New Year’s Eve: The holiday that everyone loves to over-hype. I am here to say that I believe it’s high time for us to stop living in a fantasy land. Let’s ring in the new year in a reasonable fashion: from the comfort of our own homes and asleep by 10:30. Like adults.
1 I have kids, so New Year's Eve is not a thing.
Hi, happy new year! Just wanted to let you know I'm not going to make it to your New Year's Eve party.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) January 1, 2015
The first step in this process is resetting society’s expectations. If we start establishing it early that we won’t be attending the parties, maybe the party invites will stop entirely. Now if you’re too polite for this, an alternative for you is to use your Ultimate Excuse Card, aka your children.
2 Let's just get this over with.
Who me? Just planning on celebrating New Year's at 9pm like all the other parents.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 1, 2016
The earlier, the better.
3 I've got a few tricks up my sleeve.
My husband just reset the microwave clock to trick the kids into thinking it's already midnight. Wildest New Year's ever.
— Eileen Curtright (@eileencurtright) January 1, 2015
With a little tech savviness, everyone can be in bed at a reasonable hour. Remember, they’re certainly not going to sleep in on January 1st just because they stayed up four hours past their bedtime. Don’t be a hero.
4 I'm just...so...tired.
I'm still recovering from staying up until midnight last New Year's Eve.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) December 31, 2016
It’s not even just the kids I want to get to bed early, it’s myself too. I’m not sure if people realized this when New Year’s Eve celebrations became a thing, but midnight is late. You know when you hit that lag every day around noon and you feel like if you don’t get a nap then you will actually die? Midnight is literally HALF OF A DAY PAST THAT.
5 Even if I did stay up, it's not like the movies.
Champagne Makes Me Burp, Let's Kiss: A New Year's Eve Love Story
— jess (@jessokfine) January 1, 2015
Let me tell you, the real-life romance of this holiday is positively unmatched, folks.
6 If I do have to leave the house, just please don't make me dress up.
Real friends have a strict sweatpants dress code for their New Year's Eve party.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 30, 2016
I am begging you.
7 New Years Resolutions: are we still doing that? Ugh.
Everyone at brunch is happy and engaged, sharing New Year's resolutions. The focus turns to me and I panic, blurting out:
"I bid ONE DOLLAR"
— Ygrene (Old Year Eve Remix) (@Ygrene) January 1, 2017
I guess I was supposed to be thinking about goals and stuff?
8 Hey, that's one more than last year.
*i do one sit-up* new year new me
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) February 10, 2016
Maybe if we set the bar lower, then we’ll have a better chance at achieving some personal goals and 2018 will feel better.