I Experimented With 10 Crazy Espresso Mixers So You Don’t Have To

Espresso Mixer - Champagne
(Jordan Stratton)

Discovering the perfect mixer for espresso is tricky; there’s a fine line between tasty and terrible. Sure, you can always go with the tried and true splash of milk, but where’s the fun in that? You’re not boring—you’re a dang latte pioneer like me!

So whether you’re a new parent fighting to stay awake after being up all night, or just looking for something to help you make it through your Wednesday afternoon staff meeting, it’s hard to go wrong with a quick shot of espresso: The magical brown liquid that somehow manages to bring everyone from dirty, judgmental hipsters to baby boomer Wall Street folk together. But why spend your hard-earned cash on a macchiato from Starbucks when your can make your own caffeinated concoctions at home (in this scenario, like me, you also have an overpriced espresso machine in your kitchen that you’re desperately trying to justify to your wife).

I spent the last week getting suggestions from some helpful—and somewhat sadistic—friends, and experimented with several alternative mixers to possibly discover the next new coffee craze. Could some of these combinations completely revolutionize the espresso industry? Possibly. Could some of them taste so terrible they make you want to stop drinking coffee forever? Very likely. But that’s why I do these things—so you don’t have to.

Orange Juice

Espresso Mixer - Orange Juice
(Jordan Stratton)

Probably the most popular non-coffee-based breakfast beverage, orange juice was an easy choice to try with espresso, if only for matters of convenience. Plus, the idea of getting my daily allotment of caffeine and vitamin C all in one sitting gets me all giddy just from an efficiency standpoint.

Good news: It actually works! The OJ is pretty overpowering, but it blends surprisingly well with the added shot of espresso. This drink is bright, energizing, and tastes how I feel when I watch golden retriever puppy videos.


Espresso Mixer - Champagne
(Jordan Stratton)

Adding espresso to champagne seemed like an easy way to #MakeBrunchGreatAgain. A boozy breakfast cocktail with a caffeine kick—I was prepared to make a fortune with the Four Loco fan boys. Unfortunately, something about this combo just tastes off. The fermented sweetness of the wine with the earthy coffee flavors makes for an almost rancid beverage that I look forward to never drinking again. Also, disclaimer: Have extra paper towels handy if you decide to whip this one up.

Maple Syrup

Espresso Mixer - Maple Syrup
(Jordan Stratton)

While not a drink in itself, maple syrup is as much a staple of breakfast as bacon and eggs. Plus, it comes from trees. You know what else comes from trees? Coffee. This logic was bulletproof and I expected perfection.


Ok, so it wasn’t perfect. But it wasn’t bad either. The bitterness of the espresso and overt sweetness of the syrup were a little too intense on their own, but a little splash of milk totally transformed it into an adorable little iced maple latte… which I drank… like a man.

Iced Tea

Espresso Mixer - Iced Tea
(Jordan Stratton)

The heated battle between tea-sippers and coffee-guzzlers has gone on long enough. For one especially potent pick-me-up in the middle of the day, I tried combining a shot of espresso with a glass of unsweetened iced tea and was met with surprisingly pleasant results. Something about the earthy quality of both of the drinks turns it into something even better than the sum of its parts. It’s strong, yet refreshing—like a coy grin from John Cena.


Espresso Mixer - Coca-Cola
(Jordan Stratton)

This combo that, in theory, makes so much sense, it makes you wonder why Coca-Cola R&D isn’t bottling and selling it by the millions yet. Bitterness balanced by incredible sweetness. Roasted, earthy undertones matched with light, bubbly effervescence. It feels like it should just work, right? I don’t know why I’m drawing this out so much—it is good. Like, really good. I want to drink this every day, forever. I’m literally drinking another glass of it while I type this and, frankly, you should be too.


Espresso Mixer - Lemonade
(Jordan Stratton)

Nothing about this beverage sounded good when a friend, half jokingly, suggested I add it to the list. I could just imagine all the horrible ways the fruity tartness of the lemonade would wreck havoc on my taste buds as it blended with the savory, roasted traits of espresso.


Well, I’ve never been so happy to be wrong. This is a weirdly wonderful drink that I anticipate will totally sweep across picnics and barbecues next summer. Lemonade does nothing but accentuate subtle citrus notes in the coffee to brighten up the beverage as a whole.

Cherry Kool-Aid Mix

Espresso Mixer - Cherry Kool-Aid Mix
(Jordan Stratton)

Sprinkling sugar into espresso is a common practice, and Kool-Aid mix is basically just flavored sugar, right? Immediately upon mixing this concoction, I could smell it. It’s dead-on cherry Tootsie Pop scented, which got me really excited to jump in. Big mistake.  This is beyond terrible. It tastes like an ingredient scientists would add to something toxic to make sure children don’t drink it. I think I need to go get my stomach pumped.


Espresso Mixer - Beer
(Jordan Stratton)

Since using coffee in beer isn’t exactly revolutionary when it comes to stouts and porters, I decided to grab a pumpkin ale from one of my local breweries and plop in a shot. Newsflash: It’s hard for a drink that is 90% beer to be bad. I actually had to try the original sans-coffee version along with it in order to notice the differences because it just kinda works. The espresso cuts some of the spicy sweetness, but adds an additional layer of complexity that sets it apart for a pleasant experience. Oh, and serious foam warning for anyone combining espresso and beer.

Red Wine

Espresso Mixer - Red Wine
(Jordan Stratton)

For those who are far too sophisticated for the frat-tastic beer latte experience, adding a bit of java to your devil’s grape juice seems like a worthy alternative, right? Wrong. Really, you couldn’t be more wrong. If I hadn’t made it myself, I would have assumed someone had blended a cabernet with a healthy tablespoon of dirt. This tastes like mud and sadness and I don’t like any of it. Combining coffee and fermented fruit is a lost cause, people.


Espresso Mixer - Bourbon
(Jordan Stratton)

Ah, yes. Coffee and whiskey: The choice cocktail of beat cops and office alcoholics everywhere. Initially, the strong alcohol flavor simply overpowered any hint of coffee. However, much like a typical bourbon on the rocks, as the ice melted and diluted the drink, the flavors became much more mellow and nuanced. It’s different, but I found myself enjoying it more and more as I continued to sip it. Of course, that could just be the bourbon and unhealthy amount of caffeine talking.

Man Gives Hugs To Baby Goats

9-Year-Old With Dyslexia Creates Incredible Rubik’s Cube Mosaics

Benjamin Russo's Mosaics
(Benjamin Russo)

Benjamin Russo is a pretty special young man. The 9-year-old who lives with his family in Canada recently posted a video sharing a talent that he says all stems from his unique superpower.

No, Benjamin can’t fly, nor can he see through walls or leap tall buildings in a single bound.

Benjamin has Dyslexia, which oftentimes makes things such as reading and understanding languages difficult. However, Benjamin’s mom Melanie Russo says his reading disability also comes with a few other characteristics which her son has turned into a heightened ability to perform otherwise complex tasks

Take for example the well-known Rubik’s cubes. The one-time toy that has now become the gold standard of brainy competitions around the world. Benjamin can finish a single side of the cube in about one second. While that’s not a world record or anything, it’s what he does after he has solved them that has people sharing his story and this incredible video:

It opens with Benjamin sharing his story via printed cards, then embarking on what ended up being a 5-hour session spread over several days to complete a pixel-perfect portrait of Professional Wrestler John Cena made completely out of specially solved cubes. The video ends with Benjamin sharing an important message, “Dyslexia is not my disability, Dyslexia is my SUPERPOWER.”

The video went viral, quickly spreading across the web and eventually to the social media feed of the WWE superstar himself. He then shared the clip with a special message for Benjamin and everyone else:

Benjamin shows no signs of slowing down either, recently posting this full-size homage to fan-favorite Keanu Reeves.

It’s yet another reminder that a diagnosis of dyslexia or autism is only a small part of an individual’s full story. We’re excited to see what Ben creates next, which he promises to share on his Instagram page found here.

Toddler Amazingly Makes Five Baskets In A Row

Disney CEO Suggests Baby Yoda is a Packers Fan, Internet Not Having It

Baby Yoda as Packers Fan

Baby Yoda is having a moment. He’s taken the internet by storm and must be protected at all costs, before being fully exploited. Even the news Baby Yoda was coming to Build-A-Bear was well received and the scale had yet to be tipped.

That is, until yesterday when the head of Disney took things too far, making Baby Yoda officially a corporate SHILL. Robert Iger, Chairman and CEO of the Walt Disney Company, tweeted an image of Baby Yoda decked out in Green Bay Packers colors shortly before the NFC Championship game with a simple “Let’s go @Packers” message.

The internet didn’t take it well. While it’s still unconfirmed if this is a picture from Season 2 of “The Mandalorian” (it’s not), many were not happy with the blatant misrepresentation of everyone’s favorite force baby.

Clearly the Force was very much with the San Francisco 49ers, who thoroughly crushed the Packers and ended their season. Seeing the Baby Yoda magic come up short must make the memes like this sting a little bit more, but this is the risk you take by bringing a beloved icon into the mix.

Honestly, it probably makes more sense for Baby Yoda to be a 49ers fan, given that Lucasfilm’s offices are in San Francisco. Of course, he’s an alien in a fictional universe, so…maybe he doesn’t have any sports allegiances?

And inevitably, some decided to adopt the practice of making Baby Yoda a shill for whatever they wanted.

Disney has made several missteps with the Star Wars franchise in the eyes of many fans, and now their CEO has made yet another, keeping Baby Yoda out of the Super Bowl by tying him to the woefully inadequate Packers.

Boy Finally Able to Hug His Brother With New ‘Hulk’ Prosthetic Arm

Boy Hugs Brother With Hulk Arm

A 5-year-old boy in the U.K. became the first to receive a full prosthetic arm recently after being born prematurely and missing a significant portion of his left arm. And the thing Jacob Scrimshaw most excited to do with his new bionic arm? Finally hug his little brother.

The parents started looking into the groundbreaking procedure after the boy came home from school crying one day.

“I always thought Jacob coped well without his arm, but when he came home from school in tears I knew we had to do something,” his mom told a British news agency.

They initially had a tough time finding someone who could produce a functional prosthetic arm, as most said it wasn’t a reality when the upper arm was involved. The family eventually found a company that agreed to make it a reality so they crowd-funded to raise the money for it.

The robotic arm is pretty innovative (and not cheap, as it cost more than $20,000) but the boy is most excited because it’s green and modeled after The Hulk. His parents were excited to watch him open Christmas presents with two hands for the first time. And his little brother? Just excited to get a full hug from big bro.

Father Figures: The Face of Success

“The picture is of my husband at his graduation this past Monday, for his Bachelors degree. That’s the face of a proud graduate looking back at his wife and children after 5 years of blood, sweat, and tears…

…working two (sometimes three) jobs, raising three (going on four) kids, no babysitters, no grandparents, aunts or uncles to take the kids during midterms or finals, no nest egg for tuition, and giving up a 10-year career for a better future.

We had lots of emotional support and love, but we did all the heavy lifting… and his face shows it!

That’s the face of success!”

– Bettye Erich

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email [email protected]

Check out the previous editions of Father Figures here.

The 10 Best Comments of the Week 1/19

Best Comments of the Week

Every week we pan for comedy gold in the comments section of our Facebook posts. If your comment cracks us up (or warms our hearts) we’ll showcase it here!

Here’s this week’s roundup of the 10 Best Comments of the Week:

1. Crazy Town 

2. Dependants  

3. 10-4 

4. Strip 

5. Yelpped

6. Cereal Killers 

7. Teach a Man 

8. Tip 

9. Devastating  

10. It’s Personal

Check out the previous edition of the best comments of the week here.

Bloated Dad Physically Unable to Fart Unless Finger is Pulled

Dad Unable to Fart Unless Finger is Pulled

HARTFORD, CT – Sprawled out on the couch in agonizing discomfort, local father Gabe White is hoping it’s not too much longer until his son returns home from day camp and can come to his aid, as Gabe is physically unable to fart unless someone pulls his finger.

“I spent so many years conditioning my body to fart on command that I can no longer do it without a very specific stimulus,” said a clearly bloated Gabe, who had no idea that years of pranking his child would backfire so spectacularly.

While Gabe has desperately attempted to squeeze out a fart for the past several hours his efforts have been all for naught, as he’s only managed to strain several ab muscles that he didn’t even know he had as they were hidden under his beer gut.

“I need you to come home from work and pull my finger,” said a desperate Gabe over the phone to his wife, who immediately hung up without a saying a word, thus leaving Gabe utterly despondent and unable to escape this hellish, gassy situation.

Unfortunately for Gabe, little does he know that his son had a playdate scheduled after camp today, which means it’ll be at least several more hours before he can relieve himself. Here’s hoping he gets lucky and the mailman shows up soon and is willing to lend a literal hand.

Despite being completely plausible to parents, THIS JUST IN is satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. For more stories like this one click here.

A Stranger Who Found a Sweet Note is on a Mission to #FindEmmasDad

Woman Finds Note From Daughter #FindEmmasDad

A woman was leaving the Denver airport when she saw what she thought was a piece of trash on the ground. She decided to pick it up to “put litter in its place” but realized it was a heartfelt note written by a girl to her father. What she thought was trash, was actually treasure – so she decided to try to find Emma’s dad.

“It was just about the sweetest thing I’ve ever read,” the woman, Alex Roberts, told a Denver news outlet. She shared a picture of the note on Twitter and started a campaign to #FindEmmasDad.

The note read:

Dear, Daddy
In all the things I do, I want to do them just like you. Although right now sort of small. Like you I want to be brave and smart, cause I love you, Daddy, with all my heart. When I am older I’ll be so glad if I grow up to be just like you.
Love, Emma

Ok, she is right, that is one of the sweetest things I’ve ever read. Roberts said she wants to find the dad so he can keep the deeply heartfelt letter, something she said she would treasure if it came from her kid. Still, she knows it’s a long shot to #FindEmmasDad.

“I mean what are the chances we find this person? But how cool would it be if we actually did?” she told a Denver News Channel. She surmised the dad is a big part of young Emma’s life.

“I feel like he’s a role model. He’s a very active person in her life and having a lot to do with how she perceives the world,” she said. “And I think that’s the kind of parent most people want to be and it sounds like this guy is succeeding.”

Yes, it is a longshot. But the Denver news stations seem to be signal-boosting the call, and the internet has banded together to solve far more hopeless situations. So, if you know the Dad of an Emma who either lives in Denver or has been in the airport recently (OK, this really may be a pretty big longshot), tell him to come get his letter!