New Year’s Eve Tweets All Parents Can Relate To

(Twitter/simoncholland and Getty/taratata)

New Year’s Eve: The holiday that everyone loves to over-hype. I am here to say that I believe it’s high time for us to stop living in a fantasy land. Let’s ring in the new year in a reasonable fashion: from the comfort of our own homes and asleep by 10:30. Like adults.

1 I have kids, so New Year's Eve is not a thing.

Hi, happy new year! Just wanted to let you know I'm not going to make it to your New Year's Eve party.

— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) January 1, 2015

The first step in this process is resetting society’s expectations. If we start establishing it early that we won’t be attending the parties, maybe the party invites will stop entirely. Now if you’re too polite for this, an alternative for you is to use your Ultimate Excuse Card, aka your children.

2 Yeah, we'll just be doing nothing.

CW: Any big plans for New Year's?

Me: I've got kids

CW: Oh…

Me: Yup

CW: See you Monday

Me: Yup

— Momzilla111 (@Momzilla111) December 31, 2015

The smart people will realize that once you have kids, they can stop expecting you to go out anymore.

3 Let's just get this over with.

Who me? Just planning on celebrating New Year's at 9pm like all the other parents.

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 1, 2016

The earlier, the better.

4 I've got a few tricks up my sleeve.

My husband just reset the microwave clock to trick the kids into thinking it's already midnight. Wildest New Year's ever.

— Eileen Curtright (@eileencurtright) January 1, 2015

With a little tech savviness, everyone can be in bed at a reasonable hour. Remember, they’re certainly not going to sleep in on January 1st just because they stayed up four hours past their bedtime. Don’t be a hero.

5 I'm just...so...tired.

I'm still recovering from staying up until midnight last New Year's Eve.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) December 31, 2016

It’s not even just the kids I want to get to bed early, it’s myself too. I’m not sure if people realized this when New Year’s Eve celebrations became a thing, but midnight is late. You know when you hit that lag every day around noon and you feel like if you don’t get a nap then you will actually die? Midnight is literally HALF OF A DAY PAST THAT.

6 Even if I did stay up, it's not like the movies.

Champagne Makes Me Burp, Let's Kiss: A New Year's Eve Love Story

— jess (@jessokfine) January 1, 2015

Let me tell you, the real-life romance of this holiday is positively unmatched, folks.

7 If I do have to leave the house, just please don't make me dress up.

Real friends have a strict sweatpants dress code for their New Year's Eve party.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 30, 2016

I am begging you.

8 New Years Resolutions: are we still doing that? Ugh.

Everyone at brunch is happy and engaged, sharing New Year's resolutions. The focus turns to me and I panic, blurting out:
"I bid ONE DOLLAR"

— Ygrene (Old Year Eve Remix) (@Ygrene) January 1, 2017

I guess I was supposed to be thinking about goals and stuff?

9 Hey, that's one more than last year.

*i do one sit-up* new year new me

— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) February 10, 2016

Maybe if we set the bar lower, then we’ll have a better chance at achieving some personal goals and 2018 will feel better.

10 Don't forget, if you sleep through New Year's Eve, you're not missing anything.

To all on the Gregorian Calendar, Happy New Year! A day that's not astronomically significant…in any way…at all…whatsoever.

— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) January 1, 2017

…none of this matters. Happy New Year, Dads!

Artist Wife Illustrates The Drastic Ways Her Husband’s Life Changed After Kids

By Jordan Stratton

17 hours ago

Chen Weng, an illustrator who goes by the name The Messycow, has created a series of comics showing just how much things change when one becomes a father.

Which do you relate to most?

Check out more from this series on The Messycow’s Facebook page and website.

Dad Dinosaur: Prehistoric Reunion

By The Dad

17 hours ago

Dad Dinosaur’s high school reunion is fast approaching, but will he be able to win the big dance contest – or are his moves stuck in the past?

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Father Figures: Risky Business

By Mike Julianelle

2 days ago

“As the garage door closed behind me, I heard a muffled whimper.

“What is that?” I wondered. Another whimper and I noticed eight fingers on the lid of one of the garbage cans in the corner. I spy a set of eyes, then a nose and finally my oldest son’s face.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

“What happened? Where is your brother?” No answers, just sobbing.

He moped toward the door and I followed him into the kitchen. I half-expected to see CSI investigators hovering over a chalk outline.

We walked around the corner by the refrigerator, and only then did I see his brother and allow myself to take my first breath. Then I saw a hole in the drywall the size of a young boy’s torso.

They had been running & sliding, in their stocking feet, across the marbled kitchen floor. Obviously a bit too exuberantly! I was relieved that they were both okay, but I still mustered enough anger to quash any future escapades.

Each blamed the other, of course. I used to say I couldn’t always tell when my kids were lying, but I could always tell when they were telling the truth.

If that makes any sense to you, I’m guessing you’ve raised at least two boys.”

Ron Fuller

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

Crap Alert

By The Dad

2 days ago

“I farted…and a bit came out.”

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Son Surprises Ailing Dad With Tickets To College World Series

By Mike Julianelle

Father’s Day is a special time to celebrate your old man, and show him how much you appreciate the role he’s played in your life all these years. Especially since, as we get older, our dads do too, and they may not have many Father’s Days left.

Matt Lea recognized that this Father’s Day, and so went out of his way to make it a memorable one, for both him and his father, both former college baseball players who bonded over the game as Matt was growing up.

Matt’s father Billy suffers from Alzheimer’s Disease, and the symptoms have been accruing rapidly. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t time for more memories, and Matt used the latest Father’s Day as an opportunity to do just that. The 36-year-old drove 12 hours, from Florida to Mississippi, and surprised his parents at their doorstep on Sunday.

He was bearing gifts as well, bringing his dad the jersey of his favorite baseball team, Mississippi State. But that wasn’t all. Matt brought tickets too, to see the College World Series in Omaha in person.

In video of the exchange that Matt posted on Twitter, his dad was clearly taken by surprise.

Surprised my dad today to tell him I’m taking him to Omaha to watch @HailStateBB play. His Alzheimer’s is setting in fast but I know he’s going to have a blast this weekend. Hail State!!! pic.twitter.com/NTtAxcxxIj

— Matt Lea (@tigr2ndbase) June 14, 2018

“I figured it’s probably not good enough just for us to watch the game here,” Matt says in the video as he produces the tickets. “How about we go to Omaha? Do you want to go up to Omaha and watch the College World Series together?”

“Golly,” an emotional Billy responds. “You’re gonna break my heart, here.”

Matt’s gift for his dad received a rapturous response from Twitter, where it’s been liked 46,000 times and retweeted 11,000 times.

Thanks everyone. I live 12 hours away in Florida now so it took him completely by surprise when I showed up. We can’t wait to get up there. Hate we’ll only be there for opening weekend but it’s going to be a great final trip for us.

— Matt Lea (@tigr2ndbase) June 14, 2018

Matt seemed as surprised by the response as his dad was by the gift, as everyone who celebrated Father’s Day yesterday knows, there’s nothing better than sharing meaningful memories with your dad, which is exactly what Matt did. An article on Omaha.com details Billy’s baseball past, the initial diagnosis of his Alzheimer’s, the VIP experience Matt treated him too over the weekend.

Matt’s Twitter account showcased the rest.

Thanks to everyone that made today something we’ll treasure forever. We have a couple things to do tomorrow before have to head home. @HailStateBB keep grinding and believe. You’re a team of destiny. pic.twitter.com/GamW2sEJ9i

— Matt Lea (@tigr2ndbase) June 17, 2018

Thank you @HailStateBB for everything. You’ve given us an incredible time together. Thank you to all that have offered room/tickets for the rest of the games. Dad needs to get home back into his routine and familiar surroundings. Now go get a championship!!!!! pic.twitter.com/5Y0NNORIoo

— Matt Lea (@tigr2ndbase) June 17, 2018

Happy Father’s Day!

Amazing Street Artist Uses Everyday Objects As His Canvas

By Jordan Stratton

Artist Tom Bob doesn’t see the world like other people. Where you and I might see sewer grates or metal pipes, he sees ghosts and saxophone players.

Check out some of the amazing ways he’s transforming parts of New York City into works of art.

Check out more of Tom Bob and his unique artwork here.

Dad’s Press Conference: Post Father’s Day Wrap Up

By The Dad

…Quantity does not equal quality.

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Father Figures: Heroes

By Mike Julianelle

“On February 2, 2011, my daughter was born. The whole thing started pretty normally about 2:30 am or so, my wife woke me up and said, ‘Honey, it is time to go,’ so we went to the hospital in a snowstorm.

That was the easy part.

When they put the belly monitor on her they noticed that the babies heart rate would drop to low whenever my wife would have a contraction. She needed emergency C-section, but the doctor could not make it due to the storm, and when he finally arrived it was rush rush rush!

Well when my daughter Emily did arrive, she had internal bleeding throughout her body, which included two grade 4 brain bleeds. We could not touch her because she would bruise and start bleeding.

They had to life-flight her to the university, where she spent 5 1/2 weeks in the NICU, which left her (you may want to sit down) deaf/blind, with hydrocephalus, a shunt, cerebral palsy, and seizures (at age 6, she needed a baclofen pump because her CP got too bad to handle without it). She is doing great today. She is happy, loves life, and everyone who meets her says that she makes their day and she is beautiful.

To pay back our little community, I became a first responder, mostly a firefighter, but I did help with EMS. Never got my certification, but that is where I found out that in the U.S. we do not have any training for first responders to deal with children with special needs.

I have made it my personal mission to teach first responders about kids with special needs.

I have taken to Emily to every EMS/Fire station in the five counties around me. I have taken her to the police and sheriff’s departments to train them, and now I have a waiting list to get trained.

I don’t know if I am the hero here, but I needed to tell the story.”

– Mike Kuyper

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

Low Cost Cosplay Guy Makes The World A Better Place

By Jordan Stratton

Anucha “Cha” Saengchart, the genius behind “Low Cost Cosplay,” has amassed millions of followers with his incredible reimaginings of famous fictional characters.

Whether you’re planning on portraying your favorite anime character or a Marvel superhero, this guy can show you how to do it effectively and on a string budget.