McDonald’s Manager Finds New Way To Speed Up Fast Food

He was selling cocaine along with value meals

It’s safe to say that new McDonald’s manager who was nabbed by undercover cops after selling them over $10,000 worth of cocaine along with their order is no longer lovin’ it.

A fair amount of his future meals are sure to be unhappy.

The name the police offers used for their three-month undercover sting was “Operation Off The Menu” so even they realized the scenario’s potential for jokes.

The crime was perpetrated at a Bronx, New York McDonald’s by eight-year franchise veteran Frank Guerrero, who now joins the Hamburgler and probably Grimace (who are we kidding, there’s no way he’s clean) as famous fast-food villains. He allegedly sold the undercover cops $10,900 worth of special sauce in eight separate installments.

Night shift manager at a McDonald's in the Bronx charged with selling cocaine to an undercover officer pic.twitter.com/tTWGoUsmfh

— Aaron Katersky (@AaronKatersky) October 4, 2017

The details of the crime were laid out in a press release from the Office of the Special Narcotics Prosecutor for the City of New York.

Bridget G. Brennan, New York City’s Special Narcotics Prosecutor said, ““The conduct was so blatant it would be comical if he weren’t committing a serious narcotics crime,” clearly ignoring the fact that the conduct remains comical. “Ordering coke took on an entirely different meaning on the night shift at this McDonald’s.” She couldn’t even resist a lame joke!

Guerrero was caught selling drugs in the parking lot, hiding the drugs with food orders, and, at one point, storing them in the restroom soap dispenser, confident they would remain undiscovered, since no one actually washes their hands at Mcdonald’s.

Twitter, predictably, had some thoughts, which ranged from the relatable:

I had a friend in college who did this with weed and pizza at Domino's. It worked really well until it didn't. https://t.co/ODj48vtAG2

— Alex Knight (@alexequalsmoney) October 6, 2017

(Didn’t we all?)

To the socially trenchant:

McDonald’s employee caught selling cocaine on the job (Ignore the fact McDonald's doesn't pay living wages) https://t.co/IXvKa9LcAI

— 🌹 Ferrari Sheppard (@stopbeingfamous) October 5, 2017

To the shameless:

*joke about addictive French fries*

*joke about what goes into the secret sauce*

*joke about 'Boy, he sure was lovin' it!'*

— Ryan Flanagan (@flanaganryan) October 6, 2017

Ryan from Twitter is right, of course. This story is like a “Choose Your Own Adventure” of terrible puns!

Allow me: Ten thousand bucks in a bag of fries gives a whole new meaning to the term “value meal!” then again, cocaine is a stimulant, so it also puts the “happy” in “happy meal.” Do we want to talk about fast food too? No, because I hate puns.

Obviously, this is no laughing matter for Mr. Guerrero, and, truth be told, neither is it amusing The Dad. Ultimately, Frank Guerrero is a small Filet o’Fish in this country’s ongoing drug war, while McDonald’s maintains its insidious grip on America’s diet.

Hopefully this bust puts us one step closer to putting the clown-haired, child-fraternizing freak running that obesity factory behind bars!

Artist Wife Illustrates The Drastic Ways Her Husband’s Life Changed After Kids

By Jordan Stratton

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Chen Weng, an illustrator who goes by the name The Messycow, has created a series of comics showing just how much things change when one becomes a father.

Which do you relate to most?

Check out more from this series on The Messycow’s Facebook page and website.

Dad Dinosaur: Prehistoric Reunion

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Dad Dinosaur’s high school reunion is fast approaching, but will he be able to win the big dance contest – or are his moves stuck in the past?

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Father Figures: Risky Business

By Mike Julianelle

2 days ago

“As the garage door closed behind me, I heard a muffled whimper.

“What is that?” I wondered. Another whimper and I noticed eight fingers on the lid of one of the garbage cans in the corner. I spy a set of eyes, then a nose and finally my oldest son’s face.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

“What happened? Where is your brother?” No answers, just sobbing.

He moped toward the door and I followed him into the kitchen. I half-expected to see CSI investigators hovering over a chalk outline.

We walked around the corner by the refrigerator, and only then did I see his brother and allow myself to take my first breath. Then I saw a hole in the drywall the size of a young boy’s torso.

They had been running & sliding, in their stocking feet, across the marbled kitchen floor. Obviously a bit too exuberantly! I was relieved that they were both okay, but I still mustered enough anger to quash any future escapades.

Each blamed the other, of course. I used to say I couldn’t always tell when my kids were lying, but I could always tell when they were telling the truth.

If that makes any sense to you, I’m guessing you’ve raised at least two boys.”

Ron Fuller

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

Crap Alert

By The Dad

2 days ago

“I farted…and a bit came out.”

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Son Surprises Ailing Dad With Tickets To College World Series

By Mike Julianelle

Father’s Day is a special time to celebrate your old man, and show him how much you appreciate the role he’s played in your life all these years. Especially since, as we get older, our dads do too, and they may not have many Father’s Days left.

Matt Lea recognized that this Father’s Day, and so went out of his way to make it a memorable one, for both him and his father, both former college baseball players who bonded over the game as Matt was growing up.

Matt’s father Billy suffers from Alzheimer’s Disease, and the symptoms have been accruing rapidly. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t time for more memories, and Matt used the latest Father’s Day as an opportunity to do just that. The 36-year-old drove 12 hours, from Florida to Mississippi, and surprised his parents at their doorstep on Sunday.

He was bearing gifts as well, bringing his dad the jersey of his favorite baseball team, Mississippi State. But that wasn’t all. Matt brought tickets too, to see the College World Series in Omaha in person.

In video of the exchange that Matt posted on Twitter, his dad was clearly taken by surprise.

Surprised my dad today to tell him I’m taking him to Omaha to watch @HailStateBB play. His Alzheimer’s is setting in fast but I know he’s going to have a blast this weekend. Hail State!!! pic.twitter.com/NTtAxcxxIj

— Matt Lea (@tigr2ndbase) June 14, 2018

“I figured it’s probably not good enough just for us to watch the game here,” Matt says in the video as he produces the tickets. “How about we go to Omaha? Do you want to go up to Omaha and watch the College World Series together?”

“Golly,” an emotional Billy responds. “You’re gonna break my heart, here.”

Matt’s gift for his dad received a rapturous response from Twitter, where it’s been liked 46,000 times and retweeted 11,000 times.

Thanks everyone. I live 12 hours away in Florida now so it took him completely by surprise when I showed up. We can’t wait to get up there. Hate we’ll only be there for opening weekend but it’s going to be a great final trip for us.

— Matt Lea (@tigr2ndbase) June 14, 2018

Matt seemed as surprised by the response as his dad was by the gift, as everyone who celebrated Father’s Day yesterday knows, there’s nothing better than sharing meaningful memories with your dad, which is exactly what Matt did. An article on Omaha.com details Billy’s baseball past, the initial diagnosis of his Alzheimer’s, the VIP experience Matt treated him too over the weekend.

Matt’s Twitter account showcased the rest.

Thanks to everyone that made today something we’ll treasure forever. We have a couple things to do tomorrow before have to head home. @HailStateBB keep grinding and believe. You’re a team of destiny. pic.twitter.com/GamW2sEJ9i

— Matt Lea (@tigr2ndbase) June 17, 2018

Thank you @HailStateBB for everything. You’ve given us an incredible time together. Thank you to all that have offered room/tickets for the rest of the games. Dad needs to get home back into his routine and familiar surroundings. Now go get a championship!!!!! pic.twitter.com/5Y0NNORIoo

— Matt Lea (@tigr2ndbase) June 17, 2018

Happy Father’s Day!

Amazing Street Artist Uses Everyday Objects As His Canvas

By Jordan Stratton

Artist Tom Bob doesn’t see the world like other people. Where you and I might see sewer grates or metal pipes, he sees ghosts and saxophone players.

Check out some of the amazing ways he’s transforming parts of New York City into works of art.

Check out more of Tom Bob and his unique artwork here.

Dad’s Press Conference: Post Father’s Day Wrap Up

By The Dad

…Quantity does not equal quality.

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Father Figures: Heroes

By Mike Julianelle

“On February 2, 2011, my daughter was born. The whole thing started pretty normally about 2:30 am or so, my wife woke me up and said, ‘Honey, it is time to go,’ so we went to the hospital in a snowstorm.

That was the easy part.

When they put the belly monitor on her they noticed that the babies heart rate would drop to low whenever my wife would have a contraction. She needed emergency C-section, but the doctor could not make it due to the storm, and when he finally arrived it was rush rush rush!

Well when my daughter Emily did arrive, she had internal bleeding throughout her body, which included two grade 4 brain bleeds. We could not touch her because she would bruise and start bleeding.

They had to life-flight her to the university, where she spent 5 1/2 weeks in the NICU, which left her (you may want to sit down) deaf/blind, with hydrocephalus, a shunt, cerebral palsy, and seizures (at age 6, she needed a baclofen pump because her CP got too bad to handle without it). She is doing great today. She is happy, loves life, and everyone who meets her says that she makes their day and she is beautiful.

To pay back our little community, I became a first responder, mostly a firefighter, but I did help with EMS. Never got my certification, but that is where I found out that in the U.S. we do not have any training for first responders to deal with children with special needs.

I have made it my personal mission to teach first responders about kids with special needs.

I have taken to Emily to every EMS/Fire station in the five counties around me. I have taken her to the police and sheriff’s departments to train them, and now I have a waiting list to get trained.

I don’t know if I am the hero here, but I needed to tell the story.”

– Mike Kuyper

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

Low Cost Cosplay Guy Makes The World A Better Place

By Jordan Stratton

Anucha “Cha” Saengchart, the genius behind “Low Cost Cosplay,” has amassed millions of followers with his incredible reimaginings of famous fictional characters.

Whether you’re planning on portraying your favorite anime character or a Marvel superhero, this guy can show you how to do it effectively and on a string budget.