AKRON, OHIO — Suggesting that the supply lists alone may have wiped a rainforest somewhere, local dad Jeremy Healy planted a thousand trees this week in an attempt to offset his son’s back-to-school paperwork.
“This one right here?” Healy said, packing soil around the base of a young spruce. “This bad boy should counterbalance the supply lists alone.”
Referring to the excess paperwork as “unnecessary” and “a veritable fucking rain forest in my kid’s backpack,” Healy then showed us a pine tree he’d planted to negate one single gym syllabus.
“It’s tragic, thinking about all the deforestation that had to happen in order for me to grant permission for my kid to play dodgeball,” Healy added.
Healy then confirmed that none of the trees have money growing on them, despite what the school seems to believe.
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