10 Funniest Dad Tweets of the Week

Funniest Dad Tweets 2/26/21
(Getty/Westend61, Twitter/threetimedaddy)

Each week, the dads of Twitter give us a heaping helping of highly-relatable laughs and dad jokes. Whether they’re sharing funny puns, their kids’ most hilarious quips, or questionable parenting moments, we simply cannot get enough. Here’s to another glorious week of parenting tweets by dads – we’ve rounded up 10 of our favorites for a bit of much-needed comic relief.

February 26, 2021

It’s both impressive and terrifying

Or as Dads call it, “home #2”

Well, let the month-long celebration begin

You have to take full advantage before they learn to tell time

Shop smarter, not more accurately

There’s no answer, but now I need to know

They’re not ready for Twister yet if they can’t even handle Tornado

If someone let me watch TV like that, I wouldn’t get down either

It’s a feature, not a glitch

Close enough

February 18, 2021

How do all kids know to play by these rules?

With your cords combined, you could have a full (useless) set

They might as well learn early

Everyone wins

You don’t get chocolate unless you know the cocoadword

Fake it until they’re legally adults

No more Hell’s Kitchen until they learn to make their own dinner

Stop that right meow

What’s the mathy way of saying “all of it?”

Daniel Tiger is about to get wrecked

February 12, 2021

It’s never too early to teach them to Google

Maybe they just wanted your face to stay warm? Maybe

Well, time to move

But with the righteous indignation of a 40-year-old

How many more of these until she becomes the dad?

[Nervously reading “Gushers” ingredients]

Things like this need a “want to feel old?” content warning

It’s just part of the ritual at this point

Next time you leave for the airport 4 hours early, remind them of this incident

Just occasional pauses for food and sleep

They’ve been learning about this all month – how?

It’s good to have goals

15 “Dads Love…” Dad-Isms To Remind You Fathers Are Freakin’ Funny

15 Dad-Isms and a calendar
(thedad.com)

Science hasn’t been able to explain it, but something happens when you become a dad. One day you’re looking up Air Jordans online, and the next, you have a pair of New Balance sneakers for every occasion. Inexplicably, you can now fall asleep almost anywhere in roughly the amount of time it takes to sit down. You belong to more than one group dedicated to lawnmowers. When your kid says “I’m hungry,” something inside of you demands that you respond “hi hungry, I’m dad.” We call that a “dad-ism,” (and there’s an app for that!) and somehow, your brain has downloaded every single one like some sort of app that you can’t disable.

Fortunately, here at The Dad, we celebrate dad-isms. There are few things quite as satisfying as pulling out a perfectly-timed dad-ism, watching your kids roll their eyes so hard it looks like they might fall out. Having your dad-isms on point at all times is essential – you never know when you’ll pass a wind farm and have to say, “look, my biggest fans.” There’s no way to anticipate watching your kids “ooh” and “ah” over a big group of ships before reminding them that it’s a “fleeting pleasure.”

We love dad-isms – in fact, we love them so much that we’ve created a 2021 calendar filled to the brim with ‘em. 365 days of eye-rolling, knee-slapping, pun-packed goodness. Enjoy it on your own, or give it to a fellow dad (if you do, make sure you reference your “tearable” gift at least three times).

BTW, it’s only $16, because they’re 20% off….because we know you’re not a bank and because money doesn’t grow on trees. The discount will show at checkout.

Here are 15 dad-isms to get your motor running, and hopefully, make you laugh.

And to that, we say, “hi laugh, I’m dad.”

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

You can buy one for $16 right here. (Originally $20, 20% discount will show at checkout!)

25+ Smokin’ Hot Grilling Puns (& Jokes) Perfect For BBQ Season

Grilling Puns
(Getty/kali9)

What’re ya cookin’ with — gas or charcoal? Do you have an Egg? What about a smoker? We’ve written a lot about grilling and barbecuing here. Probably because it’s almost as dad-specific as dad jokes. And, really, what’s not to love? Grilling brings with it a rush of both nostalgia and freedom. Whatever kind of grill or barbeque you’re working with, firing it up just makes you feel… cool. (C’mon, you can admit it; we’re all friends here.) It’s your chance to show off your grillmaster skills, not to mention give your partner a break. Bonus: Your kids have long learned that “for safety reasons” they need to stay back from the grill. As long as you’re within a three-to-five foot radius of the grill, clicking those dad-only grill tongs in your funny apron, no one is going to bother you. That doesn’t mean it’s not family time, though. After all, who are you going to bounce grilling puns off of if you don’t have a captive audience, i.e. your unwitting family?

From your version of a throne, you can watch the chaos that is family life during grilling season. Fido is protecting the fam from the big, bad pool skimmer. *eyeroll* The kids are soaking each other with the hose. *laugh* And your partner is happily boiling corn on the cob in the kitchen with the cool air conditioning blasting. *sigh* Could life get any better than this? Sure, but only with these truly amazing grilling puns and jokes at the ready.

Grilling Puns And Jokes
Giphy

Best Grilling Puns

  1. Accidently burned dinner on the grill. Missteaks were made.
  2. Someone threw a grill at my face. The attack made headlines.
  3. I can’t decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs. I guess I’ll just wing it.
  4. At the office barbecue, I grilled a medium-rare steak for my boss, and he said, “I like it well done!” I said, “Thanks. That means a lot.”
  5. Before every barbecue, I tell myself I’ll eat healthy and stick to the salads. But then my plan takes a turn for the wurst.
  6. Just finished cleaning my grill. It was grate.
  7. You can imagine my surprise when I saw James Bond making burgers in the park. I guess he had a license to grill.
  8. I was grilling yesterday, but the meat started smoking. Steaks were high.
  9. My friends invited me to barbecue night yesterday. I said no, but now I’m regretting it. That was a missed steak.
  10. One day when I was young, I watched my father grilling burgers. When they were done, he handed me one telling me it was a bison burger. He left and never came back.
  11. When I’m cooking on the grill I like to sing “The Tong Song.”
  12. My dad just got a fancy new grill, and I’m worried he’ll get hurt trying to use it. The steaks have never been higher.
  13. I hate when my mom grills brats for dinner. She’s the würst.
  14. It took me two hours to grill a chicken the other day… and it still didn’t tell me why it crossed the road.
  15. My grammar may be poor, but my grilling is impeccable. I’d steak my reputation on that.
  16. A grillmaster wanted to load up the grill with more BBQ, but he was running low on hot coals. So, he decided not to brisket.
  17. My buddy is awesome at grilling steaks. They are all very well done.

Best Grilling Jokes

  1. What did the exasperated man serve at his barbecue?
    Sheesh kabobs.
  2. How can you tell if a hamburger was grilled in space?
    It’s a little meteor.
  3. What do you call a row of dolls burning on a grill?
    Barbie Queue.
  4. What’s Snoop Dogg’s favorite part of grilling?
    The sizzle.
  5. What is the most important project task of a grillmaster at a chop house?
    To please their steakholders.
  6. Why was the man at the cookout so happy?
    He met the grill of his dreams.
  7. If Bear Grylls could grill bears, how many bears could Bear Grylls grill?
    As many bears as Bear Grylls’ grill could bear.
  8. What is a librarian’s favorite thing to grill during the summer?
    A shhhhh-kabob.
  9. Why are cows scared of cars?
    They’re afraid they might end up on the grill.
  10. You know how when your mouth waters when someone’s grilling?
    Do vegans drool when someone is outside and is mowing their lawn?
  11. What do you put on a lonely grilled cheese sandwich?
    Provolone.
  12. For sale. Muhammed Ali DVD set. George Foreman Grill.
    Both boxed.
  13. The cast of the Matrix was having a barbeque
    The seafood was fresh off the grill. Keanu Reeves tasted it and exclaimed “What is this! It’s like charcoal!”
    The cook turned and said “What if I told you…that’s why they call me Laurence Fishburne.”

Our 12 Best Dad Memes of The Month

Best Dad Memes of the Month

Nothing is more dad than laughing at your own jokes – especially when they’re terrible and make your kids groan. Here are our 12 favorites memes from each month of the year (Actually, as voted by you, based on Facebook engagement!)

January 2021

1. Empty

Hand Me My Phone

2. Veterans

When you're listening to the lazer tag employee go over the rules

3. Fools

kids think growing up is cool and can't wait to get older. that's how dumb they are

4. Super

a dad's superpower is loving someone despite them being a total dick

5. Do Not Disturb

when your wife needs a break she hides under go ask dad blanket

6. Still Cool

embracing fatherhood means still trying to be cool while appreciating your daughters gifts

7. Packing

when you hear the baby crying in the night

8. Snow Glory Days

school says with remote learning we don't have snow days, unplugs router

9. Take an Inch

i hate you with every inch of my body. that's not a lot of inches

10. Affleck’d

when you're juggling remote learning, parenting, marriage, work

11. Combination

while i like all the ingredients in this meal, kid refuses to eat in a certain combination

12. Low-Res

when you install an ultra-hd smart tv to watch low-res 90s shows

December 2020

1. Griswold

Dads all Year: Who Left the Lights on? Dads in December
2. Over and Out
Things Dads Say When Getting Ready to Leave
3. Guess What?
When You Get Your Kid that Surprise Christmas Gift
4. “Cleaning”
when you walk into your kids room while they are cleaning
5. Bag it
dads love collecting wrapping paper
6. Dads Assemble!
shout out to dads getting ready to assembly christmas gifts
7. Parting Ways
leaving home depot with the wrong part
8. This Is Chaos
when you don't have a garbage bag ready for wrapping paper
9. Sleep
advice for expecting parents sleep as long as you can
10. Magic
kids holding a toy on christmas they believe is magaically from santa
11. Night and Day
front of the christmas tree vs back of the christmas tree
when a dad works for the roads department

November 2020

1. Indelible

did you get into the markers?

2. Civic Duty

remember that dude with the tricked out Civic? He's a dad now

3. Consequences

well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my actions

4. Son-Rise

my kid at 5am the next morning

5. Copped a Capri

who took the capri sun out of my lunchables?

6. Framed

i accidentally ate all of my wife's favorite ice cream

7. Gold

my kid's halloween candy watching me eat salad for lunch

8. Turkey Hate

turkey is disgusting change my mind

9. Rivals

your lawn just has to be better than your neighbors

10. It’s Not Butter

when yours id gone so you try your wife's shampoo

11. Hi Hungry, Remixed

Hi cringing, I'm dad and if you're lucky, one day you too can be comfy

12. Stuffed

Me on thanksgiving at 8pm

October 2020

1. Driveway Dad

Dad When Someone Uses Their Driveway

2. Dad Taxes

Trick or Treat Dad Tax

3. Singing

There is no purer art form than a kid with a bad voice singing their heart out because the world hasn't beaten them down yet

4. Automatic Doors

Me opening automatic doors at age 6 and age 32

5. Sleep

When you're tired and someone says "you should get more sleep"

6. Grocery Shopping

Grocery Shopping in 2020 be like

7. Dad Law

A dad of young children will stay up late after his kids are in bed no matter how tired he is

8. Music

when you excitedly share music that shaped you and your kid says it sucks

9. Dangerous

What I say: Don't do that it's dangerous. What toddler hears: Prove to me you're not a coward.

10. Treehouse

Son: will you build me a treehouse? Dad: What about knowing me your entire life makes you think I have that skill set?

11. Xboxed

Get off the Xbox, it's too violent. Now come play hangman

12. Pancakes

Kid: Dad, why do you always give us the good pancakes and eat the burnt ones yourself? Because that's what heroes do.

Father of Three Decorates Thousands of Lunch Bags With Dad Jokes

Dad decorates sandwich bags with dad jokes
(Instagram/sandwichbagdad)

Dave Blumenthal, a 44-year-old father of three knows how to make lunch memorable for his daughters. It’s not what’s inside the paper lunch bags that make his daughters’ school lunches special, but oddly enough, it’s what’s on the outside that counts. Though he has no formal training, Blumenthal is an artist – an artist that combines his love for his daughters with his never-ending supply of dad jokes. For over 8 years, Dave Blumenthal has been turning his daughters’ lunch bags into hilarious works of art.

It all started with a sandwich when Dave and his wife’s first daughter went off to school. “We had a newborn in the house at the time so my wife tried to make our first born feel special by cutting some shapes in her school lunch sandwiches,” Dave explained.

Dave soon took over the sandwich-cutting duty, carving the bread into shapes of cartoon characters and letters of the alphabet much to the delight of his daughter and her classmates. Once the bread-carving became too time-consuming, Dave decided to draw directly on the bags themselves – and he hasn’t stopped since.

 

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The bag reveal became a highly-anticipated moment in the school day for both teachers and students, sparking conversations, and even helping Dave’s oldest daughter overcome her shyness. Despite their success in the classroom, Dave didn’t have any intention of expanding his lunch bag project. That is, until his daughter’s teacher convinced him to share his hilarious jokes with the world. Shortly after, Sandwich Bag Dad was born.

 

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“I am honestly still amazed that my humble little bag drawings have attracted so much attention,” Dave marveled. “I seriously never expected to gain any followers – other than my family – when I first started posting. My kids still shake their head that there are so many people who voluntarily choose ‘the sandwichbagdad experience.’”

 

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It’s immediately evident why Dave’s sandwich bags have attracted almost 7,000 Instagram followers – between the unique take on dad jokes, the impressive art, and the fact that he does it all for his kids, it’s a truly wholesome undertaking. Though some people find it hard to believe, these entertaining sandwich bags do indeed fulfill their intended purpose.

 

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Dave explained, “The bags are absolutely and positively genuine lunch bags which my kids take to school! All my posts are just the ‘before’ pics. While some end up being hung up on their classroom walls, the vast majority end up coming home crumbled and very much worse for wear after holding a sandwich in them for a few hours. Most end up being tossed into the recycling!”

Though Dave is often encouraged to expand his “sandwichbagdad” empire, he has no plans to do so at this point in time. “At the moment, I’m just happy making people smile and knowing my dadjoke superpowers are being used for good not evil!”

 

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For a concentrated dose of dad jokes, follow him on Instagram.

Dad Loses Job Due To COVID, Decides To Spread Joy With Funny Signs

After losing job, dad makes signs to make people smile
(Instagram/sign_disco)

COVID has changed pretty much everything about the way we live our lives, from how we stay entertained to how we celebrate and everything in between. For most, COVID means uncertainty – the question of when things will go back to some sort of normal, and what that new normal will look like. As with anything though, there’s a silver lining. Or, rather, people who’ve created their own silver lining – and thankfully, they’re more than willing to spread the joy.

Lusindiso Malgas, a father of three from Cape Town, South Africa, lost his job due to COVID. With three children to care for, Lu had to act quickly. Unfortunately, this dedicated dad hit some serious roadblocks.

Lu told The Dad, “I had to find work but nobody was hiring. I took the decision to work on the streets but instead of begging I aimed to make people smile with my joke signs.”

Lu was not about to let his family go without, so he did the only thing he could to earn a bit of money after his job search proved fruitless. Though his family was embarrassed, Lu knew that a bit of embarrassment was far better than having his kids go to bed hungry.

Rather than simply asking people for money on the street, Lu wanted to give them something in return, something desperately needed during such a stressful time. He wanted to give people a bit of joy, and his hilarious signs more than did the trick. Lu’s signs are creative, so creative that they’ve captured the attention of people around the world. Lu’s Instagram, which showcases his creative signs, has accumulated over 4,000 followers in just 12 weeks.

 

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A man named Brendan even created a fundraiser and made a short film about Lu’s uplifting mission, repaying Lu’s kindness with his own incredibly generous gift.

“I love my kids and I want the best for them,” Lu said. “We were living in a 1 bedroom place when I lost my job. My goal with Brendan is to raise funds so I can buy my house for me and my kids and then hopefully start my business.”

The business Lu is working towards is one that he’s already laying the groundwork for – he plans to transfer his jokes to t-shirts and hats, and run his very own apparel company. The company would allow his family to live comfortably, and it would ensure his jokes spread joy on the streets even without his help.

 

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“I am here to make people smile,” explained Lu. “My dad always said ‘a smile doesn’t cost you anything, but it is the easiest way to repay someone for their kindness.’ I am grateful for all the donations so far and will continue to be grateful beyond. I wish positivity far and beyond and I hope my message spreads love all over the world and I hope Brendan’s action to ‘Pay It Forward’ inspires others to help others.”

 

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12 of Our Best Dad Jokes (Memes) From September

Best Memes of September

Nothing is more dad than laughing at your own jokes. Here are our 12 personal favorites from last month. (Actually as voted by you, based on Facebook engagement.)

1. Smooth

2. Delayed Reaction

3. Playtime

4. Say Her Name

5. Stylin’

6. Truth

7. Suspense

8. Smally Smalls

9. Giant

10. Great Responsibility

11. Burnt 

12. Amigos

Check out last month’s top memes here.

Twitter Shares the Annoying Jokes They Keep Using on Their Partners

Annoying Jokes
(Getty/killerb10)

Long-term relationships often need a little spicing up. It’s not easy being with the same person every day, year-in and year-out, and sometimes you need to find ways to keep things fresh. Even if that means annoying the shit out of your partner.

I’m an incredible husband, which is why I spend a few minutes every day irritating my wife. I have a variety of terrible jokes I use to poke at her, jokes I know she mostly can’t stand, but because I’ve been doing them for so long – years, in some cases – have become affection reminders of our bond. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Now, thanks to a tweet from writer Sophia Benoit, aka @1follwernodad, I know I’m not alone. She suggested that horrible, long-standing jokes – like when a random actor appears onscreen and I call my wife into the room so she can see her “favorite actor of all-time,” despite the fact that she almost never has any idea who the person is and it makes her angry – are a delight, and countless people responded with their favorite bits.

The responses are, quite simply, the best thing that’s ever happened to me:

There are SO MANY MORE. Sometimes, your best intentions backfire:

I beg you to go check out the threadcheck out the thread, and I leave you with this classic:

12 of Our Best Dad Jokes (Memes) From August

Best Jokes of August

Nothing is more dad than laughing at your own jokes. Here are our 12 personal favorites from last month. (Actually as voted by you, based on Facebook engagement.)

1. Tastes Better

2. Move it or Lose it

3. Admit it. Quit Playing Games.

4. Peek-a-poo

5. Inferno 

6. Curses

7. Hardly Working

8. Adulting

9. Guts

10. Couples Therapy

11. Dadrector’s Commentary

12. “Ahhhh” followed by “Grunt”

Check out last month’s top memes here.

Woman Singing Gets Constantly Roasted by “Dad’s” Hilarious Commentary

TikTok Dad Hilariously Critiques Daughter
(TikTok/sheena.melwani)

Dads are first and foremost going to support their children, but every opportunistic parent will find the perfect moment to lovingly and brutally mess with their kids. Sheena Melwani, a singer-songwriter who posts her videos to TikTok, has tapped into just how much we love to roll our eyes at our own dad’s jokes by posting videos featuring “Indian Dad”, who constantly derails Sheena as she desperately tries to get through her songs.

Though Sheena’s singing is undoubtedly impressive, the best part of her TikTok videos is seeing how long it takes until she’s laughing so hard she has to stop momentarily to collect herself. Let’s be honest, we could also use a breather after listening to this quick-witted “dad” tear apart the lyrics to popular songs to the point where we will never be able to listen to them in the same way again. The character dubbed “Indian Dad” is hilariously brutal in her videos but never attacks Sheena’s talent. Instead, he pokes fun at the songs themselves (and occasionally Sheena, in a half-assed, loving way that shows that his actual goal is to fit in as many dad jokes as possible).

But is it actually her dad? According to POPSUGAR, the roasts come from her husband playing the role of “Indian dad.”

When Sheena posted the first video that included the commentary, she hadn’t ventured much into social media. She posted the video to her 14 followers, expecting some love from her family – what she didn’t expect was the global support that appeared almost immediately. The singer’s account has accumulated over 1.4 million followers in about four months, and the lovable duo show no signs of slowing down.

“While these videos started off as a way to make my family a little happier during tough times, my channel has grown into a place where people from all over the world can come to laugh and enjoy music with us,” Sheena told SAYS.

We could all use a little laughter these days, so here are some of our favorite videos from Sheena’s channel.

The lazy day critic

Dad alarm bells are ringing

@sheena.melwaniAmerican Boy…interrupted. ##therealindiandad ##acousticcovers ##closethewindows ##findyourhappy ##rascal

♬ original sound – sheena.melwani

Evergreen advice, “drink a smoothie, go to sleep”

@sheena.melwaniGrenade…interrupted. ##indiandad ##funny ##acousticcovers ##closethewindows

♬ original sound – sheena.melwani

A reminder to keep your desperation to yourself

@sheena.melwaniAs Long As You Love Me…interrupted. ##rascal ##therealindiandad ##closethewindows ##findyourhappy

♬ original sound – sheena.melwani

If you wanna be my lover, you’ve gotta get past my dad

@sheena.melwaniWannabe…interrupted. ##therealindiandad ##rascal ##closethewindows ##findyourhappy

♬ original sound – sheena.melwani

Head over to Sheena’s TikTok page for more much-needed laughter.

12 of Our Best Dad Jokes (Memes) From July

Best Dad Jokes Memes of July

Nothing is more dad than laughing at your own jokes. Here are our 12 personal favorites from last month. (Actually as voted by you, based on Facebook engagement.)

1. One Trip Only

2. Bricked

3. Driven

4. Bed Crime

5. Meme Lord

6. No Tip For You

7. Early Bird

8. Not Joking

9. Decks

10. Safe Room

11. Crime

12. Undeveloped

Check out last month’s top memes here.

The Dad Law: The Definitive Rule Book for All Things Dad

The Dad Law Book
(The Dad)

Fatherhood comes with it a plethora of guidelines. If your kid hands you a toy phone, you answer that toy phone. If your kid is thirsty, you are Friday. For thousands of years, these rules have been unwritten. Until now.

Introducing: THE DAD LAW.

(The Dad)

From road trip etiquette to pun regulations, this gorgeous leather-bound book is the most thorough briefing on every do, don’t, and duh pertaining to fatherhood. Is it okay to let your kid win in Mario Kart? When to use cool your jets vs hold your horses? It’s all in this bad boy.

Here are a few choice excerpts:

It’s the authority on language…

healthy road rage…

less healthy eating habits…

workplace motivation…

light goofing…

and facilitating a sense of community.

There are also plenty of cool illustrations within, including tong diagrams…

(The Dad)

and visual aids for embarrassing puns.

(The Dad)

Click right here to snag a copy for a measly $22 (because we know “money doesn’t grow on trees”, “you’re not made of money,” etc) and explore 202 whole pages of these silly, sweet, and painful universal truths about fatherhood with your very own copy of THE DAD LAW!

12 of Our Best Dad Jokes (Memes) From June

Best Dad Jokes Memes June 2020

Nothing is more dad than laughing at your own jokes. Here are our 12 personal favorites from last month. (Actually as voted by you, based on Facebook engagement.)

1. Dad Tax

2. Dad Rocks

3. Grilled

4. Getting Serious

5. Vengeance 

6. Freedom

7. Proper

8. Reboot

9. Dark Ages

10. Not a Lot to Ask

11. Summer Dadding

12. Junior Millionaire 

Check out last month’s top memes here.