The human race is responsible for some truly incredible achievements: we put a man on the moon and created Ultimate Tazer Ball.

If that last example threw you for a bit of a loop, boy howdy, buckle up, because I’m about to teach you a thing or two about one of the greatest sports of our age.

The origins of Ultimate Tazer Ball (UTB) go back to 2012 when true American geniuses, Leif Kellenberger, Erik Wunsch, and Eric Prumm, recognized the severe lack of modern weaponry in modern sports. In light of this revelation, they amalgamated a game with elements of both football and rugby. . . and actual frickin’ stun guns.

This game of kings is played on a 200 x 85-foot field with two teams of five players each trying to deposit a giant (24-inch diameter) ball into the opposing goal. No pesky dribbling necessary but you can literally be tazed at any time by an opponent.

The stun devices emit a current of three to five milliamps, enough to cause a localized muscle spasm or two but no permanent damage to any of the body’s vital organs.

Official games required waivers to be signed and medical assistance to be at the ready, but that’s the case with any sport really worth playing, right?

Unfortunately, as of 2015, UTB doesn’t exist anymore in any formal sense. Their website has even been scrubbed from the internet.

Weird how people somehow construed the sport to be “dangerous” and “ridiculously stupid,” but then again, greatness isn’t meant for everyone. Just the worthy.

The Dude is feeling the love as he begins cancer treatments and is enormously grateful for it. Earlier this month, beloved actor Jeff Bridges announced he had been diagnosed with lymphoma. Bridges recently posted an update as he began treatment for it, and thanked everyone for the outpouring of support he’s seen.

As his treatment begins, he let his supporters know he’ll be keeping them updated via a journal on his website, and posted a “dramatic” picture from the hospital.

I want to thank you all for reaching out during this time, it feels good getting all the well wishes and love! I’ll be sharing more updates on https://t.co/tndalVJNn0 pic.twitter.com/0hGh7gs1Dp

— Jeff Bridges (@TheJeffBridges) October 29, 2020

His blog is simply titled “New shit has come to light- I’ve got cancer…” in a callback to his infamous line (one of many) in ‘The Big Lebowski’. In it, he opened by writing about all the love he’s felt.

“This cancer thing is bringing on feelings of preciousness, and gratitude, and good old fashion love, and lots of it, big time. I’m feeling so much of it comin’ my way, and man, I appreciate it. It’s contagious, all this love, like some kind of positive virus.”

He also wrote that cancer had made him appreciate mortality and impermanence, and left him ‘realizing that if I have s— to share, now’s the time.” His first batch of insights includes doodles on the importance of our environment and trees, a link to a music video from his band, and more.

He closes it with his heartfelt call to make the world a better place together:

“If you’re into it, I’ll be sharing my perspectives on this site. I’m looking to be in partnership with you guys in creating a beautiful life and world for all of us.

All in this together.”

We abide.

Dude, your yard looks great. The grass is at the right level. You finally found your groove for creating the perfect mow pattern. And that groundhog? Yeah, he’s gone. You’ve spent hours each week perfecting your lawn. You planted the bulbs your wife bought and even found a spot for the stupid sparkling gazing ball your kid “needed.” Lawn care was practically a part-time job for the last six-ish months. Now winter is coming and you’re packing away that lawnmower and looking forward to a break, right?

Ehhh… not so fast. In order to keep from basically starting over in the spring, you’ll need to put in just a bit more work in the fall with some winter lawn care best practices. It’s also a good idea to remain vigilant over your yard, even in the darkest days of winter. Here’s what you need to know and do.

Start winter lawn care in the fall

Do Leaf Control

We know both Finn and Fido love crunching through those autumn leaves. However, leaving them sitting on your grass can take its toll. For your absolute best bet at a healthy lawn, rake often and pick up the piles immediately. If you can’t get to them right away or they end up rain-soaked on your lawn, you leave your yard more susceptible to critters and your grass is likely to end up diseased. At the bare minimum, use your mower to mulch the leaves into dime-sized pieces.

Aerate Your Lawn

What’s it feel like when you walk across your lawn? Is it firm or do your feet sink into the earth? Aerating your yard is beneficial no matter what, but a harder ground is more likely to benefit.

What is aerating?

To aerate literally means to add air or give air. In other words, loosen the earth under your grass so it’s not so compacted.

How do you aerate?

You can do this in multiple ways. There are spikes you can strap onto your shoes so you can walk your lawn and push holes into the ground. There are also tools/machines you can buy that you push across your yard. As they roll over your grass, they pull out plugs of dirt and, again, leave holes to help loosen the dirt.

Why should you aerate?

An aerated lawn has multiple benefits. To begin, you already know that plants need oxygen. Those holes also allow better drainage during rain and snow. This not only brings water to your grass roots, it also helps avoid standing or pooling water. As an added bonus, it also helps with your next step…

Feed, seed, and treat your grass

Did you know there’s actually stuff you can put on your lawn now that will settle in over winter and help your yard look even better in the Spring? Scotts Turf Builder, for instance, has several different fall and winter lawn treatments you can use, depending on what your lawn needs.

Once winter arrives

Keep off the grass!

No. Really. Your grass is much more fragile during colder temperatures. If your dog likes to run in the same path around the yard, look for ways to redirect him every few days, so he doesn’t wear down a path. And, while your kids’ occasional romp through the snow won’t do much damage, make sure they’re sticking to the walk or driveway on regular treks out of the house.

Treat your snow carefully

When managing snow, there are two things to keep in mind: How long snow piles will sit on your lawn and what you’re using on hard surfaces to melt the snow. If your neighborhood plows the street and you end up with snow piled on the easement, it might be worth getting out the shovel and moving it elsewhere. Piled up road slush carries a lot of weight… and harmful chemicals from cars. Leaving snow berms sitting on your grass can actually cause mold, too. Another way harmful chemicals seep into your grass? The chemicals in the “salt” used to melt the snow and ice off your walkways.

This is hard, right? If you have a pet, you might already be buying a special ice melt that’s less painful for your pooch. Is it safe for your lawn, too? There’s a ton of products out there. In the long run, it might be a matter of choosing the lesser of two evils. If you’re only worried about your lawn, calcium chloride is the best option. And if you must use straight rock salt? Use it as a pretreatment before the ice and snow arrive instead of using it after the fact. Why? You can use a lot less if you use it before instead of after.

Clear the yard of clutter

Finally, don’t shoot the messenger on this, but you need to bring in anything you can and cover the rest. Winter winds blow ornaments over and knock branches down. Part of your yard’s charm is the cute accessories. Don’t let winter ruin them — that crap is expensive! For bigger pieces, try to invest in covers or even just cheap tarps and bungee cords from any hardware store.

Just a heads up, if you buy stuff using the provided links, The Dad may collect a small commission.

We’re almost there, the spookiest time of the year is quickly approaching. Not spooky because of the ghosts and fake blood, but because the amount of candy kids consume in a few-hour period can turn them from kid-level goofy to a turbo-powered ball of energy until they inevitably crash on the floor at 9 pm with half a Twix bar hanging out of their mouths. In preparation for the long day ahead, take a few minutes and enjoy some good old parenting humor. We’ve rounded up 12 of the funniest parenting tweets this week because kids shouldn’t get all the treats on Halloween. This one’s just for the parents.

Sorry I’m late there was traffic in the living room

I’m very certain that my kids will be late to school, even if they lived inside the school

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) October 28, 2020

Usually, the answer is no

50% of parenting a toddler is deciding if the object they’re about to break is worth getting up off the couch

— Dad on my Feet (@dad_on_my_feet) October 27, 2020

They learn so young

6-year-old: Can I get a tattoo?

Me: No.

6: Can I have a snack?

Me: Sure.

Excellent negotiating.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 25, 2020

It’s like you’re not even trying

me: we’re going to go up an escalator! can you say ‘escalator’?

toddler: eeeskvatay

me: a simple ‘no’ is fine

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) October 27, 2020

If this isn’t art I don’t want to know what is

can’t decide whether my son’s pumpkin is lazy or a work of art pic.twitter.com/uT66pdm4Rk

— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) October 25, 2020

Wait until you see #2 – I mean, the second impression

my new baby: *crying*

me: ok, to begin with, terrible first impression

— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) October 27, 2020

He just aced middle school health class

Had to explain to my toddler why his 13yo cousin has changed lately, now when he sees someone upset or crying he goes “puberty?”

— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) October 27, 2020

Crayola’s new “Existential Dread” line is killing it

Things I will never know:

Whether my 2 year old is repeating “no, no eat crayons” over and over at the table because he wants to show off his knowledge, or because he’s trying to talk himself through a significant inner struggle.

— Xennial Daddy (@Xennial_Daddy) October 17, 2020

Third time this week

KID 911: wats ur emergency

SON: cant find my shoes

KID 911: have you looked literally nowhere?

SON: yes!

KID 911: then it is lost forever

— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) October 28, 2020

So heartwarming when they pay attention to your interests

*listening to the Beauty and the Beast soundtrack*

4: Daddy guess my favorite!

Me: Belle!

4: Yah! I know your favorite!

Me: You do? Who?

4: LeFou!

Me: What why?

4: He has beer!

Me: That’s true. Good call, sweetheart.

— QuaranTWIN Dad (@DadisGrumpy) October 24, 2020

A beautiful family moment

My wife was eating fries tonight and dropped ketchup on the newborn’s head. She then dipped another fry in the ketchup on his forehead and continued on. Warrior.

— Chef Andrew Gruel (@ChefGruel) October 27, 2020

And then they’ll tell you how you messed it up

I hope my kids enjoy watching me carve pumpkins again this year.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 29, 2020

Did you miss last week’s funniest parenting tweets?

It’s the crushing news you expect to hear every time you go to a McDonald’s: our ice cream machine is broken. It’s such a common experience it’s almost rarer to find a McDonald’s that will actually sell you ice cream. It’s even become fodder for stand-up comedy. But now a hero has emerged from our midst, a hero who created a website that tracks every single McDonald’s ice cream machine in America and whether or not it’s currently working.

There’s no questioning McDonald’s standing in the fast-food world. They even try to flex that by offering off-beat items like burger scented candles, just because they can. That doesn’t mean they are resting on their laurels, either, given their new spicy chicken nuggets were a hit. The constantly broken soft serve, machines, are a big hole in their offerings.

24-year-old software engineer Rashiq Zahid is at least making it easier to find the machines that are up in order to save yourself a disappointing trip. He built a website tracking the operational ability of every soft serve machine. How?

 

View this post on Instagram

 

Sweet.🍦

A post shared by McDonald’s (@mcdonalds) on Aug 7, 2014 at 1:54pm PDT

“I reverse engineered mcdonald’s internal api and I’m currently placing an order worth $18,752 every minute at every mcdonald’s in the US to figure out which locations have a broken ice cream machine,” he tweeted. So, by taking advantage of the online ordering (without actually completing his $20,000 ice cream order every minute), he gives real-time data on ice cream at McBroken.com.

I reverse engineered mcdonald’s internal api and I’m currently placing an order worth $18,752 every minute at every mcdonald’s in the US to figure out which locations have a broken ice cream machine https://t.co/2KsRwAdrMd

— rashiq (@rashiq) October 22, 2020

He certainly didn’t expect it to blow up the way it did, but it’s been a massive hit online. In less than two days, his site got more than 1.5 million unique users, with 16 million interactions with his McBroken map.

The entire project came from his attempt to order a McSundae using the digital app, but to no avail.

“I was like, there must be something that can be done about this,” he told The Verge. And thus, one bot later, McBroken.com was born, and we never have to be surprised by a McDonald’s soft serve machine again.

“This is my dad.

Okay, so he isn’t my biological father. But he has been a father figure for me for a long time. His gentleness and calmness has been an inspiration to me for so long.

When my real dad died before he could marry my husband and I, this man stepped in.

I couldn’t ask for a better second dad. He’s there when I’m freaking out at 3am and send a text, he’s there when I’m excited and I text him and Mom (his wife) and let them know about something good in our life.

When I was younger, I had just watched my brother get in an accident (he’s okay now, but has a skull fracture and a TBI). Some girls came up to me and said they hoped I was okay.

Shocked and scared, I got mad and told them I wasn’t the one who got hurt. My dad directed them away from the situation and pulled me in for a hug. He kept hugging me so I wouldn’t look back at my brother and wouldn’t tear into those girls.

He’s a good dad.”

– Ashley McKinney

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email [email protected]

For almost half a century, Jerry Lewis dedicated himself to helping find a cure for muscular dystrophy. Muscular dystrophy is a genetic disease that causes muscle degeneration, weakness, trouble breathing, and sadly, its progressive nature means those symptoms get worse over time. Jerry Lewis wanted to see the suffering caused by MD end – he became the face and voice of the Muscular Dystrophy Association’s annual telethon, spending thousands of hours and helping to raise $2.45 billion for MD research between 1966-2009.

Sadly, Jerry Lewis passed away in 2017, devastating the community he worked so hard to help over the years.

The Muscular Dystrophy Association said in a statement following Lewis’s death, “MDA would not be the organization it is today if it were not for Jerry’s tireless efforts on behalf of ‘his kids.’ His enthusiasm for finding cures for neuromuscular disease was matched only by his unyielding commitment to see the fight through to the end. Jerry’s efforts on the annual MDA Telethon transformed the broadcast into an American tradition each Labor Day weekend for 45 years.”

The telethon, however, must go on. It’s what Jerry Lewis would have wanted – people continuing to use the fundraiser he made famous to raise as much money as possible for the cause he held so close to his heart. The first MDA telethon in six years has a new face (and a much shorter runtime) but was still packed with entertainment. Actor and comedian Kevin Hart stepped up to host the 2020 Muscular Dystrophy Association’s telethon, raising over $10.5 million during the two-hour event.

The October 24 telethon raised money for both the Muscular Dystrophy Association and Kevin Hart’s own Help From The Hart Charity, which provides scholarships to those in underserved communities and helps people struggling with medical needs. The event was star-studded and featured a variety of entertainment from comedy to musical performances.

Guests included Jack Black, Bryan Cranston, Usain Bolt, Whitney Cummings, Steph Curry, Adam Devine, Josh Gad, Michael B. Jordan, and more. Though the event itself is over, you can still watch the full telethon – and more importantly, you can still support the cause. Some auctions are still in progress, including a signed Stephen Curry jersey, a Zoom session with Zachary Levi, and several other one-of-a-kind items. If you just want to donate, you can do that here.

“At this point in my life and my career, it’s finding other things to hold on to,” Hart told ABC News. “Entertainment and comedy — it’s been a thing, it’s been what I’m known for, and I’ve pushed hard to be successful at it. If I can match that energy and switch the gears and start to do things for others and bring awareness and a high level of positivity to the world and hopefully bring people together, put smiles on the faces, heal some, do for some, I will feel like I’ve done my job while here.”

Video game movies and tv shows don’t always hit the mark, but if anyone is capable of a big swing, Netflix is the one. They nailed it with ‘The Witcher”, which is also getting a prequel series, and now they’ve got another beloved video game franchise they are developing into a show. We are finally getting an “Assassin’s Creed” show.

This is the result of a deal between Ubisoft and Netflix and is the first of several new series. According to a press release the deal will “tap into the iconic video game’s trove of dynamic stories with global mass appeal for adaptions of live-action, animated and anime series.” So, we could be getting a lot of Assassin’s Creed content, but the live-action show is up first.

Netflix + Assassin’s Creed pic.twitter.com/yI2sItnMgi

— NX (@NXOnNetflix) October 27, 2020

What do we know? OK, admittedly, not much beyond the fact that it’s going to happen. It could be set in almost any point in history, from the Crusades to the American Revolution, from Pirates to Vikings. Are we getting Ezio or Connor? Edward Kenway? Who knows??

The bottom line, whatever we’re gonna get is gonna come with extremely high expectations, as the video game franchise is one of the most successful over the past decade-plus and one of the best-selling games of all time. There is an enormous amount of potential if they give it the runway a series like this needs to be done correctly. For its part, Netflix is saying all the right things (which is the easy part).

“From its breathtaking historical worlds and massive global appeal as one of the best selling video game franchises of all time, we are committed to carefully crafting epic and thrilling entertainment based on this distinct IP and provide a deeper dive for fans and our members around the world to enjoy,” said Netflix original series vice president Peter Friedlander in a prepared statement.

Assassin’s Creed is full of great characters and great stories, but when you cut corners, you end up with the 2016 big screen adaption that was largely panned.

Still, after “The Witcher,” it’s hard not to have sky-high hopes for the possibilities of the new partnership.

When it comes to the golden age of TV, HBO has had its fair share of classic shows. From arguably launching the era with The Sopranos and continuing it with Deadwood and The Wire, and then dominating culture with Game of Thrones, the cable network has a sterling reputation for television excellence.

We haven’t even mentioned their comedies like The Larry Sanders Show, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and Veep, or their landmark World War II series The Band of Brothers.

Produced by Tom Hanks and Steven Spielberg, the Band of Brothers miniseries and its follow-up The Pacific were nominated for 44 Emmys and won 15. Now Hanks and Spielberg are following those shows up with a new series about aerial combat, called Masters of the Air, but this one belongs to Apple TV+.

The show is an adaptation of the Donald L. Miller book Masters of the Air: America’s Bomber Boys Who Fought the Air War Against Nazi Germany. It will last 10 episodes and cover personal stories of the American and British pilots who fought for freedom in the skies. According to Deadline the first three episodes will be directed by Cary Fukanaga, who helmed True Detective and the COVID-delayed Bond movie No Time to Die.

No word on casting yet, but with this kind of talent behind the camera and behind the scenes, and the reputation that Band of Brothers and The Pacific have for illuminating the heroism and sacrifices of the Greatest generation, there should be no shortage of actors willing to suit up.

It is fire season. Fire pits, fireplaces, all of it. And with most of us staying home more, or trying to be outside more, having a log to throw on the fire has never been more important. And if you can make your house smell like delicious fried chicken at the same time, why not go for it? That is the sentiment behind KFC’s 11 Herbs and Spices Firelog, a seasonal delight that is back on sale to help bring a dose of normalcy to your holiday season.

KFC knows the power of their chicken, and more importantly, even the smell of their chicken. Which is why the iconic fast-food brand developed chicken-scented crocs. KFC isn’t afraid to branch out to new products, or even new partnerships, which we saw when they teamed up with Cheetos. And now they are back to giving us the hits again, with everyone’s favorite firelog.

Back by popular demand. 11 Herbs & Spices Firelog from @envirologfire is here for the Holidays! Because it’s never too early to start shopping for your chicken-scented gifting needs. Sold exclusively at select @Walmart locations & https://t.co/FeSAzTIgBV https://t.co/pxxj8NGx7e pic.twitter.com/rptNz0OPCv

— KFC (@kfc) October 26, 2020

It’s sold exclusively at Wal-Mart (in select stores and of course online at Walmart.com). The log is a big hit, and was quick to sell-out last year.

KFC’s 11 Herbs & Spices Firelog from @envirologfire is BACK to make your yuletide smell like chicken! These sold out fast last year, so get yours now at https://t.co/2JhDqZI6du.

— KFC (@kfc) December 5, 2019

The log is made by Enviro-Log and there is no limit to how you can incorporate it into your life. OK, there are actually a bunch of limits. It is just a fire log, after all. But whether it’s in the fireplace or in your fire pit, it’s a nice way to up the cozy factor while you’re stuck at home more than usual.

And, if you do get enough of your chicken smell fill, we can help chase it with a familiar smell of our own.