You did it, you made it to Friday! Here’s your round-up of random funny stuff from around the internet this week to launch you into your weekend. (Does anyone know if-if there are any big important sporting events this weekend?)

Funny Video:

No one on Jeopardy knows about football. What is sports, Alex? No, seriously though. No, that’s not my answer. I’m genuinely asking and I’m scared.

No one on Jeopardy knew anything about football ???? pic.twitter.com/EomJWawkWF

— Yahoo Sports (@YahooSports) February 2, 2018

Comic:

Sadly, too real.

Toon of the day is captioned by @brycoo 🙂 pic.twitter.com/hiIrnJS1Mq

— Beck (@new_toon) February 2, 2018

Joke/Meme Trends:

The joke trend of the week on Twitter seems to be making up fake meanings behind “what your kids are texting” and some are pretty funny.

Is your child texting about the War of 1812?

LMAO – loyalist militia attacking ohio
WTF – warn the federalists
SMH – send more horses
GTG – garrison troops guarding
FML – fort mackinac liberated
BBW – british burning washington

— Alex with an ex (@psybermonkey) January 25, 2018

Are your kids secretly Republicans? Check their social media messages for these tell-tale signs…

LMAO – Limit Minorities Around Ohio
BTW – Build The Wall
IRL – I Repudiate Lefties
ROTFL – Rights Of The Females?: Less
WTH – Withhold The Healthcare
GOP – GOP
OMG – Oh My Guns

— Todd 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) January 31, 2018

Is your child texting about snacks?
A quick guide:

GTG – got them goldfish
LOL – lots of lay's
WTF – wheat thins forever
STFU – save takis for us
LMFAO – losing my funyuns all over
IMO – i'm munching oreos
BBL – bring bugles later
WYD – want your doritos?

— Terry F (@daemonic3) January 30, 2018

Is your child texting about frogs?

A guide:

FML – frog my life
WTF – where’s that frog
STFU – shut that frog up
LMFAO – listen Mom frogs are outstanding

— Boog (@BoogTweets) February 1, 2018

Are your kids texting about Groundhog Day?

A quick guide:

NSFW – Never Settle For Winter
THOT – That Hog On Time?
WTH – Where's The Hog
OMG – Ooooh Majestic Groundhog
ASAP – A Shadow Again? Poop
BRB – Bring the Rodent Back

— Jordan Stratton (@jordan_stratton) February 2, 2018

Kids these days and their secret codes, I tell ya.

Funny Animal:

That's some nice calligraphy you've got there… pic.twitter.com/NlAjZao7Ac

— Ben Brainerd (@ben_brainerd) February 2, 2018

Anyone with a cat knows they will ignore you right up until the moment you’re trying to accomplish something. Thems the cat laws.

Funny Dad:

Simon Holland is one of the funniest dads on the internet, and he tells us what it really means to “go full dad.”

You haven't gone full dad until start reading a historical marker plaque out loud to your uninterested kids.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 20, 2016

Just went full dad and went outside to get firewood in my underwear and a pair of boots.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 18, 2015

Went full dad at the grocery store and bought beer and 3 different kinds of BBQ sauce but forgot the go-gurt.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 10, 2015

One time I asked a rival dad what size filter his HVAC system used in front of a bunch of people.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 15, 2018

Funny Commercial Spoof:

Here at The Dad, our team made a video all of us parents can relate to, big time.

It’s had such a good response, we talked to ABC News about it.

Have a good weekend, dads! Kick back and enjoy the Super Bowl. And by all means, take AphukenbrakE.

If you’ve been reading The Dad for a while, you’ve probably noticed we spend a fair amount of time talking about – and bemoaning – the constant stream of news about reboots and remakes and reinventions. Partially because that’s all Hollywood seems to make these days, but mostly because it’s annoying!

One reboot we’re totally down for, however, is the forthcoming revival of Animaniacs, the hilarious cartoon from the 90s that makes fun of pop culture just as much as we do. The first season arrives in November (with a second season slated for 2021), and here’s the official synopsis:

They’re back! The Warner brothers, Yakko and Wakko, and the Warner sister Dot, have a great time wreaking havoc and mayhem in the lives of everyone they meet. After returning to their beloved home, the Warner Bros. water tower, the siblings waste no time in causing chaos and comic confusion as they run loose through the studio, turning the world into their personal playground. Joining Yakko, Wakko and Dot, fan-favorite characters Pinky and the Brain also return to continue their quest for world domination.

Sounds like they’re going to be up to their old tricks, and based on the new trailer, maybe some new ones too. Because guess what? The Animaniacs are as fed up with Hollywood’s constant “re” stuff as we are. Even their own!

Check it out:

The leaves are changing color, the aisles of grocery stores are lined with last-minute costumes that seem intent on making your child look like one of the Village People. Bags of candy, both name-brand and generic, sit side-by-side reminding us what it truly means to live in harmony. Undeniably, Halloween is going to look a little different this year. Some towns have canceled trick-or-treating altogether, while some parents scramble to find bizarre and safe ways to deliver candy to their tiny costumed visitors. One crafty dad from Marion, Iowa was undeterred by this year’s unconventional Halloween, continuing his tradition of making the world’s most epic costumes for his kids.

Greg Dietzenbach is no stranger to creativity, especially when it comes to Halloween. He explains, “My kids challenge me every year to make a unique costume. Building a transforming sock robot for my son almost broke my brain so this year I wanted to make it a lot simpler. Due to Covid we didn’t even know if our town would have trick-or-treating this year.”

Before we move on, we need to give credit where credit’s due. To understand the full scope of this dad’s talent, take a look at the brain-busting sock robot costume Dietzenbach built for his son.

Understandably, Dietzenbach decided to simplify his kids’ costumes this year. The same amount of impressive creativity, just fewer moving parts. This year, Zoom has gone from virtually unknown (to most of us, at least) to the star of school days, work meetings, and even weddings. As a nod to Zoom’s increasing popularity and the very screen his kids see all day as they attend school remotely, Dietzenbach decided to costume-ize it.

Dietzenbach, who works for a company that builds museums and corporate environments, got busy with his office’s large-format printer. He recreated the Zoom interface, but with some Halloween-themed Easter eggs (Halloween eggs?). “Instead of ‘Share Screen’ it’s ‘Share Scream,’” Dietzenbach explained. “’End Meeting for All’ changed to ‘End Life.’”

The meeting had 666 participants, and each participant on the call was a photo of his 12-year-old daughter Ada transformed into a monster using Procreate, an iPad drawing app. As if it needed any more incredible touches, the costume has a camera that adds the candy-giver to a square of the world’s first in-person Zoom call. The end result was nothing short of extraordinary.

I made a killer Zoom Meeting costume for my daughter. #Halloween2020 pic.twitter.com/bdKbgGZcA5

— Greg Dietzenbach (@GregDietzenbach) October 21, 2020

“I’ve created several unique costumes through the years,” Dietzenbach explained.

If you’re itching to catch up (it’s well worth a scroll), all of this artistic dad’s past costumes are on his website.

“They’re all a labor of love. I make them for my daughter and son every year. I’ve become known for my homemade costumes with family and friends and people tell me they look forward to seeing them every year but I really do it for my kids.”

Though Dietzenbach goes above and beyond on his kids’ Halloween costumes, he stresses that it doesn’t take a huge gesture to show your kids how much you love them. Dietzenbach told The Dad, “I keep seeing comments on this costume where people say ‘Dad of the year award!’ and ‘Greatest Dad EVER!’. They make me feel good and put a smile on my face but it’s not a competition.”

He continued, “You don’t have to do these big crazy things to be thought of as ‘Greatest Dad EVER’ by your kid(s). It’s all the little moments I share with my kids that make them (and me) feel special. It’s just being there for them and giving them all of your love. That’s what I’m most proud of.”

The global pandemic has forced all of us to make changes in the name of health, safety, schooling, and more. It hasn’t been easy, and we’ve had to make a lot of sacrifices. But there’s one thing it has given us more of, and that’s time. Time with our kids and families, time to learn new skills, and time to kill without much of the entertainment options we might otherwise have.

One amazing dad tackled all three of those things at once. His name is Dylan, and he lives in London where he shares custody of his daughter. He had a trip to Disneyland planned, but thanks to COVID, that had to be scrapped, so Dylan found another way to give his daughter Ella an amazing memory.

“I had to cancel our holiday to Disneyland and seeing Ella work so hard on her school work with me working (I have Ella with me half the time) was good, but gutting to not be able to give her all my time, I wanted to do something special,” he told The Dad.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

Building one of the shops, lots of late nights and early mornings!!

A post shared by Ella’s Dad (@ellasecretstreet) on Oct 17, 2020 at 1:04pm PDT

He remembered the two of them bonding over the first Harry Potter movie, and it gave him an idea for her birthday.

“One day I was standing in part of my house and I thought ‘it’s a bit like a mini street…’ I remembered the first day I watched the first Harry Potter film with Ella and thought wow how amazing would it be to put Diagon Alley in.”

He says it so matter-of-factly – “to put Diagon Alley in,” as if that were somehow possible. Well, for this handy, dedicated dad, it was. My man did it, spending months planning and designing the alley, making sure to customize the various shop fronts for his daughter’s interests, and another month to build it, making sure to do the work when his daughter was with her mom.

Not only did Dylan recreate JK Rowling’s famous street, he hid it behind his daughter’s wardrobe, calling to mind another beloved fantasy series.

“I kept having new ideas like the wardrobe as a way in, as she likes Narnia too.”

 

View this post on Instagram

 

Finding a secret street in a wardrobe durning lockdown!

A post shared by Ella’s Dad (@ellasecretstreet) on Oct 17, 2020 at 9:48am PDT

“Ella’s reaction was stunned silence,” Dylan said,” and then her assertiveness kicked in and she said ‘can we keep this here forever!’ The rest of the day was spent exploring it and opening a few presents I had put in the shops. I also dressed up as Hagrid which was hilarious for us both as I had a rubbish accent and acting skills but it was fun all the same. We went as Hagrid and Ella back through the wardrobe and took her dad’s cushions for her reading nook.”

THERE’S A READING NOOK!

To recap: He spent months designing a secret Harry Potter-themed street, spent a month building it in secret, hid it behind his daughter’s wardrobe, stocked the different shops with gifts, and then he dressed in costume to explore it alongside her.

I think the Dad of the Year contest is over. We all lose.

Dylan’s handiwork has gotten a lot of attention over the past few days – both via his Instagram account and his YouTube channel, where he details the project and preps for his next one (a new toy shop just in time for Christmas) – but he didn’t do it for clicks, he did it for his daughter.

“The main inspiration for it was Ella,” he explained. “She has an amazing imagination as do most kids and it’s hard to keep up! Building it I was constantly excited when I finished something new she would discover so I’m going to keep going, adding bits and new games to play.”

He’s going to keep adding to it? Can we move in?

Follow Dylan via Ella’s Secret Street accounts on IG and YouTube, and check out the making-of video and Photos below.

Another week closer to Halloween, another bag of candy replaced after you ate the whole thing in what we call “Adult Trick-or-Treating” (standing in front of your open pantry dazed and exhausted, shoving candy down your throat without even chewing like some kind of snake). Though Halloween season already looks a lot different than previous years, one thing is certain – kids will continue to be kids, but this time, hyped up on sugar. Fortunately, Twitter parents continue documenting the best and funniest parenting moments. Whatever the season looks like, Twitter parents deliver. Enjoy 12 of the funniest parenting tweets of the week, a welcome constant in an unpredictable world.

Wanna guess why?

Kids really overestimate how much parents want to guess things.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 17, 2020

What they lack in size they make up for in vindictiveness

My 5-year old is rebelling against zoom school by mouthing words instead of speaking so as to make her teacher think there’s something wrong with the unmuting function

— Spencer Ackerman (@attackerman) October 15, 2020

How the- it actually was a giraffe

Me, playing 20 questions: *meticulously eliminates big categories and systematically narrows it down*

Kid, his very first question: Is it a giraffe?

— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) October 22, 2020

Calories don’t count because technically it wasn’t your food

Today our 4yo insisted on a large bowl of Golden Grahams, banana, and milk for breakfast, so long story short, my breakfast was 99% of a large bowl of Golden Grahams, bananas and milk

— Dad on my Feet (@dad_on_my_feet) October 17, 2020

It’s what’s on the inside that counts

Birthday card from my three year old pic.twitter.com/GYudZiEc2f

— Luke Pearson (@thatlukeperson) October 14, 2020

It’s the abridged version

I let my kids turn the pages when we read together so they’re more engaged with the story and also because they accidentally skip pages sometimes.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) October 19, 2020

Hear me out though: Transformer baby

wife: the baby needs changing

me: I don’t know I kinda like her

— tomBSTONE (@pilau) October 19, 2020

An understandably under-celebrated milestone

Today my toddler discovered that his penis can be used as a comedic prop, and now my parenting journey can truly begin.

— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) October 20, 2020

Dad: 1, Kid: 4,829

Next time my kid’s on a zoom class, I’m gonna get in a fight with someone in the background and then ask for a bowl of cereal.

— Dad Bits (@DadBits) October 20, 2020

[Out loud] I like this tweet

when my son is watching a youtube video and they ask for a thumbs up he gives them a literal thumbs up and it’s just so cute how fucking stupid he is

— [email protected] (@TweetPotato314) October 21, 2020

Nothing good ever starts with “close your eyes”

5: close your eyes and open your mouth

me: that’s a hard pass.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 20, 2020

Abracadadra

[doing magic for my kids]

Me: watch as I make this toy DISAPPEAR *puts toy on shelf where it belongs*

8 year old: omg where did it go?

3 year old: *crying* did you throw out my toy?

— Roy🌾 (@Roy_oh_Roy) October 20, 2020

Did you miss last week’s funniest parenting tweets?

The reigning king of creepy movies, Tim Burton, has brought us gems like The Nightmare Before Christmas, Beetlejuice, and Edward Scissorhands. He has an unparalleled talent for bringing spooky stories to life in a way that pulls you in, and doesn’t let you go until the end credits roll. His movies have withstood the test of time, but until now, Burton has never taken on a live-action TV series. It seems fitting that Burton’s first leap into the world of live-action TV revolves around the world’s kookiest household – The Addams Family.

Originally created in 1938 by cartoonist Charles Addams, the spooky family has been brought to life again and again both on TV and in films. It’s no secret that Tim Burton is a lover of the bizarre and macabre, and his newest project is no exception. Next up on Burton’s bucket-list is a live-action Addams family series, which he is set to executive produce.

Burton is teaming up with Alfred Gough and Miles Millar of Smallville fame, who will act as head writers, showrunners, and executive producers. According to Deadline, Burton is also working on negotiations to direct the series.

The specifics of the rebooted Addams Family series are not yet confirmed, but sources say it will be set in present times. More than any other year in recent memory, it seems like the freaky family would have a lot to say about 2020.

MGM TV, who holds the intellectual property rights for the Addams Family franchise, is set to finance the series. Where the show itself will land is undecided, but the bids are already rolling in from streaming services and networks.

Could Tim Burton’s live-action Addams Family series be the next binge-worthy show to hit Netflix, or will we have to wait for a new episode each week like our ancestors did in the old days? A lot of questions are still unanswered, but with Burton in the driver’s seat, it’s sure to be incredible.

Tom Holland is a great Spider-Man, but now we have his first look at playing another beloved character, ‘Uncharted’s Nathan Drake. For those of you now catching up (maybe you’ve come from the MCU, welcome!), Uncharted was an epic video game franchise and one of the best-selling ever. It’s about adventurer slash treasure hunter Nathan Drake, the series is universally acclaimed, was developed by Naughty Dog, and is now going to be a movie.

OK, to be fair, most movie news about Tom Holland these days is about Spider-Man 3 and the possibility of the Spider-verse, but seeing Holland as Drake means a lot to a bunch of people.  Mainly, because it’s the first sign that the project is actually starting to make some progress.

Holland shared the first look on his Twitter of him as Drake in his typical getup (simple plus pistols).

It’s nice to meet you, I’m Nate. #uncharted pic.twitter.com/v79Mvy26iH

— Tom Holland (@TomHolland1996) October 22, 2020

You’d figure a best-selling video game franchise would’ve already had a movie or six, but this is a project that has been in development for a long time. Like, seriously long. Almost a decade. It’s gone through a bunch of scripts, seven different directors, a handful of different target release dates, but now it looks like it’s finally getting into gear.

Holland reportedly is playing a younger version of Drake, so it may be a prequel/origin story for Drake. The original voice actor of Drake in the video games shared some shots from the sets too, so this is really happening!

Like looking into a mirror! Proud to have @TomHolland1996 continuing the Drake legacy! Absolutely smashing it!
Thanks for the set visit!!@unchartedmovie pic.twitter.com/sfiFYUJVyH

— Nolan North (@nolan_north) October 22, 2020

The ‘Uncharted’ movie is supposed to be released in the summer of 2021. Who knows if COVID will change that schedule, as it has so many others, but we’re closer than ever to the end of a project that feels ancient at this point. The movie is also supposed to star Mark Wahlberg and Antonio Banderas, so you know it’s gonna rock whenever it does finally make it to a theater.

As if 2020 weren’t bad enough, now teenagers are outperforming us!

Thankfully, 14-year-old Anika Chebrolu’s work should benefit all of us. Anika was recently named the 2020 winner of 3M’s Young Scientist Challenge, and she did it for a project that couldn’t be more important right now.

With her project, titled “Combating the COVID-19 Pandemic: In-Silico Molecular Docking Study of Spike Protein of SARS-CoV-2 virus to develop Novel Antiviral drug”, Anika discovered a molecule that can *checks notes* selectively bind to the spike protein of the SARS-CoV-2 virus. And apparently, that’s good news!

“The last two days, I saw that there is a lot of media hype about my project since it involves the SARS-CoV-2 virus and it reflects our collective hopes to end this pandemic as I, like everyone else, wish that we go back to our normal lives soon,” Anika told CNN

The discovery netted Anika, an Indian American, a victory in the challenge, and $25,000 to go with it. And she won after switching gears midway through. Initially, her project, which she started when she was in 8th grade, had nothing to do with COVID-19.

“After spending so much time researching about pandemics, viruses and drug discovery, it was crazy to think that I was actually living through something like this,” Anika said. “Because of the immense severity of the Covid-19 pandemic and the drastic impact it had made on the world in such a short time, I, with the help of my mentor, changed directions to target the SARS-CoV-2 virus.”

And she’s not done. She plans to continue her work and hopes to collaborate with other scientists to create an actual cure for the virus.

“My effort to find a lead compound to bind to the spike protein of the SARS-CoV-2 virus this summer may appear to be a drop in the ocean, but still adds to all these efforts,” she said. “How I develop this molecule further with the help of virologists and drug development specialists will determine the success of these efforts.”

You can learn more about Anika, and watch her entry video which details her project, on the 3M Young Scientist Lab website.

Back in the 1980s, every movie studio was trying to replicate the success of Star Wars, which helped usher in the blockbuster era and made fantasy epics the superhero movies of their era.

So overwhelming was the desire to create the next fantasy saga that even George Lucas himself, the man behind Star Wars, tried to capture lightning in a bottle the second time, this time with the help of Ron Howard and Val Kilmer.

It didn’t go so well. 1988’s Willow, directed by Howard from a story by Lucas, wasn’t exactly a huge success, and never spawned any sequels. But the fantasy tale of a farmer’s unlikely alliance with disgraced soldier Madmartigan in order to protect a baby from an evil queen has endured as a cult favorite.

And now it’s going to be a TV series that takes place years after the events of the film, with Warwick Davis reprising his role as Willow Ufgood and a pilot directed by John Chu, the man who directed Crazy Rich Asians. He has a strong connection to the material.

“Growing up in the ’80s, Willow has had a profound effect on me,” Chu told Deadline. “The story of the bravest heroes in the least likely places allowed me, an Asian-American kid growing up in a Chinese restaurant looking to go to Hollywood, to believe in the power of our own will, determination and of course, inner magic. So the fact that I get to work with my heroes from Kathleen Kennedy to Ron Howard is bigger than a dream come-true. It’s a bucket-list moment for me. Jon Kasdan and Wendy Mericle have added such groundbreaking new characters and delightful surprises to this timeless story that I can’t wait for the world to come along on this epic journey with us.”

The show starts production next year, and will eventually find its home on Disney+.

In 1988 something truly spectacular happened: We watched Die Hard and met Bruce Willis’ salty, sassy John McClane. The New York detective was the stuff of nightmares for bad guys everywhere…especially Hans Gruber (RIP Alan Rickman). He was a boss’ worst nightmare. He cursed worse than any sailor or trucker we’ve ever met, even as adults. And, you guys, he was so freaking cool. The movie was full of quotable lines, which earned it instant icon status and us a firm talking to or a mouthful of soap if our moms ever heard. That didn’t exactly stop us, though… did it?

John McClane started off old and crotchety and has only gotten better with age. We’re now thirty-something years and five movies into the franchise. He’s like a fine wine because he only gets better with age. Was A Good Day To Die Hard our final chance to hang with John McClane? We hope not. We need to keep watching him age to know how we’re supposed to do it properly. The film also started one of the longest-running debates in film history: is Die Hard a Christmas movie? In fact, according to the latest search data available, there are nearly 2,500 Google searches for that same question a month. A month!

Warning: (Read this in a John McClane voice). Obviously, this isn’t PG-13. Get over it and don’t read it around children.

Iconic Quotes From Die Hard

1. Dwayne T. Robinson: How do you know that?
Sgt. Al Powell: A hunch, things he said. Like being able to spot a phony ID.

Dwayne T. Robinson: Jesus Christ, Powell, he could be a fucking bartender for all we know!

2. John McClane: Glass, who gives a shit about glass?

3. Hans Gruber: Mr. Mystery Guest? Are you still there?

John McClane: Yeah, I’m still here. Unless you wanna open the front door for me.

4. Dwayne T. Robinson: This is Deputy Chief of Police, Dwayne T. Robinson, and I am in charge of this situation.

John McClane: Oh, you’re in charge? Well, I got some bad news for you Dwayne, from up here it doesn’t look like you’re in charge of jack shit.

5. John McClane: Now I know how a TV dinner feels.

6. Hans Gruber: We do NOT alter the plan!

Karl: And, if HE alters it?

7. John McClane: Welcome to the party pal!

8. Hans Gruber: Uh, no, I’m afraid not. But, you have me at a loss. You know my name but who are you? Just another American who saw too many movies as a child? Another orphan of a bankrupt culture who thinks he’s John Wayne? Rambo? Marshal Dillon?

John McClane: Was always kinda partial to Roy Rogers actually. I really like those sequined shirts.

9. Hans Gruber: Now I have a machine gun. Ho-ho-ho.

10. John McClane: [huddled in an air vent, recalls his wife’s invitation] Come out to the coast, we’ll get together, have a few laughs…

11. Hans Gruber: You asked for miracles, I give you… the FBI.

12. Hans Gruber: [Hans’ radio turns on] I thought I told all of you, I want radio silence until further…

John McClane: Ooooh, I’m very sorry Hans. I didn’t get that message. Maybe you should’ve put it on the bulletin board. I figured since I’ve waxed Tony and Marco and his friend here, I figured you and Karl and Franco might be a little lonely, so I wanted to give you a call.

12. Store clerk: (looking at Twinkies) I thought you guys just ate donuts?

13. Hans Gruber: (On the radio) You are most troublesome for a security guard.

14. Hans Gruber: Who are you, then?

John McClane: Just a fly in the ointment, Hans. A monkey in the wretch. A pain in the ass.

15. John McClane: It’s okay, I’m a cop. Trust me, I’ve been doing this for eleven years.

16. Takagi: You want money? What kind of terrorists are you?

Hans Gruber: Who said we were terrorists?

17. John McClane: I’m a cop from New York.

Hans Gruber: New York?

John McClane: Got invited to the Christmas party by mistake. Who knew? (Hans looks at John’s bare feet) Better than getting caught with your pants down. (Laughs) I’m John McClane.

18. Sergeant Al Powell: Hey Roy, how you feeling?

John McClane: Pretty fuckin’ unappreciated, Al.

19. Hans Gruber: I spent a weekend at a combat ranch. You know that game with the guns that shoot red paint? Probably seems kind of stupid to you.

20. Holly Gennero McClane: You’ll have to forgive Ellis. He gets very depressed this time of year. He thought he was God’s greatest gift. You know?

21. John McClane: I think he’s got his eye on you.

Holly Gennero McClane: That’s okay. I have my eye on his private bathroom.

22. John McClane: No. [hands him the gun] Time for the real thing, Bill. All you gotta do is pull the trigger.

23. Marco: No more table! Where are you going to go now? Let me give you some advice: Next time you have the chance to kill someone, don’t hesitate!

John McClane: (Kills him) Thanks for the advice.

24. John McClane: Why don’t you take THIS under consideration, motherfucker?

25. John McClane: You throw quite a party. I didn’t realize they celebrated Christmas in Japan.

Joseph Takagi: Hey, we’re flexible. Pearl Harbor didn’t work out so we got you with tape decks.

26. John McClane: “Nine million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister.”

27. John McClane: No fucking shit lady, does it sound like I’m ordering a pizza?

28. Ellis: Hey babe, I negotiate million-dollar deals for breakfast. I think I can handle this Eurotrash.

29. John McClane: You’re pretty tricky with that accent. You oughtta be on fuckin’ TV with that accent.

30. Hans Gruber: You Americans are all alike. Well, this time John Wayne does not walk off into the sunset with Grace Kelly.

John McClane: That’s Gary Cooper, asshole.

31. Holly Gennero McClane: Only John can make somebody that crazy.

32. Hans Gruber: Do you really think you have a chance against us Mr. cowboy?

John McClane: Yippie Ki Yay Motherfucker!

33. Hans Gruber: I am going to count to three. There will not be a four.

34. Tony: You won’t hurt me.

John McClane: Oh, yeah? Why not?

Tony: Because you’re a policeman. There are rules for policemen.

John McClane: Yeah. That’s what my captain keeps telling me.

35. Dwayne T. Robinson: We’re gonna need some more FBI guys, I guess.

36. Hans Gruber: I wanted this to be professional, efficient, adult, cooperative. Not a lot to ask.

37. Hans: The following people are to be released from their captors: In Northern Ireland, the seven members of the New Provo Front. In Canada, the five imprisoned leaders of Liberte de Quebec. In Sri Lanka, the nine members of the Asian Dawn movement…

John McClane: (listening on the radio) What the fuck?

Karl: (mouthing silently) Asian Dawn?

Hans: (covers the radio) I read about them in Time magazine.

38. Hans Gruber: Alas, your Mr. Takagi did not see it that way… so he won’t be joining us for the rest of his life.

39. Hans Gruber: We can go any way you want it. You can walk out of here or be carried out. But have no illusions. We are in charge.

40. Dwayne T. Robinson: Oh god I hope that’s not a hostage.

41. Hans Gruber: That’s a nice suit. It’d be a shame to ruin it

42. John McClane: Happy trails, Hans.

43. John McClane: Is the building destroyed?

Sgt. Al Powell: No, but it’s gonna need a new paint job and a shit-load of screen doors.

Quotes From Die Hard 2: Die Harder

44. Capt. Grant: Too bad, McClane. I kinda liked you.

John McClane: I’ve got enough friends!

45. John McClane: How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice.

46. Marvin: You like it, huh? How ’bout you give me twenty bucks for it.

John McClane: How ’bout I let you live?

Marvin: Man knows how to barter.

47. Capt. Grant: You are just in the wrong place, at the wrong time.

John McClane: Story of my life.

48. John McClane: Just once, I’d like a regular, normal Christmas. Eggnog, a fuckin’ Christmas tree, a little turkey. But, no! I gotta crawl around in this motherfuckin’ tin can!

49. Flight Attendant: (to Holly) What did you do?

Holly: Knocked out two of his teeth.

Flight Attendant: Would you like some champagne?

50. Lorenzo: Yeah, yeah. I know who you are. You’re the asshole that’s just broke seven FAA and five District of Columbia regulations, running around my airport with a gun, shooting at people. What do you call that shit?

McClane: Self-defense.

51. McClane: Powell, put down that Twinkie and talk to me!

Powell: John! How the hell you been?

52. Holly McClane: Listen Dick. That is your name? Dick. If you’re gonna continue to get this close do you think you might consider switching aftershaves?

Thornberg: Anything else?

Holly McClane: Stronger mouthwash would be nice.