“My mother sent me a box of pictures from my childhood and included was the note I wrote my father the night he left. I was nine, and I can still remember him telling my mother he’d been having an affair. He packed some things as my mother cried in another room.

As he put his boots on to leave, I handed it to him. I remember feeling pretty confident that I’d be able to change his mind, but of course it didn’t work. He read it. Then he let out a forced breath, and then tossed the note onto the kitchen table. He didn’t say anything. He just finished putting on his boots, slung the duffle bag over his shoulder, and left.

It’s funny, in that moment I felt like I’d done something wrong. Like my note failed to keep my parents together. But when I saw it mixed in with those photos 28 years later, I felt anger, and I’ll tell you why.

After he left, he was in and out of my life until he died 10 years later from drug addiction. The most consist relationship we had was when he was in jail. I always knew where to find him then. But I don’t think I fully realized what we’d missed until I became a father myself.

That night he not only walked out on my mother, but he also walked out on years of bedtime stories, family movie nights, parent teacher conference, warm hugs, vacations, arguments over homework, Christmas mornings, camping trips, playing catch, and every other heartwarming, frustrating, and rewarding part of being a father.

I can remember him saying ‘you’ll understand someday. ‘He said that a lot. And he was right. It’s only now that I know exactly what he and I lost.

Divorce happens, but that fatherhood gig never stops. The moment I saw that note, a realization hit me in a hot angry wave. I finally understood how much I lost the night my father left, and I don’t know if I’ve ever felt more committed to my role as a father than I do right now.”

– Clint Edwards, Author of Silence is a Scary Sound [amazon.com/Silence-Scary-Sound-Stories-Terrible/dp/1624148530/]

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email [email protected]

Check out the previous editions of Father Figures here.

Few things are more hilarious than a kid saying or doing something ridiculous, mostly because they often don’t even realize just how funny they are. Even better, if the really embarrassing stuff comes from a kid that’s not yours. Fortunately for us, Twitter parents document the good, the bad, and the just plain absurd. Each week, we collect the funniest parenting tweets for you to enjoy from the comfort of your own home – any messes these kids get themselves into aren’t yours to clean up. Here they are, the 12 funniest parenting tweets of the week.

The backbone of his household

If I die, my family will not know how to use the Dominos app. They will starve.

— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) September 11, 2020

Maybe be more specific next time

Me: use your words

Toddler who knows one word: doggie

Me: ok that was actually not very helpful

— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) September 12, 2020

I think I’d have the same reaction if I saw whatever that is

Playgrounds reopened in Melbourne today and I think my 3y.o was a bit overwhelmed.. #lockdownMelbourne pic.twitter.com/C8UvGZG5cr

— Steve 🏳️‍🌈 (@papaneedscoffee) September 14, 2020

You’ve earned it

“i love the gray in your hair.”

thanks i have three kids

— boots boy (@dadopotamus) September 13, 2020

I bet he’s the coolest kid on the block

Nobody:

7yo son: “Wombats have square poops.”

— jdstalnaked (@jdstalnaked) September 13, 2020

Nothing like seeing your kids push themselves to succeed

Been teaching 7 year old about time and she told me she needs 30 minutes to have a poop so I guess my work here is done

— ThreeTimeDaddy (@threetimedaddy) September 14, 2020

Uh, you learn something new every day

My son just asked me how long he’s had a birthmark for and now I’m afraid to send him out into the world

— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) September 15, 2020

Jealous?

Have kids so instead of celebrating your wedding anniversary with a romantic weekend away at a luxury hotel you can wake up at 4am to change a diaper and then spend the rest of the day chugging coffee and angrily vacuuming up jagged LEGO pieces from the living room floor.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) September 16, 2020

Sign me up

My dad just asked my 3 year old son who he would vote for and this absolute political genius confidently replied “SNACKS!” and I’ve never been so proud.

— The Mayor of Portlandia (@LoganLowbrow) September 15, 2020

If you think you’re muted, mute yourself again

Daughter: My teacher wants me to turn the camera on and I dont know how.

[Me messing around for 5 minutes]

Me: I can’t figure this fucking thing out honey.

Her: My microphone works daddy and teacher is not happy

— 🧙‍♂️Nostradumbass🧙‍♂️ (@The_Albinoshrek) September 15, 2020

Third time’s the charm

That feeling of relief when your kid is dressed up for pajama day and you see another kid in pajamas at drop off.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 17, 2020

You’re doing great

25% of parenting is resisting the urge to scream, “Get to the point!”

— The Dad Briefs™ (@SladeWentworth) September 17, 2020

Did you miss last week’s funniest parenting tweets?

Gaming. One of the most historically popular methods of leisure. Its benefits are countless: learn problem-solving and social skills, improve focus, memory, and hand-eye coordination. Don’t forget the improvement of relationships. Video games are great! But they do sometimes have negative side effects, be they controller-smashing fits of rage, or addiction, which can lead to lapses in a proper diet, exercise, and exposure to sunlight.

But it doesn’t have to be that way! Now there’s a virtual day camp called Hybrid ATX, where kids can learn healthy habits to amass alongside their gaming ones. Video games foster discipline, and that discipline can easily be used to pick up valuable life skills, according to camp founder Sam Gonzalez.

“We are going to lead by example,” said the 28-year-old Navy veteran in a recent interview. “To show that just because you play video games doesn’t mean you’re rotting your brain and you’re gonna die fat and lonely,”

Along with a team of counselors, kids aged 11-15 can play video games while learning about proper nutrition, the importance of emotional intelligence, and ways to nurture their physical well-being under quarantine. Here you can see Sam leading a group in some jumping jacks, a perfect way to kill time during those pesky load screens.

Hybrid ATX, whose slogan is “Building Better Gamers,” also offers kids lessons on the history and evolution of video games, and teaches them about the industry’s wide array of career opportunities. It’s an inclusive, uplifting environment, dedicated to showing kids that gaming can be a tool for positive change and growth and not just a means for saying abhorrent things to strangers on Xbox Live.

“There’s a lot of online toxicity, raging and really unhealthy behavior that happens,” Sam continued. “So we are looking at how to teach them 1) not to contribute to that, and 2) remove them from that when they see it.”

Now if can just offer a course on showing adult Animal Crossing enthusiasts how to channel their focus into real, actual housework, we’ll be golden.

You can check out the Hybrid ATX website right here, where you can find info about a free orientation week for students!

There are so many things that we prepare for as parents. We prepare to be sleep deprived for a while, we prepare to send our kids off to school, and one day, maybe even walk them down the aisle at their wedding. One thing we don’t prepare for though (because honestly, it’s too painful to even consider), is for our kids to get sick. In March of 2020, the Bowden family faced the unimaginable – their beautiful, smiley, 4-year-old daughter Lula Beth was diagnosed with cancer.

After visiting the doctor, the family was told that Lula had a Wilms tumor on her kidney, a tumor that turned out to be football-sized. To treat the stage 2 cancer as aggressively as possible, Lula’s tumor was removed along with her kidney. Following the incredibly taxing surgery, the brave little girl faced 13 rounds of chemotherapy in just 22 weeks.

“She flawlessly got through them all and remained the light in our family,” Lula’s mom Kristin Bowden told Good Morning America. “She has not complained once and graciously completed her course.”

In just four short years, Lula has endured more than many of us will endure in our entire lives. Her strength, bravery, and positivity inspired both her family and the world. On August 28, 2020, the Bowden family got the news they’d so desperately needed – Lula was cancer-free.

To celebrate Lula’s journey and clean bill of health, Kristin Bowden, a photogropher, staged a stunning photoshoot. The powerful photos have spread across social media platforms, drawing both support and congratulations from around the world.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

She did it!!! CANCER FREE 😭🧡😍

A post shared by Kristin Bowden (@kris_bowden) on Aug 28, 2020 at 12:13pm PDT

Lula, smiling in a brightly-colored dress fit for a queen, holds up a sign. The sign reads, “It came. We fought. I won.” In just six words, Lula tells a touching story. Her smile shows the world that her spirit is stronger and brighter than ever, even after all she’s endured.
Kristin continues to document the emotional journey, with a more recent photo celebrating the removal of Lula’s port – a tube put in place to make it easier for doctors to deliver intravenous medication and fluid.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

HER PORT IS OUT! She is D O N E!

A post shared by Kristin Bowden (@kris_bowden) on Sep 10, 2020 at 1:39pm PDT

Kristin shared an important reminder on Instagram, telling her followers that “No one has a free pass in this life.” Lula’s photos remind us that we are stronger than we think we are – that though we all face challenges in life, we can come out the other side, our smiles wider and brighter than ever.

Though the past several months have been a new level of rough, a lot of exciting things have risen from the ashes. Our favorite places are closed, our favorite activities are postponed indefinitely – but the good news is, everyone is in the same boat. We’ve had to explore new ways of staying entertained, and at times, invent our own. Fortunately, so have our favorite celebrities, often in the form of virtual table reads and cast reunions from some extremely nostalgic movies and TV shows.

A decade after its release, the Scott Pilgrim vs. The World cast came together for a hilarious table read that brought us back to a time when finishing our popcorn too quickly was our only movie theater concern. For the ultimate nostalgia trip, Malcolm in the Middle’s cast re-read the script of their very first episode 20 years later, which felt more like a family reminiscing than some actual family reunions I’ve attended. The latest volunteers offering to take us back to simpler times are a lineup of celebrities doing a virtual table read of the quintessential coming-of-age movie, Fast Times At Ridgemont High.

Nearly 40 years ago, Fast Times At Ridgemont High took us on a journey through the unforgettable real-life experiences of writer Cameron Crowe, who adapted the movie from his book. Crowe chronicled his experiences as he went undercover as a high school student in San Diego, and brought the wide range of characters he interacted with to life once again in his classic film. We met everyone’s favorite stoner, Jeff Spicoli (played by Sean Penn), the archetypal hard-ass teacher Mr. Hand (Ray Walston), and a host of other teens just trying to come into their own without getting in too much trouble.

Now, Comedians Dane Cook and Ivan Dudynsky assembled a star-studded cast who signed on not only to give us some much-needed entertainment, but to benefit nonprofit organizations like Sean Penn’s foundation, CORE, and the REFORM Alliance – both of which help fight the spread of COVID-19. The list of celebrities taking part includes Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt, Jimmy Kimmel, Morgan Freeman, Shia LaBeouf, Matthew McConaughey, and Julia Roberts, and more surprises are definitely in store. The table read is part of Dane Cook’s “Feelin’A-Live” fundraiser, which will stream on September 17 at 9 pm ET on CORE’s Facebook Page. Learn it, know it, don’t miss it.

Birthdays are the universal equalizer. No matter who you are, where you’re from – everyone in the world gets older each year – even the Terminator. And birthdays are often a time for celebration, even amid a pandemic. For one UK dad, his son’s 42nd birthday was an opportunity for a little bit of justice.

It all started when Rob Witts was just 14 years old. To celebrate his dad’s 42nd birthday, Rob hand-made a card that was equal parts thoughtful and snarky. The front of the card featured a smiling cartoon with the words, “Hey everybody! He’s 42! Of course,” while the inside of the card read, “…We won’t draw attention to it, will we?”

As most kids do, Rob proudly presented the card to his dad and immediately forgot about it. That is, until his own 42nd birthday. Now a father of three himself, Rob received an envelope in the mail from his parents. Inside was a beautiful card from Rob’s mom, some pictures from his childhood, and the same 42nd birthday card he had given to his father decades earlier.

A brand new note written inside of the card read, “I guess if you wait long enough, what goes round comes round!” Rob’s dad had also corrected the names, so the greeting now read “Happy 42nd Birthday Dad Rob! From Robbie Dad.”

Fair play to my dad sending me the sarky card I made for his 42nd birthday, astonishing commitment to karmic justice pic.twitter.com/1JdzUskGco

— Rob Witts is staying home (@robwitts) September 10, 2020

Though the card itself was a surprise, the hilarity was not. Rob told The Dad, “He is a really caring and considerate man, and we share a sarcastic sense of humour – lots of bad puns and so forth,” he said. “This act was entirely in-keeping with my dad’s sense of humour.”

Rob now lives about four hours away from his parents, and since the pandemic, their in-person contact has unfortunately been limited. However, It would take far more than a pandemic to keep Rob’s dad from making his birthday a memorable one. The photo of the decades-old birthday card along with the story have gone viral on Twitter, accumulating over 100,000 likes in over a week.

Many speculated that Rob’s dad had spent the past 28 years carefully plotting his revenge, but Rob offered a far more innocent but equally excellent explanation. “He and my mum had been looking in their attic for photos of my sister and me at the same age that our kids are now,” Rob said. “The card had been in one of the boxes, and he saw an opportunity! So it was clever opportunism and luck rather than determined planning, and I think I’m relieved to know that.”

Maybe what Rob’s dad meant when he said “what goes round comes round” had nothing to do with justice at all – maybe it was really about the touching things family members do to show how much they love each other. Whether it’s taking the time to hand-make a card for your dad, or caring enough to hold onto it nearly 30 years later.

“My wife and I tried for over 4 years to have a baby.

We went to a fertility specialist and did a round of IVF. I met my wife for lunch and she told me the IVF failed.

She told me if I wanted to leave her she wouldn’t blame me. That I shouldn’t have to be stuck with someone that can’t have children. I told her that I loved her and children or no children I wasn’t going anywhere!

We tried again three years later. This time with an egg donor. The odds were against us. When we went in for the implantation we were in our late 30s. It was our last chance; we couldn’t afford it a third time.

When she showed me the pregnancy test I was so excited our dreams were happening.

Gavin was born 3 weeks early and he was just perfect. He is the most amazing thing I have ever seen. He is my everything. He is 3 years old now and I don’t want to be anywhere else but with him.”

– Doug Spink

Professional sports teams have been letting fans purchase cardboard cutouts to fill stadiums. Strangely, seeing cardboard fans in seats has helped make broadcasts a little less weird.

The Baltimore Ravens took this idea and ran with it. They filled their stadium with hundreds of cardboard cutouts of one teenage superfan who recently lost his battle with cancer.

For Mo. 💜 pic.twitter.com/7G1zH4qj2n

— Baltimore Ravens (@Ravens) September 11, 2020

While some NFL stadiums are allowing small amounts of fans in-person, and some broadcasts are using virtual fans. Others are following the lead of Major League Baseball and filling their empty stadiums with cardboard cutouts. For the Ravens season-opener against Cleveland (total domination by Lamar Jackson and Co., as they routed the hapless Browns), they wanted to do something special.

So, they filled a section with 575 cutouts of Mo Gaba, a superfan who lost his battle with cancer over the summer. They also included one cutout of his mom, who helped him during his fight.

“It’s just hard to believe that my son left behind a legacy and just him being himself,” his mom said in tribute video the Ravens produced. “He did nothing out of the ordinary and what he did in 14 years of his life, I can’t help but be proud of him.”

Mo was more than a regular superfan, the team also rewarded the youngster for his dedication when they had him announce a draft pick in the 2019 NFL draft for the Ravens. Mo, who was born blind, made NFL history by being the first person to read an NFL draft pick written in braille.

Warning, this tribute video from the team will make you cry.

In a statement, the Ravens said the section is dubbed “Mo’s Rows” and will stay in place until fans are allowed back at games. Once they return, the team will find another way to represent the young fan.

Mo’s Rows “serves as a tribute to the young fan who, with his positive outlook and zest for life, captured the hearts of countless Baltimoreans,” the team said in a statement.

The team also honored him with a special “Mo” in one endzone.

Lawnmowers are far more than just tools to keep our yards looking better than the yard of the rival dad across the street. Lawnmowers help us stay connected to our communities, and did you know there are lawnmower gangs that keep our parks trimmed? Not to mention mowing lawns give dads some much-needed “me time.” So we’re all in for a new streaming service called Menace Vision that’s giving us another highly unusual use for our favorite motorized lawn care companions – a race across North America.

This is far from the fast-paced action-packed reality show we’re used to, but with everything in the world being as chaotic as it is, 10 mph may be exactly the speed we need right now. The Great Grass Race’s Facebook page explains, “Six teams race across North America with just a lawnmower, a trailer, and people skills to rely on. No gas. No food. No money.”

The Facebook group has accumulated over 2,000 followers, with members of the community often popping in to share that they’d run into the show’s camera crew on their journey across the US. The race is set to last roughly three months, as contestants make their way from Los Angeles, California to New York on their trusty Craftsman T110 lawnmowers.

The neon green team spoke to KSN about the competition. “Everybody had a box with their name on it and inside the box was your color shirt so you had to match up with somebody,” one competitor explained. This means that teammates embarking on this nearly 3,000-mile trek were initially strangers.

The challenge extends far beyond the act of riding a lawnmower across the country – contestants have to rely on the kindness of strangers for food, shelter, and whatever else they may need along the way. With additional challenges thrown in and perpetually-changing rules, this race keeps the six brave teams on their toes.

The show’s creator and executive producer Denis Oliver told FOX10, “I wanted a show that everyone could relate to while also forcing people, including strangers, to work together toward a common objective. This long lawnmower ride is a metaphor for our longing to bridge the tremendous distance we feel between each other right now.”

While the show will also be available on other streaming services such as Google Play and Amazon Fire TV, Oliver created Menace Vision to generate more revenue to fund future shows and donate to charity. The Great Grass Race began on July 10 and is expected to continue through mid-October. Who will succeed? Whose ass will be grass? Only time will tell.