The Best 101 Dad Jokes That Will Make Your Kids Laugh out Loud

101 Best Dad Jokes to Make Your Kid LOL
(Getty/Cecilie_Arcurs)

Whether you’re a new dad or a long-time veteran, there’s nothing like making your kid laugh! Or roll their eyes and tell you you’re embarrassing them. Both equally satisfying. But if you’re running low on material, have we got the list for you: 101 of the best dad jokes out there! Tell your kids, tell your wife, tell that neighbor you don’t really like but always seems to mow the lawn the same time as you do so you have to say something.

1. I love telling Dad jokes.
Sometimes he even laughs.

2. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A stick.

3. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re so good at it.

4. What does a zombie vegetarian eat?
“GRRRAAAIINS!”

5. What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
Their middle name.

6. A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes.
I told him my dogs don’t even own bikes.

7. What’s the resemblance between a red apple and a green apple?
They’re both red. Except for the green one.

8. How do you deal with a fear of speed bumps?
You slowly get over it.

9. Why did the traffic light turn red?
You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street.

10. My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type.
He kept insisting we “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

11. How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.

12. How did ancient Grecians get memorialized?
They had to urn it.

13. Have you heard about the new corduroy pillowcases?
They’re making headlines.

14. Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France?
They were cooked in Greece.

15. What do you call bears with no ears?
B

16. Does anyone need an ark?
I Noah guy.

17. 5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.

18. When does a tailor need to go on vacation?
When they seem stressed.

19. What is heavy forward but not backward?
A ton.

20. Why can’t you tell dad jokes until you have kids?
It’s a faux pas.

21. Want to hear a joke about construction?
I’m still working on it.

22. I’m very pleased with my new fridge magnet.
So far I’ve got twelve fridges.

23. To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
You have my Word.

24. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.
It’s impossible to put down.

25. Two goldfish are in a tank.
One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”

26. Two soldiers are in a tank.
One says to the other, “Blubblublubblubblub.”

27. Why was the burglar so sensitive?
He takes things personally.

28. I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro.
It’s a total rip-off.

29. I invented a new word today:
Plagiarism.

30. After dinner, my wife asked if I could clear the table.
I needed a running start, but I made it.

31. Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
They taste funny.

32. Why is Orion’s belt the worst constellation?
It’s a waist of space.

33. This morning, Siri said, “Don’t call me Shirley.”
I accidentally left my phone in
Airplane! mode.

34. Why is it so hard to tell a joke about retired people?
None of them work.

35. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

36. My son put his shoes on the wrong feet.
I don’t even know where he got someone else’s feet.

37. The cashier asked if I wanted my milk put in a bag.
I told him to just leave it in the carton.

38. What was the most ground-breaking invention?
A shovel.

39. I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory.
All I did was take a day off.

40. Why does putting a car in reverse make you nostalgic?
It takes you back.

41. I just found out I’m colorblind.
The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

42. What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsh.

43. A salesman tried to sell me a burial plot.
But that’s the last thing I need.

44. To get over claustrophobia, you really need to think outside the box.

45. Why aren’t koalas actual bears?
They don’t meet the koalafications.

46. Why do flamingoes life one leg up?
If they lifted both they’d fall.

47. What do you call a three-footed aardvark?
A yardvark.

48. I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang.
Eventually, it came back to me.

49. Why do graveyards have gates?
Because people are dying to get in.

50. Today my son asked me for a book Mark.
Can’t believe he’s 11 and still doesn’t know I’m named Dave.

51. Why did the man decide to sell his vacuum?
It was just collecting dust.

52. My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.

53. What concert costs just 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.

54. Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.
That can’t just be a coincidence.

55. If you ever want to talk about why our air conditioning bill is so high, my door is always open.

56. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

57. Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?
So when they dock they can Scandinavian.

58. What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.

59. I tried watching The Neverending Story.
Couldn’t finish it.

60. What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

61. What did the man say to the wall?
One more crack like that and I’ll plaster you.

62. Don’t worry if your parachute won’t open.
You’ll have the rest of your life to fix it.

63. What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.

64. Why shouldn’t you try writing with a broken pencil?
It’s pointless.

65. Why should you buy socks with holes in them?
It’s the only way to get your feet in.

66. What’s a foot long and slippery?
A slipper.

67. Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water?
If they fell forward they’d still be in the boat.

68. What’s the difference in how you cure bird flu and swine flu?
If you have bird flu you need tweetment, if you have swine flu you just need oink-ment.

69. Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.

70. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.

71. This morning my alarm went off early.
I thought its sell-by date was tomorrow.

72. Why should you stay away from trees?
They can be a little shady.

73. Why is “R” only a pirate’s second favorite letter?
Because their first love is the C.

74. Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.

75. How do you remember which direction the sun rises in?
Eventually, it’ll dawn on you.

76. Why are mountains so good at telling jokes?
Because they’re hill areas.

77. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.

78. What’s red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.

79. Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog?
He wanted to get a long little doggie.

80. What did the buffalo say when his kid left for college?
Bison.

81. When does a dad joke cost $1000?
When it’s a granddad joke.

82. Why can’t you trust stairs?
They’re always up to something.

83. What did the dumbwaiter say to the elevator?
I think I’m coming down with something.

84. What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.

85. What’s the tallest building in the world?
The library, it has the most stories.

86. What’s the best time of day?
6:30, hands down.

87. How are a hippo and Zippo similar?
One is very heavy, the other’s only a little lighter.

88. What’s the 25th letter of the alphabet?
I don’t know, y?

89. What’s Harry Potter’s favorite way to get down a hill?
Walking. JK, Rolling.

90. How do you handle a fear of elevators?
You take steps to avoid them.

91. How can you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
By whether you see it later or in awhile.

92. When geese fly in V-formation, why is one side longer?
There are more geese on that side.

93. I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it.

94. How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate the pizza before it was cool.

95. How can you tell by someone’s home if they’re a highway robber?
All the signs will be there.

96. Can you drop an egg on a concrete floor without cracking it?
Yes, concrete floors are very hard to break.

97. How do you lift an elephant with one hand?
You can’t, elephant only have feet.

98. What looks like half an apple?
The other half.

99. How do you make an egg roll?
Just give it a little push.

100. How can you make money while freshening your breath?
Investmints.

101. What is the best thing about living in Switzerland?
Well, the flag is a big plus.

Remember, making your kids cringe is equally as satisfying so be sure to check out The Worst 101 Dad Jokes.

It’s Jedi vs. Jean-Luc in Fun New Uber Eats Commercial

Luke Vs Jean Luc
(YouTube/Uber Eats)

Is Star Wars vs. Star Trek really a thing? The new Uber Eats commercial seems to think so.

In the commercial, Mark Hamill and Patrick Stewart, the stars of two of Hollywood’s biggest space-based franchises square off over dinner orders, the correct pronunciation of “tomato,” and… Daddy insults while waiting for their Uber Eats to arrive. Which it very quickly does.

The ad is funny regardless of whether you know your Millennium Falcon from your starship Enterprise, and Hamill and Stewart are both beloved figures who’d draw major crowds at Comic-Con, but the conceit seems to be that they are at odds because of the properties that made them famous.

In my mind, Star Wars and Star Trek couldn’t be more different. Star Wars is pure fantasy, a fairy tale with magic and monsters that happens to take place in outer space. Star Trek is pure science-fiction, the action movie trappings of the Chris Pine reboot notwithstanding, featuring moral quandaries, philosophical debates, and even some actual science. There is no science in Star Wars. A parsec is measures distance, not time, Han! No wonder Greedo was so mad.

Anyway, I’m probably taking this way too seriously. Thankfully, neither of the actors are, which makes for an entertaining commercial.

Check it out:

The Mandalorian Is Getting a Series of Books and Comics

Star Wars The Mandalorian Books
(Star Wars)

They say the universe never stops expanding, and we believe that’s also the case for the Star Wars universe. From novelizations to lackluster Christmas specials to game shows to high-end furniture to BBQ grills, there will never be a shortage of ways to get your Star Wars fix.

One of the most popular expansions to the Star Wars media empire has been The Mandalorian on Disney+, which is loads of fun and jam-packed with some truly dazzling production design. The series even launched a whole subgenre of memes in the form of Baby Yoda.

Earlier this summer, the official Star Wars website announced that it would continue Mandalorian world-building with a new series of published titles. One of those titles is The Art of The Mandalorian, and the cover art by Lucasfilm illustrator Doug Chiang alone makes it a worthy addition to any fan’s coffee table.

(Disney)

The series is also getting its own Marvel comic, as well as a coloring and activity book, magazine, and children’s storybook. Fans of Star Wars can expect The Art of the Mandalorian to hit shelves this December, with more releases slated for winter and spring 2021. Here’s what to look forward to:

  • The Art of The Mandalorian (Season One) by Phil Szostak; cover by Doug Chiang (Pre-order for 36.00 for delivery on December 1)
  • The Mandalorian: Original Novel (adult novel, Del Rey) by Adam Christopher
  • The Mandalorian: The Ultimate Visual Guide (DK) by Pablo Hidalgo
  • The Mandalorian: Allies & Enemies – Level Two Reader (DLP) by Brooke Vitale
  • The Mandalorian: 8×8 Storybook (title to be revealed later) by Brooke Vitale
  • The Mandalorian: Junior Novelization by Joe Schreiber

And for no reason, here’s Baby Yoda again.

We have spoken.

Gary Sinise Foundation Steps up To Help the Grieving Family of a Vietnam Veteran

Gary Sinise Foundation Helps Pay Grieving Family's Bills
(garysinisefoundation.org)

Actor turned philanthropist extraordinaire Gary Sinise has been helping veterans and their families for nearly a decade, since founding The Gary Sinise Foundation in 2011. Sinise’s foundation has provided adapted homes to wounded veterans, served over 400,000 meals to defenders across the country, and even taken over 1,750 children of fallen soldiers to Disney World. Sinise has been recognized for his impact, receiving a Patriot Award among other national honors. And COVID-19 didn’t stop Sinise and his foundation from doing what they do.

One of the most amazing things about Sinise’s work is that his foundation takes the time to assist many individuals and families in need as soon as the need arises. Over the summer, a Vietnam veteran named Henry Cordero passed away. The loss of a family member is devastating enough, but Cordero’s daughter Jennifer Ruelas found herself facing a mountain of her father’s outstanding medical bills and various other expenses.

With nobody else in her family able to help, Ruelas was solely responsible for dealing with the thousands of dollars of debt. While she made enough to cover her own cost of living, Ruelas had no way to add a pile of debt to her own expenses. On top of the heartbreak of losing her father, Ruelas now had to face the strain of paying back bills that weren’t hers with money she didn’t have.

Prior to her father’s death, Ruelas had already taken a financial hit after becoming his caregiver in 2018 when he was diagnosed with dementia.

According to the Gary Sinise Foundation’s article, Ruelas had told her boss, “My father is my life. He is my best friend, so when he is sick, I am going to leave. So if you guys can’t accept that, then I can’t work here.”

Cordero had been incredibly generous throughout his life, helping family members purchase their own homes and volunteering with communities in need. Ruelas wanted to help her dad as he helped her throughout her life and did the best she could with the resources she had. After her dad’s passing, Ruelas and her husband worked to try to pay his remaining bills, but even their combined incomes barely made a dent.

Ruelas contacted the Gary Sinise Foundation after a friend mentioned that they may be able to help. Finally, Ruelas got some desperately-needed relief – the foundation’s H.O.P.E. initiative paid Cordero’s remaining caregiving fees as well as his cremation costs. With a large chunk of debt no longer weighing on her, Ruelas was able to breathe a bit easier – all thanks to Gary Sinise’s life-changing foundation.

Put a Dive Bar in Your Backyard Courtesy of Miller High Life

Backyard Bar
(Miller High Life)

Thanks to the most annoying coronavirus of the century, bars in much of the country still remain closed or restricted in time/capacity. We’ve had to change the way we booze, and many of us have had to change the where. Miller High Life recognizes our current hellscape, which is why they are going to put a brand new dive bar right in one man’s (maybe you?) backyard.

Happy hour at your local pub isn’t what it was even a year ago, and we’ve had to change the way we enjoy a cold one. When most of the country started throwing ‘em back at home more, it even caused an aluminum can shortage (sorry, Dr. Pepper fans). Some even enlisted dogs as their new drinking buddies.

Miller High Life wants to change the game for your socially distant boozing, by putting a dive bar right in your backyard. No more worrying about where to go, or how to get home. Instead, they will plunk a free dive bar (valued at $10,000) and outfit the drinking space with bar stools, a popcorn machine, classic wood paneling and questionable art, and dim lighting. They’ll also hook you up with a bunch of free beer.

The champagne of beers gets it, drinking at home doesn’t have to be a bummer (anyone with a basement bar knows this already). You can sign up by texting “DIVEBAR” to 90464, according to the Beer Co, to sign up for the giveaway (or by going to HighLifeDiveBar.com).

The only catch is, if you win, you have to let us come over as much as we want.

Ryan Reynolds’ Response to The Rock Ripping Down a Gate is Remarkable

Ryan Reynolds responds to The Rock tearing down his gate
(Instagram/therock)

Long before taking on the role of Black Adam, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has been known for his incredible physical strength. Wrestling with the WWF for nearly a decade and appearing in over 50 movies, The Rock has become our favorite gentle giant. Though the dude looks like the human equivalent of a tank, he has an enormous heart and only uses his superhuman strength for good.

On Saturday, The Rock took to Instagram to share the saga of a metal gate that had the misfortune of getting on his bad side. Evidently, the Black Adam star was about to leave for work when he realized the large metal gate in front of his house wouldn’t open. For most of us, a service person would be our only route to freedom. But most of us don’t have biceps the size of a small child, or the spare cash to buy a new gate every time it malfunctions. Well, the rock has both – so he took matters into his own Hulk-like hands.

He said in his Instagram post, “Not my finest hour, but a man’s gotta go to work.” He explained, “We experienced a power outage due to severe storms, causing my front gate not to open. I tried to override the hydraulic system to open the gates, which usually works when power goes out – but this time it wouldn’t.”

 

View this post on Instagram

 

Not my finest hour 🤦🏽‍♂️, but a man’s gotta go to work. We experienced a power outage due to severe storms, causing my front gate not to open. I tried to override the hydraulic system to open the gates, which usually works when power goes out – but this time it wouldn’t. Made some calls to see how fast I can get the gate tech on site, but I didn’t have 45min to wait. By this time, I know I have hundreds of production crew members waiting for me to come to work so we can start our day. So I did what I had to do. I pushed, pulled and ripped the gate completely off myself. Tore it out of the brick wall, severed the steel hydraulics and threw it on the grass. My security team was able to meet the gate technician and welders about an hour later — and they were apparently, “in disbelief and equally scared” 🤣 Not my finest hour, but I had to go to work. And I think I’m 💯 ready to be #blackadam 😄💪🏾 #ripgates

A post shared by therock (@therock) on

With a set full of production crew members waiting on him, he didn’t have time for a service person to come fix the gate. “So I did what I had to do,” he said. “I pushed, pulled and ripped the gate completely off myself. Tore it out of the brick wall, severed the steel hydraulics and threw it on the grass.”

The post continued, “My security team was able to meet the gate technician and welders about an hour later — and they were apparently, ‘in disbelief and equally scared.’”

Hopefully, they left the torn-down gate in the grass as a warning to all future gates that may decide to stop working at inopportune times. The Rock Concluded, “Not my finest hour, but I had to go to work. And I think I’m 💯 ready to be #blackadam.”

It wasn’t long before our favorite smartass, and nice guy, Ryan Reynolds, showed up in the comments to provide some helpful info. “The gate opened the OTHER way,” Reynolds explained, lovingly trolling a man who could break him in half with one metal-crushing hand.

The Rock later posted a video of the damage, showing the busted hinge and the absolutely destroyed metal gate lying lamely on the ground.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

Well here’s the destruction 🤦🏽‍♂️ I left behind after pulling my gates off myself and going to work. This footage was taken from my security after I had already left and he arrived on the scene. The second video is of our technicians and welders carrying one of the gates and placing it gently in the grass. As you guys know from my last post, there was a power outage at my house, causing my gates to not open. Sure as hell wasn’t my best hour, but there were a lot of people waiting for me at work so I did what I had to do, hopped in my pick up and went to work. Maybe next time I’ll just hop the gates and call an Uber. Actually, no I won’t. There’s no fun in that 😈 Jokes aside, THANK YOU to the techs and welders who mobilized very quickly in the morning to come over and take care of the destruction. Thank you, gentlemen. Just one of those days where I wasn’t in the mood. We’ve all been there. 🥃 #ripgates

A post shared by therock (@therock) on

“Maybe next time I’ll just hop the gates and call an Uber,” The Rock considered. “Actually, no I won’t. There’s no fun in that.”

“Jokes aside,” he continued, “THANK YOU to the techs and welders who mobilized very quickly in the morning to come over and take care of the destruction. Thank you, gentlemen. Just one of those days where I wasn’t in the mood. We’ve all been there.”

Sure, we’ve all been there. I mean, not EXACTLY there, but we get it. We’re all a little on edge these days, sometimes all it takes is one more little thing going wrong for us to become completely unhinged.

‘Wandavision’ Trailer Is Weird, Like Everything Else in the World of 2020

WandaVision trailer
(YouTube/Marvel)

2020 has been a rough one for the entertainment industry.

The pandemic slowed down or outright halted production on a whole bunch of movies and television shows we’d all been anticipating, and made it impossible to go to the movies and see the stuff that has already been made. Quarantine started with The Last Dance and Tiger King, but now that fall is here, pickings are going to be slim.

So when we get a taste of something new, it’s easy to get excited. Especially when that new footage looks so good. Last week, a trailer for The Mandalorian’s second season premiered, and it looks just as bad-ass as the first season. Its October premiere can’t come soon enough. Now Disney+ is has dropped the first trailer for WandaVision, coming later this year, which has a decidedly different feel from most previous Marvel properties but looks like a lot of fun.

It’s a blend of something all right, and it looks weird AF, opening with Wanda and Vision living in 50s domestic bliss right out of an old-fashioned family sitcom and cycles through a series of shots of what appears to be different decades of TV, before ending with some ominous glimpses of portals and police of some kind.

The series has been described by Marvel as “mega event series,” and the official synopsis reads: The series is a blend of classic television and the Marvel Cinematic Universe in which Wanda Maximoff and Vision—two super-powered beings living idealized suburban lives—begin to suspect that everything is not as it seems.

Especially since it takes place after Endgame and will have to reckon with the fact that Vision was killed at the end of Infinity War (and not by the snap that was magically reversed).

It’s clear things aren’t quite what they seem, and that this show is bursting with creativity, so there’s bound to be a fun explanation for his return.

Check out the trailer for the show, which looks like a real trip. In a year in which real-life couldn’t get any weirder, the touch of the surreal might be just what the doctor ordered.

Daughter Does Dad’s Makeup

MLB Star Flies Home for Two Hours To See Son’s First Tee-Ball Practice

MLB tee ball Freddie Freeman
(Twitter/Chelseafree5)

Traveling for work can be a bummer for dads. You do what you gotta do, but no amount of money lessens the sting of missing important milestones your kids reach while you’re out of town. Whether it’s the first word, first step, a birthday, or some other important moment, you want to be there for as much as you can. That’s why one MLB star flew home in the middle of a road trip, for two hours, just so he could watch his son’s first tee-ball practice in person.

Few things bring dads and sons together like sports. We’ve seen baseball dad surprise his son with a new bat, and then catch a home run his son hit with said bat. Even in the pros, dads never lose that feeling of joy when their kid does something big.

So Atlanta Braves first baseman Freddie Freeman did everything he could to be at his son’s first tee-ball practice. Freeman flew home in the middle of an 11-day road trip, so he could squeeze in two hours at home. Then he flew straight to Washington for a game that night.

A ton of travel, just for two hours at home, and I’m sure it was worth every bit of hassle to Freeman, as he got to surprise his son and watch his first practice. It was also Freeman’s birthday, but I’m sure that felt like a distant second to getting to spend that moment with his son. Freeman’s wife Chelsea posted about the surprise on social media,

Atlanta won the game against Washington that night, no word about how good Charlie’s tee-ball team was, but I’m going to bet it’s pretty good with the son of a major leaguer on the squad.

“RockyNoHands” Becomes First Quadriplegic Signed by Pro Esports Organization

Rockynohands first quadriplegic in professional esports
(YouTube/Shot Callers Esports)

Before age 19, Rocky Stoutenburgh was just your average teen. He played sports in high school, and after graduation, he began working full-time. In 2006, while wrestling and messing around with his friends, Rocky was dropped on his head. Shocked and confused, the 19-year-old realized he was unable to move. Rocky was rushed to the hospital, and through the whirlwind of doctors and scans, the truth began to sink in. Rocky had a broken C3 vertebrae in his neck, and though at first, he maintained hope that life could return to normal, Rocky soon faced the reality that he would never walk again.

Rocky pushed through months of physical therapy, but the paralysis remained. He had to figure out a way to move forward somehow, completely restructuring the way he envisioned his life to align with his new reality. Unsure of what else to do, Rocky began to watch his brother Andrew play video games, reminding him of the games he played as a kid. Andrew didn’t want his brother on the sidelines though, he wanted Rocky to play. Andrew did some digging and found a modified controller called a quad stick, allowing Rocky to play using his mouth.

Following his accident, Rocky was severely depressed. Throughout his life, he had been extremely active – playing sports and going out whenever he had the opportunity. The things that filled his time and gave him joy before the accident were no longer options. But Rocky began to pour his energy into video games, competing and building up skills in an activity where his quadriplegia didn’t limit him.

Rocky began to stream, going by the username RockyNoHands, and immediately the Twitch community was captivated – not only because of his admittedly unique playing style, but because he was good. Really freaking good.

“I started streaming. I got really popular, started playing games like Club G and Fortnite that are very competitive and I started getting good at them and I got a couple Guiness World Records,” Rocky told FOX2.

Over the summer, Rocky entered a competition called “So You Think You Can Stream?” which aimed to discover little-known but highly talented streamers. Stoutenburgh, now 33, had gained popularity on Twitch and other social media platforms, but knew the other streamers were likely talented as well. Rocky amazed the judges, and ended up winning the competition.

Rocky not only won a cash prize and the knowledge that he more than held his own among his non-disabled peers, but the competition also landed him a contract with Luminosity Gaming. Now, he is the world’s first quadriplegic to be signed by a professional Esports organization. Can we get a W in the chat?

According to Forbes, Adrian Montgomery, chief executive of Enthusiast Gaming marveled, “Irrespective of anything else, he’s a high-quality gamer. He’s just flat-out good. Plus, he’s got this inspirational story. I think he is a trailblazer, and I think he is going to inspire other people to become gamers.”