Because potty training wasn’t gross enough
There are few aspects of parenting that are more humiliating than the phase during which you are called upon to wipe your child’s butt.
Diapers are one thing; babies aren’t self-aware enough to realize what’s happening. But toddlers are. In fact, my toddler has taken to saying “thank you” every time I change his dirty nappy, which is both courteous and cold-blooded. He’s only two, and totally adorable, yet I can’t escape the feeling that he’s saying it just to twist the knife!
Well now there’s a way to take the humiliation of being your child’s personal bidet to a whole new level: Shittens!
— HuffPost Canada (@HuffPostCanada) February 3, 2018
That’s right, they’re mittens you don specifically to wipe your child’s feces from his fleshy bottom, because why not get your hands as precariously close to poop as possible.
Shittens have actually been around for a few years, but according to Romper, it’s only recently that sales have taken off. Maybe because the past few years have been such a shitshow, people are simply giving up.
Shittens are packaged like, and apparently function like, the baby wipes you already use to wipe your kids’ butts, except now you can add the aggravation of trying to get the damn glove open and on your hand while your filthy, feral child squirms around on the changing table, nearly falling off while you wrestle with your Shittens.
I personally don’t understand the appeal of wearing a shitty glove on your hand, but I’ve never been much for fashion. Maybe these things work like gangbusters, but even if they do, how do you take them off? do you have to wear a glove on your other hand to pull the shitty one off? And then do you need ANOTHER one to pull the now-shitty-because-it-touched-the-shitty-one off? It’s a never-ending cycle!
I think I’ll stick with the regular wipes. Parenting leaves me covered in shit often enough, I don’t need to wear it on purpose.