Just when you thought it was safe to go back to Sea World

When science-fiction spawns dystopian tales of a future in which animals conspire to take over the earth, it’s usually the primates. When we talk about the smartest animals, it’s usually dolphins. Turns out that real life has something to say about it, and by “real life” I mean killer whales, and by “say about it” I mean literally SAY ABOUT IT.

Because killer whales can talk. Well, one of them can. Kind of? Work with me here.

It’s not exactly talking so much as it’s making sounds that almost sort of sound like the sounds trainers are making. BUT IT’S CLOSE ENOUGH TO HAUNT YOUR DREAMS.

World’s first talking killer whale: Wikie the orca learns to say ‘hello’ and ‘bye bye’https://t.co/aTHYnNDSnS pic.twitter.com/68umKELiMj

— The Telegraph (@Telegraph) January 31, 2018

The whale’s name is Wikie, and he’s been working with scientists in France to test his ability to mimic sounds, mostly human speech but also the sound of a creaking door, and the howl of a wolf. Judging by his voice, somebody needs to get that whale to imitate a fax machine.

An article in The Guardian lays out all the details of this terrifying development among orcas, whose ability to mimic the sounds of a different species has impressed the scientists working on the study.

Orcas can imitate human speech, research reveals https://t.co/Lqr762bt2Q

— The Guardian (@guardian) January 31, 2018

“We wanted to see how flexible a killer whale can be in copying sounds,” one of the study’s co-authors, Josep Call, professor in evolutionary origins of mind at the University of St Andrews, told the paper. “We thought what would be really convincing is to present them with something that is not in their repertoire – and in this case, ‘hello’ [is] not what a killer whale would say.”

No, that’s not what a killer whale would say. In fact, a killer whale probably wouldn’t say anything, at least not until it had safely already stuck its fatal blow, after which it might throw out a clever one-line, e.g., “More like ‘Free KILLY!'”

via GIPHY

Despite the orcas uncanny ability to mimic these sounds, there is some good news: “We have no evidence that they understand what their ‘hello’ stands for,” Professor Call said.

So we don’t need to inch the Doomsday Clock forward again just yet. Besides, when they finally do take over, most of us will have a head start. Because they’re sure to hit Sea World first.

The 2019 baseball season is upon us, and like most Yankees fans I’m hoping for one simple thing: for the Red Sox to go 0-162. I’d settle for them going 7-155, but that’s about as much as I can handle when it comes to the Red Sox succeeding. Yes, last year was difficult on me.

My personal seething hatred aside, I’m not the only one who’ll be paying close attention this season. In fact, there are a number of former major leaguers from the ‘70s, ‘80s, ‘90s, and ‘00s whose sons are finally old and talented enough to be knocking on the door of the big leagues themselves. These fathers will no doubt be keeping an eye on their offspring’s success, and you should too. Here are a just a handful of second-generation big leaguers-to-be to stay on the lookout for in 2019.

Vladimir Guerrero Jr.

 

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#VladimirGuerreroJr SS GRAPH & #LourdesGurrielJr #baseballislife #AYE #baseball #mlb #yankees vs #jays #fishercats My #Kids Were The Only Ones Vlad Signed For!

A post shared by NoLuV 215 (@noluv215) on Apr 11, 2018 at 4:07pm PDT

The undisputed #1 prospect in all of baseball, Vladdy Jr. is—as if it weren’t obvious enough from the name—the son of Hall of Famer Vladimir Guerrero, who played for the Expos, Angels, Rangers, and Orioles throughout his illustrious 16-year career.

Vladdy turned heads with his performance in the Blue Jays minor league system in 2018, batting .381 with 20 home runs in just 95 games. But perhaps his most memorable moment occurred while playing in a spring training game last March at Olympic Stadium in Montreal—the very same stadium where his father rose to prominence in the ’90s. Check out the video below:

Vlad is expected to be called up by Toronto Blue Jays come the end of April, that is assuming they aren’t already eliminated from playoff contention. Yes, that may be mathematically impossible so early in the year, but when you’re in the same division as the Yankees, Red Sox, and Rays it’s more or less a guarantee.

Vlad Sr. recently wished his son a happy birthday via Twitter:

My son, I remember this day as if it were yesterday. From that moment I knew that you were made for great things for this scenario. Today, on this special day remember: patience, discipline, God’s time is perfect. Happy birthday my son! 🎉🎁 @vladdyjr27

📸 |Unknown| pic.twitter.com/HRrtqyFK5B

— Vladimir Guerrero (@VladGuerrero27) March 16, 2019

Fernando Tatis Jr.

Boys each got an autograph at Spring Training. Fletcher got the slipper Andy Green’s and Coop got the King. Thanks Fernando Tatis Jr. for taking a second to pose with the boys. Go Padres! pic.twitter.com/OuWMzhfJY2

— Todd Clark (@lunchmade) March 15, 2019

Taking what you learned from the first player on this list, can you guess who this guy’s dad is? That’s right, Fernando Tatis Jr. is none other than the son of Derek Jeter. Sorry, I misspoke. His dad is actually Fernando Tatis, a former big leaguer who played from 1997 until 2010.

While pops is known for being the only player to hit two grand slams in a single inning, Junior is the #2 prospect in baseball, and is primed to make his debut with the San Diego Padres this season playing shortstop on the same side of the infield as the newly acquired 4-time All-Star Manny Machado.

Everyone is excited to see what Tatis Jr. can bring to the major leagues. That is except for fans of the Chicago White Sox, who traded him back in 2016 for James Shields, a pitcher who led the league in losses last year with 16. If only this were MLB The Show and there were a save point the White Sox could return to, but unfortunately that’s not the case, so expect to see Tatis in San Diego soon. I’m sure he likes the weather better anyway.

Here’s Fernando talking about playing under his dad’s guidance this past winter:

Bo Bichette

 

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#BoKnows that Bichette Happens! Thanks for the selfie, Bo! See you up in the big leagues soon! . . . #bobichette #toronto #bluejays #topprospect #mlb #baseball

A post shared by Jeffrey Fiesta 🐊🎉 (@floridag8ralum) on Mar 17, 2019 at 10:55am PDT

The son of Rockies’ great Dante Bichette and brother of former Yankees prospect Dante Bichette Jr., Bo has impressed scouts with a combination of bat speed, raw power, and clean footwork to the point that he’s been ranked the #11 prospect in baseball and #2 in the Blue Jays’ system just behind Vlad Guerrero Jr.

Bo is also known for having much better hair than his father. Example A:

 

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Yep just hanging with the Blue Jays of the future #bobichette #vladmirguerrerojr #seanreidfoley #buffalobisons #hotprospects #thefutureofbaseball #buffalonewyork #baseball #torontobluejays #familytime #baseballfamily #futuretorontobluejaysplayer @19boknows @vladdyjr27

A post shared by Suzanne (@burlingtonbluejaysfan) on Jan 17, 2018 at 6:11pm PST

Example B:

 

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Just met a Colorado Rockies Legend Dante Bichette. I grew up watching this man play ball and finally had the privilege to meet him. Such a great experience for my boys to meet him too. #blakestreetBomber #dantebichette #ColoradoRockiesBaseball #dickssportinggoods

A post shared by ‘Tyson King (@tysonwking) on Apr 22, 2017 at 2:44pm PDT

Enjoy the hairline while it lasts, Bo. It’s clearly genetic.

Bo has yet to play above the AA level but could very well hit the big time in 2019, solidifying the left side of the Blue Jays infield along with Vladdy Jr. for many years to come.

Cavan Biggio

 

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Braden & Cavan Biggio @dunedinbluejays @bluejays @floridastateleague #cavanbiggio #biggio #bluejays #dunedinbluejays #baseball

A post shared by Brian Giacobbe (@briang0381) on Jul 13, 2017 at 5:01pm PDT

Holy hell, how many Blue Jays are on this list? The son of Hall of Famer and Astros legend Craig Biggio, Cavan may not be as highly regarded as teammates Vlad and Bo, but still remains a top Toronto prospect.

Here’s Cavan talking about the expectations that come with the last name Biggio, and how he’s crafting his own to break out from the shadow of his more famous father:

Like Bo, Cavan has yet to play above AA, but excelled last year with an .887 OPS and 26 home runs, falling just one RBI short of the century mark. Chances are Cavan may make his major league debut before the end of the season, but until then you’re going to have to head up to Buffalo to see him play for the Jays’ Triple-A affiliate.

Hey, even if you don’t care about seeing Cavan you should still make the trip for some good buffalo wings. On second thought, can we just make this list about the 5 best buffalo wings locations throughout the country? No? Too late? Oh well.

Victor Victor Mesa

 

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Got a picture with @victorvictormesa 😱 Really Cool Guy😎 #marlinsspringtraining #victorvictormesa #mesa #baseball

A post shared by ɹǝʎʍpO uɐʌƎ (@evanoscribble) on Feb 23, 2019 at 1:46pm PST

Chances are you may never have heard of Victor Victor Mesa, nor his father Victor Mesa, a Cuban baseball legend who drew comparisons to Rickey Henderson. Not only that, but Victor won the gold medal in baseball at the 1992 Summer Olympics, and his career spanned 19 seasons in the Caribbean.

There are a lot of question marks surrounding Victor Victor, who was signed by the Miami Marlins along with his brother Victor Jr. after defecting from Cuba in May of 2018. While scouts speculate he’s more likely to debut in the bigs in 2020, his defense and speed are already said to be big-league ready.

That combined with the fact that the Marlins are desperate to attract fans to see their struggling franchise, Victor Victor may very well shoot his way up through the system sooner than you can say the word Victor twice.

There’s no doubt these five pops are as proud as can be to see their children follow in their footsteps. Hopefully twenty or so years from now, the aforementioned prospects can pass along some insight to kids of their very own, establishing yet another new generation of baseball stars.

Love baseball? More importantly, love embarrassing your kids? Well then be sure to follow the lead of this dancing dad, who left his daughter red in the face while attending a Cubs game last September.

Alek Thomas was in high school a year ago and Wednesday, the Arizona Diamondbacks prospect homered in a spring game against the Chicago White Sox. What makes a mildly cool story even better was that his dad was in the opposing dugout when it happened.

His dad, Allen Thomas, has been the White Sox director of strength and conditioning for nearly two decades. Alex practically grew up at the ballpark, so I can’t imagine what this moment was like for them. I do know, however, that Allen held his poker face far longer than anyone could’ve expected.

Love ya pops!✊🏼 https://t.co/yrZaJoI7rk

— Alek Thomas (@athomas22) March 20, 2019

I think the highest I’ve jumped in the last two years was when my daughter kicked the game-winning goal in a soccer game between five-year-olds where I was the only one keeping score. There is zero chance I could’ve been that cool in a moment like this.

If that was my kid, the second he crossed home plate I would’ve jumped out of the opposing dugout and run crazily around the infield like one of those impossible-to-catch soccer hecklers. Then I would’ve signaled to the PA announcer to play my pre-scheduled music cue, at which point I would dramatically tear off my White Sox jersey, revealing my son’s Arizona jersey beneath, like a pro wrestler making a full heel turn.

Spring training might just be take your kid to work month for Major Leauge Baseball, as the Cincinnati Reds first base coach Delino DeShields got to exchange lineup cards with Texas Rangers center fielder….Delino DeShields. In case you were wondering when Texas plays Cincinnati during the regular season, come on, you already know it’s Father’s Day weekend.

A bit of a different lineup exchange today.. pic.twitter.com/svPPuQV7Hc

— Texas Rangers (@Rangers) March 20, 2019

The other sports video that took the internet by storm this past week was a youth basketball game. If you’re curious why so many people have been spreading it around, I’m pretty sure it’s because it is a classic example of how bad sports officiating has become. It’s pretty clear that #50 travels like four times RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE REF! How does he not even see that???? The fix was in, I’m tellin ya.

March Madness is just heating up but we already have one-star performance, after Ja Morant put on a clinic when No. 12 Murray State blew out No. 5 Marquette. Zion Williamson has made his mark as one of the most impressive prospects in more than a decade, but Morant may have done enough to get himself to second. If you ask his dad, he thinks he should go even higher than one, which is exactly how I would act after my kid put up a performance like that. Honestly, it’s not even fair to put a microphone in front of a parent’s face after that, of course, they are going to say something nutty.

I asked Ja Morant’s dad where he should go in the NBA Draft after this performance:

“Is there anything before one?” pic.twitter.com/4IB0qELWcB

— Master (@MasterTes) March 21, 2019

In sports dad revenge news, Richard Pitino coached No. 10 Minnesota in a big win over No. 7 Louisville, the school that fired his dad, Rick. At least, that’s the narrative that was being pushed by a small part of basketball media. Rick did, after all, get Louisville entangled in one of the biggest bribery scandals to hit college sports in years. So, I don’t know that I’m quite on board for the revenge story when his dad was a disgraced coach who led his program to more FBI investigations than championships (granted, how you view his legacy depends on how much you value things like vacated final fours and sex scandals).

No matter how you spin it, it doesn’t pack quite the emotional punch of a major leaguer still trying to get his dad’s attention after hitting a home run.

Bobby Deacon, a writer from Birmingham, Alabama, knew his wife was feeling anxious about their first family photo shoot with their 3-year-old son, so he decided a little prank might lighten her spirits.

Rayena, his wife, works as a trauma nurse, so Bobby and Deacon get to have a lot of ‘guys nights’ during the week. Given the intensity of Rayena’s job, she rarely has time to respond to a bunch of text messages, so when a calmer than usual night finally arrived, Bobby struck.

Putting his photoshop skills to use, Bobby doctored a photo of their son to make it look like he had buzzed off a giant patch of his hair.

“She went 0-100 quicker than Drake lyrics,” Bobby told GoodHousekeeping.com. “I knew she would.”

And he wasn’t even close to being done.

Yes, along with a devious looking photo to remind his wife of his own glorious locks, Bobby claimed to be willing to shave his own head, all in hopes of consoling their own son of course.

Because what father wouldn’t do such a thing for their kid, right?

Bobby finally decided to call it a day when it looked like “she was going to leave the hospital to put me in one,” as he put it.

When she got home, they both (allegedly) had a good laugh about it, claiming that pranks are a standard in the Wesson household.

“We play jokes on each other all the time,” Bobby said. “I ended up with her name tattooed on my butt thanks to a bet lost last year.”

Bobby put the text exchange on social media and it, understandably, went viral almost immediately.

It’s not the first time the couple has achieved internet fame, though. Back in 2015, Bobby put his writing chops to use and penned a beautiful and sincere note about his wife and her amazing roles as both mother and nurse. It has over 920k likes and over 200k shares.

From these posts, it appears there’s rarely a dull moment in the Wesson home, but we doubt they’d prefer it any other way.

An extra credit question is like finding a life-preserver in the middle of ocean. It won’t radically change your outlook, but might just be the one thing that saves your life.

And while most teachers tend to tack on an extra difficult or vague question at the end of an exam, one special scholar has thrown the extra credit rulebook out the window.

Imgur user SharkyTheSharkDog has been taking photos of the extra credit questions from this specific teacher and most of them are outrageously fun… with the most recent being a truly special kind of social torture.

1. How many seasons was “Full House” on the air?

2. Complete the verse… “I been in the game for ten years makin’ rap tunes…”

3. What color pants does Jake from State Farm wear?

4. “Yesterday, during my lecture, I quickly mentioned that only a pink pen will save you tomorrow. Draw a stick figure below in that pink pen.”

(brutal…)

5. Describe the dumbest conversation you overheard recently.

(extra extra credit!)

6. Including “The Revenant,” how many times has Leo DiCaprio been nominated for an Academy Award?

7. (And, finally, a savage test of one’s patience and reading comprehension skills…)

First person to read this, stand up proudly on your chair, and yell at the top of your lungs, “Oh Captain, My Captain!” will receive a 95% on this exam.

…

…

…

*Just kidding. Name the drummer for The Beatles.

We proudly reward this fine teacher with an additional 10 points for their hilarious cruelty. Huzzah!

Often times, beer is the answer.

The question? What is the only piece of luggage that an Australian man checked on a recent flight from Melbourne to Perth?

That’s right, no toothpaste, no underwear, and in turn, no hygiene. Dean—a beer lover through and through—checked only one item of luggage: a single can of Emu Export Lager.

Dean conceived the idea with the help of a friend who works at the Melbourne Airport, reassuring fellow fliers that practical jokes take greater priority than airline safety. I for one think that if the TSA pied people in the face while groping them then they wouldn’t have such a lousy reputation, but that’s just my opinion as a big Three Stooges fan.

As you can imagine, Dean wasn’t 100% sure his plan would work. However, in stereotypical Australian fashion, his beer was treated like precious cargo and loaded onto the airplane. Before Dean “hopped” on the flight, he snapped this picture:

The trip was no doubt a nerve-wracking one. Honestly, Dean could’ve used that beer to calm his nerves, which poses quite the conundrum since it was stowed away. But when he finally landed in Perth and approached baggage claim, something amazing happened:

Wow, who knew Emu Export lager was as sturdy as it is refreshing.

The beer arrived in pristine condition and was given the same treatment that actors get from TMZ when they land at LAX, as fellow passengers took out their phones and begin feverishly snapping photos of the can.

Being either incredibly cheap or a stickler for technicalities, Dean was prepared to file a lost luggage report had his beer not arrived, but thankfully that wasn’t necessary.

Instead, Dean could sit back and enjoy a refreshing can of beer before realizing he had no changes of clothes for the days ahead. Also, it’s safe to assume that the can would be pretty shaken up after a turbulent flight, so hopefully he was careful opening it.

Cheers, mate!

Like beer as much as Dean? Well if you also like Breaking Bad, then you need to check out “Schraderbrau,” a beer brewed by one of the show’s stars himself.

Learning that you’re going to have a baby is one of the most joyful moments a person can have, and the next nine months or so are among the most exciting you’ll ever experience. You spend that time rearranging your home and your head-space to accommodate the little person that is going to upend just about every aspect of your existence.

When something goes wrong and you are robbed of that experience, it can be absolutely devastating. It helps to have family and friends around to comfort you.

That’s what happened when hockey player Evander Kane announced that his wife had lost the daughter they were expecting. Earlier this month, Baby Eva passed away mid-pregnancy, at just 26 weeks. Kane took to Twitter to share the news with San Jose Sharks fans, many of whom had been wondering why he hadn’t been on the ice lately.

The player’s statement thanked the community for reaching out in the aftermath of their loss.

“I would like to thank everyone who has reached to to my wife and I during this extremely difficult time,” he wrote. “Over the weekend, our daughter, Eva, at 26 weeks, passed away. As expecting parents, this past week has broken us.

A message from my family and I pic.twitter.com/q8sPXQkWh8

— Evander Kane (@evanderkane_9) March 14, 2019

Evander’s statement was met with condolences from people throughout the NHL community, including the league itself, and his team.

Our thoughts go out to you and your family ♥️ https://t.co/sfEDw2pqy0

— x – San Jose Sharks (@SanJoseSharks) March 14, 2019

Other players offered sympathy as well, including both Evander’s teammates and players on rival clubs.

We were deeply saddened by the news of Eva’s passing. Our heartfelt condolences to you and your family..The Savard’s ❤️

— Marc Savard (@MSavvy91) March 14, 2019

We send our thoughts to you and your family in this difficult time.

— Jim Slater (@slaterjim) March 14, 2019

The LA Kings mascot sent well wishes.

So sorry for your loss. Condolences to you and your family 🙏

— Bailey LA Kings (@BaileyLAKings) March 14, 2019

And fans.

So very sorry for your loss, Evander. My first born daughter Ava was born unexpectedly at 25 weeks and lived for 8 days. She’d be 10 now and the heartache never goes away. Hope you can find peace in your love and support for each other. You’ll always be Eva’s Daddy. Much ❤️.

— Nancy Pierce (@npierce33) March 14, 2019

Very heartbreaking. Sorry for your loss EK, the pain is a Very tough one. I lost a daughter like that too. You’re not alone. We all love you. ❤️god bless you and your family.

— Anthony Loxx (@MisfitActual408) March 14, 2019

Evander missed a handful of games for the Sharks, having departed in late February and taking two weeks to be with his wife as they dealt with the tragedy. The player was clearly relishing the chance to be a dad and was heartbroken to have his unborn daughter taken from him before he was able to become one.

“Words cannot express how excited we were to welcome our baby girl into the world and watch her grow,” Kane wrote. “Eva, you have been the absolute biggest blessing of our lives and we are so grateful for all the joy you brought us in such a short amount of time.”

“I never thought i would be a great father. I grew up in a home with a father who had anger issues.

As the years went by, I got married to my first wife, and we decided to try to be parents. Time and time again it was pregnancy, doctor’s visits, then, a few months later: miscarriage.

I gave up hope, and life being life, we separated. 7 years later, I met my wife Julie. 2 years after that, I got the text: two blue lines.

I was ready for a repeat. The months and visits kept happening, and I began to see my child grow. Her heart was strong, and she began moving. Then the visits began in the middle of the night. My wife’s blood pressure kept climbing and the threat of losing yet another baby became real.

Then, three weeks early, I get the call: my wife is being induced. 33 hours later, I’m holding my little girl.

9:12 a.m. on July 18, 2018 Victoria Ruth VanHuss, my rainbow baby, stole my heart.”

– Evan VanHuss

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

Winter is the best season! There’s snow to play in, there’s ice to skate on, and sometimes the commute to work is just too tough to struggle through (even though you managed to drive to the good tobogganing spot without a problem).

While lots of people are content with snuggling up indoors with some cocoa and a movie, these Dads are showing the season who’s boss.

1. Dad builds a wheelchair accessible snow fort

Gregg Eichhorn of Cincinnati spent five hours building a wheelchair-accessible snow fort so his daughter and son could both wheel through it. And he has seven other kids, get the full amazing story here.

2. Snow+Batman = Snowman? oh.

Alan Wolfard in New Mexico built an 8-foot snow Batman in his front garden in Bloomfield. He said it took him about three hours to build and it’s been getting lots of attention from his neighbors. He followed up Batman with Wonder Woman shortly after.

3. B.C. Dad builds an ice rink for his hockey-loving son

The winters are notoriously temperamental in British Columbia, Canada. After waiting weeks for the cold weather to stay, Sam Dinter and his dad, Chris are skating around their own backyard.

Ever since he was a boy, Chris wanted to build his own hockey rink in his garden and now, as a Dad, he can do it. Along with his sons, he put a liner down and filled it with a layer of water.

After weeks of worrying that the big freeze was never going to come, the weather finally cooperated and their garden was transformed from a shallow pool to the perfect ice rink.

4. Dad builds a monster snowman

Yet another dad putting our moderately proportioned snowman to shame, Eric Fobbe of Buffalo, Minnesota wanted to build ‘The Father of All Snowmen’.

He used a snowblower, a skidsteer, and a shovel to construct the 20-foot-tall ‘Snowskwatch’ in his yard. His neighbors must be so happy.

5. Saskatoon man builds an ice castle

Elsa has nothing on Don Greer of Saskatoon, Canada who built a 22-feet tall ice sculpture in the shape of a beautiful castle.

“Built with a one-by-two wood armature – with a chicken wire mesh that’s applied over that and then you begin to spray with a fine mist of water from a garden hose,” Greer said.

Inspired by Disney’s Frozen, it took Greer over 60 hours to finish and almost all of December.

6. Dad builds a snow tubing track in his front yard

Brian Johnson in Moorhead, Minnesota was inspired by the sheer amount of snow they’ve had this season. He has been working on the snow tubing track since February and is over 6 feet tall at the highest point. You can watch a video of the fun here.

“Just an epic tubing hill…of course, the children, they need something to do, keeps me busy,” he said.

In the spring Johnson said that he’ll turn it into a slip ‘n’ slide hill.

Wow! I wish he was my neighbor.

Looks like I’m going to have to up my game next winter!