I like his style
Florida is a strange place. Hardly a day goes by when something bizarre, hilarious, and maybe a little humiliating doesn’t befall someone or something in America’s flaccid penis (joke courtesy of Jon Oliver). Sometimes, though, it’s not just presidential elections being swung and faces being eaten. Sometimes, something magical happens in the sunshine state.
Just ask this possum. Once he sobers up.
According to The Star, an possum broke into a liquor store in Fort Walton, Florida and immediately went for the good stuff.
The policeman on the scene found the animal passed out next to a broken, and empty, bottle of bourbon.
“She came in from the outside and was up in the rafters, and when she came through she knocked a bottle of liquor off the shelf,” Cash Moore, the store’s owner, said. “When she got down on the floor she drank the whole damn bottle.”
The possum was escorted to Emerald Coast Wildlife Refuge.
“A worker there found the opossum up on a shelf next to a cracked open bottle of liquor with nothing in it,” said Michelle Pettis, one of the Refuge’s technicians. “She definitely wasn’t fully acting normal.”
Apparently, the rodent – is a possum a rodent? It definitely looks like a rodent! – was disoriented, and salivating. Hmm, sounds familiar. Dare I say she was acting… crunk?
The technicians at the refuge took the possum in and pumped her full of liquids until she sobered up. She was released on Thursday, either having learned her lesson or with a newfound taste for firewater.
I’m sure you’ll find out sooner or later, just keep watching the Florida news.