Father Figures: Special Place

My dad has a very special place in my heart for many reasons. He is my best friend and the person I can always count on the most. He can always make me laugh, he helps me talk through hard situations, and he is always there for me no matter what.

However, he will always have a special place in my heart for one reason in particular: when I was born, my biological father left the picture. Then, when I was 6 months old, this man stepped into my life.

He was just 22 years old himself. When most 22 year olds were going out to party or hangout with friends, he was there to take care of me. He didn’t blink an eye and took me in as his own. He was there for my first steps, he was there for all of my father-daughter dances, and when I was 7 years old, he adopted me.

He will forever be the greatest blessing in my life, and I literally cannot imagine my life without him. Without him, I would not be the person I am today.

Love you, Dad.”

– Mackenzie Sheehan

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Matthew McConaughey Crashed a Texas Teachers’ Virtual Meeting

matthew mcconaughey governor texas
(Getty/Ray Tamarra)

Usually, when teachers are holding a discussion via Zoom, they pray that there are no surprise guest stars. I know I do my best not to accidentally video bomb my kids’ classes when they’ve got the computer open in the kitchen! But not all surprise guests are created equal.

A group of 900 teachers in Texas found this out first-hand when they were holding a staff meeting and Oscar-winning actor and everybody’s favorite professor and bingo caller, Matthew McConnaughey, suddenly showed up to express his gratitude for what they do, and what they’ve been doing during the pandemic.

The meeting was being held by the Independent School District in La Porte, Texas, on Thursday morning.

“That was amazing. It made my day and put a smile on my face,” said Misti Prock, College Park Elementary School nurse. “What a kind man to give his time to talk to us.”

McConnaughey explained that his mother was a public school teacher, so he has a lot of respect for what they do.

“I’m a public school son. My mom taught in public schools for thirty-something years,” McConaughey, 50, told the group. “What a valuable occupation y’all have. What you do as an educator, that’s never going to go out of style.”

Nowadays the actor is a bit of a teacher himself, at the University of Texas, and he understands and appreciates the staff’s concern about the pandemic.

“Let’s all remember that we are going to get out of this. It’s going to pass, and we’ll be looking at this situation of our lives in the rear view mirror, and our students will as well,” he said. “Keep your head up. We’ll get out of this on the other side because that’s just what we’re gonna do.”

Check out the video:

Tesla Update Lets Owners Replace Car Horn With Fart Noises

Tesla Fart Noises
(Tesla | lucamontevecchi)

It’s one of the coolest and most innovative car companies, and now Elon Musk has taken his killer cars into dad territory. Thanks to the latest holiday update, Tesla owners can now customize their car horns with a fart noise instead.

The new Tesla holiday update gives drivers the ability to use Boombox mode to broadcast custom audio outside the car. So, instead of the normal old car horn honk, you can swap in a goat scream, a fart, or more.

Tesla owners were waiting for this update, although I like to think personally it was entirely for the ability to make your fancy car fart on command. This is going to be a windfall for all Tesla Dads, who can now fart at will anytime the situation calls for it. Waiting to pick kids up from school? Turn it into a dang fart parade as they walk out. Someone cuts you off in traffic? Fart cacophony.

This will also let dads pull off the ultimate “pull my finger” misdirection. You can turn your fancy car into the world’s most expensive fart joke. And IT WILL BE WORTH IT.

Does this open the door to some Tesla people becoming uber-annoying by driving around and playing horrible music on Boombox mode? You betcha! Some sites are already speculating that attention-craved owners could theoretically drive around neighborhoods blasting ice cream truck music, but surely even they aren’t that craven (ok, some are).

Tesla is an innovator, and hopefully, this is just the beginning of a worldwide movement to replace car horns with fart noises.

Dad Spends Entire NYE Phoning Pals In Every Time Zone to Say “See Ya Next Year!”

Dad's See You Next Year NYE Joke
(Getty/Peter Dazeley)

CINCINNATI, OH —  While New Year’s Eve is often synonymous with parties and weight-loss resolutions, for 42-year-old father Josh Rogers, there’s only one thing on the agenda this Dec. 31: telling everyone he knows he’ll see them “next year.”

“See, it’s funny because ‘next year’ is actually the next day!” Josh explained amid fits of laughter.

This year, the father of two is kicking the comedy up a few notches, doubling down on his commitment to spread joy and dad jokes on New Year’s Eve. According to his wife, Brynn, Josh is using an entire paid vacation day to call 47 friends living in different time zones on Dec. 31.

“Like, this is the same man who tore his ACL doing an Ace Ventura impression last year and still refused to take a sick day, so… he must really be going through some stuff? I wish he’d call a professional instead.” Brynn said.

Sadly, Josh is unaware the numerous long-distance calls from his landline during prime hours will cost him more than $300. Just last week he vehemently refused to sign up for a $5 yearly flat-rate plan, telling his wife, “That’s how they get ya!”

Despite being completely plausible to parents, THIS JUST IN is satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. For more stories like this one click here.

Jeopardy Airing Alex Trebek’s Final Episodes in Early January

Trebek
(Twitter/Jeopardy)

The list of grievances with 2020 is certainly not short, and on that list is the passing of Alex Trebek. So it’s only fitting that our final new episodes of Jeopardy with Trebek as host, taped before his passing from pancreatic cancer in the fall, will air in 2021.

Jeopardy originally planned to air his final episode on Christmas day but made the decision to push his final episodes back a bit so millions of fans can watch Trebek’s final episodes. The program aired two weeks of repeats around the holidays, in a special block of programming called “Around the World With Alex.”

According to Jeopardy, his lifelong interest in people, cultures, and languages is why they chose those repeats for the special. “History is the past,” he once said, “geography is the future.”

This leaves us with his final episodes, which were taped on October 29th. They are currently scheduled to air January 4th through 8th. His executive producer Mike Richards recently told media outlets that Trebek “was a warrior” during his final tapings, as he wanted more than anything to be one of the first shows back in production after a COVID-19 pause.

“We knew how much he was fighting, and that’s what made the performance even more impressive,” he said. He said the final episodes were moved so fans wouldn’t be stressed about possibly missing them during the holiday chaos. “We wanted our fans to be able to really savor those last five.”

After our last Trebek-led Jeopardy episode on January 8th, the mantle gets passed to the first interim host, Jeopardy GOAT Ken Jennings, with more interim hosts on the way.

The Rock Sends Christmas Message To 13-Year-Old Recovering From Surgery

The Rock sends Christmas message to 13-year-old
(Instagram/therock)

The Rock is truly the gift that keeps on giving. There are few things the man won’t do to make his fans’ lives a little brighter, and even better, he seems to thoroughly enjoy doing it.

13-Year-old Jaxon Patel from Florida has had a tough year, and though it was a long shot, his mom Shannon reached out to Jaxon’s biggest hero for some much-needed support. By some Christmas miracle, Shannon’s plea reached its target. And in his typical fashion, The Rock saw a fan in need and sent the 13-year-old a heartwarming message.

The Rock took to Instagram to share both his message and Jaxon’s heartwarming reaction. In his post, The Rock explained that scoliosis had impacted the young teen for half his life.

“He just had a huge surgery where they placed two long rods in his back and had to cut him open from the top of his back all the way down to his lower back,” the post’s caption explained. “His amazing mama, Shannon wrote us the most beautiful letter – asking if I could just send her boy some encouragement as he truly is one of my biggest fans and finds inspiration in the things I do.”

The WWE star turned actor then goes on to explain something that’s abundantly clear, but worth repeating. “I always say it, because it’s true – stuff like this will always be the best part of my fame.”

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by therock (@therock)

There are many celebrities that pop up repeatedly in the news, ones who frequently give back to their fans when they need it most. It’s truly something that will never get old, seeing public figures use their fame for good. It brings joy to whoever is on the receiving end, it warms our hearts, and it reminds us all of just how good it feels to give back.

“Stay strong, Jaxson,” The Rock’s message concludes. “And remember to be proud and embrace your cool, bad ass scar! It’s the reminder of the warrior that you are.”

Homeless Man Risks Life To Save Animals From Burning Animal Shelter

Homeless man saves animals from burning animal shelter
(Facebook/W-Underdogs)

On December 18, the unthinkable happened at an Atlanta animal shelter. Employees had gone home for the day, and the animals were left to rest for the evening before shelter workers returned early the next morning. On most days, this arrangement worked just fine – but on the chilly December day, an electrical fire broke out in the shelter’s kitchen. The animals had nowhere to go – their cages were locked, and they could undoubtedly both smell and feel the fire inching closer.

The animals at W-Underdogs were in grave danger – but by some miracle, a quiet superhero was nearby. 53-Year-old Keith Walker has been homeless since the age of 13, but through all of the challenges that come with homelessness, animals have been Walker’s constant companions.

W-Underdogs founder Gracie Hamlin allows Walker to keep his dog, Bravo, at the shelter at night. While on his way to give his beloved pup one final evening walk, Walker noticed the fire and jumped into action.

“I was nervous as hell, I’m not going to lie. I was really scared to go in there with all that smoke. But God put me there to save those animals,” Walker told CNN. “If you love a dog, you can love anyone in the world. My dog is my best friend, and I wouldn’t be here without him, so I knew I had to save all those other dogs.”

Tonight we thank our guardian angels. The homeless man that ran into our burning house and rescued our animals. The…

Posted by W-Underdogs on Friday, December 18, 2020

When firefighters arrived, they called animal control to handle the shelter’s many residents – but Walker was already on the job, pulling the terrified dogs and cats from their cages to safety. And yes, he rescued every single one.

“I can’t thank him enough for saving my animals,” Hamlin said. “I’m still in disbelief, because I’ve been around a fire and I know how fast they flare up. He is my hero.”

Baby Monitor Catches 10-Yr-Old Comforting Baby Bro at 3AM LIKE A PRO

10yo Comforts Bro
(TikTok/GloriaUgly)

One of the coolest parts of having kids is seeing them fall in love with their siblings (like, in a family way, not in a reality TV show way). Sure, there may be some squabbling, but they usually end up obsessing over them just as much as we do. And when they do, it’s the purest thing in the entire world.

If you needed evidence (you don’t), a mom of six from Ohio, Gloria McIntosh, shared an adorable video of her 10-year-old going into his one-year-old brother’s bedroom at 3 a.m. to comfort the upset youngster. And he goes to work LIKE A PRO. I mean, come on, how dang cute is this?

@gloriaugly@lighteyemason 💙💙🤴🏾♬ Surrender – Natalie Taylor

He thought his parents were asleep, but they happened to be watching on the baby monitor (while their hearts probably melted). Gloria shared the monitor footage on TikTok, where 20 million people (and counting) got to enjoy it. Over a half-hour, he plays with his brother, reads a book, and even climbs into the crib with him to help him get to sleep. Eventually, his mom comes in for the save, but she asked why he didn’t just come get her.

“I asked him, ‘Why did you just come and get me in the first place?’” she wrote. “He was just like, ‘you had a big day and I just wanted you to get some rest.'”

I mean COME ON. When your older kids step up like that to help out a sibling, it almost makes you forget the next time they become a mess to handle themselves. Almost.

 

90-Yr-Old Richard Donner Is Not Too Old To Direct ‘Lethal Weapon 5’

Lethal Weapon 5
(Warner Bros)

All December long, everyone debates whether or not Die Hard is a Christmas movie. (For the record, it takes place on Christmas Eve, at a Christmas party, there is Christmas music, and a character is named Holly. So, YES.)

Not only does this ignore the fact that there are two categories of Christmas movies – those that are explicitly about Christmas and those that are merely adjacent to or take place during Christmas – it also ignores the existence of Lethal Weapon, another 80s action movie that takes place during Christmas. When Mel Gibson’s Martin Riggs first appears, he’s undercover at a Christmas tree lot!

Anyway, Christmas is over, so we can get back to this debate next year, by which time we should know if the next Lethal Weapon movie is a Christmas one. That’s right, Lethal Weapon 5 is coming, somehow, and it will be directed by Richard Donner, who told the UK’s Telegraph that despite the fact that he is 90 and quite obviously too old for this shit, he will direct the new movie.

There was a recent TV reboot, which nobody remembers, but for all intents and purposes, the franchise ended in 1998 with the fourth movie, which featured Chris Rock and Jet Li and was not good. Donner says this one will be the last, which, DUH, but even if that’s the case, it’s hard to believe that Glover and Gibson won’t be joined by some younger costars, to freshen things up and let someone else carry some of the action load.

A few years ago, Shane Black, the original Lethal Weapon’s screenwriter, and Christmas-in-LA enthusiast had an idea for an NYC set sequel that would take place during a blizzard and would actually resist attempting to softly reboot the franchise by adding a son to take the reins.

But Black doesn’t write projects for other people these days (and is hopefully going to be busy with Kiss Kiss Bang Bang 2!), so it seems unlikely that his idea would be the basis for Lethal Weapon 5. Plus, his recent Predator flick sucked.

According to Donner, the movie is in preproduction (he’ll be 91 by the time it’s finished!), so hopefully we’ll get some details soon.

NASA Scientists Achieve Quantum Teleportation Breakthrough

Quantum teleportation
(Getty/Yuichiro Chino)

In a major breakthrough for science, a collaboration of scientists from NASA, Harvard, CalTech, AT&T, and others have achieved ‘quantum teleportation’ for the first time. Everyone keeps calling it a major achievement because superlatives are essential when you don’t have a background in quantum mechanics. In short, it’s a big deal because it could revolutionize computing, leading to a quantum internet where information moves faster than the speed of light. A future where sending those memes has never been quicker. Talk about a Quantum Leap.

Science is fun, whether it’s NASA landing on an asteroid, planets aligning to make a Christmas Star, Grogu in space, or a billion other things. So, what exactly happened here? Scientists were able to transfer qubits (units of quantum information) faster than the speed of light over a distance of 27 miles.

The experiment was done using readily available equipment compatible with existing telecommunications infrastructure because the teams involved wanted to lay the groundwork for something that could feasibly work on a large scale. They want a “high-fidelity quantum Internet with practical devices,” according to the paper released on the study.

Basically, quantum communication systems are exciting because they are a ton faster and much more secure than regular networks (computer code can be hacked, versus quantum communication using photons).

It’s easy to see “teleportation” and think we just jumped into a Star Trek episode, where we can beam ourselves to Kroger to get groceries or beam home from the office to skip your commute, but we’re not there (yet!). Still, this news could feasibly change the game someday for how the internet works. And, possibly, much else in our world.

One of the lead scientists told SYFY Wire the breakthrough, and the future of quantum computing could revolutionize a lot more than the internet.

“Fully distributed quantum computing includes applications include GPS, secure computation beyond anything that can be achieved now, all the way to enabling advances in designing new materials and medicine, as well basic science discoveries,” he said. “It will unleash the full power of quantum computing and have a profound impact on our lives.”

Without much to celebrate in 2020, it is cool to see the early steps of something that will affect our future in a big way.

KFC Is Releasing a Game Console That Will Also Keep Your Chicken Warm

KFC Gaming Console
(Cooler Master/KFC)

In the past, we’ve seen our fair share of strange combinations involving fast-food and video-games.  Burger King released Xbox 360 games with the purchase of a value meal.  McDonald’s released games on the NES and Sega Genesis.  Even KFC got in on the action and gave us “I Love You Colonel Sanders! A Finger Lickin’ Good Dating Simulator” for free on PC.  If that last one wasn’t enough, now KFC is taking the Colonel’s brand a step further by releasing a high-powered video-game console that will also keep your chicken warm.

The KFConsole advertising campaign started back in June, but many didn’t believe it was real (for obvious reasons).  Now, it has become a reality and according to KFC “The console wars are over.”

KFC is partnering with global hardware manufacturer Cooler Master to develop the console.  On the official website, the description reads:

“The KFConsole has arrived. Forged from the fires of the KFC ovens and built by Cooler Master from the ground up, there has never been a tastier way to experience the latest titles in stunning 4k, 240fps.”

Not only that, but the console looks like a bucket of the famous chicken and has other features, including the patented “Chicken Chamber” which utilizes the systems natural heat and airflow system to keep your chicken warm, VR compatibility, and Ray-Tracing for those extra crisp(y) visuals.  No price or release date has been set, but we can only hope that the KFConsole will arrive sometime in 2021.  It’s also probably going to be harder to get a hold of than a PS5.

Can you imagine how greasy the controller is going to get if you’re munching on KFC while playing?  Definitely going to need lots of wet-naps for those long gaming sessions.

This Hyper-Realistic Die Hard Cake is Everything a Growing Boy Needs

Die Hard Cake
(YouTube/Sideserf Cake Studio)

Die Hard is a lot of things.

It’s the best action movie of all time, it’s the movie that made Bruce Willis a superstar, it’s the best trilogy, ever. Yes, I know there’s a 4th and 5th but they were terrible, even when compared to the recent Die Hard battery commercial. It’s the third movie in William Atherton’s “yay, I’m a prick!” quadrilogy (Die Hard 2 is the fourth), and it’s a movie that takes place around Christmas which qualifies it to be a Christmas movie even if it’s not explicitly about Christmas.

There’s a character named Holly, for Pete’s sake! Case closed.

What Die Hard ISN’T is cake. Until now!

One of 2020’s most bizarre and mind-blowing trends was that of people making hyper-realistic cakes that look like everyday objects. And now someone has done it with Die Hard, specifically, Die Hard’s everyman hero, John McClane.

Natalie Sideserf of Sideserf Cake Studio in Austin posted a YouTube video of her creation, including step-by-step instructions for making it, if you want to give it a shot. Something tells me it’s a lot harder than she makes it look, because it literally appears like she has Bruce Willis’s head in her kitchen and is about to eat it.

Check it out!

Father Figures: Every Single Moment

“This is my dad, Jay.

When I was 6 months old, he adopted me and I took his last name. My dad has been there for me EVERY DAY since: sick days, heartbreaks, high school graduation, college signing day, college graduation, multiple moves, good and bad days…

He has never missed a moment in my entire life, not a single one.

My dad stepped up in a way he didn’t have to, and even after he and my mom divorced, he continued to raise me and love me as his own.

I’m now 28, and my dad is still my very best friend and my hero. I hope one day I can love my children in all the ways he has taught me how to love.”

– Hayley Clark

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