A dad’s worst nightmare: your kid thinks your favorite pro wrestler is totally lame.
Here’s a fun fact: In Austria, you can literally swim in pools of beer.
Wait, let me qualify that.
You can’t just go to any random Austrian’s backyard and expect to find an inground pool filled with Fohrenburger Premium Weizen. That seems unlikely. No, you have to know a place. Well, guess what. I know a place! Even better, I’ll tell you where it is.
Before I reveal it, though, let’s take a few minutes to “swim” in laughter (the beer of emotions), and enjoy these 16 funny tweets about the world’s best beverage.
1 Science is never wrong
Scientists say men who drink beer daily reduce their risk of heart attack. As for livers, scientists said "fuck livers" and then high-fived.
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) March 28, 2012
2 Typical weekend
its the weekend baby. youknow what that means. its time to drink precisely one beer and call 911
— wint (@dril) November 1, 2013
3 Conversation is an artform
1st beer: Civil conversation about work
5th: Heated talk on politics
12th: Shouting match about the best ninja turtle
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) September 30, 2016
4 Embrace the mystery
ME: ugh how did I get so drunk last night
*flashback to me drinking a lot of beer for hours*
ME: I guess we'll never know
— the garbage shit boy (@davedittell) August 19, 2016
5 Show a little restraint, party boy
Time to get crazy *drinks one beer* time for bed
— Spencer Robinson (@13spencer) April 7, 2016
6 Just lob it over
hate when people say don't give bread to ducks cuz its bad for them. Beer is bad for me but I'd love people to randomly throw it at my house
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) February 28, 2016
7 Remember this helpful rhyme
Liquor before beer, in the clear. Wine before whiskey before beer before whiskey before rum before beer, I'm an idiot.
— Jen Lewis (@thisjenlewis) April 27, 2013
8 Defer to the authorities, when necessary
Bartender: What can I do you for?
Me: *whispering so my date doesn't hear* What is a "beer"?
— vince (@mortimermaiden) November 14, 2017
9 Never forget
Today is the 2 year anniversary of me chipping my front tooth on a beer bottle to impress a guy who it turns out already had a girlfriend.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) June 9, 2017
10 Include the whole family
[creation of easter egg hunt]
RECENTLY DIVORCED DAD: i bought easter eggs
KIDS: yay!where are they
RDD: *chugging a beer*i don't fuckin know
— corpse sexpert (@trojansauce) April 15, 2017
11 I’m no nutritionist, but this sounds like a solid diet plan
Drinking vodka instead of beer to cut back on calories which is good since I'll probably eat 3 mcchickens and a mcflurry when I'm done
— Ash (@adult_mom) May 5, 2017
12 This is a pun. Sorry
Our local beer maker went out of business- there had been trouble brewing for a while
— Steven W Skinner (@SkinnerSteven) June 27, 2017
13 This, too, is a pun. Sorry, again
i slipped on some spilled beer and ended up in the hops piddle
— Fro Vo (@fro_vo) August 8, 2014
14 Keep a song in your heart
"no rapping tonight"
"you rap about patrick swayze everytime, it's embarrassing"
[after one beer]
uh oh y'all it's gettin kinda hazy
— brent (@murrman5) January 14, 2015
15 Humans are the smartest animals…right?
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Could you operate the emergency exit door if needed?
ME (once tried to unscrew a pry off beer cap for 20 min.): Sure.
— Ray (@SirEviscerate) December 12, 2016
16 The prophecy has been fulfilled
I wanna drink bread
Make it look like pee
& get drunk off it
& if you make it it's all you talk about
— Michael would like Nazis kicked off of this site. (@Home_Halfway) September 1, 2015
Hey, that was fun, right?! Alright, you’ve earned the big reveal.
The Schloss Starkenberger Brewery in Tarrentz, Austria, is home to the world’s first beer swimming pools. For the price of about $300 for a two-hour session, this could be you:
Now go swim in that beer!