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Dad Remembers ’80s Game-Winning Packers Drive, Forgets Today Is His Wedding Anniversary

Packers' Drive
(Getty/Hero Images)

GREEN BAY, WI – Sitting in his dimly lit man cave drinking brewskis and sharing stories with an old college buddy and their two sons, 61-year-old Robert Gibson suddenly launched into a vivid description of the most incredible ending to a Packers game he ever saw, painfully unaware that his wife was upstairs taking off her makeup after she came to the conclusion that there was no anniversary surprise in store after all.

“It was October 17th, 1983,” said Robert, proving he had an excellent memory for dates thus making it all the more surprising that he had no idea today was his 30th wedding anniversary.

As Robert expertly recounted photographic details about the game—including the fact Green Bay kicker Jan Stenerud hit a field goal with 54 seconds left to put the Packers up over the Redskins for good—he failed to remember the most important detail of all: that he had promised his wife Sara never to forget their anniversary again after skipping it last year to see a Steppenwolf cover band perform.

“Watching the Packers win that game was the greatest day of my life, and marrying Sara was second!” joked Robert causing those in attendance to burst out in laughter, which in turn covered the sound of Sara wheeling a suitcase downstairs and slamming the front door on her way to stay with her sister for a few days.

It wasn’t until about 30 minutes later that Robert finally realized he had made a huge, inexcusable mistake, as he had completely forgotten to set his fantasy baseball lineup that morning.

This Just In…is The Dad Faking News. Despite being completely plausible to parents, it’s satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. For more stories like this one click here.

Best Father’s Day Gifts for Every Type of Dad aka “Honey, Kids, This Is What I Want”

Father's Day Gift Guide For Every Type of Dad

We all know Father’s Day is the most important holiday of the year. Father’s Day is in the big leagues, right next to Christmas. Sure, there are other holidays like Thanksgiving and Mother’s Day, but those are career minor leaguers that barely hit above the Mendoza Line. (Don’t tell my wife I said that. Actually, go ahead. She doesn’t know what the Mendoza Line is.)

Unfortunately, there’s a chance that your family will let you down. For some reason, the kids and your wife may not consider Father’s Day to be the greatest of all holidays like they should. If this is your first Father’s Day, sorry, you’ll be learning the hard way– so new and naive (and excited). Yeah, we all remember that, too.

Sure, the family may start you off with breakfast in bed. After that, though? They’ll barely remember the special day. It’s probably back to being like any other Sunday with a honey-do DIY list, kids whining about anything and everything, and you being asked to pick up whatever the cat vomited today because you’re the only one who can do it apparently.

You at least deserve a kick-ass gift out of the deal. But chances are your wife has no idea what to get you (or she’ll be looking for payback after your sh*tty Mother’s Day gift that was totally the fault of the kids).

And the kids are worthless with gifts. They’ll ask for $50 and give you a homemade card and a $10 Starbucks gift card. Where the hell did the rest of it go? (And why are the kids so wired on caffeine?) Sigh. It almost makes you wish kids still gave their dads ties for Father’s Day.

You don’t have to take it anymore. Instead, we’ve put together a list of the best father’s day gifts for dads, depending on your areas of interest. So take our list, forward it to your wife and the kids (we promise to clean up the f***ing swears the rest of the way), and say, “This is what I want for Father’s Day.”

We’re not taking bets on whether you’ll actually receive it, but you at least gave it the old college try.

Best Father’s Day Gift for the Dad Who Needs a Cover-Up Scent

Dad’s Bathroom Candle

It doesn’t get more dad-essential than the morning constitutional. Unfortunately, your family almost certainly doesn’t agree, especially when they have to use the same bathroom a few minutes later to prepare for the day.

If your wife and kids have threatened to banish you from the house, suggesting you start taking your reading material to the gas station on the corner every morning, we have a better solution.

Burn one of our The Dad candles during and after you take care of your business, and the family will be able to enjoy the odor of classic dad scents rather than the other kind of dad scent that no one wants to smell.

These candles feature scents like cut grass, pancakes, and a cookout. It’s way better than the lavender-mango-strawberry-spruce-vanilla-rose candle combination your wife always wants to light. Blech.

Buy for $35 on The Dad Shop

Best Father’s Day Gift for the Dad Who’s Ready to Start Working Out (Again)

New Balance Men’s 680 V6 Running Shoe

We all have periods in our life where we look at ourselves in the mirror and we decide we’re ready to start working out. I personally have done this far too many times to count.

What I’ve found is that when I’m a little too heavy, a little too out of shape, and a little older than the last time I tried this, having the right pair of shoes is the key to working out successfully.

I’ve tried almost every brand (as I said, I’ve done this far too many times), and New Balance provides the most cushion and support, which is important when people start telling you, you’re way too heavy … even the ones who normally are too nice to say anything.

The 680 model is available in multiple colors and styles, and it’ll help with whatever kind of new workout you have planned. (The rest of your body will be in agony, but your feet won’t hurt at least.)

Buy for $60 on Amazon

Best Father’s Day Gift for the First Time Dad

The Dad Law Book

I have them, my dad had them, his dad had them … hell, cavemen dads had them: The Unwritten Rules of Being a Dad. These are things that all dads naturally must do, carrying over from generation to generation.

These laws govern things dads must say, how they must act, and which dad jokes must be told at which times.

It’s a lot to remember, especially if you’re a new dad. So if you’re ever a little unsure about what a certain situation calls for, our The Dad Law Book has you covered. Who are we to argue with thousands of years of dad evolution? (Now go see if someone has increased the setting on the thermostat.)

Buy for $22 on The Dad Shop

Best Father’s Day Gift for the Dad Who’s a Self-Proclaimed Geek

Superhero Vintage Tin Sign Bundle

There was a time where being a geek/nerd was frowned upon. The Alpha Betas were sure to torture all geeks, tricking them into humiliating themselves in front of the Pi Delta Pis. It was tough to be a geek.

These days, though, dads and kids can wear their geekdom as a badge of honor. Hell, Hollywood literally depends on geeks to fill their movie theaters now with Superhero movie after Superhero movie. (Take that, cool kids who made fun of our Superman jammies at the sleepover in 3rd grade.)

If your geeky side includes a love of comic books and superheroes, this set of six vintage tin 8-by-12-inch signs is the perfect Father’s Day gift. You’ll probably have to hang them on the wall of your man cave or the garage, rather than anywhere your wife’s friends can see them … unless your wife is a self-proclaimed geek, too. Then they may become your family’s preferred wall art.

Buy for $40 on Amazon

Best Father’s Day Gift for the Dad Who Needs a Daily Pick-Me-Up

Dad-ISMS 2020-2021 Father’s Day to Father’s Day Calendar

Sure, it’d be great if we could start each day with a pick-me-up like a Bloody Mary or two to get us going. But the boss frowns on having cocktails on our desk … not to mention the wife frowning on having cocktails on the breakfast table next to the Fruit Loops.

So we’ll have to settle for a mental pick-me-up. Fortunately, this hilarious day-by-day calendar has something on each page that’ll make the start of each day a little more fun. As fun as a Bloody Mary? Maybe not. But our calendar is guaranteed hangover-free.

Buy for $20 on The Dad Shop

Best Father’s Day Gift for the Outdoors-y Dad

Grundéns 30 Liter Rum Runner Backpack

One great way for dads to spend quality time with the family is out in nature. Whether that involves hiking, a trip to the lake, or a day at the park, it’s a smart way to have fun and spend time in the great outdoors.

For most of us, these trips involve dad carrying the majority of the kids’ gear in a backpack. (Which is probably only fair, since your wife’s purse fulfills that task the majority of the rest of the time.)

What ends up happening is dad hurriedly grabs whichever of the kids’ backpacks happens to not be lost at the time the family is rushing out the door to leave for the park. If so, it’s time to give dad his own backpack. (That means we no longer have to carry a Hello Kitty backpack on the hiking trail. There is a god after all.)

This Grundéns backpack is waterproof with RF welded seams, so it can stand up to the roughest conditions while keeping your gear safe and dry. It’s suitable for almost any outdoor activity with a great camouflage pattern. (Let’s see Hello Kitty pull that look off.)

Buy for $105 on Amazon

Best Father’s Day Gift for the Dad Who Forgets Anniversaries, Birthdays, and the Rest

The Perfect Pack Greeting Cards

Raise your hand if you have forgotten an important date for a family member or friend, like birthday, anniversary, etc? Now how many of you have done this in the past three days? (Putting my hands down now, as it’s impossible to type with two hands in the air.)

Our pack of 12 greeting cards has you covered. Each one has multiple options on it, so you can match it to the proper occasion. Just check the appropriate box for birthday, anniversary, etc, and you’re covered.

For those who know you and your forgetfulness, the checked boxes on the cards will be hilarious. And you can pretend you did it on purpose as a joke, rather than forgetting again and using our cards as a last-minute solution. Win-win.

Buy for $24 on The Dad Shop

Best Father’s Day Gift for the Adventurous Foodie Dad (or One Who Thinks He Is)

Kumana Avocado Hot Sauce

Some dads say they love trying new foods, and the crazier, the better. (Sure, he eats the exact same thing for breakfast and lunch everyday, and he orders the same thing every time he goes to a restaurant, but it’s fun to let him think he’s a foodie.)

One way to spice up those regular meals is with this three-pack of Kumana hot sauces. These plant-based hot sauces primarily consist of avacado, which, when paired with jalapenos, give them a kick well beyond the regular salsa.

Ultimately, you can put this on almost anything, and it’ll taste great. And since it’s green and spicy, we’re guessing the kids will be too scared to try it. Dad will feel pretty special when he has his own personal hot sauce/salsa. All dads should have at least one thing they don’t have to share with the kids.

Buy for $28 on Amazon

Best Father’s Day Gift for the Dad Who Loves His Old Music

Audio Technica Stereo Turntable System

Some dads have fully embraced the digital music scene, complete with subscriptions to Amazon Music, Spotify, and Apple Music. (Does he need all of them? Probably not. But you try explaining that to him.)

Other dads scoff at binary music. The digital versions of their favorite songs simply can’t compare to original vinyl, they’ll say. (Music snobs, all the way.)

If your dad has a collection of vinyl records that have been gathering dust for a while, give him a place to play them with this Audio Technica starter turntable. It has a lightweight tonearm that will prevent damage to the vinyl.

Now, this isn’t made for the dad who has a vintage stereo system already set up and in use, but it’s made for those looking to get started (or re-started) listening to vinyl at a reasonable price.

Who knows? Dad may start hitting up every garage sale in town this summer, seeking out vintage copies of his favorite vinyl records from years ago. Fair warning: You may unleash a monster with this gift.

Either way, it’ll give dad the opportunity to say, “Music was better in my day,” and then allow him to play a record to show you what he’s talking about. (Yay. No one can get enough of dad’s dinosaur music.)

Buy for $99 on Amazon

Best Father’s Day Gift for the Techie Dad

Wyze WiFi Smart Plug Outlet

If your dad has embraced the world of the smart home, you may already have a smart personal assistant that you can ask crazy questions where you don’t expect an honest answer. (Hey, Alexa, are you planning to take over the world and enslave humanity by secretly listening to all of our conversations?)

You may even have a few other smart appliances, like a video doorbell to capture videos of idiots doing something stupid. (Unless they’re related to you; then they’re doing hilarious things.)

If dad doesn’t yet have any smart plugs, though, he’s missing one of the most useful smart appliances. Attach the smart plug to any standard outlet, and whatever you plug into it will then become controllable through your WiFi network.

Dad can turn on a lamp from anywhere with a smart plug. Or he can piss off the dog by turning the TV on and off repeatedly with the app. The sky’s the limit for practicality and practical jokes with a smart plug.

Buy for $38 on Amazon

Best Father’s Day Gift for the Sports Car Lover (Who Will Never Be Able to Afford One)

LEGO Technic Porsche 911 Building Set

Whether it’s for a mid-life crisis or not, some dads have a goal of owning an ungodly expensive sports car. Not a bad goal. Sports cars are fast. They look amazing. They’re fast. You get the idea.

Chances are dad is not actively saving for this sports car, though. It’s one of those pipe dream goals that keeps getting pushed to the back burner after spending money on the college fund for the kids, a pure bred dog for the kids, braces for the kids’ teeth, and braces for the dog’s teeth. (Veterinarians and orthodontists have quite the racket.)

So unless dad is going to hit the lottery — and we feel pretty confident in saying he won’t — the closest he’s ever going to get to that sports car is this highly complex LEGO set. This set is incredible, containing almost 1,600 pieces, including a realistically detailed engine. It’s not the same as actually owning and driving a Porsche, but it’ll probably be as close as he’ll get. (You don’t have to tell him that and crush his dreams … until the next time he really pisses you off.)

Buy for $160 on Amazon

Best Father’s Day Gift for the Dad Who Likes to Laugh at Himself

The Dad Book: Truths, Hacks, And Dad-ISMS

Don’t let non-dads know, but sometimes we dads take ourselves a little too seriously. I know, hard to believe. (My wife actually made fun of me with my tape measure in the yard the other day, ensuring the mower deck was precisely cutting the grass at 2-1/2 inches. True story.)

As I later was making micro-adjustments to the mower deck, though, I thought she may have had a point. (I didn’t tell her of course; she doesn’t need the encouragement.)

So for me, and all dads who occasionally take themselves a little too seriously, our The Dad Book is a good reminder to poke fun at ourselves with jokes, dad-isms, and some parenting hacks.

Buy for $15 on The Dad Shop

Best Father’s Day Gift for the Dad Who Loves/Hates Dad Jokes

Dad Joke and Pun T-Shirt

Dad Joke and Pun T-Shirts

Dad jokes can be a source of incredible confusion.

Some dads say they love dad jokes, yet they primarily use them when they have a chance to embarrass their kids. Some dads say they hate dad jokes, yet they’ll tell one when they’re especially looking to torture their kids. And some dads say they’re indifferent to dad jokes, yet they’re always willing to toss one out to embarrass and torture their kids.

You can see why this creates such a conundrum.

If your dad has any interest in dad jokes, these t-shirts are sure to be right up his alley. And if he wears it any time he’s out with the kids, it’s sure to generate multiple eye rolls, facepalms, and heavy sighs from them. #missionaccomplished

Buy for $24 on The Dad Shop

Although we only recommend picks we really love, we may earn a commission on purchases made through links from our site.

Mother’s Day Gifts Your Partner Will Actually Like (and Some For Your Mom too)

Mother's Day Gift Ideas
(Scary Mommy/Winc)

Mother’s Day is here again (May 10 for those of you that need to set a cal-reminder). Sure, it’s only a warm-up to the glory of Father’s Day— almost a dry run for the kids, if you will, so they can perfect their Father’s Day plans— but we should still try to do something nice for mom.

We’ll pause a minute while reality smacks us upside the head like a 2-by-4.

If you screw up Mother’s Day gift-giving, you’re potentially in the doghouse until Christmas, unless you’re lucky enough to have an anniversary sometime in the next few months to redeem yourself. (And if you’re now wondering when your anniversary is, just skip forward to our Mother’s Day gift guide. You’re a dead man walking without our help.)

If your wife vacillates between wanting to have the kids with her on Mother’s Day and wanting to be given time to herself on Mother’s Day, you’re probably in one of those damned if you do, damned if you don’t situations.

To avoid this, we’d suggest going with a great Mother’s Day gift instead of trying to plan the perfect day. And, no, we’re not talking about a terrible Mother’s Day gift like a gift card. (You really like living in the doghouse, don’t you?)

Whether you need a last-minute Mother’s Day gift idea or you’re planning way ahead, we have you covered. These are Mother’s Day gift ideas that she’ll actually love receiving … meaning, for a change, she won’t just say that she loves it, while secretly wondering what the hell is wrong with you.

Best Mother’s Day Gift Ideas

Put Your Swears in Here Notebook

Sometimes, mama needs to release her frustration in written form, complete with F-bombs, S-bombs, Z-bombs, and all the rest. (Hey, don’t ask us how to spell them all. When moms get on a roll, they can string together some amazing profanity that would make your eternally pissed off high school football coach blush.)

This 128-page journal lets her write down her thoughts for the day with no judgment on how blue the language gets. Venting has never been healthier … for her as well as for the potential venting targets, like you, the kids, you, the dog, and you.

But there are also special pages for uplifting messages, fun milestones for the kids that she wants to remember, and maybe a note about something nice you did for her. Fingers crossed.

Buy for $18 on Amazon

Mom Themed Thank You Cards

If your wife or mom loves to send thank you cards to her friends and family, she may ask you to pick up some cards while you’re running other errands. And when you bring back the generic white cards with “THANK YOU” printed on the front in black, you get that look that she usually reserves for the dog when it sh*ts on the carpet. (Hell, even the dog is disappointed in you right now.)

Sigh. It’s not really our fault. For most guys, all thank you cards look the same.

But when you give her these thank you cards, you’ll have one of the best Mother’s Day gifts, and you’ll barely even know what you did. She’ll love these, as they have sweet, funny, and sentimental messages on them that her friends and family will appreciate (and actually read).

Should you actually do something that warrants a thank you card, tell her it’s OK to give you one of the generic ones and save these fun message cards for others. This thoughtful suggestion should earn you that proud look that she gives the dog when it does its business in the yard. #progress

Buy for $24 on Amazon

Waterproof Kindle Paperwhite E-reader

When moms need some time to themselves, many of them retreat to the bathtub with a glass of wine. (Or the whole bottle, depending on the results of the day.)

This makes sense. The bath is relaxing. The bathroom is relatively quiet. And the bathroom door has a lock on it to keep the kids the hell out.

If she would like to read while she’s relaxing in the tub, this is one of the best Mother’s Day gift ideas, last minute or not, that you can find. The Kindle lets her download any e-book she wants to read or any audiobook she wants to hear.

This is the latest version of the Kindle— it’s waterproof and has tons of storage. It’s a pretty damn cool tech gift for mothers.

So let the kids give her the lame bath bombs and body wash that smell like fruit. You get the credit for the gift of a Kindle all for yourself.

Buy for $180 on Amazon

Mom is out of service candle

Out of Service When Lit Candle

In an effort to show mom that we hear her (we do try sometimes!), let’s give her a good laugh with these witty candles, made by— who else? The expert moms at Scary Mommy. There are three to choose from including Out of Service When Lit,  Super Chill and Zen, and My Last F*ck (hey we didn’t write them). You can go a step further (it only takes a minute) and choose from some smart-ass sub-headers that describe the heavenly scent, such as Waves On A Kid-Free Beach Far, Far Away From Here. She and her mom tribe will appreciate the brutal honesty or at least like a nice, scented candle.

Buy for $35 on Scary Mommy

Winc Membership

If your wife already has a Kindle or if it’s out of your budget for a last-minute Mother’s Day gift, we have the next best thing to pair with the kids’ bath bombs and body wash: A relaxing glass of wine from a bottle that reappears on the reg.

The Winc subscription service will deliver four different types of wine to your home every month. There are multiple options, even including organic or low sugar wines. No longer will she have to make a special trip to the store between running 15 other errands with the kids to keep the wine flowing. You can cancel at any time, or you can even skip a month (we don’t suggest it).

Will four bottles of wine last the entire month? (Snicker.) Probably not, but it’s the thought that counts.

Buy for $39 on Winc

Herbivore Botanicals Beauty Gift Set

We’re going to take a wild guess here: You know little to nothing about how your wife keeps her skin toned and hydrated. (We know. We’re not exactly going out on a limb.)

But maybe you want to buy something that will make her amazed at how observant you are about these things. (It always helps to keep your significant other on her toes about what you do and don’t know; it keeps the relationship fresh.)

So we did the research for you. We spoke to friends in the industry. We did Internet searches that are going to have the ads we see based on our cookies screwed up royally for the next several weeks.

You’re welcome.

This Coco Rose gift set is safe to use on all types of skin, made with organic ingredients. And it’s from Credo, a really good beauty store that only sells good products. She’ll be impressed when she realizes these products didn’t break the bank and excited when she realizes they came with free samples.

Buy for $39 on Credo

Joanna Gaines for Anthropologie Throw Pillow

Even if you haven’t heard of Joanna Gaines, trust us, your wife or mother has. And if she has ever suggested that maybe a future vacation should be in the direction of Waco, Texas, we’re guaranteeing that she’s a huge fan of Joanna Gaines. After all, there’s no other reason to go Waco that we can think of. (Just a little joke, Baylor grads. Sic ’em Bears.)

Here’s all you need to know about Joanna Gaines. She and her family have a TV show that gives regular people beautiful new homes. She also has a highly popular store based in Waco. She has a brand and style that’s highlighted on TV, in magazines, and in probably a dozen other places we don’t understand. Her brand is all about simple home living through impressive decor. (Or so we’ve been told.)

And throw pillows. Lots and lots of throw pillows. You may not understand throw pillows and you may not understand Joanna Gaines— or the store Anthropologie for that matter — but your wife sure does.

Buy for $78 on Anthropologie

Nixplay Smart Digital Photo Frame

When you want the best Mother’s Day gift for grandma or your wife, a digital photo frame is a great idea, especially when it’s as easy to use as this Nixplay frame.

When you want to add a new shot to the rotation of photos displayed on the frame’s screen, you can send the photo to the frame straight from your phone. (You may have to help grandma connect the frame to her home WiFi network, but after that, it’s a pretty simple process.) Send multiple photos each day, and grandma will feel like she’s there with you.

Or if your wife’s desk at work is overwhelmed with photos of the kids, give her this photo frame, and she can have dozens of rotating photos all in one place, giving her a feeling of clutter-free organization. (She at least deserves to have one space that’s organized.)

Buy for $180 on Amazon

Custom Family Portrait Illustration

Nearly every mom we know loves family portraits.

Wait. Let’s clarify. Nearly every mom we know loves the idea of family portraits. However, when push comes to shove, trying to gather the entire family for a portrait is a nightmare.

The young kids are screaming or finding the only mud puddle in a 10-mile radius. The older kids are sulking about … well, everything. And we as dads are not helping. We can’t even dress ourselves; how are we supposed to keep the kids in line long enough for the photographer to snap a photo that makes everything look normal?

With this custom illustration, you just send the company photos of the family— as a group or, better yet, individually—  when everyone looks his or her best. Add some personal descriptions of each person, and the illustrator will create the perfect family portrait that a photographer has no shot of duplicating. You can even add family pets if you want.

Sorry, but we have to stop here. This Mother’s Day gift idea is bringing a tear to our eye. We’re not sure if we’re feeling sentimental, or if we’re just so f***ing happy to never have to go through the hell that is family portrait day ever again.

Buy for $76 on Amazon

Although we only recommend picks we really love, we may earn a commission on purchases made through links from our site.