Dads Are A Bunch Of Bumbling Idiots According To These Stock Photos

Parent gets hit by his daughter on the swing while watching smart phone.
(Parent gets hit by his daughter on the swing while watching smart phone.)

Did you know that dads are ridiculously incompetent buffoons? Obviously we don’t feel that way at The Dad, but if you do your research on dads based only on the stock photos used to represent them, this is the only conclusion you will reach. Let’s take a closer look at some of these idiots.

From the moment a man finds out he is going to be a father, the ridiculousness begins.

(AntonioGuillem/Getty)

His wife is a smiling blissful angel ready to embrace the selfless journey of motherhood. He, on the other hand, is wondering how that baby was made (“Was this because I did a sex?”) and how this will affect his time playing Halo on Xbox Live.

Right from birth, dads are already blowing it big time.

(Jade and Bertrand Maitre/Getty)

This guy has been a dad for literally 7 seconds and he’s already being annoying as heck. Welcome to the world, tiny infant, get used to your dad being a goofy doofus.

Okay so a dad maybe a goofball, but when it comes to the care of his family on a day-to-day basis, he is a responsible contributor around the house, maybe? Turns out no, not at all.

(lukas_zb/Getty)

In fact, some men are SO opposed to housework, they can’t even be in the same room with clothes that are unfolded.

AndreyPopov/
(AndreyPopov/Getty)

“Halt, take these inferior garments from my presence. Return them from whence they came!”

If stock photos teach us anything it is that men must ignore their hardworking women, whatever the cost.

KatarzynaBialasiewicz
(KatarzynaBialasiewicz/Getty)

This guy has found a way to take actively ignoring his wife to the next level. To the ridiculous, “that-looks-really-uncomfortable-for everyone” level. Because no way is that not affecting his game performance right now.

And while I respect his approach, do you know what the best way to avoid contributing anything is? Just pass out.

(KatarzynaBialasiewicz/Getty)

Drop your whole, untouched chocolate bar in your chip bowl, wipe your hands on your sleeveless undershirt and go to unconscious-land. She’ll never find you there.

JUST in case it wasn’t clear who the slacker is and who the hero is in this situation, there is a little hint in this photo.

(Robert Daly/Getty)

It’s subtle, I know. But it’s there.

If a dad ever DOES take the leap to try to help with household chores, its sure to end in utter disaster.

(PeopleImages/Getty)

DAD, NO! DAD, DON’T! Dad, you obviously put too much soap in the washer! (also don’t put a kid in there head first blah blah blah…)

So now we have established that men are clearly no help around the house, but at least they can help with parenting, right?

(ferrantraite/Getty)

Wrong-o. Check out this dummy, who apparently doesn’t know how “swings” work and can’t look away from his fantasy football (he’s in last place).

Or there’s this dad, who is excited to watch his kid smash this piggy bank open with a…tiny…sledgehammer?

(Clandestini/Getty)

Because boy does he want to use that 3.25 to get some ice cream without asking mom! Those rascals!

Really any time a dad has to spend with family it is excruciatingly difficult for his puny dad-mind to process.

(Echo/Getty)

“GAHHH my family has needs! They keep talking words at me! They expect me to contribute!” It’s really tragic that this dad is expected to participate on the preparation for a family outing, surely his melodramatic mental breakdown is justified.

But, after all these discouraging failures, there is something we can always count on dads to do right: man the grill.

(Casarsa/Getty)

Uhh… wait. This seems less-than-successful. You know, in his defense, maybe his wife didn’t say “Don’t forget NOT to let little Timmy grill your head again.” She should have reminded him.

Maybe we can still count on dads for the classic man-job of outdoor maintenance and pool care?

(Blend Images/DreamPictures/Getty)

Oh yikes. Dad, wake up from your lazy slime-water nap to save your daughter from jumping into that shallow toxic waste.

Well, okay, they aren’t helpful with housework, parenting, grilling, or yard maintenance but come ON. There has to be something a dad can do right. What about…say, walking?

(KatarzynaBialasiewicz/Getty)

Nope. Not that either.

You got us, stock photos. You really roasted us good.

Artist Wife Illustrates The Drastic Ways Her Husband’s Life Changed After Kids

(Facebook/MessycowComics)

Chen Weng, an illustrator who goes by the name The Messycow, has created a series of comics showing just how much things change when one becomes a father.

Which do you relate to most?

(Facebook/MesscowComics)
(Facebook/MesscowComics)
(Facebook/MesscowComics)
(Facebook/MesscowComics)
(Facebook/MesscowComics)
(Facebook/MesscowComics)
(Facebook/MesscowComics)

Check out more from this series on The Messycow’s Facebook page and website.

Dad Dinosaur: Prehistoric Reunion

Dad Dinosaur’s high school reunion is fast approaching, but will he be able to win the big dance contest – or are his moves stuck in the past?

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Father Figures: Risky Business

“As the garage door closed behind me, I heard a muffled whimper.

“What is that?” I wondered. Another whimper and I noticed eight fingers on the lid of one of the garbage cans in the corner. I spy a set of eyes, then a nose and finally my oldest son’s face.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

“What happened? Where is your brother?” No answers, just sobbing.

He moped toward the door and I followed him into the kitchen. I half-expected to see CSI investigators hovering over a chalk outline.

We walked around the corner by the refrigerator, and only then did I see his brother and allow myself to take my first breath. Then I saw a hole in the drywall the size of a young boy’s torso.

They had been running & sliding, in their stocking feet, across the marbled kitchen floor. Obviously a bit too exuberantly! I was relieved that they were both okay, but I still mustered enough anger to quash any future escapades.

Each blamed the other, of course. I used to say I couldn’t always tell when my kids were lying, but I could always tell when they were telling the truth.

If that makes any sense to you, I’m guessing you’ve raised at least two boys.”

  • Ron Fuller

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

Son Surprises Ailing Dad With Tickets To College World Series

Father’s Day is a special time to celebrate your old man, and show him how much you appreciate the role he’s played in your life all these years. Especially since, as we get older, our dads do too, and they may not have many Father’s Days left.

Matt Lea recognized that this Father’s Day, and so went out of his way to make it a memorable one, for both him and his father, both former college baseball players who bonded over the game as Matt was growing up.

Matt’s father Billy suffers from Alzheimer’s Disease, and the symptoms have been accruing rapidly. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t time for more memories, and Matt used the latest Father’s Day as an opportunity to do just that. The 36-year-old drove 12 hours, from Florida to Mississippi, and surprised his parents at their doorstep on Sunday.

He was bearing gifts as well, bringing his dad the jersey of his favorite baseball team, Mississippi State. But that wasn’t all. Matt brought tickets too, to see the College World Series in Omaha in person.

In video of the exchange that Matt posted on Twitter, his dad was clearly taken by surprise.

“I figured it’s probably not good enough just for us to watch the game here,” Matt says in the video as he produces the tickets. “How about we go to Omaha? Do you want to go up to Omaha and watch the College World Series together?”

“Golly,” an emotional Billy responds. “You’re gonna break my heart, here.”

Matt’s gift for his dad received a rapturous response from Twitter, where it’s been liked 46,000 times and retweeted 11,000 times.

Matt seemed as surprised by the response as his dad was by the gift, as everyone who celebrated Father’s Day yesterday knows, there’s nothing better than sharing meaningful memories with your dad, which is exactly what Matt did. An article on Omaha.com details Billy’s baseball past, the initial diagnosis of his Alzheimer’s, the VIP experience Matt treated him too over the weekend.

Matt’s Twitter account showcased the rest.

Happy Father’s Day!

Amazing Street Artist Uses Everyday Objects As His Canvas

(Twitter/tombobnyc)

Artist Tom Bob doesn’t see the world like other people. Where you and I might see sewer grates or metal pipes, he sees ghosts and saxophone players.

Check out some of the amazing ways he’s transforming parts of New York City into works of art.

(Twitter/tombobnyc)
(Twitter/tombobnyc)
(Twitter/tombobnyc)
(Twitter/tombobnyc)
(Twitter/tombobnyc)
(Twitter/tombobnyc)
(Twitter/tombobnyc)
(Twitter/tombobnyc)
(Twitter/tombobnyc)
(Twitter/tombobnyc)
(Twitter/tombobnyc)
(Twitter/tombobnyc)

Check out more of Tom Bob and his unique artwork here.

Father Figures: Heroes

“On February 2, 2011, my daughter was born. The whole thing started pretty normally about 2:30 am or so, my wife woke me up and said, ‘Honey, it is time to go,’ so we went to the hospital in a snowstorm.

That was the easy part.

When they put the belly monitor on her they noticed that the babies heart rate would drop to low whenever my wife would have a contraction. She needed emergency C-section, but the doctor could not make it due to the storm, and when he finally arrived it was rush rush rush!
Well when my daughter Emily did arrive, she had internal bleeding throughout her body, which included two grade 4 brain bleeds. We could not touch her because she would bruise and start bleeding.
They had to life-flight her to the university, where she spent 5 1/2 weeks in the NICU, which left her (you may want to sit down) deaf/blind, with hydrocephalus, a shunt, cerebral palsy, and seizures (at age 6, she needed a baclofen pump because her CP got too bad to handle without it). She is doing great today. She is happy, loves life, and everyone who meets her says that she makes their day and she is beautiful.
To pay back our little community, I became a first responder, mostly a firefighter, but I did help with EMS. Never got my certification, but that is where I found out that in the U.S. we do not have any training for first responders to deal with children with special needs.
I have made it my personal mission to teach first responders about kids with special needs.
I have taken to Emily to every EMS/Fire station in the five counties around me. I have taken her to the police and sheriff’s departments to train them, and now I have a waiting list to get trained.
I don’t know if I am the hero here, but I needed to tell the story.”

– Mike Kuyper

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

Low Cost Cosplay Guy Makes The World A Better Place

(Facebook/Lowcostcosplay)

Anucha “Cha” Saengchart, the genius behind “Low Cost Cosplay,” has amassed millions of followers with his incredible reimaginings of famous fictional characters.

Whether you’re planning on portraying your favorite anime character or a Marvel superhero, this guy can show you how to do it effectively and on a string budget.

(Facebook/Lowcostcosplay)
(Facebook/Lowcostcosplay)
(Facebook/Lowcostcosplay)
(Facebook/Lowcostcosplay)
(Facebook/Lowcostcosplay)
(Facebook/Lowcostcosplay)
(Facebook/Lowcostcosplay)
(Facebook/Lowcostcosplay)
(Facebook/Lowcostcosplay)
(Facebook/Lowcostcosplay)
(Facebook/Lowcostcosplay)
(Facebook/Lowcostcosplay)
(Facebook/Lowcostcosplay)
(Facebook/Lowcostcosplay)
(Facebook/Lowcostcosplay)
(Facebook/Lowcostcosplay)

Can’t get enough? Check out more creative cosplay on his Facebook page.