January is basically the month where we all act like we are not giant sacks of shit and we try a little bit. If you’re anything like me, this cycle has already played out for you.
One day, you wake up and realize that you have an end goal.
the only reason i work out is because i want to look hot for my funeral
— Sir John A. Macdonald 69 (@gf3) October 17, 2016
Ok, maybe you don't want to.
Went to the gym to workout but I kinda just wanna lay down and die instead lolol
— Ash (an female) (@adult_mom) January 9, 2018
And maybe there's cake.
[sees a shredded guy at the gym]
Me: cake tho
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) September 20, 2017
And maybe the gym is daunting.
If you want your friends to stop asking you to work out with them, go once. Show up in leather. Bring your workout cake.
— mad maenad (@whatmaddness) June 15, 2017
Also, the outfits don't do much for your physique.
[inventing men's exercise pants] what if we just do absolutely nothing to disguise the dick
— Mark Magark (@markedly) November 19, 2017
But you can try something in private.
Fake men work out in gyms, unproductive as a baboon clacking at a typewriter.
Real men move rocks and split wood with an axe and get into tickle fights with wolves that last all night.
— wylde de beest (@flashember) January 10, 2018
And maybe even make some changes at home.
[my fitness dvd]
ME: *lifting cans of soup as weights* im using minestrone but you can use pretty much any kind
— mojo troso (@trojansauce) April 25, 2016
And before you know it, you're there.
Everyone at the gym thinks I'm sweating because I'm getting a good workout in but it's really because I'm chewing cinnamon flavored gum
— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) August 27, 2017
And maybe you've got something to brag about.
[even though no one in the room asked] yah i've done the Insanity workout
— Jaz (@jazmasta) September 25, 2017
But isn't there always someone better?
-lift some not too heavy things
-lift progressively heavier things
-woah put my house down
-u got so strong
-please have mercy
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) March 14, 2017
And, actually, don't you still feel like shit?
ME:(before I work out) I feel like shit.
ME: (after I work out) I feel like shit and I'm sore.
— Tommytoughstuff (@Tommytoughstuff) February 7, 2017
Fuck, what's even the point?
I'm like a failed relationship because I never work out
— Born Miserable (@bornmiserable) August 8, 2017
Seriously, what's the point?
Me: [with gym clothes on] you wanna workout?
My life: nothing has so far pal, why start now?
Me: [sits down, contemplating existence] oh..
— brandAn New Year (@LeBearGirdle) May 14, 2016
Please don’t bother me when I’m in my workout robe
— Swim Jeans 👖 (@ShortSleeveSuit) November 3, 2017