The Dad

Generic catch all for posts written by The Dad staff or Father Figures.

The 5 Hottest Father’s Day Tech Gifts Your Dad Will Ask To See The Receipt For

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Mother’s Day is in the rearview and our annual celebration of everything Dad is fast approaching. Sure, he loved those grilling tongs and Three Stooges boxsets you got him last year. But if there’s one things all dads love, it’s being assured that they’ve genetically passed on their cheapness. Here are 5 Father’s Day gadgets your dad is definitely going to demand the receipt for.

1. A smart speaker

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Source: Amazon

These have become relatively expensive in recent years. This, of course, isn’t going to stop your dad from assuming it set you back several thousand dollars. Your dad just figured out how to make a Facebook profile. He’s gonna need a minute on talking AI servants.

2. A streaming stick

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Source: Roku

“So yeah, you just plug this Roku stick into the TV and you can pretty much watch anything you want.” That’s you. That’s you telling your dad you just spent a boatload of money on a piece of technology. “Instant access to every movie ever made” is your dad’s cue to ask you to retrieve the Best Buy receipt crammed in the console’s cupholder.

3. A dashcam

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Source: Amazon

These are great to have in the event of an accident. Unfortunately, your dad is still under the impression it’s 1999 and all digital cameras cost ten million dollars. Be sure to keep this receipt in your wallet, because this thing’s going right back to the store if it ran you how much he thinks it ran you.

4. An e-reader

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Source: Amazon

What a lovely thought. Your dad, sitting up in bed, every book he could possibly want at his fingertips. What will he read first? A book about World War II? The biography of Henry Ford? The answer is, of course, the receipt for this fancy reading tablet that probably set you back three mortgage payments.

5. A yearly-subscription to a music streaming service

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Source: Spotify

You just want him to be able to listen to the Doobie Brothers whenever he wants. But by his math, if buying a single song on iTunes costs $1, and Spotifly, as he calls it, gives you access to over four million songs, you’ve essentially just bankrupted your family. Good job. Be sure to keep that receipt handy to prove to him that he can still see his grandkids attend college one day.

Tweet Roundup: The 10 Funniest Tweets About Father’s Day

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Father’s Day is here! We hope you have a relaxing Sunday filled with good food, Die Hards 1-4, and the looming suspicion your kid put way more thought into their Mother’s Day gift last month. Here are 10 hilarious tweets about Father’s Day we think you’ll enjoy!

A tradition as old as dads themselves.

Leave some free work t-shirts lying around while you’re at it.

Commercials: notoriously insensitive to the plight of dads.

There’s no better present than an existential crisis.

Happy Father’s Day! Enjoy your maple syrupy pillowcases.

We’d like to wish an especially happy Father’s Day to Gene.

A stern reminder to not do this.

Get it changed twice just in case.

The easiest way to say “I love you.”

And finally, a reminder for all dads the other 364 days of the year.

The 5 Dumbest Kid Song Lyrics

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Have you ever taken a step back to examine those lyrics your toddler is spouting off from the backseat? Sure, they’re intended to be nonsensical. Children are nonsensical creatures. But we here at The Dad demand an explanation for these in particular.

1. “The wheels on the bus go ’round and ’round”

Source: Getty Images (Getty)

Newsflash, kid: that’s what wheels do. It’s literally how a wheel works. Your bus isn’t special. Show me one wheel, bus or otherwise, that moves in a direction that isn’t circular. What’s that? You can’t? Didn’t think so.

2. “If you’re happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it”

Source: Getty Images (Getty)

Okay then what was the point of all that hand-clapping? If my face is already adequately telegraphing my contentment, why didn’t you just check to see if I was smiling? You know, the way literally everyone else on earth identifies happiness? Spare me your redundant clapping orders, kid.

3. “John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, his name is my name too”

Source: Getty Images (Getty)

First of all, no it isn’t. This song is predicated upon a blatant untruth. You’re a liar. Second, whenever you go out, why are people only pointing out one of you? If that’s really both of your names, the people should shout “there go both John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidts.” Seems rather rude otherwise.

4. “Do you know the muffin man that lives on Drury lane?”

Source: Getty Images (Getty)

The specificity of the “lives on Drury lane” part implies that this is a town with multiple muffin men. Seriously? You expect me to believe there’s a place where more than one dude has devoted his life to muffins? Not bread in general. Just muffins. Right. Also, really cool of you to just dox the muffin man like that. Way to go.

5. “Now I know my ABCs, next time won’t you sing with me?”

Source: Getty Images (Getty)

One of the most dishonest lyrics known to man. Now you know your ABCs? Like, you just learned them? From the song? The song you just sang? Something tells me you had prior knowledge of those 26 letters before busting out this tune, pal. Think I’ll pass on this duet you’ve proposed, sorry.

Tweet Roundup: The 11 Funniest Tweets About Mowing Your Lawn

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Prepare that neighborly wave and get ready to turn those pristine white sneakers a healthy shade of green because mowing season has arrived! Before you go earn that post-yardwork shower beer, check out these 11 hilarious tweets about the downside of having a lawn to care for.

Mowing: really more of an art form than a chore.

Patience is key. Your kid will be old enough to push that mower soon enough.

Please be considerate of your surroundings.

Just kidding, you’ll never please everybody.

That or the soundtrack from Dunkirk.

“Welp, I’m done mowing. Guess that means it’s almost time to mow.”

Turning your whole yard into a beach volleyball court will also do it.

Where you at on this, Mattel?

This is commonly referred to as “The Dad Stranger.”

It’s just like making plans with yourself you already want out of.

Finally, a reminder of the rules.