Ben Kleinman or something you find in dirty diaper. We aren't sure.

Ben Kleinman

Aussie Airline Passenger Checks a Single Can of Beer as Luggage

Beer Luggage Check
(news.com.au/supplied)

Often times, beer is the answer.

The question? What is the only piece of luggage that an Australian man checked on a recent flight from Melbourne to Perth?

That’s right, no toothpaste, no underwear, and in turn, no hygiene. Dean—a beer lover through and through—checked only one item of luggage: a single can of Emu Export Lager.

Dean conceived the idea with the help of a friend who works at the Melbourne Airport, reassuring fellow fliers that practical jokes take greater priority than airline safety. I for one think that if the TSA pied people in the face while groping them then they wouldn’t have such a lousy reputation, but that’s just my opinion as a big Three Stooges fan.

As you can imagine, Dean wasn’t 100% sure his plan would work. However, in stereotypical Australian fashion, his beer was treated like precious cargo and loaded onto the airplane. Before Dean “hopped” on the flight, he snapped this picture:

Beer Luggage
(news.com.au/supplied)


The trip was no doubt a nerve-wracking one. Honestly, Dean could’ve used that beer to calm his nerves, which poses quite the conundrum since it was stowed away. But when he finally landed in Perth and approached baggage claim, something amazing happened:

Beer Checked
(news.com.au/supplied)

Wow, who knew Emu Export lager was as sturdy as it is refreshing.

The beer arrived in pristine condition and was given the same treatment that actors get from TMZ when they land at LAX, as fellow passengers took out their phones and begin feverishly snapping photos of the can.

Being either incredibly cheap or a stickler for technicalities, Dean was prepared to file a lost luggage report had his beer not arrived, but thankfully that wasn’t necessary.

Instead, Dean could sit back and enjoy a refreshing can of beer before realizing he had no changes of clothes for the days ahead. Also, it’s safe to assume that the can would be pretty shaken up after a turbulent flight, so hopefully he was careful opening it.

Cheers, mate!

Like beer as much as Dean? Well if you also like Breaking Bad, then you need to check out “Schraderbrau,” a beer brewed by one of the show’s stars himself.

Dad Changing Diaper Hopes Newborn Repays Favor in 40 Years

Dad Changing Diaper
(Getty/Orbon Alija)

BROOKLYN, NY – Acknowledging that changing diapers is the single most disgusting aspect of fatherhood, 37-year-old Darryl Hamilton is optimistic that his efforts could be rewarded down the line, as he hopes his newborn will offer to repay the favor when incontinence strikes in about 40 years.

“I love my son and am willing to do anything for him. I’m just keeping my fingers crossed he feels the same way, because seeing an elderly man naked is no easy task especially when your face is mere inches away from his you know what,” said Darryl, resigned to the fact that adult diapers are an inevitability but that his stinky son’s indebtedness was not.

As Darryl undid his child’s diaper with one hand while plugging his nose with the other he admitted that there’s a chance he could change his future diaper by himself, but that he wouldn’t want to risk staining the carpet when he could just call his son to come over and also ask him to pick up milk and eggs on the way, thus killing two birds with one stone.

“Four decades is a long time from now and my son may move halfway across the country, but I’m planning to start the guilt trip early and keep him close because chances are I’ll have an accident on my 80th birthday and will need a helping hand.”

When asked why he couldn’t just rely on his wife to help change his diaper in the future, Darryl noted that the divorce rate amongst American couples is so high that them still being together in the 2050s is far from a guarantee.

This Just In…is The Dad Faking News. Despite being completely plausible to parents, it’s satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. For more stories like this one click here.

Dad More Unnerved by Total Silence Than Sound of Screaming Children

Dad Terrified of Silence
(Getty/RyanJLane)

CLEVELAND, OH – Realizing that it’s been well over ten minutes since he last heard a crash or scream emanating from the room where his twin 6-year-olds were playing, local father Ed Rolen broke into a cold sweat fearing that something had gone horribly wrong, when in reality he was simply experiencing the peace and quiet he had been craving since his kids were born.

“Oh no… something’s not right,” muttered a panicked Rolen, seemingly unaware that it was possible for children to get tuckered out and take a nap, as history suggested that his own offspring were only capable of screaming bloody murder and loudly smashing Legos at all hours of the day.

Within moments, Ed was overcome with total dread and started screaming himself, thus waking his twins from their peaceful slumber and throwing the house back into the general state of disarray in which every family member felt most comfortable.

“I’m just glad that harrowing experience is over, I thought they were dead,” shouted Ed over the sounds of his children once again wrestling in the living room near the glass coffee table—a tussle that will almost certainly end in disaster and result in a trip to the emergency room.

As everything returned to normal Ed decided to try and get some shut-eye himself, well aware that he’d fail miserably and would instead spend the next half hour screaming, “Shut up!” to no avail.

This Just In…is The Dad Faking News. Despite being completely plausible to parents, it’s satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. For more stories like this one click here.

Mom’s Goal For Her Son to Meet Carey Price Happens Posthumously [WATCH]

Boy meets Carey Price
(Facebook/Tammy Whitehead)

Hockey players have a reputation of being toothless maniacs. While the toothless part is 99% true, not all of them are crazed fighting machines. Take Montreal Canadiens goaltender Carey Price, who proved he has a heart much bigger than the size of his five-hole.

11-year-old Anderson Whitehead is one of the biggest Carey Price fans you’ll ever meet. For years, Anderson’s mother, Laura McKay, wanted to arrange for her son to meet Carey, however before that dream ever became a reality Laura tragically passed away from cancer back in November. Her death was nothing short of heartbreaking, but to honor Laura’s efforts, the entire Whitehead family decided to take action and help Anderson meet Carey once and for all.

Through a series of chance connections, Anderson’s aunt Tammy managed to get in touch with the Canadiens’ head athletic therapist who in turn invited Anderson to watch the Canadiens’ morning skate prior to their game vs. the Maple Leafs on February 23rd. After practice, this happened:

As if your tear ducts weren’t already bone dry, Anderson later recounted the experience by saying, “It’s the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. I always hoped it was going to happen, my mom always said it could happen.”

Anderson walked away with two autographed goalie sticks, a signed jersey, a signed puck, a signed mini-stick, three additional sticks from other generous Canadiens players, and a memory that would last for the rest of his life. Just check out Anderson’s impressive haul—and more importantly the smile on his face—right here:


What an incredible way to make both Anderson and Laura’s dream come true.

If you could use some hockey induced laughs, check out the darndest things this 4-yr-old player says when he gets MIC’d up.

Dog Cries When Mufasa Dies and This is Why All Dogs Go to Heaven [WATCH]

Dog Cries When Mufasa Dies
(Facebook/Josh Myers)

Remember when you first saw Mufasa’s death in The Lion King? Well, chances are you cried. And remember when you first saw Disney announce a totally unnecessary live-action reboot of The Lion King? Well, chances are you cried even more.

But humans aren’t the only ones who’ve been left heartbroken over Mufasa’s untimely passing and/or Disney’s fascination with rebooting movies that don’t need it. Meet Luna, a four-month-old pit bull from Chattanooga, Tennessee who showed the same type of pained emotion and despair that I often show when my Seamless order is running late.

Luna’s owner Josh was watching the infamous stampede scene when all of a sudden his dog looked up from her toys and started whimpering at the TV, fearing the worst. However it’s entirely possible that Luna didn’t care about the movie and was actually whimpering because she’s tired of being recorded by Josh every time he thinks she’s doing something that can go viral, but let’s assume it’s the former for the sake of this story.

Just take a look at the video and judge for yourself:

It’s amazing to see Luna and Simba act so similarly throughout the scene, from experiencing a brief moment of hope before ultimately laying down in acceptance. Though it’d have been even more amazing if Luna synchronized her farts with Pumbaa’s later in the movie, but as far as we can tell there’s no footage of her doing that.

After the scene was over, Josh made sure to shower Luna with hugs and kisses to reassure her everything was okay. That’s nice to hear, but we just hope Josh learned his lesson and never shows Luna 101 Dalmatians, because that’s bound to leave her scarred for life…

…no Lion King pun intended.

If watching a sad dog gave you the blues, check out how happy this dog was after he stole his dad’s dentures.

We Just Caught Wind of Buttheads, the Cheeky Toys That Fart [WATCH]

(YouTube/WowWee)

If there’s one group of people who can appreciate a good fart joke, it’s dads. From “pull my finger” to “pull my finger” to “pull my finger” for the millionth damn time, dads love farts, which is why they’re bound to also love a new toy from WowWee called Buttheads.

Buttheads have one distinct feature that may shock you: butts for heads. They come in four pun-riddled variations: Brainfart (a zombie), Robutt (a robot), Tushi (a ninja), and The Grim Ripper (come on, this one is obvious).

Just check out this trailer WowWee’s YouTube page, but be sure to put on your headphones first or else your co-workers may think you ate too much chili for lunch:


Each Butthead is packaged with a bonus smelly trading card that unleashes its stink once you scratch it, ensuring that parents will have a hard time determining whether that awful smell in the living room is from the trading card or if the dog let one rip.

Not only that, but Buttheads possess over 20 fart-based sound effects that will leave any 5-year-old or dad with the maturity level of a 5-year-old laughing for hours on end. You can even challenge your friends to a fart battle, which is a built-in rock, paper, scissors-style game for when traditional rock, paper, scissors doesn’t sound wet enough.

Watch below to see The Grim Ripper in action, but again, remember our warning about headphones:

 

View this post on Instagram

 

New Buttheads by WowWee toys…great, all-around!

A post shared by Nerdmuch.com (@nerdmuchdotcom) on

The four 4 Buttheads are each available on Amazon for $9.84 here, or just go to your local Walmart and follow the cacophony of fart noises echoing from the toy aisle to find one.

Lastly, I’d just like to say that if WowWee wants to buy the rights to my idea for a presidential Butthead named Franklin D. Roose-Smelt, I’m all ears.

Wanna get doubly disgusting? Well if poots and pimples are your thing, check out these 6 gross family games that’ll cause your stomach to churn like it did back when you were changing diapers.

Just a heads up, if you buy stuff using the provided links, The Dad may collect a small commission.

2-Yr-Old Puts $1000 Through Shredder Because Having Kids is Expensive

Kid Shreds $1000
(Twitter/Benbelnap)

One time my dog chewed up a $20 bill. While I can empathize with his negative feelings about Andrew Jackson, I was still dismayed that he destroyed the money before I could spend it on something I really wanted, like more pizza than an individual should consume in one sitting.

Considering what I went through I can only imagine the shock on the faces of Jackee and Ben Belnap, two diehard University of Utah football fans who planned on purchasing season tickets with their $1,060 in savings, only to find that their 2-year-old son Leo had shredded it all.

The incident took place back in October when Leo’s father Ben tweeted this:

Apparently, Jackee would often enlist the help of Leo while shredding junk mail, which explains why he knew how to use the machine in the first place. Frankly, I think they should’ve never thought him, for the same reason my mom refused to buy me a sword back when I was two.

Jackee and Ben began the painstaking process of separating the money in hopes the Treasury Department could reimburse them, as seen below:


But despite the tediousness of the situation, the parents took it in stride, saying that it would, “make for a good wedding story!” Thankfully their positive attitude was rewarded, as the Utah Utes offered the pair free tickets as a token of gratitude for their fandom.

Here’s hoping that Jackee and Ben were able to make it out to a game this season, but more importantly that whoever they hired to babysit remembered to unplug the shredder.

Dad Hires Well-Behaved Child Actor for Take Your Child to Work Day

(Getty/Steve Debenport)

DENVER, CO – Determining that it would be in the best interest of his career to leave his biological hellraiser at home, local accountant Vincent Castilla opted to hire a 9-year-old actor named Devin to portray his son at his company’s annual Take Your Child to Work Day, citing Devin’s impressive ability to take direction well and also not throw mud at strangers.

“I’m in line for a promotion, so I couldn’t risk introducing my co-workers to my real son Marshall when I know full well he’d yank on the CEO’s daughter’s ponytail,” said Vincent, who noted that the SAG rate it cost to hire Devin was well worth it considering Marshall would’ve caused more than double that in damages to the office furniture.

Ever since arriving at the office earlier this morning, Devin has been politely and convincingly introducing himself as a member of the Castilla family and even delighting employees with a “father-son” duet of “Anything You Can Do (I Can Do Better)”, whereas Marshall is back home repeatedly pulling on the cat’s tail.

“I made a mistake of telling my boss that I had a son during the interview process and she expected me to bring him. Now I just have to hope Devin is still available for hire when the company picnic rolls around in a few weeks, though I wouldn’t be surprised if he got cast on Law & Order and was all booked up.”

While it’s only a few hours until Vincent returns home to find shattered glass and the contents of the family fish tank strewn about his living room floor, he can rest easy at the moment knowing that his casting choice paid off.

This Just In…is The Dad Faking News. Despite being completely plausible to parents, it’s satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. For more stories like this one click here.