Mike Julianelle or something you find in dirty diaper. We aren't sure.

Mike Julianelle

Mike lives in Brooklyn with his wife, two children, and increasing dependence on alcohol. Find him on dadandburied.com and its associated social channels (FB, IG, Twitter) and be ready for him to mock his kids, himself, and maybe even you.

Father Figures: The DFP

My husband is the DFP, the Designated Fun Parent. This was no surprise to me. If you’ve met both of us, it’s clear he’s the fun one. If you’ve met only me, you hope he’s the fun one.

I don’t mind. Especially since I’ve observed, and sometimes been the focus of, her “play.” It’s aggressive and terrifying. Poor Daddy. But he had it coming. He laid the groundwork when she was an infant by tossing her in the air and blowing raspberries on her belly till she exploded with laughter. When she was a toddler, he was the wielder of “the tickle finger.” And he can sigh and act all put-upon if he wants, but no one made him do funny voices. So if he’s now the go-to parent when she’s looking for someone to do Hattie the Hippo from Doc McStuffins, he’s got only himself to blame.

The Husband disciplines her, sure, but not as much as I do. In fact, here’s a mantra we have her repeat: “Mommy makes the rules!” That’s right. Because as Daddy can tell you, I have more of them, and each one has clauses and sub-clauses, and qualifiers.

Daddy is wrapped around her finger. And though you’d think such a position would occasionally prove restful, it does not. Being the DFP is exhausting. The other night I saw him trailing after her in a defeated slouch, muttering under his breath, “Why is she doing this to me?”

And I smiled because I know it’s because she loves her Daddy.

Too bad her love hurts!

E.R. Catalano
Zoe vs. The Universe

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

Man Stumbles Across Grandfather’s Hidden Gaming Station

It can be hard to believe, but the adults in our lives are people too! Our parents and uncles and even grandparents exist outside of their relationships to us, as fully-realized human beings with interests, hobbies, and secrets of their own.

One Redditor learned as much about his grandfather when he stumbled across what appears to be a hidden gamer’s station in the old man’s garage.

I’ve found something incredible in my grandfather’s garage from gifs

Father Figures: Soda Jerk

There are lots of things that kids like: new toys, candy, yelling the same song 20 times while only knowing half the words. Some kids like soda (or pop or coke or whatever you call it) and some kids don’t.

When my first-born was around two and a half, I decided that would be a good time to discover her soda preference. Not as a planned activity, of course, just spur of the moment. I was with my wife and only child in line at Freebirds (which is like Chipotle, but good) and they had a beverage station at the top of the line. I got my standard Diet Dr. Pepper and queued up.

(I realize this sounds more and more like an ad for Texas as I go on, but so be it!)

I was holding my sweet little girl when she looked over at me and asked for some of my drink. Not thinking much of it, I offered her the straw. She took a sip. The reaction didn’t take long….

It took to her stomach as though she’d downed a case of Mentos beforehand. Within seconds, I was covered from shoulder to shoe in the contents of that poor kiddo’s stomach. Multiple rounds of Goldfish and mashed fruit coated the floor between my feet. In shock, we looked around for help, but no one seemed to notice. After what felt like an eternity, my wife grabbed a couple paper towels, wiped as much as possible off our clothes adnd nnounced “someone should clean this up!” as we all headed for the door.

Needless to say, we don’t keep colas around the house!

Joel Monahan

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

Dr. Seuss Spits Fire In This Migos Mashup

In many ways, Dr. Seuss was one of the first MCs. Read one of his books and tell me his flow wasn’t fire. Sure, some of the stuff he spit is more ridiculous than Kanye’s Twitter account, but the man was ahead of his time.

Just check out this Seuss/Migos mashup that sets the children book’s author’s “Wocket In My Pocket” to the beat of Migos’ “Walk It Talk It” and marvel at how well it fits.

Father Figures: Stepfather

My biological father left when I was still a toddler. About a year later, my mom met my stepfather. She was 27, I was 3, and he was only 22 years old.

From day one, he was awesome. I have nothing but the best memories growing up with him as my stepfather. He was so much fun, but still guided me and taught me all that I needed to know. And I always think about how much he made my mom laugh.

When I was 21, I left an abusive relationship. He didn’t know all the details, but he knew what was going on. That first night after I left, I sat alone in my apartment, terrified. At 3am I still couldn’t sleep and I was so scared of being alone that I gave in and called my parents. He picked up and I bawled. I told him I didn’t want to be alone and he didn’t even hesitate.

It was literally a blizzard outside, at 3AM, on a Tuesday night in January, and he got out of bed and came to pick me up. It took him 45 mins to make the 20 min drive but he didn’t even care.

He took me back to my parents’ house and my mom had made some tea. They stayed for two hours, talking with me.

From that day on, I knew I could count on my stepfather at any time. And I learned that fatherhood had nothing to do with blood.

My parents will be celebrating their 30th anniversary in February 2019. I can’t wait to celebrate with them!

Allison Cox, @nomadninja

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

Thanks to Thor, John Krasinski Knew He Wasn’t Captain America Material

John Krasinski made his career as Jim on The Office, an average, everyday good guy, which kind of made him perfect to play Captain America. Before the super-serum turned him into Captain America.

Krasinski himself made that same discovery years ago – long before his tense and terrifying horror flick A Quiet Place became the talk of Hollywood – when he did a screen test to play Steve Rogers, America’s first avenger. A run-in with Chris Hemsworth’s Thor gave him a bit of a reality check.

Father Figures: Monster

There’s been a running joke in my family that my dad always refuses to play “Monster” with my brothers and me.

At 41, I don’t actually want to play Monster – one part Dad chasing us around and one part climbing all over him after he catches us – and I’m quite sure my 77-year-old dad is napping right now. But as a kid, I always wanted to play, and constantly getting turned down was a bummer.

Decades later, after becoming a father myself, I totally get it: dude was tired!

Nowadays, with two rambunctious kids of my own, I see things from the other side. Not having the energy or desire to throw out one’s back roughhousing doesn’t make you a bad father or an actual monster. There are plenty of other ways to engage with and show love to your kids, and my dad did plenty of those. Besides, there was a time when he played Monster with us a lot; if he hadn’t, we wouldn’t have grown to love it, nor been so disappointed when it stopped. We had nothing to complain about, but, being kids, that didn’t stop us.

So I’m not here to guilt my father. I’m grateful for all the times my dad did play with us, and I’m grateful for everything else he did; I just wish it didn’t take so long for me to recognize it.

Hopefully, it won’t take my kids quite as much time; I plan to help speed that process along by refusing to play Monster with them tonight.

Mike Julianelle, Dad and Buried

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

Dad Takes Son’s Stuffed Whale To Work For Two Decades

Your kids never love you more than they do when they’re little, and they often express that love in the most adorable innocent ways.

Like one current Redditor, who, back when he was a toddler, gave his dad his stuffed Beluga whale to put in his backpack so that “if ever missed [his son], he could hold it and think of [him].” What a sweet, if somewhat narcissistic (I kid!) gesture. Dad dutifully stuffed the stuffed animal into his backpack and followed his son’s orders.

Every day for the next 18 years.

Newcaster Accidentally Mistakes Food-on-a-Stick For Her Microphone

When you’re speaking on television, it can be hard to know what to do with your hands. Just ask Ricky Bobby. Luckily for reporters and newscasters, they usually have them full with a microphone.

Unfortunately, newscasters, like most of us, have two hands. And sometimes, particularly when they are broadcasting live from the state fair, they use one of them to hold food on a stick. The trick is remembering which hand holds which.

While covering the Maryland State Fair, WBAL TV’s Lisa Robinson lost track, to both her and the anchors’ delight.

Wholesome mistake. from funny

Hey, at least she didn’t try to eat the microphone.

Father Figures: Tongue Dyed

father figures, lying, dishonest, blue tongue, honesty, truth, parenting tip, parenting hack

“Here is a parenting tip. We convinced our kids that lying makes your tongue turn blue, but only grown ups can see it. When you think they’re full of it, ask to see their tongue. If they’re reluctant, you call them out. If they show you right away, they’re generally telling the truth.”

Sean Hurt

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Pro Wrestler Has Some Tips For Exercising While Parenting

(Getty Images/LSOphoto)

Wrestling may be fake but his body isn’t

Parenting requires a lot of sacrifices. Sleep, money, peace of mind. One of the first things to go is your free time. With a tiny person around who needs your attention at all times, it’s not easy to find time for yourself, and suddenly things you took for granted, like reading a book, or going to the gym, no longer come easily.

There’s a reason the dad bod is called a dad bod: when guys become parents, their bodies often suffer. It’s not as easy to spend an hour or two at the gym every day when you have a baby or toddler at home.

One professional wrestler feels dads’ pain, and he’s found a way to incorporate his kids into his workout routine.

via GIPHY

Rob Strauss, a profesionall wrestler who goes by the name “Robbie G.” when he’s flying off turnbuckles and getting smashed with chairs, went on FoxNews to discuss how he keeps in shape as a parent. Turns out he uses his kids as his own personal weightset.

Back when he was a carefree guy with no mouths to feed, he went to the gym almost every day, lifting weights and taking cardio classes. And then he had twin sons. And he can”t exactly spend hours getting swole.

“Obviously, with two kids I can’t drive to the gym whenever I want and stay there for three hours,” the wrestler explained in an interview. “But going into having kids, me and my wife basically said that we’re not going to change anything we do. We want to be role models and still live a fit life.”

So they’ve found a way to fit their kids in: as dumbbells.

Strauss created the hashtag “#DadBodDestroyer,” which he uses to label his workout routine in which he uses his 20-pound boys as weights.

via GIPHY

“As I was playing with them I realized that, ‘Wow, I’m getting a little workout in here as I’m spinning them around.’ I’m realizing it’s working my hips a little bit or as I’m lifting them in the air, I’m getting a little shoulder pump in.”

THere’s a squat & shoulder press, a tricep extension, and ab & oblique twist, each one dependent on holding and lifting his toddlers a certain way. So it sounds like kids are finally good for something!

The list of workouts is at Fox News, so you can grab your kids and include them in your regimen. Just don’t blame Strauss when your body doesn’t end up looking like his.

Dad Takes 2-year-old Bungee Jumping

(Getty Images/Omer Messinger)

That doesn’t sound like a good idea

Dads have a reputation as the carefree, sometimes careless parent. In ads and movies and sitcoms, dads are often depicted as well-meaning but bumbling, as capable professionals but clueless caregivers.

Despite more and more men serving as the primary parent, often as the stay-at-home parent while mom goes off to work, and fathers being more active at home than in previous generations, we get a bad rap.

Sometimes, stereotypes exist for a reason, and dads have been something of the secondary parent for generations. It will take years before we get the respect we deserve.

via GIPHY

Of course, pulling stunts like this are not the best way to go about it.

Last week, Rentas Adventures, an outdoor excursion company, posted an Instagram video of Redha Rozlan, who is some sort of reality TV star in Malaysia, going bungee jumping. With his 2-year-old daughter. Who wasn’t wearing a helmet and was being grasped in her father’s arms.

The post has garnered some attention, with nearly 2000 likes and over 500 comments, with most people questioning Redha for endangering his daughter.

“Why was this even allowed??” remarked user Alien41623.

“Very irresponsible, you risking your child life. The authorities should give sanction to the organizer and parent. Not a good example at all,” said user Jasminesagita.

Redha came to his own defense, insisting that his daughter was strapped in (it’s hard to tell in the video) and that she loved it. I’m no body language expert, but the way she’s clinging to her father’s neck doesn’t exactly scream enjoyment. It reads more like fear to me.

via GIPHY

Some commenters on the video are defending the father and claiming that Americans, used to coddling and “helicopter parenting” their kids, can’t understand the cultural differences that make such daredevil parenting acceptable, and on a certain level that may be true.

There are plenty of overprotective parents out there whose intense oversight may limit their kids self-esteem and willingness to take risks. But that’s usually more about monkey bars and football.

Not bungee jumping with a toddler.

South Carolina Basketball Coach Tells Sports Parents To Chill

(Getty Images/Joe Robbins)

He knows what he’s talking about

Parents tend to get caught up in their kids lives, and often we can’t help living vicariously through their accomplishments. Nowhere is this more prevalent – and obnoxious – than at youth sporting events. Be it soccer, basketball, little league, wrestling or, I assume, in Canada, maybe even curling, there is always a parent or two who is taking the game too seriously.

Everyone knows those parents need to chill, but sometimes it helps to hear that message from professionals.

The coach of South Carolina’s men’s basketball team is one such professional, and after tweeting about his experience watching his young son compete, he took to Twitter to tell those overzealous sports parents to take it down a notch.

via GIPHY

Frank Martin coaches the South Carolina Gamecocks, but he’s no stranger to being a spectator. He has a son in the fifth grade, and while waiting for one of his youngster’s games to start, he caught the end of the previous game. And he didn’t like what he saw. From the parents.

The game featured teams of 4th graders, but contrary to what you might expect if you know any 4th graders, their behavior wasn’t the issue.

Martin followed up on the comments he made in his tweet during a press conference a few days later, during which he spoke eloquently about the problem. The full video of his comments is available on The State‘s website.

In his remarks, he puts the lie to the idea that the referees for these youth games have some kind of stake in them or are making calls to benefit one of the teams.

“With all due respect to most parents out there, I probably know more about basketball than most of them, OK. But I sit in the stands and I don’t say a word. There’s two guys refereeing a fourth-grade game on a Sunday morning. What could they possibly be making? 20 bucks a game? […]

Do you think they really care what fourth-grade team wins? Do you really think that they like sat at home and said, ‘Oh I can’t wait to officiate that game tomorrow, because that one team, I can’t wait to get that 10-year-old kid and embarrass him in front of people.’ Do you really think that’s what they’re doing?”

And then he got into people who go after coaches and kids.

“So there’s someone that’s giving up their personal time on a Sunday, for free, to help other people’s children, yet, we’re gonna have the adults in the stands yelling obscenities at the officials? Criticizing every decision the coach makes? Yelling at the kids, like the kids — they’re 10 years old, man!”

This guy keeps making good point after good point.

via GIPHY

No adults are getting rich referring or coaching youth sports, and no kids are getting better – at sports or at life – by witnessing parents attacking, screaming, and whining during their games.

Parents everywhere need to chill. They’re doing more harm than good, and if they’re not careful, Coach Martin is going to give them in a much-needed time out.