Tell the dad joke; don’t be the dad joke.

Father Figures: EMS Apprecation

“I married a paramedic. My children’s father is a paramedic. It’s not glamorous – he’s called an ambulance driver, mostly – and it doesn’t bring home lots of money. It brings home a lot more.

You see, I’ve learned it takes a very special kind of person to go to work as a first responder. And not for the many reasons most people think.
Yes, they see some gross stuff, they roll up on some crazy accidents, they deal with some really ‘out there’ people. Some of the stories seem out of this world. But that isn’t what makes the father to my children part of a special group of people, although I do believe that’s not something everyone can do.
They go places they have never been, possibly having been woken up from the first sleep they’ve gotten in a few days, to go to someone they have never met, not knowing much information about what’s going on, just to make sure people are okay. Sometimes it is serious and they may use lifesaving skills. But there are much more unglamorous calls too. A grandfather may just be missing the love of his life he lost a few years ago to cancer, a single mom may just be scared her daughter’s temperature is 99.2, a woman in Wal-Mart may just be having a little anxiety and need her hand held and told it’s okay. And sometimes, there is a loss. A loss that hits straight to the heart. A loss that has to be grieved.
And of course, all of this comes home with my husband. Even though all paramedics know ‘you can’t take it home with you’, they do.
But it’s not bad. I see it in the extra love I see my husband shows his children, whether it be a tighter hug or a special treat from the gas station they stopped at during work. I see every single day that my husband does not take his family for granted. He sees people in the absolute worst condition, whatever it may be, and he is determined to make our lives the absolute best.
No, he doesn’t bring home a lot of money. But he brings home so much love, love for his family, love for his God, love for his patients, love for all those he sees who need a little or a lot more love.
My children see it and feel it everyday. I married a paramedic, but he gives my children so much more than just a paramedic as a father. He gives them an extra special father.
May 20-26, 2018 is EMS Appreciation week. They’re an extra special group of people, whether they know it or not.”
– Amber Stout

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

Amazon Penguin Mask Solves Bedtime Headaches

(Amazon)

Finding the perfect combination of bedtime stories, glasses of water, and tucking in that will actually get kids to go to sleep can be a daunting task.

Fortunately, according to this Amazon reviewer, the perfect tool for getting kids bedded down for the night has been found!

(Amazon)

Don’t lie. You know you want to be King Penguin, too.

Feel like testing out this seemingly foolproof method yourself? Grab your own nightmare penguin mask here.

 

9 GIFs That Prove Bowling Isn’t For Everyone

(Reddit/u/Jamtonisalon)

Bowling: America’s Pastime!

No, wait. That’s baseball.

Bowling: The Sport of Kings!

Oh, that’s horse-racing?

Bowling: Oh cool, we can drink while we play.

There it is.

World Class Bowling from funny

Bowling fail from funny

To bowl from therewasanattempt

Stand in line at the bowling alley, WCGR? from Whatcouldgowrong

There was an attempt to bowl from therewasanattempt

Under the leg bowling shot from therewasanattempt

Bowling isn’t for everyone from funny

Bowling mishap from gifs

"I don’t always go bowling. But when I do…" from nevertellmetheodds

 

13 Of The Funniest Google Autocompletes

Whether you’re double-checking how to spell “definitely,” checking how many calories are in that quarter pounder, or proving your annoying coworker wrong (the 1996 Olympics was in Atlanta, Jeff. God, I hate you so much), Google is your best friend and confidant.

Well, sort of.

See, Google takes note of what others have searched and takes guesses as to what you want based on that information to help you out in your own quest for knowledge. This useful autocomplete search algorithm helps one to clarify exactly what they need, but it also reveals just how frickin’ weird people are.

Here are 13 of the funniest Google autocomplete options, courtesy of weird, stupid, and/or disturbed people around the world.

pregnant wife i

Word to the wise: Do NOT share this first one with your pregnant wife.

what happens

The same thing that happens when you use a mushroom in Mario Kart.

old people b

I’m all for alternative fuel sources, but I feel like we’ve crossed a line.

when will j

Jesus Christ, we’ve been waiting over an hour!

how to raise your

I don’t… I just… what??

what would happen if !

Pretty sure it’s The Santa Clause rules: You kill a ninja, you become a ninja.

there's a p

Nice try. If a platypus was controlling your mind, you wouldn’t be Googling it… unless it wanted you to Google it. Oh no, what if a platypus is controlling my mind and making write this list?

i pooped

The new Katy Perry parody? Not great, but not bad. 6/10

i like to t

Just because I don’t understand this doesn’t mean I don’t want to be a member of whichever church believes it.

can a human

No. Just, no.

Seriously. No.

i am extremely t

NEWSFLASH: People be racist. And sleepy.

dinosaurs we

Jokes on you CIA. That’s the only reason I want to time travel.

cats like

Wait, why is this one on the list? This is just common knowledge.

 

 

Father Figures: Game On

“I’ve often wondered how long I had left before my nine, soon to be ten-year-old daughter would finally be embarrassed to be seen with her dad in public.

Well, I finally got my answer.

As my wife and daughter were getting ready to leave to go to some event at the school that I wasn’t really aware of, my wife asked me if I was going with them. In fact, my wife even asked me to please go with them, which you know means it’s going to be a terrible time.

My daughter immediately said,  “No, I don’t want him to go, he’s weird and embarrassing.”

I think this would have stung a little more if my daughter wasn’t dressed like Hermione Granger when she said it, including the overpriced wand from our trip to Universal Studios last year. What school event were they off to? Book character night!

Everyone is dressing up like their favorite book characters, and I’m going to be the embarrassing one? There will be people walking around in capes, and masks, and who knows what else, but my t-shirt with a cat in a baby carrier is too much?

Well, kid, GAME ON!

Like all fathers before me, it is now my sacred duty to embarrass you at all times, and in all places. Just remember I do it because I love you.”

– Matt Fuger

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com