Next Level Adulting: Things You Just Gotta Handle Now That You’re A Dad

(Getty/Inti St Clair)

My wife likes to tell our child that when we met my room was such a gross disaster a quarantine wasn’t completely out of the question. I think she does this to remind our kid that I used to not be a complete drill sergeant about keeping things neat and organized because, like me, they have a factory setting of “lazy” (the other options on my dial were lazier, downright slothy, and nachos, but that was a long time ago, I swear). Yes, I may still hide things under the cushions so the house appears clean for company, but I have, in so many ways, leveled up in adulting.

I bought the adult ticket when I became a dad and now I’m taking the ride. And what a roller coaster of twists and turns this parenthood thing has turned out to be. It’s the small stuff that no one tells you about that will blow your mind and occupy so much of your time. The only thing you can do is stare adulting in the face, say goodbye to your pants-less, formerly gross-bedroom self, and take the adult challenge. Here are six things you gotta handle now that you’re a dad.

1. Less Sleep Is Your Life Now

Operating on less sleep doesn’t stop when your kid gets beyond the infant stage, and if your wife is nursing, it can be really hard on her. So giving her a break during the day means most of your free time will happen after everyone else goes to bed. If you want to do something creative, play your favorite video games, or watch the game instead of a cartoon, you’re going to be doing it in the wee hours. So get ready to belly-flop into the coffee each morning — this is your life now.

2. You Will Own At Least One Tie And Jacket, And Not Just Graphic Tees

Look, if you want to, you could show up at the preschool interview wearing your old raggedy Phish T-shirt, but dude, don’t. Being a grown man means sometimes suiting up and showing up in a way that marks you as a responsible and mature father so you get taken seriously. We know, it sucks, but save those old T-shirts for the days when the baby spits up on you for the 27th time.

3. You Will Become Mr. Fix-It

Want to have enough money to send your kid to college someday? Then it’s time to break out the tools and start doing some of your own repairs — even if you fix something badly, hey, it’s still fixed, am I right? Bonus if your spouse is also capable of handling pliers and a hammer, because then if the fix is worse than the problem you can share the blame. Winning!

4. You Will Realize Your Dad’s Rules Weren’t Just Him Being Mean

After the third time you find yourself doing first aid on your kid — whether it’s just a scratch or you have to head off to get professional help — you realize, ohhh, THAT’S why my dad had all those darn rules. There’s a reason behind the “don’t jump on the couch” and “THAT IS NOT FOR CLIMBING” and “No, you can’t help me cook on the outdoor grill with all the fire and hot coals and stuff” rules you grew up with. It’s because your dad loved you and wanted to keep you safe — just like you do with your kids.

5. You Will Need To Make Your Own Doctor Appointments

Look, we get it. Going to the doctor is just… awkward. None of us want to do it, even though we’re sick. 60% of men don’t bother to get a physical every year, and doctors estimate that 200,000 people die each year because of preventable health issues. Don’t be that dude. Go every year. You’ve got kids now, and they need you.

6. You Will Read The Fine Print and Almost Understand It

In the adult world, there are so many papers with teeny, tiny fine print. It’s now your job to read it and just about understand it. Yes, this will require you to read, go back, zone out, go back again, and have the light bulb of recognition go off. But with car insurance, it doesn’t get any easier than having GEICO’s licensed agents available 24 hours to help you through it. It’s like you’re a kid again and don’t even have to try — you just ask a question and someone else tells you how things work. Oh, the glory of those bygone days!

So buckle up, dads. It’s time to grow up, put on your khakis (definitely no jorts allowed), and kick ass at this dad thing.

With GEICO’s 24-hour customer service, no question is too small and you could save up to 15% or more by switching.

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Watch Luke Perry’s Son Climb His Late Dad’s Billboard

Luke Perry's Son Climbs Dad's Billboard

The arrival of a new Quentin Tarantino movie is always something of an occasion. This Friday brings the release of his 9th, and if he’s to be believed, second-to-last feature film, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. A lot of people are excited about the movie, but some have more reason than others to anticipate its release.

Including the son of a beloved actor, for whom the movie ranks as one of his last performances.

Luke Perry, 90s television icon and all-around good guy, passed away earlier this year, but not before he finished filming his part in Tarantino’s next film.

Perry plays a real-life actor named Wayne Maunder, who starred in a western show called Lancer. Maunder is a colleague of Leonardo DiCaprio’s character Rick Dalton who is a fading TV star attempting to crossover into movies. The trailer promises a fun ride through late 60s Hollywood appearances by characters such as Charlie Manson and victim Sharon Tate, Bruce Lee, and more, and featuring performances from a lot of current stars.

Recently, a billboard featuring Perry posing as his character was unveiled, and on the night of the film’s Hollywood premiere, Perry’s son Jack, who works as a wrestler named Jungle Boy, celebrated his dad by scaling it.

He added the caption: “Big premiere tonight. He deserved this, and I’m very proud of it. A stud in life, and forever after. The best of the best. Love you forever.”

It was a fitting tribute to a well-loved actor and a good dad.

Father Figures: Real Stress

“I never thought that I wanted kids.

I’ve always been a pretty high-strung, sometimes impatient, anxious, not-so-even-keel guy. When my wife gave me the news that we were expecting our first child, I was happy but also kind of selfishly hesitant internally.

Fast forward 2.5 years and we now have two boys. Two weeks after Little Dude #2 was born, we moved to a new city so that I could start a new job, living in a new house with a new baby. I now know what REAL stress is.

My point is, my boys have taught me patience and consistency because they are the least patient and consistent people I’ve ever met.

Before I had kids, I think I was still kind of a boy, even at 33. Now I can take a giant inflatable hammer to the head from the back seat of the car while driving home from the county fair and laugh about it.

That’s being a man, right?”

– Rocky Brown

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email

Check out the previous editions of Father Figures here.

Bud Light Confirms Existence of Area 51 Can

Last week, a college student on Facebook posted an event called “Storm Area 51, They Can’t Stop All of Us,” to take place on September 20th. Obviously, he was just goofing around.

Of course, nobody takes goofing around more seriously than the internet, and the event quickly exploded, with hundreds of thousands of people RSVPing to finally find out the truth about aliens, and (seemingly) hundreds of thousands more making memes out of the event.

Last week, if you went anywhere online, you probably saw some sort of meme or tweet or joke about the Area 51 event, including comments from Keanu Reeves, an animated video from Lil Nas X, and more. The chatter eventually provoked a response from the Air Force, reminding everyone that Area 51 is a military base: “Any attempt to illegally access military installations or military training areas is dangerous.” Like, duh.

It didn’t seem like the Area 51 jokes were going to stop, and then brands got involved. Brands like Bud Light, who promised free beer to any aliens who made it out.

They followed that up by unveiling their very own Area 51 limited edition can:

The can’s label reads “We Come In Peace” and has the following description:

“Greetings Earthlings. This is the famous Area 51. We know of no space beer by any other life form which is brewed and aged to be more refreshing. Our cryogenic aging procedures a light bodied space lager with a fresh taste, a crisp clean finish, and a smooth drinkability. Take us to your leader… for drinks.”

Whether you make it to Area 51 this September or not, you can celebrate the historic, hopefully-no-one-actually-goes-and-gets-shot event in your backyard, with Bud Light’s special can.

The can may be different but the nutritional content is still the same…there isn’t any.

David Harbour and Patton Oswalt Were the Original Steve and Dustin

David and Patton are Steve and Dustin
(Instagram/dkharbour/ Twitter/JustARealDummy)

The third season of “Stranger Things” went up on Netflix over the 4th of July weekend and adds are most of you have already watched it. It’s one of the most binge-able shows out there, and the downside to that is that it’s already gone. Now we have to wait another year-plus for the next season, which has a handful of pressing questions to answer.

But if you’re waiting to get some of your favorite characters back in your life, in particular, Sheriff Hopper, douche-turned-good guy Steve, and everybody’s favorite “Neverending Story” stan, Dustin, I have got one heck of a Twitter thread for you.

One of the show’s most unlikely and beloved relationships is that between Steve “The Hair” Harrington and Dustin, perhaps the nerdiest of all the nerds on the show.

But it turns out maybe it’s not that unlikely after all. Twitter user @JustARealDummy somehow dug up photos of “Stranger Things” star David “Chief Hopper” Harbour and comedian Patton Oswalt, and it seems the two adults friends were actually real-life versions of Steve and Dustin, back in the day.

I mean, just look at the uncanny resemblance each teen has to the TV characters.

Needless to say, “Stranger Things” fans are here for these doppelgangers.

The official “Stranger Things 3” account wants to verify the discovery:

The official arbiter of all things art weighed in:

Even Patton Oswalt is stunned:

No word yet from the Chief, but he may be indisposed, one way or the other.

The Story Behind the Viral Photo of a Toddler and a Soccer Player

Viral Carson Picket Joseph Tidd Photo

Joseph Tidd is just like any other almost-two-year-old. He’s extremely active, adorable, and has a smile that spreads to anyone who sees it. Likely the only thing that makes the 21-month-old feel any different than his peers is the fact he was born without his left forearm.

So when Joseph and his family finally got to meet soccer star Carson Pickett, it opened up a new world for both the toddler and his parents. Pickett too was born without her left forearm but has managed to achieve incredible things in both her personal life as well as on the field. Her journey, an inspiration to not only the Tidd family but to anyone who has followed her road to the pros.

Pickett was part of the 2014 NCAA D1 Championship team, helping the Florida State Seminoles secure their very first title in a tournament where the team’s defense – anchored by Picket – allowed zero goals. While her arm has long been a part of the narrative surrounding her incredible story, Pickett, like young Joseph, doesn’t let it define her.

At a game back in April, the two inspiring athletes finally got a chance to meet in person – Joseph’s mom, Colleen Tidd, capturing a photo that has now been shared by news outlets and individuals around the world.

Joseph’s father, Miles, recently told TODAY it was a moment he and his family will never forget. “Carson knelt down next to Joseph and showed him her arm,” adding “It was this instant bond we can’t begin to understand.”

Now Miles says they’ve formed another bond with Picket’s parents, Mike and Treasure. “For us this is great because we get to ask those tough questions about how to deal with bullies,” noting Picket’s parents never allowed their daughter to say things like “I can’t.”

Beyond her success on the soccer field, Miles says Pickett ”believes she can do anything, and that is the mindset we want Joseph to have as well.” It’s an opportunity the Orlando Pride star is grateful for, telling The Guardian back in 2018 “I’m able to impact so many kids and people who may not see a way out. It doesn’t have to impact them through soccer. To see that I am succeeding in life and happy in life can go a long way for some people.”

It’s just another example of professional athletes taking time out to inspire young fans while sharing their own personal journey – a trend we hope continues to spread.

Mom Orders Moana Themed Cake, Receives Marijuana Themed Cake

Mom Orders Moana Cake Gets Marijuana Cake
(Facebook/Kensli Taylor Davis/Walt Disney Corp)

Kensli Davis’s mom knew how much she liked Moana, which is why she requested a Moana-themed cake from the local Dairy Queen for her daughter’s birthday.

But it wasn’t a cake designed with the Disney character that Kensli received. Instead, it was a recipe for internet virality: a cake decorated with a marijuana leaf and a depiction of a My Little Pony character with a tattoo of — you guessed it — another pot leaf.

“My mother told them I like cartoons, so I guess that’s why they threw the My Little Pony character in there,” Kensli told local news affiliate WMAZ.

Kensli shared her birthday mishap to Facebook on July 2, posting a photo of the cannabis cake and explaining what happened.

“I haven’t had a chance to tell y’all about our experience this weekend with my birthday cake. So my mama called and ordered me a cake telling them how much I loved Moana. (Because really I do) Well needless to say these people thought she said marijuana. … That ice cream cake was still good though!”

Since then, Kensli’s post has gone viral, racking up 11,000 likes and 14,000 shares.

Kensli said that her mom was amused by the mixup, explaining that because of their south Georgia accents, the baker must’ve mistaken “Moana” for “marijuana.”

“It had red eyes. It was smoking a joint with a tramp stamp of a pot leaf on it’s bottom,” said Kensli.

Kensli says that it was an honest mistake and she’ll continue ordering from the same Dairy Queen, as she’s been doing for the last 10 years, but will probably stick to non-themed cakes from now on.

“It won’t be Moana or marijuana. I just won’t get a design at all. I’ll just get a regular ice cream cake if I have to,” Davis said.

The baker offered to make her another cake, but Kensli was so tickled by the mishap (and still enjoyed her weed cake!) so declined. She said the cake was tasty.

Lesson learned? Next time you want to order a marijuana-themed cake but are too shy to ask, just use the code word “Moana” instead. All bakers know this secret code — they’ll get the message and make your birthday lit.

Or you can just tell them to make your kid’s birthday cake like something out of a horror movie.

Dad-to-Be Suffers Ironic Groin Injury From Gender Reveal Mishap

Gender Reveal Nut Sack Mishap

Deciding to do a gender reveal party can take some cojones, and this one certainly did.

Parker Stuard and his girlfriend, Micah, from Tennessee, recently invited their family to watch as they opened smoke canisters to announce the gender of their first (and possibly last!) child. As they stood smiling at each other on the deck, their family counted down to the special moment, but as soon as Parker opened his canister, he was unable to celebrate his baby boy given the cannister’s cap was launched into his groin.

The stunt backfired. Literally.

Parker decided to share the hilarious event, and his pain, on Facebook, where it has received hundreds of thousands of views. He captioned it with “I reckon one child will be enough!”, with one of his friends commenting, “I laughed way harder than i should have!”

Micah posted another video to Facebook shot from an alternate angle, this time in painful slow-mo. She captioned the post “guess we’re never having kids again!”

At least when this dad looks back on his 15 minutes of fame, he can definitely say he had a blast.

Check out how another family in Florida used an alligator for their gender reveal.

Mom’s Note to Huggies Is a Cautionary Tale on Product Placement

(Facebook/Emilee Webber)

It’s no secret that we as parents will opt for – and even seek out – versions of everyday products that are co-branded with the latest new movie or popular cartoon attached. It’s often an ill-fated attempt at making mundane routines a little easier with our kids.

Whether it’s Paw Patrol toothpaste to encourage them to brush, or yogurt with Anna and Elsa on the package, companies know that the littlest consumers are often calling the shots, and we as parents just want them to brush their teeth and finish their damn lunch.

So when it comes to diaper time, parents will take any help available to distract the tiny little terrors just long enough to wipe their butts and strap them back in. Brands like Huggies have been printing familiar characters on their diapers for years, so it likely comes as no surprise that with Toy Story 4 now in theaters, these bad boys have hit shelves around the country.



So when Emilee Webber posted an open letter to Huggies regarding the placement of the characters on their latest branded briefs, parents all over the United States reacted to her good-humored review.

Ah, yes. A little classic product placement humor goes a long way. Her post is now sitting at 77k shares with 28k parents sounding off in the comments or tagging their spouses. It seems Webber isn’t the only parent who has dealt with a version of the exact same scenario playing out in their own homes.

We can thank Emilee for sharing her experience and reminding parents everywhere that if we don’t remember to laugh at these little moments, we’ll kick ourselves when they stop talking to us altogether in their teens.

Indiana Police Dept. Lets People Pay Parking Tickets With Cat Food

Police Let People Pay Fines with Cat Food

Animal shelters around the country are dealing with record numbers of felines coming through their doors, a situation that has those in charge of day-to-day operations searching for solutions.

Thanks to a bright idea at one local shelter in Muncie, Indiana, people were recently able to lend a hand while helping themselves in the process. Muncie Animal Care & Services posted an intriguing offer on their Facebook page, thanks to the help of their local police department.

With over 350+ cats and kittens being cared for at the overwhelmed shelter, local officers came up with a pretty awesome idea. Anyone in the jurisdiction who had unpaid parking tickets would be allowed to donate food, litter or bedding for cats in need in lieu of cash payments. 

It all began when Investigator Jamie Brown was helping her daughter, Caroline Brown, who works at the Muncie shelter care. After seeing the sheer number of animals being cared for along with the number of supplies the employees need each and every day, Brown was inspired to do more.

Thanks to a coordinated effort with the city clerks office, the Muncie Police Department and Muncie Animal Care, individuals were able to bring in unpaid parking tickets, even several at a time, along with donations of goods such as wet and dry food, cleaning supplies and cat carriers to help the shelter deal with the almost unbelievable number of pets waiting for new homes.

People around the country sent in cash donations and ordered supplies to be delivered to the shelter. As for the ticket fees, Muncie PD posted this photo on Friday, saying donations poured in from both those paying fines as well as individuals simply looking to help.

While the donations were a welcome addition, the shelter, and many in communities around the nation will need help all year long. Consider making a donation, volunteering your time or if you’re able, adopting an animal who’s looking for a home. Your local Humane Society is a great place to start.