Night shift manager at a McDonald's in the Bronx charged with selling cocaine to an undercover officer pic.twitter.com/tTWGoUsmfh

— Aaron Katersky (@AaronKatersky) October 4, 2017

The details of the crime were laid out in a press release from the Office of the Special Narcotics Prosecutor for the City of New York.

Bridget G. Brennan, New York City’s Special Narcotics Prosecutor said, ““The conduct was so blatant it would be comical if he weren’t committing a serious narcotics crime,” clearly ignoring the fact that the conduct remains comical. “Ordering coke took on an entirely different meaning on the night shift at this McDonald’s.” She couldn’t even resist a lame joke!

Guerrero was caught selling drugs in the parking lot, hiding the drugs with food orders, and, at one point, storing them in the restroom soap dispenser, confident they would remain undiscovered, since no one actually washes their hands at Mcdonald’s.

Twitter, predictably, had some thoughts, which ranged from the relatable:

I had a friend in college who did this with weed and pizza at Domino's. It worked really well until it didn't. https://t.co/ODj48vtAG2

— Alex Knight (@alexequalsmoney) October 6, 2017

(Didn’t we all?)

To the socially trenchant:

McDonald’s employee caught selling cocaine on the job (Ignore the fact McDonald's doesn't pay living wages) https://t.co/IXvKa9LcAI

— 🌹 Ferrari Sheppard (@stopbeingfamous) October 5, 2017

To the shameless:

*joke about addictive French fries*

*joke about what goes into the secret sauce*

*joke about 'Boy, he sure was lovin' it!'*

— Ryan Flanagan (@flanaganryan) October 6, 2017

Ryan from Twitter is right, of course. This story is like a “Choose Your Own Adventure” of terrible puns!

Allow me: Ten thousand bucks in a bag of fries gives a whole new meaning to the term “value meal!” then again, cocaine is a stimulant, so it also puts the “happy” in “happy meal.” Do we want to talk about fast food too? No, because I hate puns.

Obviously, this is no laughing matter for Mr. Guerrero, and, truth be told, neither is it amusing The Dad. Ultimately, Frank Guerrero is a small Filet o’Fish in this country’s ongoing drug war, while McDonald’s maintains its insidious grip on America’s diet.

Hopefully this bust puts us one step closer to putting the clown-haired, child-fraternizing freak running that obesity factory behind bars!

But that’s the great thing about beer, nay… America. We all have individual tastes. Just because some guy doesn’t share your affinity for a specific brew, that doesn’t mean he’s wrong (even though he is!) It just means you get to connect with someone with a differing perspective, while drinking beer!

So, if you see Jim in a bar, don’t make fun of him for his taste in beer. Instead, buy him a round, and make fun of his age – like an adult.

Cheers, Jim!

He takes a much calmer, more sympathetic approach to parenting than Lois. She has a short fuse, at the end of which is a barrel of dynamite eager to ground someone for the rest of their life. Hal, conversely, seizes any opportunity to bond with his boys by having a sit-down and doling out fatherly words of wisdom.

He’s far more lenient, but will raise his voice and put his foot down when necessary. He’s often creative in his punishments. For example, when Malcolm told him “[bleep] you,” Hal sat him down in the backyard and forced him to look him in the eyes and read aloud a comprehensive list of every vile swear words, teaching him their power.

His biggest strength, however, is his laid-back, often immature attitude. It serves as a refreshing palate cleanser for Lois’ incessant shouting. He is truly the yin to her yang.

DAD WEAKNESSES

He’s more permissive than his wife. In one episode, Hal surprises the boys by letting them skip school to accompany him at some stock car races.

Hal’s lax approach to parenting is, regrettably, his biggest weakness. His spontaneity and often childish behavior sets a bad example for his sons. Case in point: the steamroller. After winning some money on a scratch-off, Hal secretly rents a steamroller.

When Dewey catches him, Hal agrees to let him steamroll over Reese’s bike. Ultimately, Hal goes mad with power and Dewey must talk him down from steamrolling a row of cars. Surely this gave Dewey license to misbehave in the future. His impulsive nature is typically harmless, but still sets precedent for the delinquency of his kids.

VERDICT

Despite shortcomings at the cost of his need to be the parent his sons actually like, Hal is a great father. Sure, all four of his sons are rambunctious hellions, disobedient and destructive at every turn, but that’s predominantly the result of their stubborn, temperamental mother. He’s a big-hearted working stiff, determined to provide for his family however dysfunctional they may be.

FINAL DAD GRADE: A-

It’s been a long journey and no two days are alike. Through it all we’ve learned that Faye is just a younger, female version of her older brother. From her diagnosis, we were able to recognize the ASD traits in Jordan. He is now beginning the diagnostic process.

But long story short, both our girls now attend an autism unit in a special school. It’s a God send and they are both doing great! They turned 6 in August and Jordan will be 11 this December.

Be positive and always make sure your child gets all they need. Raising a child with special needs definitely puts into perspective what’s important in life!

Everything for the kids!”

– Nic Young

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

Aside from a small modification to the bike’s seat, he’ll be riding the bike as-is. “My knees clear the handlebars by about half an inch so it’s going to be really tight, but it’s a great bike,” he told the BBC. When he factors in his unique mode of transportation Peter estimates the ride from Bristol to Land’s End will take him a week to complete.

Ellie loved cycling and impressed her dad at age three, when she was able to ride without training wheels.

The bike he’ll be riding was her pride and joy – a present she received for her last Christmas.

So far Peter has raised £23,349 (roughly $30K US) through his JustGiving campaign, already doubling his £10,000 target.

What a guy! What a dad! Go, Peter, go!

If you’d like donate to Peter’s campaign, visit his JustGiving page.

If you want to learn more about where the money is going, check out The Brain Tumour Charity.