Andrea Kramer or something you find in dirty diaper. We aren't sure.

Andrea Kramer

Orangutan Dad Swings Into Parenting After Mate’s Death

Berani and Cerah
(Denver Zoo)

The 2010s were certainly a decade of gender-norm bending in America and beyond, with stay-at-home dads (among other things) becoming more mainstream. But apparently, the human race isn’t the only group able to torch the status quo of traditional gender roles, as evidenced by Berani, a male orangutan at the Denver Zoo.

Many orangutans live well into their 40s or even 50s, so when female Sumatran orangutan Nias — nicknamed “Queen Bee” — died at 32 in mid-December, both her orangutan and human families were devastated.

However, Berani, her mate, quickly assumed the role of caretaker to the couple’s 2-year-old daughter Cerah. Similar to a human father, he’s “so attentive and protective of her, seeing to all her needs. He will carry her, comfort her, and even snuggles her when she sleeps,” zoo officials said.

Wild orangutan males aren’t usually involved in child-rearing, so “to see Berani step up as ‘Mr. Mom‘ is an extremely rare situation — and Cerah couldn’t have asked for a better dad.”

Berani and Cerah Cuddle
(Denver Zoo)

In fact, fathers taking care of their young is rare even in the zoo world, not just in the wild. Cindy Cossaboon, a zookeeper at the Denver Zoo, told CBS4 that she’d only heard of one other zoo case of a male orangutan stepping up to the Dad plate.

Still, considering how devoted a mate Berani was to Nias, those who knew the couple well can’t be too surprised he remains devoted to their offspring.

He “became instantly attached” to Nias upon arriving at the zoo, and “if she wasn’t around, he would not eat his biscuits and if she was around, he would share his food with her. It was [her] world and we all just lived in it,” her eulogy stated.

So far, Berani and Cerah are doing extremely well, as is Nias’s other daughter, 10-year-old Hesty, who has stepped up herself to play big sis to Cerah in light of their mother’s absence. “The three of them are sticking together and moving forward,” according to the zoo’s Facebook page.

Berani and Cerah
(Denver Zoo)

Great job, Berani! The Dad salutes you.

Dad Turns To Twitter for Prosthetic for Ballet-Loving Daughter

Ballerina Pollyanna Hope dances with a prosthetic foot
(Twitter/Christopher Hope)

When she was just a tot, Pollyanna Hope lost not only her grandmother to a freak bus accident in south London — she lost her own leg below the knee. While the accident hasn’t stopped the now 15-year-old from pursuing her dance dreams, she wants to trade in her running blade for something more graceful… which is where father Christopher Hope comes in.

The U.K. dad recently called out for help on Twitter for someone to “make our 15yo amputee daughter a prosthetic leg with the foot fixed in the pointe shape so she can do pointe work on it.” The appeal has been retweeted more than 3,000 times and counting, racking up nearly 6,000 hearts and more than 300,000 views.

The tweet received heartwarming responses and encouraging feedback, as well, with several people offering suggestions for the Hopes.

Many of the responses included references to a prosthetic limb designed by Pratt Institute graduate Jae-Hyun An. The relatively lightweight, carbon-fiber Marie-T allows amputee ballerinas to dance en pointe.

“In my research I came across Viktoria Modesta and she re-interpreted performance with her prosthetics,” An told Dezeen in 2018. “It was visually so powerful and opened a completely new area of prosthetics for me. I fell in love with the idea of designing something that could expand the artistic and cultural scene of a community with prosthetic users.”

Since the accident 13 years ago, Pollyanna has had no fewer than 21 operations and 20 prosthetic legs, including a “demi-pointe” foot by engineer Yusuf Mohammed in 2018, but Christopher said it became too heavy.

Whatever happens, the positive feedback has at least helped to restore his faith in humanity… or social media, at least.

“Social media gets quite a bad rep,” but the reaction to his plea has shown Christopher and Pollyanna “that there are actually really nice people out there who want to help.”

Watch Pollyanna’s beautiful pirouettes below:

Tim Allen Dropped an F-Bomb in Front of Children While Dressed as Santa

tim allen drops an f-bomb
(YouTube/Kelly Clarkson Show)

Unless you’re one of those always-perfect, do-gooder parents you’ve more than likely let some colorful language slip in front of the kids at some point.

Maybe you stepped on a Lego and dropped a guttural “Son of a…,” or lost your cool with a healthy “Eat sh*t!” when you got cut off carpooling to T-ball…

Whatever the occasion, most of us have done it at least once (1,249 times and counting for yours truly), and are no stranger to the subsequent wave of Shitty Parent Remorse that accompanies those deer-in-the-headlights kid stares.

Thankfully for us, Tim Allen is here to alleviate a bit of our collective guilt, albeit through schadenfreude (joy that stems from someone else’s misfortune), with a top-drawer, first-class cussing-in-front-of-kids story: he not only dropped the F-bomb in front of a group of child actors… he did it dressed as Santa.

Allen, who admittedly has the mouth of a sailor and jokes that he’s “not really a big fan of children,” recently told the tale on “The Kelly Clarkson Show,” where he stopped by to discuss how he’s weaving his former “Home Improvement” character Tim “The Toolman” Taylor into his current show, “Last Man Standing.”

As the comedian tells it, back in 2002, at the tail-end of a very long, sweaty day on the set of “The Santa Clause 2,” he finally reached his breaking point after 15 straight takes were interrupted by kids bickering.

“I let out the loudest F-bomb,” he admitted to Clarkson. “I turned around and there are 12 children (who) looked like you’d ripped their legs off.”

Perhaps the best part of the story, though, was how the adults on set scrambled to walk back the gaffe, with quick-thinking Disney employees arguing Allen really screamed “fuch” (pronounced “fyook”), claiming it’s “a Swedish word. It sounds like that, but it means ‘holiday trim.'”

Still, he laughed, “Kids didn’t buy it. Nobody bought it.”

Hey. We’ve all fuckin’ been there too, Tim.

Watch the full clip below.

 

Heartwarming Doritos Ad From Mexico Features Son Coming Out To Father

Doritos Mexico's heartwarming ad
(YouTube/Doritos)

Name one TV commercial you remember, and I’ll bet you had an emotional reaction the first time you viewed it — whether it made you laugh, smile, cry, or all three.

It’s no secret that some of the most memorable advertising somehow pulls at your heartstrings. Case in point: the Budweiser Clydesdales, the Apple iPad widower, or the Mac Daddy of them all, the Sarah McLachlan SPCA ads (you’re welcome for that earworm btw).

However, there’s a new player on the list of corporate emotional manipulators, and it’s one you may not expect: Doritos.

Over the holidays, Doritos Mexico launched a commercial that’s since made waves for all the right reasons, especially in the LGBTQ+ community.

It features a divorced father with a college-age son who brought a friend home for the holidays. However, he soon suspects his son and the male companion “are a couple and they do not dare tell me,” so he goes to Reddit for advice on how to break the news gently that he knows… and, more importantly, that his love is unconditional.

The ad — which is based on a true story — ends with a simple, subtly sweet exchange between father & son… followed by the viewer’s own visceral ugly-crying (or maybe that’s just me?).

With everything going on in the world today, it’s the virtual, inclusive embrace we all need right now, albeit from an unexpected source. (Then again, as the saying goes, “If you can’t get a warm, bosomy grandma hug, fill the spiritual abyss with a chips commercial!”)

Here’s hoping it makes its way to U.S. airwaves soon.

Watch the full Doritos Mexico ad (in Spanish with English subtitles) below.

Daughter Defeats Dad in Historic College Basketball Coaching Matchup

Head coach Dave Magarity of the Army Black Knights women's basketball team
(Getty/Mitchell Layton)

There are few things more special than sharing a passion with your child — until the kid grows up and schools you in public.

At least, that’s what happened with the Magarity family this weekend, when daughter Maureen faced off against her father Dave as rival coaches of the Holy Cross and Army women’s basketball teams, respectively.

On Saturday, Maureen’s Holy Cross Crusaders topped Army 80-46, in what’s thought to be the first-ever dad-daughter coaching matchup in Division-1 history. She turned around and did it again on Sunday, leading Holy Cross to a 70-61 win.

However, Dave will have a chance to settle the score next month, with two more matchups against his daughter lined up. And, even if Army loses again the next go-round, perhaps the senior Magarity can take comfort in knowing his daughter learned from the best: him.

“In fifth or sixth grade, people would ask me what I want to do when I grow up,” Maureen told the Telegram & Gazette. “I would say, ‘I want to coach. I want to coach like my dad.’”

She grew up around the game, watching film and attending her dad’s team practices, and it doesn’t take a stretch of the imagination to picture lots of “Father of the Bride”-type driveway shootouts at the Magarity house.

Father of the Bride – Touchstone Pictures

Maureen went on to play a year at Boston College, then transferred to Marist, where she was ultimately a captain and helped usher the Red Foxes to their first March Madness dance in 2004. After working as an assistant coach under her dad at Army, she spent 10 years coaching at New Hampshire before taking over the Crusaders’ program earlier this year.

Dave has been coaching basketball for more than 40 years, and has been heading the Army women’s team since 2006.

Before the weekend Daddy-Daughter duel, he had to fight back some big-league emotions, stating, “It’s hard to put into words — it really hit me like a ton of bricks.”

As far as the next round of matchups on Feb. 6-7, he’s not the only one hoping to settle the score; his wife told Maureen’s kids, with typical Grandma diplomacy, “I want Pop-Pop to win two and Mommy to win two.”

But hey, even if he takes another set of Ls on the court, Mr. Magarity gets a big, fat DUB in fatherhood, from where we sit.

Dad Spends Entire NYE Phoning Pals In Every Time Zone to Say “See Ya Next Year!”

Dad's See You Next Year NYE Joke
(Getty/Peter Dazeley)

CINCINNATI, OH —  While New Year’s Eve is often synonymous with parties and weight-loss resolutions, for 42-year-old father Josh Rogers, there’s only one thing on the agenda this Dec. 31: telling everyone he knows he’ll see them “next year.”

“See, it’s funny because ‘next year’ is actually the next day!” Josh explained amid fits of laughter.

This year, the father of two is kicking the comedy up a few notches, doubling down on his commitment to spread joy and dad jokes on New Year’s Eve. According to his wife, Brynn, Josh is using an entire paid vacation day to call 47 friends living in different time zones on Dec. 31.

“Like, this is the same man who tore his ACL doing an Ace Ventura impression last year and still refused to take a sick day, so… he must really be going through some stuff? I wish he’d call a professional instead.” Brynn said.

Sadly, Josh is unaware the numerous long-distance calls from his landline during prime hours will cost him more than $300. Just last week he vehemently refused to sign up for a $5 yearly flat-rate plan, telling his wife, “That’s how they get ya!”

Despite being completely plausible to parents, THIS JUST IN is satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. For more stories like this one click here.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Goes Full Dad After Crashing ‘Kindergarten Cop’ Reunion

Arnold Schwarzenegger reunites with Kindergarten Cop cast
(YouTube/Yahoo Entertainment)

“I’m proud of you.”

Doesn’t matter how old you are — there’s something extra special about hearing those words from an authority figure you admire, like your dad, a favorite teacher, even a police officer.

Arnold Schwarzenegger embodied all three of those things for one special group of tots turned 30- and 40-somethings: the kiddie cast of the classic fish-out-of-water comedy Kindergarten Cop, which celebrated its 30th anniversary this month (and even inspired Stan Lee).

The ‘90s action star, and former governor, surprised some of his former castmates by popping into a virtual reunion held by Yahoo Entertainment this week.

Schwarzenegger reminisced about his role as John Kimble, a steely but big-hearted L.A. police officer made to go undercover as a teacher in Oregon, and attributed the initial success and longevity of the flick to his team of miniature cast members.

“It was the performance of you kids that really made this movie,” he beamed.

The film certainly produced some iconic lines, including one very memorable explanation on male and female anatomy by then 3-year-old Miko Hughes, who went on to play the creepiest kid ever in Pet Sematary.

Schwarzenegger said the kindergartners even had a hand in perhaps the most famous quote of the film: “It’s not a tumor!” Their honest laughter at Arnold’s accent told Director Ivan Reitman the delivery would likely be a hit with audiences.

A hit it certainly was, grossing more than $200 million worldwide, and becoming an instant VHS staple in homes around the globe.

And even with other blockbusters like True Lies, Total Recall, and the Terminator movies (which continue to fuel horrible “Hasta la vista, baby” impressions by dads TO THIS DAY) under his belt, Schwarzenegger says he’s extra proud of Kindergarten Cop because “the kids love to watch it, the grown-ups love to watch it… everyone enjoys it.”

But most of all, he’s proud of his former castmates, telling them all to “keep up the good work” and vowing to host an in-person, post-pandemic reunion (in other words, to NOT be “the party poop-uh” this time). 

Check out the video below.