Haha but seriously.

I live in constant fear that someone will notice I only know three people's names and one of them is mine

When you say "we..." is that like, the royal we

Finally, some recognition

Have you met our kids

So simple, yet such a game-changer

Now you've gone shoe far.

If it was pronounced "onvelope," it would be spelled "onvelope."

Same feeling as when she brings home pizza unannounced

Marriage is all about compromise, fellas

Oh good, if I get lost on my way to the kitchen, I'M ALL SET

And both are wrong and also right