Mike Julianelle or something you find in dirty diaper. We aren't sure.

Mike Julianelle

Mike lives in Brooklyn with his wife, two children, and increasing dependence on alcohol. Find him on dadandburied.com and its associated social channels (FB, IG, Twitter) and be ready for him to mock his kids, himself, and maybe even you.

Fans Excited at News of National Treasure 3

National Treasure 3
(Disney)

There are a lot of sequels coming down the pike.

The Skywalker Saga may have ended, but we still have all the Marvel flicks (Black Panther 2, Captain Marvel 2, Dr. Strange 2, Thor 4, Guardians 3, etc., etc.), another Fast and Furious coming along, the next Wonder Woman, Venom 2, the new Bond comes out in April. The list never ends. Even Bad Boys is rumored to be getting a fourth entry after the third movie’s recent success.

Plus, there are surely movies out there that many of us wish would have sequels but never will, like Back to the Future 4 (sorry, Christopher Lloyd) and Goonies (let it go, people).

And then there are the sequels no one asked for. Like National Treasure 3.

Look, I’m not bashing the National Treasure movies, which are like Indiana Jones crossed with Dan Brown, only somehow more stupid and with Nicholas Cage. My 9-year-old loves those movies. And who isn’t a sucker for a treasure hunt, complete with booby traps and puzzles and Jon Voight? But you can’t tell me you aren’t surprised to hear that a third movie is in the works.

Well, surprised or not, it’s coming, at least according to The Hollywood Reporter, which was actually breaking the news of the aforementioned Bad Boys 4 when they also let slip that Chris Bremner, the writer of Bad Boys for Life and it’s just announced sequel is also under contract to write the next National Treasure flick for Disney.

Benjamin Gates will be back, despite director Jon Turtletaub’s previous lamentations that Disney wasn’t willing to pony up the $80 million needed to get a third movie off the ground, despite everyone’s desire to do it.

“It’s a no,” Turteltaub had told ComicBook.com. “I would love there to be. Nic is like, in wardrobe right now. Jerry Bruckheimer is ready to go. We would love to.”

Apparently, Disney+ is raking in the bucks, because Disney changed their tune. There are literally no details about the movie beyond Bremner’s involvement, and it’s eventual appearance at a multiplex – or a streaming service – near you is far from assured. But that didn’t stop fans from losing their minds with excitement online.

Where do you stand?

Was the Original ‘Duel of the Fates’ Script For Star Was IX Better Than ROS?

Star Was IX Duel of the Fates
(YouTube/THE BURNETTWORK)

It’s probably safe to say that if you haven’t seen The Rise of Skywalker by now, you’re not exactly clamoring to. Maybe you don’t care about spoilers, maybe you’re not a big Star Wars fan, maybe you just heard it stinks and would rather wait for it to it Disney+.

Regardless of your reasons, if you do care about spoilers, turn back now. Because while we’re here to talk about a version of TROS that doesn’t exist, we can’t do that without talking about the one that does. And yes, to many people, that one sort of stinks.

The controversy surrounding the production of a Star Wars film isn’t exactly new. Rogue One was largely reshot, Solo ditched directors midway through, etc. Similarly, the divisiveness of Star Wars movies isn’t new. For every person who loves the Ewoks and hates midichlorians, there are two that feel the opposite way. For all the people that love The Last Jedi, there’s a petition asking it to be stricken from the record.

The Rise of Skywalker has been plagued by both issues. The original writer/director, Jurassic World’s Colin Trevorrow, was dumped before filming began and replaced with JJ Abrams, and the movie hasn’t been met with the same acclaim, or booming box office, the studio surely anticipated for the final film in the Skywalker Saga.

But it turns out things could have been different. At least, according to an early version of the script, a review of which originally appeared on YouTube and was soon followed by a breakdown on Reddit. Shortly thereafter, the AV Club verified that the script was indeed Trevorrow’s draft that was jettisoned when he was booted off the flick. (The script was written before Carrie Fisher’s death, so there’s no telling how much that would have impacted its storylines.)

Robert Meyer Burnett reviews an early draft of Star Wars’ 9th episode entitled DUEL OF THE FATES from r/StarWarsLeaks

There are many significant changes, starting with the title, Duel of the Fates (fans may remember that this is the name of the song that scores the Darth Maul fight at the end of Phantom Menace). Rose, The Last Jedi’s most polarizing character, has a bigger role, again teaming up with Finn, this time to light a beacon to restore communications the First Order has cut off to stunt the Resistance’s… resistance. Poe and Chewy accompany Rey on a mission to a distant planet, where she wrestles with her, and the Jedi’s, future, while Kylo Ren is tortured by Luke’s force ghost while on the hunt for an evil Holocron.

As for the Emperor? In what is perhaps the biggest difference between the two movies, the original Big Bad does show up, but only as a hologram who tells Kylo to seek out his old master, an enormous “Lovecraftian” monster who trains Kylo and further seals his fate as a Sith, despite Luke, Leia’s and Rey’s attempts to redeem him.

There are a lot more differences – from other Jedis actually appearing as force ghosts rather than just in voice-over, the reveal that Kylo had killed Rey’s parents on Snope’s orders, etc. – and whether they’re better than the movie they made is in the eye of the beholder.

At the very least, the Reddit breakdown makes for an interesting read – at the very least, the opening crawl is better – and adds fuel to the fire to any fans who want to start another petition.

Move Over Pineapple, Kiwi Is Here to Polarize Pizza Lovers

Kiwi on Pizza
(reddit/nre1313)

I’m not here to cast aspersions on anyone or to throw stones or to question your judgment. That said: if you put pineapple on your pizza yes you deserve to die and I hope you burn in hell!

I kid, I kid. I’ve actually done the Hawaiian pizza thing once or twice, not by choice, obviously – I’m not a monster! – and it was surprisingly okay. I would never do it again in a million years but I suppose I can see the appeal. But that’s as far as I’m willing to go. Truth be told, I don’t like to mix fruit and meat, so take your Hawaiian pizza and your prosciutto-wrapped melon and get out of my face!

Clearly, not everyone agrees, as not only does pineapple on pizza have its supporters, there’s a new game in town, one that laughs in the face of your pineapple and ups the ante in ways most normal people couldn’t even imagine.

A user took to Reddit to share the pizza he’d ordered from a Danish restaurant, and if you thought pineapple pizza is an abomination, wait til you get a load of this bright green disaster.

Kiwi pizza from a Danish pizzeria, an unholy abomination from r/shittyfoodporn

That’s right, it’s a Kiwi pizza! And it looks exactly the way your vomit will look after you eat it!

There’s something incongruous about a Scandinavian country like Denmark, a region of white snow and blonde hair, concocting a pizza pie so bizarre and bright and, presumably, disgusting! It’s like someone googled “pizza” and only got as far as “round,” “cheesy,” and “toppings” and decided to throw caution to the wind and throw whatever TF they wanted on there.

In fact, according to LadBible, Scandinavia has a reputation for going way off the beaten path with their pizza toppings. Click this link at your own risk.

They were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.

The comments underneath the Reddit post are a mixture of, “eh, I’ll try it,” and “WHAT IS LIFE!?!” At least one brave user is wide-open to the idea of a Kiwi-topped pizza, having explored many fruity pizzas before.

“A pizzaria in my hometown had some really unique toppings including apples and oranges. It sounds really gross, but apples, oranges, and pepperoni was straight up one of the best pizzas I ever had. I’d give this weird fruit pizza a go.”

To which a less insane Redditor replied: “So, you’re a monster.”

So the debate over fruit-topped pizza rages on, and suddenly pineapple has some competition. Where do you stand?

Dad Takes Down Rabid Coyote That Attacked His 2-Yr-Old Son

Dad Takes Down Coyote
(Facebook/Kensington PD YouTube/CBS Boston)

You never really know what you’re capable of until push comes to shove. Will you buckle under the pressure? Or will you find reserves of courage and strength that allow you to fight your way out? For better or worse, most of us are never faced with the kind of situation that demands such a reckoning, so we might go through life underestimating ourselves.

One dad found out that he has what it takes when his young son was suddenly in mortal danger. Nothing activates your killer instinct like one of your kids being in peril.

Ian O’Reilly of Kensington, New Hampshire was out walking a trail with his wife and three kids when a coyote jumped out of the woods and clamped his jaws onto O’Reilly’s 2-year-old son’s jacket. Dad immediately kicked the coyote to free his son from its grasp. But the coyote was not done.

“There was no interest in it going away. [I] ultimately had to make the decision to become the aggressor and jumped on it, attacked it and [got] it to the ground,” O’Reilly told Boston 25 News.

O’Reilly was bitten in the chest and arm by the coyote as he struggled to keep it away from his family. Ultimately, he was forced to hold the animal down and suffocate it.

“When I was able to get on top of it, I put my hand on its snout so it wasn’t able to attack me. There was quite a bit of snow on the ground, so I shoved the face into the snow and then eventually was able [to] put my hand on its snout and expire it through suffocation. Ultimately one hand on its windpipe and one hand on its snout did the trick.”

He told Boston 25 that he wasn’t happy about killing the coyote, but he had to do what he had to do. Police have since confirmed that the animal was rabid, and O’Reilly is undergoing a series of shots to protect himself from the disease.

The New Hampshire police are warning people, after this and another incident of coyotes being aggressive, to be careful and avoid the woods.

“I now have two different animals, two different sequences and two different people,” said Colonel Kevin Jordan, Chief of the New Hampshire Fish and Game Law Enforcement Division. “I would suggest don’t walk with us in the woods.”

Watch O’Reilly recount his harrowing tale:

Father Figures: Appreciation and Love

“My wife and I were starting to feel as if having children just wasn’t in the cards for us.

Years of trying and coming up short were weighing heavy on us and it had gotten to the point that we had accepted that we just weren’t supposed to have any. Then God had answered our prayers.

My wife had a seemingly flawless pregnancy. She didn’t have a lot of sickness and had said she felt better pregnant than she had ever felt before. Then, in the 31st week, she started having nosebleeds and a lot of swelling. A rough day at the school she teaches at had the nurse suggest calling our doctor and they shortly had her taken an hour and a half north to a hospital with an outstanding NICU because they were confident that baby would be making her way out.

I watched my wife hold on for 48 hours hooked up with cables and wires, not able to eat or drink for fear that she would have a seizure. I stood while my 31-week-pregnant wife passed out in my arms and woke up to say she couldn’t do it anymore. She held on just long enough for the doctors to get out my baby girl and allow me to hold her much earlier than I anticipated.

It didn’t seem fair to her that she went through all of that. I have found an appreciation and love for her that I didn’t know was there. My life is forever changed because of the sacrifice she made for our girl. I am forever blessed.”

– William Damron

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email [email protected]

Check out the previous editions of Father Figures here.

Twitter Users Share Their Best ‘Strange But True’ Stories

Twitter's Strange But True Stories
(Getty/Flavio Coelho)

The internet and social media, for all their faults, have definitely made the world flatter. They’ve enabled all of us to connect with people we might otherwise never have been able to and to learn about experiences that are entirely foreign to us.

Sometimes this manifests in political ways, such as the world’s exposure to and subsequent amplification of the Arab Spring, and sometimes it showcases itself in more trivial ways, like when we all discovered how wrong everyone else was about the color of that dress.

Recently, thanks to one Twitter user’s innocuous question, the world was exposed to a variety of stories that seemed too good, or too strange, to be true. This being the faceless morass of social media, who actually knows if they are, but these strange, allegedly factual stories of bizarre real-life events are a lot of fun to read.

It all started when writer Aidan Moher posed his question:

The answers he received were plentiful and came in all shapes and sizes.

Some were goofy:

Some were amazing:

Some were heartwarming:

A lot of them were freaky:

Many were hilarious:

Some were just plain unfortunate:

But almost all were entertaining, check out the entire thread here.

Father Figures: The Face of Success

“The picture is of my husband at his graduation this past Monday, for his Bachelors degree. That’s the face of a proud graduate looking back at his wife and children after 5 years of blood, sweat, and tears…

…working two (sometimes three) jobs, raising three (going on four) kids, no babysitters, no grandparents, aunts or uncles to take the kids during midterms or finals, no nest egg for tuition, and giving up a 10-year career for a better future.

We had lots of emotional support and love, but we did all the heavy lifting… and his face shows it!

That’s the face of success!”

– Bettye Erich

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email [email protected]

Check out the previous editions of Father Figures here.

Watch The Full “Threat Level: Midnight” Movie From The Office

Threat Level Midnight Full Movie
(YouTube/The Office)

Of all the legendary characters, moments, and episodes from The Office, some stand above the rest. Maybe you’re a Jim and Pam Stan, maybe you can’t control yourself when Kevin spills his chili, maybe you love Ryan and Kelly’s dynamic, maybe you live for when Jim pranks Dwight, maybe you love to hate Toby as much as Michael.

No matter which aspect of the show is your favorite, there’s one legendary episode everyone loves, and that’s the one in which Michael finally makes his movie.

Michael Scott’s action movie dreams were introduced in Season 2 when his screenplay for Threat Level: Midnight was discovered. At first, it’s primarily used by Dunder Mifflin employees to mock their clueless, if well-intended, boss. But by the time Michael decided to leave Ohio and move to Colorado with HR employee Holly, the staff’s affection for their boss outweighed their frustration and amusement.

Before he (and, obviously, Steve Carrell) left, the Dunder Mifflin team made Michael’s action movie dreams a reality and helped him make his movie.

The results of their endeavors were revealed, in small bits and pieces, in a season 7 episode. The Die Hard/James Bond type effort features Michael Scott as the main character, Michael Scarn, who’s still reeling from the death of his wife, Catherine Zeta-Scarn. Dunder Mifflin employees fill out the rest of the cast, with Jim portraying villain Goldenface, who’s attempting to blow up the NHL All-Star game. At the behest of the president, played by Darryl, Michael tries to thwart Goldenface’s plans.

Yes, it’s ridiculous, and only gets more so when you see it, which you can no do – in its entirety – on YouTube.

Check it out:

Netflix Tweets out a Long List of Their Original Movies for 2020

Netflix's 2020 Original Movie Lineup
(Twitter/NetflixFilm)

We are smackdab in the middle of awards season. Every other weekend sees another ceremony where the same people get trophied up for the same role a half-dozen times, all the way through February when the Oscars cap it all off with the granddaddy of them all. Most of us, especially parents, will have been lucky to have seen a handful of the movies racking up all the hardware.

It’s just not easy to get yourself to the theater for grown-up movies when you have a kid. Instead, we spend more of our time in front of the TV or other screens, watching streaming services.

Thankfully, those services are bringing the heat, loading up with tons of original releases that you can watch from the comfort of your couch. Netflix recently announced its 2020 slate of original movies, and it’s impressive in its quantity. The quality of these offerings is yet to be seen, but some of them definitely sound promising!

Netflix stays in the David Fincher business (to the detriment of Mindhunter, which has been put on hold while he finishes film projects):

Gets into the Charlize Theron business:

Snags Ron Howard and Spike Lee for new flicks:

Goes to Europe with Will Ferrell and Rachel McAdams:

Keeps the teenage romantic comedies coming:


Tackles some adaptations both old:

And new:

Brings back a beloved 80s detective with Mark Wahlberg:

And recruits Thor for what sounds like a fun action flick:

This is only a smattering of the titles Netflix shared on their Twitter feed, so needless to say they’re doing their best to hold off Disney+ and Apple, not to mention the forthcoming streaming platforms from HBO and NBC. No matter which you subscribe to, 2020 is gonna be a good year for couch potatoes!

The Rock Writes Heartfelt Instagram Post For His Late Father

The Rock Pays Tribute to His Late Dad
(Instagram/therock)

Superstars are real people too, and they have parents, and heroes, just like everyone else. Sometimes, their parents are their heroes. In Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s case, that’s definitely true, and the Fast and Furious star made that abundantly clear after his father’s passing.

The Rock followed in his father’s footsteps when he became a wrestler, and he took to Instagram on Friday to pay tribute to the man who helped shape him into the beloved movie star and pop culture we know him as today. As part of the WWF’s Soul Patrol, Rocky Johnson was the first black tag-team champion in wrestling history and was inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame a decade ago.

He praised his father for being a pioneer, breaking the color barrier in wrestling and paving the way for someone like his own son. “You broke color barriers, became a ring legend and trail blazed your way thru this world.”

The Rock speaks glowingly of his dad for raising him well, setting a good example and teaching him about the value of hard work.

“I was the boy sitting in the seats, watching and adoring you, my hero from afar. The boy you raised to always be proud of our cultures and proud of who and what I am. The boy you raised with the toughest of love. The intense work.”

His dad passed away earlier this week at the age of 75, and his son expressed his wish for more time, for one more chance to say goodbye.

“Dad, I wish I had one more shot to tell you, I love you, before you crossed over to the other side. But you were ripped away from me so fast without warning. Gone in an instant and no coming back.”

Usually, The Rock uses Instagram to have fun with his fans, often sending them messages and interacting with them in hilarious, heartwarming ways. But this time he’s the one who needs a boost, because it doesn’t matter how much you can bench or how big your box office returns are, losing your dad is never easy. The Rock isn’t afraid to admit it.

“Im in pain. But we both know it’s just pain and it’ll pass. Now I’ll carry your mana and work ethic with me, as it’s time to move on because I have my family to feed and work to accomplish.”

Ultimately, Rocky Johnson’s son is proud of his dad and knows he couldn’t have achieved all he has without him blazing the path before him, and raising him the way he did.

“You lived a very full, very hard, barrier breaking life and left it all in the ring. I love you dad and I’ll always be your proud and grateful son. Go rest high.”

Here’s the entire post:

 

View this post on Instagram

 

I love you. You broke color barriers, became a ring legend and trail blazed your way thru this world. I was the boy sitting in the seats, watching and adoring you, my hero from afar. The boy you raised to always be proud of our cultures and proud of who and what I am. The boy you raised with the toughest of love. The intense work. The hard hand. The adoring boy who wanted to know only your best qualities. Who then grew to become a man realizing you had other deeply complicated sides that needed to be held and understood. Son to father. Man to man. That’s when my adoration turned to respect. And my empathy turned to gratitude. Grateful that you gave me life. Grateful you gave me life’s invaluable lessons. Dad, I wish I had one more shot to tell you, I love you, before you crossed over to the other side. But you were ripped away from me so fast without warning. Gone in an instant and no coming back. Im in pain. But we both know it’s just pain and it’ll pass. Now I’ll carry your mana and work ethic with me, as it’s time to move on because I have my family to feed and work to accomplish. Finally, I want you to rest your trailblazing soul, Soulman. Pain free, regret free, satisfied and at ease. You lived a very full, very hard, barrier breaking life and left it all in the ring. I love you dad and I’ll always be your proud and grateful son. Go rest high. #ripsoulman #rockyjohnson 🐐

A post shared by therock (@therock) on

Parents Take Their Modem on a Day Trip Instead of Whining Kids

Modem Goes on Day Trip
(Facebook/Cassie Langan)

Kids can be really frustrating. Just ask your parents! They’re ungrateful and lazy and spoiled and messy and they don’t listen and they talk back and they won’t eat and they won’t sleep and they’re expensive and stressful and… the list goes on and on. Surviving parenthood with your sanity intact isn’t easy, but it is doable, especially if you keep your sense of humor.

And aren’t afraid to be a little petty sometimes.

One Australian couple wielded both of those weapons in spectacular fashion when their kids resisted participating in a family outing. When Chris and Cassie Langan asked their three unappreciative siblings, ages 10-17, to accompany them on a day trip (to Warrnambool) and were met a chorus of complaints, they decided to leave all but one of the kids at home (their 13-year-old reluctantly agreed to go). And they took the family’s modem with them instead.

The couple went off to Warrnambool and had a grand old time, seeing the sights, grabbing some food, and relaxing by the sea, all alongside their hunk of technology. Cassie shared the incident with Facebook, calling the modem “our most overworked family member,” and posted images of their adventure.

“We asked our kids if they would like to go on a day trip to Warrnambool today and were met with the response ‘that’s so boring, I don’t want to go.’ Chris and I decided that instead of taking three unappreciative kids out, we let the ones who didn’t want to go stay home and took our most overworked family member for a well-deserved day out: our modem.”

Cassie continued, “Modem had a fantastic day not being used by the kids, and it was lovely not to listen to constant bickering. The only complaining was Evan being mortified that we took our modem out in public.”

Because there’s nothing parents everywhere like more than seeing kids get some comeuppance, especially in such a creative and hilarious way, the Langan’s Facebook post has exploded online, garnering 159,000 likes, 67,000 shares, and 37,000 comments. They even got a little something extra out of it.

Not only did the modem have a wonderful time, the kids surely remained bored, having been forced to survive an afternoon without internet access. Cassie told TODAY Parents.

“When we got home our 17-year-old was so bored she actually had cleaned her room and spent time with her younger brother. When I showed my 10-year-old the photos, he said that it wasn’t fair—that we hate him and love the modem more—and stormed off to his room.”

I bet the modem never had to pull over to pee either.

Father Figures: Old Habits

“I grew up on the south side of a town called McAllen, Texas. The Valley.

Being part of such a rough neighborhood, I was influenced by gang violence and being disruptive to my community. After years and years of bouncing around county jail and having troubles with drugs, I found myself in a way deeper hole when my new girlfriend found herself pregnant.

It never really hit me that I was going to be a father until January 18, 2017 when my daughter Erin Gonzalez was born. I had to change my life around and be a positive role model not only for my community but for the little angel I had to care for now.

Being a fan of tattoos and art it was only a matter of time before I got a nice glorious portrait tattoo of her, reminding me of how far I have come and what I was truly waking up for.

Sometimes a great responsibility is what needs to be placed upon us men to realize who we really are. I gave up old habits and now that my daughter is almost 3 she always says her favorite tattoo on me is of course of her!”

– Michael Gonzalez

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email [email protected]

Check out the previous editions of Father Figures here.

The Mandalorian’s Baby Yoda Prop Cost 5 Million Dollars

Baby Yoda Cost $5 Million
(Disney+)

2019 was a mixed bag. Like most years, there were ups and downs, no matter which realm you explore. Politics? Sports? Pop culture? They were all full of peaks and pits.

But if there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s Baby Yoda.

The undisputed breakout character of 2019, Baby Yoda stole hearts and elevated mudhorns on TV screens everywhere as the scene-stealing sidekick on Disney+’s The Mandalorian, and he and his show helped Star Wars salvage an otherwise iffy year (I’m looking at you, Rise of Skywalker!).

The adorable green muppet emerged this fall at the end of the premiere episode of the new show about the be-helmeted bounty hunter, and he immediately became the Meme King of 2019. He was such a sensation, and so quickly, that Disney was caught flat-footed by his popularity. People were clamoring for Baby Yoda merch for the holiday season and were left with overpriced abominations like whatever this thing is supposed to be.

That bootleg doll will run you an insane $600 Imperial credits, but that’s nothing compared to the real thing. In the aftermath of the season finale, guest star Adam Pally (Happy Endings) told Entertainment Weekly (via io9) about his and Jason Sudeikis’s fun cameos as incompetent stormtroopers who interact with Baby Yoda, and even get a little physical with the little guy.

“I remember the first take that I did when I punched him,” Pally recalled. “They called ‘Cut!’ and Jon, who was watching on a monitor in his office, he came down from this office and said, ‘I just want to let you know that this is the hero Yoda [the main prop used for close-ups] and it costs, like, $5 million. So while I want you to hit it, I just want you to know that.’ Because I think I took a big swing at it. And the next three takes I missed, because I was so nervous.”

Five million! I would be nervous too, especially since Disney+’s flagship show is heavily reliant on that priceless puppet.

Now that we know this, it’s no wonder they didn’t make any plush dolls for Christmas, they were out of money! Suddenly that bootleg abomination doesn’t sound so bad at an easy $600!