Charlie Daniels Warns Taco Bell Not To Take Illuminati Lightly

(YouTube/Taco Bell and Twitter/CharlieDaniels)

Sometimes a tweet comes along that blows the lid off some conspiracy theories while, at the same time, opens up a whole new jar of salsa. A famous musician’s response to a recent commercial is one of those times…

With a simple message (or was it a warning?), country music legend, man who got cheated by the devil in a fiddlin’ contest, and everyone’s favorite crazy uncle recently managed this rare feat when he tweeted some words of warning to a fast food taco restaurant.

Wow. Chills, right?

For those unfamiliar, Daniels’s Tweet refers to Taco Bell’s new ad campaign, which attempts to poke fun at the Illuminati (unwisely, some would say. Including Daniels!). In the “Belluminati,” the Mexican-inspired fast food chain is at the center of a grand conspiracy. (For more information about the actual, very real, Illuminati, check out this user-friendly website that invites anyone who logs on to become a member.)

Here’s the ad:

As a number of people noticed, Daniels neglected to even @ Taco Bell.

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A strange tactic, but perhaps understandable, if one were attempting to distance one’s self from a terrifying shadowy cabal that may or may not have reason to assassinate the Taco Bell chihuahua.

It makes sense that Taco Bell is part of the famously secret organization. The evidence goes beyond the “jokes” in the commercial or the even the evil eye in the Taco Bell bell. After all, no one would dare brazenly mock such an organization, unless they were trying to deflect…

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Further evidence lies in the facts: no one admits to eating there, yet Taco Bell is the fifth most popular fast food chain in America.

How many fourth meals do people consume with absolutely no recollection of the dining experience? It’s almost as if many of their customers are in some sort of myopic, drug-like trance, compelling them to order a chalupa, extra guac. The next day, the experience is but a hazy dream. The only evidence of the meal is the packet of Diablo sauce in your pocket and a nagging feeling that evacuates your body almost as soon as it enters.

But isn’t it just as likely that Charlie Daniels is a member of the Illuminati? The man’s most famous song The Devil Went Down to Georgia was obviously a metaphor. Wake up, sheeple!

The Devil wouldn’t be going “down” anywhere; he’d be traveling up from the depths of Hell! But the Illuminati, sitting on high, atop their metaphorical pyramids, look down upon God and man. Mixing with common folk and tempting them to gamble away their souls is mere sport for the Illuminati. Mark Zuckerberg (obviously!), Kim Kardashian (you didn’t know?) and their ilk delight in the game. It’s a poorly kept secret that Zuck has a special room in Fort Knox filled to the brim with golden fiddles for just this type of bet. (Yes, most of the song is a metaphor, but the fiddle thing is totally literal.)

Some people get it.

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Or perhaps – unlikely though it may be – Charlie Daniels cracked the hard shell around his brain and has cranial queso dripping out of his ears.

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Just kidding. The Belluminati is real! There is no escape, no matter how fast you run for the border.

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10 Tweets About The Savagery Of Christmas

(Twitter/weinerdog4life and Getty/Carsten Schanter)

Christmas is here!

That means hacking down trees and dragging them inside your house, lying to your children about a home invader in a strange blouse, and tweets about what happens if a mall Santa sits on another mall Santa.

Here are some funny jokes you can read while hiding from your racist uncle with a bottle of port and phone charger in the bathroom…

Care for the older generation.

Family values.

Watching classic Christmas movies.

Kids’ magical meetings with Santa

The grace of a reindeer drawn sleigh.

The wonder of the nativity.

♬All of the other reindeer…♬

Family. Family. Family.

Ritual and tradition.

And of course a little politics around the fire.

16 Funny As Hell Beer Tweets

(Getty/Jack Andersen and Twitter/SkinnerSteven)

Here’s a fun fact: In Austria, you can literally swim in pools of beer.

Wait, let me qualify that.

You can’t just go to any random Austrian’s backyard and expect to find an inground pool filled with Fohrenburger Premium Weizen. That seems unlikely. No, you have to know a place. Well, guess what. I know a place! Even better, I’ll tell you where it is.



Before I reveal it, though, let’s take a few minutes to “swim” in laughter (the beer of emotions), and enjoy these 16 funny tweets about the world’s best beverage.

1  Science is never wrong

2  Typical weekend

3  Conversation is an artform 

4  Embrace the mystery

5  Show a little restraint, party boy

6  Just lob it over

7  Remember this helpful rhyme

8  Defer to the authorities, when necessary

9  Never forget

10  Include the whole family

11  I’m no nutritionist, but this sounds like a solid diet plan

12  This is a pun. Sorry

13  This, too, is a pun. Sorry, again

14  Keep a song in your heart

15  Humans are the smartest animals…right?

16  The prophecy has been fulfilled

Hey, that was fun, right?! Alright, you’ve earned the big reveal.

The Schloss Starkenberger Brewery in Tarrentz, Austria, is home to the world’s first beer swimming pools. For the price of about $300 for a two-hour session, this could be you:


Now go swim in that beer!