Not that you need an excuse

Parents worrying that they're not doing enough aren't the ones who should be worrying that they're not doing enough.

Nothing like some honesty in advertising

Dads can fix anything except things that make noise.

I feel the overwhelming need to floss just thinking about it

It's called job security

Or when it's time to put their shoes on

Rule number 1 of bounce house fight club....

Less of a worry, more of an all-consuming panic

Pure genius

Want me to turn around so you can stab me right in the back

So many wanna be ninjas grew up to be accountants and it breaks my heart.