by being the first medical doctor to ever play in the NFL. He was drafted in 2014 and over the next four years, he earned his doctorate in medicine from McGill University in Canada.

He delayed his residency to play professional football, but when COVID-19 struck, he knew he wanted to be there to help. So he found a way. In a newly penned piece of Sports Illustrated, Duvernay-Tardif wrote about his efforts to get involved.

“I fell into a gray area where they didn’t know what to do with me, because I don’t have a license to practice — yet,” Duvernay-Tardif wrote. “In the interim, officials briefed me on an almost daily basis, and I used my platform and credentials to relay their messages.”

Eventually, he was cleared to help with other medical professionals – after receiving a “crash course” on proper sanitizing and getting into a surgical gown, admitting, “That stuff is more important than ever, to protect not only yourself but your patients.”

There’s so much that needs to happen just to visit with every patient — masks donned and hands washed and equipment like gloves and visors tugged on and off and thrown away. I handled a medication cart, making sure to administer the right dosage and in the proper way. Honestly, I was drained after — and looking forward to going back,” Duvernay-Tardif wrote.

View this post on Instagram

Yes, it’s me in this picture but this is not about me. This is about all the people who have been on the frontlines since day one of this pandemic. Now more than ever we need to work as a team and help where the help is needed. We all must come together and do what is best for society, even if that means stepping out of our comfort zone and learning new things. Thank you to the community of health care workers who welcomed me with open arms and trained me at the Long Term Care Home, some even coming out of retirement to give a helping hand. Thank you Elisa for the PPE training. Thank you Hélène for the elderly mobilisation training. Thank you Jean-Philippe for your help during my first shift as an orderly. Thank you Guylaine for the crash course on how to administer medication to patients. I accepted this opportunity with a lot of pride and humility. I will contribute to the best of my abilities to help: help put a smile on a patient’s face, help give a day off to nurses and orderlies who have been working countless hours since this pandemic started. We can all do our part and it's touching to see so many people of different professional backgrounds coming together to do what they can. We have to keep working as a team and we will get through this. Ça va bien aller 🌈

A post shared by Laurent D. Tardif (@laurentduvernaytardif) on

As of April 24th, the right guard is working as a nurse in Montreal, at a long-term care facility. The man who just won a Super Bowl wrote about the nerves he felt before switching from football to healthcare.

“My first day back in the hospital was April 24,” Duvernay-Tardif wrote. “I felt nervous the night before, but a good nervous, like before a game.”

Here’s hoping the dedicated trailblazer and dual-threat is just as successful off the field as he has been on it.

The 12 Coolest Editions of Monopoly Available Right Now

10 Best Monopoly Editions
(Amazon)

Who doesn’t love a good ol’ fashioned family of Monopoly? It teaches your kids all sorts of valuable life lessons, like tax avoidance, selling off public utilities for profit, and how sometimes dogs are the same size as an iron. Plus, gameplay only lasts until everyone gets bored.

But it doesn’t have to be all Boardwalks and Park Places. Here are 12 sweet special editions of Monopoly you can grab right now. (BTW, you can also play Monopoly online with family if they are isolating in a different household)

Ghostbusters

(Amazon)

Yes, one of the game pieces is the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, and yes, there will be fights over who gets to be him. (Click here to buy on Amazon)

Super Mario Bros

(Amazon)

Forget houses and hotels. This game immerses you in the cutthroat business of flagpoles. Worth copping for the 8-bit stylization alone.  (Click here to buy on Amazon)

Mario Kart

(Amazon)

Some more colorful Nintendo goodness. You might think, “Oh, well, as long as it’s not the video game the blue shell can’t hurt me.” Think again, pal. (Click here to buy on Amazon)

Star Wars

(Amazon)

Beautifully designed board, chockfull of iconic locations from the franchise. Plus, the metallic player pieces make it look like the characters were all frozen in carbonite. (Click here to buy on Amazon)

Stranger Things

Stranger Things Monopoly
(Amazon)

This badboy was inspired by seasons 1 through 3, so it’s current…for now. The 2 standard dice and the game’s hideouts glow in the dark for an even more strange gaming experience. (Click here to buy on Amazon)

Rugrats

(Amazon)

A great opportunity to indulge in some Nicktoon nostalgia, and wondering how exactly they got away with naming the pediatrician Dr. Lipschitz. (Click here to buy on Amazon)

Back to the Future

(Amazon)

Just look at that box. LOOK AT IT. (Click here to buy on Amazon)

Friends

Monopoly Friends Edition
(Amazon)

Some of the features of the game include pieces that represent each character: a dinosaur for Ross, a guitar for Phoebe, a chef’s hat for Monica, a pizza for Joey, a handbag for Rachel, and a sweater vest combo for Chandler. (Click here to buy on Amazon)

Bob’s Burgers

(Amazon)

Relive classic moments from the show and shoulder the crushing weight of small business ownership as you buy and sell locations like the Wonder Wharf and Jimmy Pesto’s. (Click here to buy on Amazon)

Game of Thrones

(Amazon)

Monopoly is a lot like Game of Thrones anyway: full of greed, familial hostility, and can’t end until someone flips the board to ruin everything. (Click here to buy on Amazon)

Jurassic World

(Amazon)

Still holding out for a retro Jurassic Park edition, but this gorgeous set is perfect for board game enthusiasts and dinosaur aficionados. (Click here to buy on Amazon)

The Avengers

(Amazon)

With this one, teach your kids an indispensable life lesson: even Iron Man has bills. (Click here to buy on Amazon)

Just a heads up, if you buy stuff using the provided links, The Dad may collect a small commission.

John Krasinski to Host Virtual Graduation Ceremony for Students

Krasinski's Virtual Grad
(Instagram/johnkrasinski)

About a month ago, in the midst of the quarantine, former Office star and current Quiet Place (and Quiet Place 2) writer/director John Krasinksi started a YouTube show called “Some Good News.”

Krasinski started the show, which debuts new episodes every Friday night, as a way to brighten people’s days by focusing on some of the positive stories emerging during the global pandemic.

As things have progressed, Krasinski himself has become responsible for much of that good news.

Over the past month, he’s interviewed his former “boss,” Steve Carrell, to reminisce about their days at Dunder Mifflin, hosted the cast of Hamilton for a live performance, provided a virtual parade for a cancer survivor, managed to put together a virtual potluck, and organized a virtual prom for bereft high school students featuring a performance from Billie Eilish.

Now he’s doing high school students one better by putting on the first-ever global graduation ceremony. He announced his plans on Instagram.

“Alright, that’s it, enough is enough. All you graduates of 2020? After all those long hours you’ve put in. All the hard work you’ve put in…. you’re getting a graduation! And that’s all there is to it!” Krasinski wrote in his caption. “This week! I’m there with tassels on! #SGNgraduation !!!”

The ceremony will air on Some Good News on Friday, May 1st at 8pm EST, and is not limited to just high school kids; it’s also for 8th graders leaving middle school and college seniors.

Oh, and one more thing: He needs a valedictorian to give the speech. Send him your best video!

Will Smith Hosts a Virtual Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Reunion

Fresh Prince Virtual Reunion
(Instagram/willsmith)

With movies and TV suspending production during the pandemic (with the exception of animated shows), many in Hollywood find themselves with a lot of free time. John Krasinski started a YouTube show to help fill his and to help others survive, and he’s not alone. Will Smith created “Will From Home” on Snapchat to keep us, and himself, entertained.

The other day, Smith had a bit of a surprise for followers of his show, especially if they were fans of his other show, the classic 90s sitcom Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

The cast virtually reunited on Snapchat, including the Fresh Prince himself, Alfonso Riberio (Carlton Banks), Tatyana Ali (Ashley Banks), and Karyn Parson (Hilary Banks). Joseph Marcell, who played Geoffrey the butler, Daphne Maxwell Reid (Vivian Banks), and even Smith’s old musical partner, DJ Jazzy Jeff, popped by during the two-part reunion to reminisce about the good old days.

Jazzy Jeff admits to being annoyed at a particular fan request: “I got really, really annoyed that everybody wanted to do the handshake. You would see in people eyes when they were about to do the handshake and I would just grab their hand and hold it. Besides that, I’m good.”

We also got a fun tidbit of FP trivia regarding Will’s character’s name:

Notably absent from the reunion was James Avery, aka Uncle Phil, who passed away in 2013. But the cast paid an emotional tribute to him.

Mattel Honors Essential Workers With ‘Thank You Heroes’ Action Figures

thank you heroes
(Mattel)

Imagine a schoolyard full of 6-year-olds playing “grocery store” instead of “Batman.” How cool would that be? You have to make sure the shelves are stocked and the customers are happy all while a DEADLY VIRUS THREATENS TO DESTROY THE CITY! If Mattel has its way, and it so often does, this will become a reality. In a genuinely classy move, Mattel will honor the essential workers out in the world with its #ThankYouHeroes collection of action figures.

mattel-little-people
(Mattel)

To the brave women and men who have to leave their homes and do the jobs no one wants to do right now, the entire world thanks you. This collection includes 16 different action figures as well as a 5-figure set from their Little People line which includes Captain EMT, Grocery Store Man, Dr. Doctor, The Incredible Delivery Driver, and Nurse Woman (not the actual names but that’s what we’re calling them.)

doctor mattell
(Mattel)

You can pre-order each figure now through May 31st at a cost of $20. A whopping $15 for each purchase will go towards the #FirstRespondersFirst initiative which is a “fund dedicated to the frontline healthcare workers serving the nation during the coronavirus pandemic.” All figures will ship by Dec. 31.

mattell delivery driver
(Mattel)

In a press release, Arianna Huffington, founder and CEO of Thrive Global (one of the partnering organizations) states, “We launched #FirstRespondersFirst to support healthcare workers and their families who are on the frontlines of this pandemic. Mattel’s iconic brands and products speak to something deep within us. So it’s wonderful to see this new Fisher-Price collection not only bringing joy to children, but giving parents and caregivers a new way to honor healthcare first responders and everyday heroes and their families.”

First responder
(Mattel)

It’s pretty amazing that Mattel is giving these real-life superheroes their due cred. “We’re talking about those brave souls who carry on doing their jobs despite the risks in order to keep the rest of us safe, secure and healthy,” Mattel’ says on their website. “We salute these heroes, and we think they’re pretty amazing role models for kids. Let’s play their heroism forward by lending a helping hand and sharing a little gratitude.”

ER nurse
(Mattel)

Mattel has continued to kick massive amounts of ass by also creating face shields and cloth face masks for medical professionals. To date, they’ve already made more than 500,000 face shields. To top it all off, they’ve even created an online playground called Mattel Playroom, where parents can experience kid-friendly content and activities for their cooped up little ones.

Al Pacino Is Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

Al Pacino is Ace Ventura
(YouTube/Futuring Machine)

The typical trajectory is as follows: comedian becomes famous for being funny, parlays that fame into TV and or movie stardom gets tired of being known merely for being funny, attempts to crossover into drama. Sometimes it works and you get Robin Williams, sometimes it doesn’t work and you get Will Ferrell.

It’s a little less popular to do the reverse, i.e., to start as a dramatic actor and then veer into comedy. It can happen, but even when it does, the person still remains largely known as a serious performer who occasionally moonlights in comedies. Just look at Robert DeNiro, who hit comedy gold with Analyze This and Meet the Parents (not to mention the stone-cold classic Midnight Run), but still mostly known for dramas. When a comedian has success going serious, he rarely looks back, as if he considers comedy to be beneath him.

One dramatic heavyweight who has rarely gone the comedy route is the flipside to DeNiro’s coin in Heat: Al Pacino.

He seems made for comedy, and since he doesn’t seem all that interested (maybe it’s Sandler’s fault) someone went ahead and did the work for him. Thanks to DeepFake technology, it’s now possible to shift Al Pacino’s entire career by imagining – and actually visualizing – how he might have handled a broadly comedic role like Ace Ventura.

Just remember, before you watch this uncanny recreation of Jim Carrey’s classic character: some things you can’t unsee.

Reporter Does Live TV Broadcast With No Pants on

Will Reeve No Pants
(Twitter/ratemyskyperoom)

Will Reeve, a reporter from Good Morning America, was delivering a segment earlier this week from his living room (like many reporters, he’s working remotely). However, once he finished his report a wider shot of Reeve revealed far more than just his dressed up top half. He was clearly missing something important; his pants.

Reeve got caught with no pants on national TV and was quickly called out by hundreds of people on Twitter.

Reeve was good-natured about the mishap, retweeting some of the “gotchas” and said, “I have arrived in the most hilariously mortifying way possible.”

He quickly released a statement saying he was wearing workout shorts to get in a quick post-show workout and will be wearing pants for the foreseeable future.

Make no mistake, he’s far from the only TV reporter going pantsless on the air these days. He is, however, the only one who got caught. But other anchors have shown solidarity and support for their pants-less colleague.

“You’re Grounded!” Shouts Dad Forgetting His Kid Can’t Go Anywhere Anyway

Dad Grounds Quarantined Son
(Getty/Lisbeth Hjort)

FRANKLIN, TN – Ryan Mitchell gave his 11-year-old son Bryce a simple ultimatum “get off the iPad, or else.” For the seventh straight time that day, like a pitcher shaking off a catcher’s sign, Bryce ignored his warning. Ryan was forced to put his foot down, sentencing the boy to a two-week grounding.

“You’re grounded,” he yelled in his go-to stern voice, feeling proud of his no-nonsense parenting skills.

“Yeah, dad, we all are, read the news,” Bryce said. “The governor grounded all of us.”

“No, the governor grounded the rest of the family, I GROUNDED YOU,” he said, obviously struggling with a satisfactory retort. His child was right. The entire family had been restricted on a shelter-in-place order, due to the COVID-19 pandemic.

Still, he wasn’t about to be bested by an insolent pre-teen, so he quickly pivoted to save face. There’s always another punishment.

“Fine, you love your iPad so much, guess what? NO IPAD FOR A MONTH!” Ryan yelled.

“Nope, wrong again. The school mandates I need that for remote learning,” his son replied while chuckling.

Ryan almost smashed the iPad in a fit of rage, but then remembered how much it would suck if he had to teach the kid himself. He shuddered at the thought of re-learning math, just so he could teach it to an ungrateful adolescent.

“Well, if you don’t start behaving, I’m turning this car around!” Ryan yelled out of habit, to the confused bewilderment of everyone in his house. At this point, it was clear he had lost control of the situation.

The defeated dad quietly slinked away, tentatively planning to garnish some of the boy’s allowance. But first, he needed to make sure the boy wasn’t drawing some sort of government assistance to replace lost income.

Despite being completely plausible to parents, THIS JUST IN is satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. For more stories like this one click here.

April’s 15 Funniest Tweets About Being Quarantined With Family

April's Quarantine Tweet Roundup
(Getty/MEDITERRANEAN)

It’s easier than ever these days to feel bummed out or overwhelmed with the dire circumstances dealt us. As such, it’s more vital than ever to keep stay grounded and in good spirits. What better way to do that with some relatable humor! Here are 15 of this month’s realest, funniest tweets about living in quarantine with our family.

It’s easy to feel trapped.

And bored.

Like, really bored.

So we’re hoping you’re getting what sunlight you can…

And finding little hobbies with which to occupy yourself.

We’ll get back to life soon enough.

But boy do we miss it!

Granted, it is nice to spend quality time with the spouse.

Hopefully the feeling is mutual!

Close quarters make for all sorts of romantic spark!

Then there’s those kids you had.

Hopefully they’re finding their groove in all this as well.

And making this as easy on you as they can.

After all, you are their homeroom teacher now.

And by God, someone’s gotta teach ’em.

Justice League Dark and The Shining-Based TV Series Coming to HBO Max

Justice League Dark
(DC/Warner)

Over the past year or so, streaming platforms have been multiplying at an exponential rate. We’ve got Netflix and Disney+, Amazon Prime and Hulu, Apple TV and YouTube Red or whatever it’s called, not to mention CBS All Access, NBC’s forthcoming Peacock service, and every single cable channel having their own platform and countless other smaller platforms you may or may not have heard of.

There are almost as many streaming options as there are cable outlets! Of course, there’s an upside to the proliferation of platforms, and that’s more content. Much of it not necessarily stuff that would have been made without so many services to fill.

Justice League Dark has been percolating inside Hollywood for a decade. There have been several failed attempts at mounting a production, including a movie from Oscar-winner Guillermo Del Toro, but none have materialized. Until now!

It’s based on a comic series that focused on DC’s darker (sorry), occult oriented characters, including John Constantine, Madame Xanadu, Swamp Thing, Deadman, Zatanna, and Shade, the Changing Man. Those are some of the characters who may be featured in this new production – there are many to choose from, and there’s no information on which ones will show up – from JJ Abrams’ Bad Robot, set to appear on HBO Max.

HBO Max and Abrams are also teaming up for a show called Overlook, which is inspired by Stephen King’s The Shining and will explore the untold stories of the famously haunted Overlook Hotel.

“What an amazing start to our association with the wildly imaginative Bad Robot team under J.J. and Katie [McGrath],” Kevin Reilly, chief content officer of HBO Max and president of TNT, TBS, and truTV, announced via Variety. “What could be better than an original J.J. idea and then Warner Bros. letting them loose on iconic I.P. from Stephen King and the DC Universe and to provide more must-have programming on HBO Max.”

HBO Max is clearly homing in on some genre-related material, with the horror of Stephen King and the superheroes of DC. They have two other DC-related series in production, one about the Green Lantern, the other an adaptation of “Strange Adventures.”

Endgame Directors Celebrate First Birthday by Sharing Rare Footage

Fat Thor Behind the Scenes
(Twitter/Russo_Brothers)

Remember 2019? N-n-no, that’s 2014. You’ve gone back too far. Think hard. 2019, the one with Area 51 flash mobs and “Old Town Road” remixes. Right. Right. Baby Yoda, yes. You’re there. Anyway, can you believe that stuff was a mere YEAR ago?

Among 2019’s offerings of pop culture artifacts, Avengers: Endgame was, by and large, the most iconic. It yielded the highest box office earnings of all time, making nearly $2.8 billion worldwide, surpassing both Avatar and Titanic. How’s that dust taste, James Cameron?!

Filmmakers Anthony and Jay Russo, the brothers behind other Marvel treats such as Winter Soldier and Infinity War, are tweeting out rare behind-the-scenes footage from Avengers: Endgame to celebrate its one year anniversary.

Here are some of our faves:

This vid of Brie Larson, decked out in Captain Marvel threads, first meeting her fellow Avengers is heartwarming to say the least.

Then there’s this silly photo of Joe giving direction to Hulk, pre-motion-capture, and Thor, post-cupcake.

Next, some Russo fam-eos.

They gave props the set designers. Pun absolutely intended.

Here’s a great vid of Chris Evans as Old Cap but also as Chris Evans.

Things got emotional as the shooting began to wrap.

As expected! This crew has provided us with so many memorable moviegoing experiences since Iron Man came out 12 years ago. We already miss them.

Big thanks to the Russos for sharing such pleasant memories. And a happy first birthday to Avengers: Endgame, which we’re still sort of mad at for not making the tagline, “Oh, snap.”

For more Avengers goodness, click here to check out our Dad Grades for Thanos!