FILBERT, MI — Local dad Alex McCarty purchased his son a toy push mower this week, claiming it would instill in him a strong work ethic and teach him the value of some goddamn peace around here.
The Teeny Tots My First Lawnmower, complete with pull cord and popping beads, is a good primer for any future chores, McCarthy says, particularly ones that afford you the luxury drowning out your irritating family with an opaquely loud mower engine for an hour.
“It makes me proud, seeing him come outside to mimic the same daddy-work I partake in to avoid him and the others, even for a couple minutes,” he adds. “They’re never too young to learn such practical life skills.”
Included with the plastic mower is a removable gas can and tethered cap, which will allow his son to pretend like he’s filling up the tank and not savoring those sweet, fleeting moments of solitude he’ll some day take for granted.
Other recent purchases by McCarthy include a potty training toilet, which he hopes will teach his son all he needs to know about hiding.
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