Mike Julianelle or something you find in dirty diaper. We aren't sure.

Mike Julianelle

Mike lives in Brooklyn with his wife, two children, and increasing dependence on alcohol. Find him on dadandburied.com and its associated social channels (FB, IG, Twitter) and be ready for him to mock his kids, himself, and maybe even you.

Parody Adds Ice Skates to Die Hard to Make Even More Christmassy

Die Hard on Ice Parody
(YouTube/NOW TV)

The holidays can be stressful. What with the shopping and the crowds and the long Christmas lists and the family interactions; things are fraught. Sometimes you need a break, and often the best way to get one is to sit down by the fire and the tree, grab a glass of egg nog, and watch a Christmas movie.

Like Die Hard.

Oh, I’m sorry, you don’t consider Die Hard a Christmas movie? Well, it takes place during the Christmas season, at a Christmas party, on Christmas eve, and there’s a tree and a Santa and Christmas songs, and someone even says “Ho. Ho. Ho.” So maybe it’t not about Christmas but it is surrounding by the trappings of Christmas, which is a good enough reason for me to put it on this weekend!

If you’re still not convinced, maybe this new version of the classic action movie will turn the tide.

A new ad for NOW TV in England, promoting the streaming service – and its airing of Die Hard this month – features a parody of Die Hard – featuring ice skaters. It has to be seen to be believed.

McClane is played by Hollywood stunt artist Tom Boney, but the real show-stopper here is Hans, as portrayed by four-time British silver medalist figure skater Thomas Paulson.

The ad, which is better than it has any right to be, is clearly meant with affection, as confirmed by NOW TV’s Managing Director, Marina Storti. “Die Hard is arguably the greatest action movie of all time – an iconic and festive blend of action, intelligence, drama and comedy,” Storti said. “And we’re sure our ‘on ice’ recreation will be loved by Die Hard enthusiasts and NOW TV fans alike.”

The parody only lasts as long as the trailer, and while I certainly don’t need ice skates added to the movie to make it an acceptable watch during the holiday season, my wife might.

I just hope Holly doesn’t yell “toe pick!”

‘Vacation’ TV Reboot ‘The Griswolds’ in the Works at HBO Max

The Griswolds TV Reboot
(Warner Bros)

It’s December, inching towards Christmas, and this time of year means one thing in my house: holiday movies.

In October we watch horror flicks, in December it’s Santa stuff. All month long. My wife indulges in the proud schlock of the Lifetime and Hallmark channels, my kids eat up all the animated stuff, I get thrown the occasional Die Hard or Bad Santa bone, and sprinkled throughout the month are the classics. The movies get more legitimate as we get closer to the big day, and the two biggest are the classic It’s a Wonderful Life and my wife’s all-time favorite National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.

Christmas Vacation is the third movie to feature the lovably dysfunctional Griswold family, featuring doofus dad Clark, his remarkably tolerant wife, Ellen, and their two teenagers, Rusty and Claire. There have been 4 movies (if you count Vegas Vacation) featuring Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo as Clark and Ellen, with their kids being played by a variety of different actors (including Anthony Michael Hall).

Johnny Galecki, who grew up to star in Roseanne and The Big Bang Theory, appeared as Rusty in the Christmas edition, and apparently he has fond memories because he’s bringing the family back. In TV form!

With his blockbuster sitcom coming to an end, Galecki is shifting attention away from Sheldon and company and back to the Griswold family with a new series for HBO Max.

The Hollywood Reporter describes the “The Griswolds” as “a single-camera comedy about what happens when the disaster-prone family returns home from vacation. The Griswolds, which currently has a script development deal, will follow the family and explore their daily lives in the suburbs of modern-day Chicago.”

Whether the dad will be Clark, or Rusty (Ed Helms portrayed a grown-up Rusty in 2017’s Vacation reboot that nobody saw), or someone else is yet to be seen, as is any potential involvement of Chevy Chase in one of his most iconic roles. The notoriously prickly actor has burned many a bridge over the years, but people still love Clark, so we’ll see.

Unfortunately, something tells me Randy Quaid won’t be reprising his role as Cousin Eddie anytime soon.

Father Figures: How Much I Lost

“My mother sent me a box of pictures from my childhood and included was the note I wrote my father the night he left. I was nine, and I can still remember him telling my mother he’d been having an affair. He packed some things as my mother cried in another room.

As he put his boots on to leave, I handed it to him. I remember feeling pretty confident that I’d be able to change his mind, but of course it didn’t work. He read it. Then he let out a forced breath, and then tossed the note onto the kitchen table. He didn’t say anything. He just finished putting on his boots, slung the duffle bag over his shoulder, and left.

It’s funny, in that moment I felt like I’d done something wrong. Like my note failed to keep my parents together. But when I saw it mixed in with those photos 28 years later, I felt anger, and I’ll tell you why.

After he left, he was in and out of my life until he died 10 years later from drug addiction. The most consist relationship we had was when he was in jail. I always knew where to find him then. But I don’t think I fully realized what we’d missed until I became a father myself.

That night he not only walked out on my mother, but he also walked out on years of bedtime stories, family movie nights, parent teacher conference, warm hugs, vacations, arguments over homework, Christmas mornings, camping trips, playing catch, and every other heartwarming, frustrating, and rewarding part of being a father.

I can remember him saying ‘you’ll understand someday. ‘He said that a lot. And he was right. It’s only now that I know exactly what he and I lost.

Divorce happens, but that fatherhood gig never stops. The moment I saw that note, a realization hit me in a hot angry wave. I finally understood how much I lost the night my father left, and I don’t know if I’ve ever felt more committed to my role as a father than I do right now.”

– Clint Edwards, Author of Silence is a Scary Sound [amazon.com/Silence-Scary-Sound-Stories-Terrible/dp/1624148530/]

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email [email protected]

Check out the previous editions of Father Figures here.

Pringles Teams up with Rick and Morty for Limited Edition Pickle Rick Flavor

Pickle Rick Pringles
(Kellogg's/Adult Swim)

Adult Swim’s “Rick and Morty” cartoon is sort of like a bizarro Back to the Future based around a degenerate scientist and his idiot grandson as they have existential science-fiction adventures. It’s absurd and brilliant and intensely loved by its fans, so much so that an episode that referenced McDonald’s long-discontinued Szechuan dipping sauce provoked people into doing strange things to try and revive the item.

Now Pringles is releasing a new flavor based on the popular Rick and Morty episode Pickle Rick, in which Rick, the aforementioned degenerate scientist, accidentally transforms himself into a pickle. The episode features the often-drunk, extremely callous grandpa using all of his wits and resourcefulness to escape pickle bondage (in the most violent and grotesque manner possible).

The new flavor will only be available for a limited time, early next year, in a promotional tie in with the Super Bowl.

“We want to do something completely new for the brand for the 2020 Big Game and are thrilled to be partnering with Adult Swim and Rick and Morty, a show which continues to grow in popularity year after year and enjoys a cult fan following,” said Pringles senior director of marketing Gareth Maguire. “We hope the new special edition Pickle Rick flavour will be a hit with the show’s fans.”

I’m sure it will be. Hopefully, it won’t cause riots! Adult Swim seems confident in the partnership.

“We’re very thoughtful about who we partner with around Rick and Morty and we couldn’t be more pleased with our new relationship with Pringles,” said Adult Swim senior vice president for marketing and partnerships Jill King.

“Not only are the Rick and Morty show creators making a hilarious spot for the Big Game, we’re extending this partnership in really exciting ways, all year long. Rick and Morty fans are going to be given amazing new opportunities to illustrate their love for this iconic show, thanks to Pringles.”

It’s a very smart, and very unhinged show, and the actions of some of its more intense fans shouldn’t be held against it.

Nor should the taste of these potato chips, unless Pringles goes all out to make them taste anything like actual Pickle Rick would. Because that’s just nasty.

You Asked For a Miracle, I Give You a ‘Die Hard’ Christmas Pop-Up Bar

Die Hard Pop up Bar
(The Sixth Bar)

Welcome to the party, Chicago! The rest of the country won’t be joining you for the rest of their lives.

Sorry. I’m just jealous that I don’t live in the Windy City, because this time of year, my wife drags me around to countless holiday-based activities and events here in NYC. The tree at Rockefeller Center, Santa at Macy’s, the ice rink in Bryant Park, various terrible Christmas-themed pop-up bars and shops. Meanwhile, there’s finally a pop-up bar that I want to go to and it’s halfway across the country!

The Sixth, a bar on 2200 Lawrence Avenue in Chicago, has turned itself into Yippie-Ki-Yay, a Die Hard themed bar complete with Die Hard themed drinks, and it will stay that way until the end of the year. What better place to ring out 2019 than in a rooftop bar covered in broken glass! (I assume that’s the situation, again, I live thousands of miles away.)

According to Block Club Chicago, the bar will be decorated in 80s Christmas style, which means lots of garish gold and glittery decorations, and will be festooned with props and custom artwork related to the greatest action movie of all time.

The cocktails were inspired by events and quotes from the film, focusing on beloved characters like John McClane, Hans Gruber, Sgt. Al Powell, Holly Gennaro McClane, and Argyle the limo driver. And if there isn’t some kind of Twinkie-based dessert, well, we’re gonna need some new bar manager guys.

Here’s the full cocktail list:

Adam Sandler Wants an Oscar for ‘Uncut Gems’ or He’ll Make a Bad Movie

Uncut Gems
(YouTube/A24)

If you’ve seen The Ridiculous Six, Jack and Jill, Grown Ups, Bulletproof, The Cobbler, Mixed Nuts, The Do-Over, or Blended – you probably think you’ve seen Adam Sandler at his worst. But don’t test the man.

Love him or hate him, Sandler is one of the biggest comedic movie stars of the past 25 years. The SNL alum has been churning out movies for the better part of 3 decades, and while not everyone is a classic, most of them have been successful. Even his latest Netflix movie, Murder Mystery, allegedly did huge numbers for the streaming service, despite the fact that even his biggest fans probably wouldn’t consider it among his best work.

The fact is, Sandler’s persona has remained largely unchanged for his entire career, even when he – and his audience – grew up, he stayed firmly ensconced in the juvenile man-child space. He was astute enough to shift towards child-friendly stuff like his Grown Ups movies and the Hotel Transylvania franchise, but his best comedic days appear to be behind him. His best dramatic days, however, may still be here.

Over the years he’s given his dramatic chops a-go in a handful of well-received movies, like Punch-Drunk Love, Spanglish, Reign O’er Me, Netflix’s The Meyerowitz Stories, and, this Oscar season, Uncut Gems.

The gritty thriller from the Safdie Brothers may be Sandler’s most intense role yet, and it’s already getting Oscar buzz. So much buzz, in fact, that Sandler is uncharacteristically making the rounds to promote the movie. And, at least half-seriously, making it clear that he would love to get nominated.

OR ELSE.

In an appearance on The Howard Stern Show on Sirius, he said that getting nominated for Uncut Gems would be “a funny big thing” and that he’d go all-out to campaign for it, i.e., he’d actually attend the ceremony in a tux, instead of a tracksuit. Then he got down to business, threatening Oscar voters, moviegoers, and Netflix subscribers everywhere with some extreme consequences should his role as an over-leveraged, gambling-addicted diamond broker go unnoticed by the Academy.

He told shock jock Stern that if he doesn’t win an Oscar, he’s “going to f—ing come back and do [a movie] that is so bad on purpose just to make you all pay. That’s how I get them.”

Given that many of us regret spending money on Mr. Deeds, back when Sandler was supposedly aspiring to make something worthwhile, the prospect of him intentionally striving to make something terrible should have us all quaking in our boots.

Or at least switching over to Disney+.

Is Ace Ventura 3 In the Works?

Ace Ventura 3 In the Works?
(Morgan Creek)

Of all the sequels, reboots, remakes, reimaginings and updates swirling around in Hollywood, this is not one I ever expected.

Apparently a third Ace Ventura movie may be in the works.

The first Ace Ventura helped kick-off Jim Carrey’s box office dominance in the mid-90s. Along with Dumb and Dumber and The Mask, Ventura was a huge hit, launching the Living Color comic into the stratosphere, from which he wouldn’t completely come down until he shifted to more serious, sentimental fare. (Remember The Majestic? Me neither.)

Now, on the heels of what looks like a scenery-chewing performance in the forthcoming Sonic the Hedgehog movie, Carrey may be returning to one of his most iconic roles. He’s already played Ace twice, butt (pun intended) the second one didn’t go so well. He’s also no stranger to returning to characters after a long time off, as evidenced by the ill-fated Dumb and Dumber sequel he starred in a few years back.

Whether this actually happens is yet to be seen, as the Twitter frenzy around it was kicked off by a cryptic, detail-free tweet from an CNBC writer.

The punctuation and emoji in the tweet seem to suggest that even as he puts the rumor out there, he doesn’t necessarily believe it. Of course, there is little need for facts on social media, and the rumor was quickly up and running, with Ace Ventura’s production studio adding fuel to the fire with a tweet of their own:

Again, side-eye is far from a definitive statement. Side-eye emojis don’t usually have greenlighting power. And just last year, Tommy Davidson, a friend and former co-star of Carrey’s, told US Weekly that the actor is not interested.

“[Carrey] doesn’t want to do it now. But Jim is one of those kind of artists that, you know, he does what he feels, he does what he believes in. I asked him about it. I told him, ‘Hey man, it’d be nice in Jamaica.’ He said, ‘No I’m not doing those now,” Davidson said.

So we’ll see. But based on the social media response, even if Jim Carrey’s not ready for Ace Ventura 3, his fans are.

Father Figures: Happy Birthday

“My fiancé, Nicholas, is 10 years younger than me but has exceeded my expectations of being a father since the day our daughter was born.

I was waiting so long to be with someone that I would be happy raising a child with. Neither one of us is perfect and we’re figuring things out as we go but he’s been the backbone of our family.

He works 60+ hours a week to provide for us. He has never complained about cooking dinner on my bad days and even cleans too. He is hands-on when it comes to raising our daughter. He respects my role as a stay-at-home mom and I want him to know how much I appreciate everything he does for our family. Because I know he does more than I ever expected. Without complaint.

Happy birthday, Nicholas! We love you more than you know and appreciate more than we can show.

Thank you for everything you do and all of the adventures.”

– Lisa Ishihara

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email [email protected]

Check out the previous editions of Father Figures here.

“Music Historian” Lists the Songs of the Decade All The Way Back to 14,000 BC

Top Songs of the Decade
(Twitter/jazzemu_)

Last week, Spotify released it’s year-end data, informing subscribers of their listening habits throughout 2019. Since it’s also the end of the decade, that data included users most-listened to “artist of the decade.” One ambitious music historian took that idea and ran with it on Twitter, digging into the history of popular music and laying out the songs of the decade for the past… few thousand years?

I can’t imagine how long it took to unearth all of these and make some of the older ones of listenable quality, but kudos to Archie Henderson, @jazzemu_ on Twitter.

Seriously, this guy went all out. There are some fascinating tidbits in here. I had no idea Lou Bega was part of such a long tradition!

It starts predictably enough, at least if you’re a teenage girl:

Remember James Blunt? The aughts do:

Here’s the aforementioned Lou Bega, with his one and only hit:

This song is appropriate for this list:

He continues to go back through the 70s, 60s, 50s, and then his academic chops really start to unearth some gems:

This may be from the 20s but it SLAPS:

We also learn about the mile high club’s down to earth beginnings:

He digs back into the 1800s, where we find the first prequel to Lou Bega’s earworm:

I’m not gonna lie, I had no idea Handel went this hard. This song is LIT:

Okay, so if you haven’t figured it out by now, god help you, but you are being FUCKED WITH:

The thread continues with a few more Mambos, some disturbing some from the 1400s, one more from Cher:

The list goes back into BC. THERE ARE 30 TWEETS AND SNIPPETS! And the laughs just keep growing. This has got to be the best music-based trolling since Rick Astley! In fact, I’m sort of shocked that bit didn’t make it onto the list.

Make sure to enjoy each decade, check out the entire thread here.

Enjoy!

Ghostbusters: Afterlife Trailer Brings Nostalgia, But No Laughs

(YouTube/Sony)

Last week, we finally got a glimpse at some photos for the new Ghostbusters movie. This is the actual sequel to the two originals – it takes place in the same universe, with the same history, and even some of the same cast (or so we’ve been promised) – as opposed to the reboot thing with Melissa McCarthy and Kate McKinnon that so many people cried about.

There shouldn’t be too much crying today, because Ghostbusters: Afterlife just dropped its first trailer! It’s full of callbacks to the original, including the franchise’s familiar ghost traps, proton packs, and Ecto-1. Unfortunately, while few tears will be shed watching this trailer, few laughs will be had either. It strikes a largely serious tone, give or take some youthful hi-jinks with the Ghostbusters gear, and despite Paul Rudd’s genial presence.

As we mentioned last week, the new movie, from original director Ivan Reitman’s son Jason, focuses on Carrie Coon’s single mother who uproots her two kids (including Stranger Things’ Finn Wolfhard) from NYC and moves them to Oklahoma to live in the house they inherited from their late grandfather.

The trailer reveals some strange, potentially supernatural goings-on in the area, provoking interest from Ghostbusters fanboy Paul Rudd (who notes that no ghosts have been seen in 30 years), and soon the kids discover that their grandfather might have been one of the original four members of the crew that was famous in the 80s.

The trailer teases the family’s heritage, with some shots of molds, spores and fungus, the daughter’s (Mackenzie Grace) oddly-familiar spectacles, and an old jumpsuit with the Spengler name. Grandpa seems to have been Igon Spengler, who was played by Harold Ramis in the first two films.

Take a look. Does the serious tone work for you? Do you want more laughs? (With Paul Rudd involved, surely there will be some.) How do you like the voice-over that takes Venkman’s fun, ironic speech from the first movie and turns it into something portentous?

Father Figures: Every Waking Moment

“I met my now wife through friends and before I met her I knew she had a daughter. Although I would not meet my daughter until she was almost two and a half she would change my life with every waking moment.

When you are 22 years old and have no children of your own it can be hard to make the transition to dad. Mom did all the right things by keeping me from her until she knew the time was right. I had heard stories upon stories of the daily activities of the rambunctious 2 year old and was anxious to see if we meshed. When that day came this beautiful little articulate child came into view. We talked and played a little that first day and from that moment on I knew.

As a young man from a broken home who did not know his father, I always wanted to be the dad he did not want to be. I knew every child deserved to be loved unconditionally and given more then we ever received.

A few weeks after our initial meeting this little girl came to a 22-year-old man and asked me to paint her nails. Something I instantly said yes to. While we did her nails, Mom sat near by watching. I did not know this picture had been taken ’til some time later but it always brings back that memory.

At our wedding I wrote special vows for her and gave her a ring too, knowing that this moment would effect the rest of her life too.

Today I have a grandson who calls me Pa and even though there is no blood between us there is love that is unconditional and never wavering just like with his beautiful mother and grand mother.

There were the girls that changed the life of a broken boy turning him into a man honored to be called ‘Pa.'”

– Rob Frazee

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email [email protected]

Check out the previous editions of Father Figures here.

Ryan Reynolds Puts ‘Peloton Wife’ in an Ad for His Gin Company

Peloton Wife Stars in Gin Ad
(YouTube/Ryan Reynolds)

Whether you have a problem with that Peloton ad or not, you’ve surely seen it. You know the one, where the wife gets a $2000 bike on Christmas morning and proceeds to document her fitness journey over the course of the next year? It’s making a lot of noise around the internets.

We wrote about it, and made some jokes about the husband giving a potentially insulting gift to his wife, and about the wife being trapped in a relationship where she’s forced to exercise until she’s pleased her man, and speculated about the backlash the company received. Which may or may not include a drop in their stock price.

Regardless of how you feel about the ad, two things are for sure: it got people talking, and the Peloton wife has some expressive eyes and eyebrows.

So expressive that you can probably recognize her in this new ad, from Ryan Reynolds’ gin company. The ad, which never mentions Peloton or anything of the sort, completely hinges on the recognizability of the woman and the awareness of the controversy surrounding that commercial.

The Aviation Gin spot features the woman from the Peloton ad sitting at a bar, clearly shell-shocked by her experience, staring into space and saying “This gin is really smooth,” while flanked by two friends who are reassuring her that she’s in a safe place before the three of them clink glasses and say, “To new beginnings!”

The implication, which is obvious to anyone who has seen or is aware of the Peloton ad, is that she’s escaped her marriage, in which her husband gave her an expensive Peloton bike to encourage her to lose some weight.

The actress also released a statement through her agency, LA Talent:

I was happy to accept a job opportunity earlier this year from Peloton and the team was lovely to work with. Although I’m an actress, I am not quite comfortable being in spotlight and I’m terrible on social media. So to say I was shocked and overwhelmed by the attention this week (especially the negative) is an understatement.

When Ryan and his production team called about Aviation Gin, they helped me find some humor in the situation. I am grateful to both Peloton and now Aviation Gin for the work and giving me the opportunity to do what I love to do.

It’s a clever move, and had to have been a fast one too, securing the actress and filming the spot within a few days of the controversy exploding. Kudos to funny guy and good dad Ryan Reynolds, or at least on the creative minds at Aviation Gin who came up with this idea and made it happen.

I can’t wait for the next 15 entries in the Peloton Extended Commercial Universe! Who needs Thanos when we have her evil husband!

“Ghostbusters: Afterlife” Photos and Plot Details Revealed

Paul Rudd in Ghostbusters: Afterlife
(Sony Pictures Entertainment)

I ain’t afraid of no new Ghostbusters movie, but after the controversy over director Paul Feig’s reboot or remake or reimagining or whatever it was a few years back, some of you probably are. The studio itself probably is!

This may explain why this next version, which seems to actually be a sequel, is being directed by Jason Reitman, the son of Ivan, who directed the original blockbuster.

The new movie, about which few details are known, hits theaters on July 10, 2020, and stars the beloved and ageless funnyman Paul Rudd, professional actress Carrie Coon, Stranger Thing Finn Wolfhard, and McKenna Grace. Many of the original cast are basically slated to appear, as their actual characters this time (as opposed to Bill Murray’s strange role in Paul Feig’s movie) that’s basically been all we’ve known about it – until today.

We finally got our first look at it with some photos, a title, and a plot synopsis. And the trailer is set to drop on Monday!

According to a story in Vanity Fair, Ghostbusters: Afterlife is a direct sequel to the first two flicks, and centers around a single mom and her two kids in a post-Stay Puft world. The gooey event that closed out the first movie is referred to as the Manhattan Crossrip, and Paul Rudd plays Mr. Grooberson, a Ghostbusters truther who remembers the event “obsessively and is excited to pass on what he knows,” in a world that doesn’t necessarily believe it happened.

The mom and her kids (Coon, Wolfhard, and McKenna, obviously) move to Oklahoma after inheriting property from the father she never knew, and that’s when things start to pick up – and connect back.

“As the family arrives at an old farm, they begin to discover their connection to the original Ghostbusters,” Jason Reitman told Vanity Fair. “Trevor and Phoebe are about to find out who their grandfather was and whether they’re ready to pick up the proton pack themselves.

Something tells me they are, and that hi-jinks will ensue! We’ll know more on Monday when the trailer arrives, but until then, here are some photos from the VF story.

Ghostbusters Afterlife
(Sony Pictures Entertainment)
Ghostbusters Afterlife
(Sony Pictures Entertainment)
Ghostbusters Afterlife
(Sony Pictures Entertainment)