GUNDERSON, OH — Friends and family of local man Eddie Zeff were beside themselves this week after learning that his self-professed “famous” burgers are nothing more than frozen patties with a pinch of garlic salt.
“Dad’s Famous Burgers!” Eddie overstated from the grill, gesturing to the cooked patties no one outside his extended family or social circle has ever eaten. “Get ’em while they’re hot!”
The burgers, which have a recipe so obvious a six-year-old could replicate it, carry celebrity status, Eddie incorrectly claims.
“The secret ingredient is patience,” he spoke of the garlic salt.
“We almost feel lied to,” says Eddie’s daughter. “You grow up thinking your dad’s burgers are a nationwide phenomenon, only to find out they were already circle-shaped when he bought them. What a ripoff.”
Eddie also that “the best damn hot dogs on the block” were done, gesturing a plate of the third best hot dogs on the block.
This Just In…is The Dad Faking News. Despite being completely plausible to parents, it’s satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. For more stories like this one click here.