Jared Warner or something you find in dirty diaper. We aren't sure.

Jared Warner

Confirmed: Game of Thrones Dudes Are Making The Next Star Wars

Walt Disney big boss Bob Iger has confirmed what many already suspected – that once Game of Thrones wraps up next week, the series co-creators David Benioff and D.B. Weiss will be heading to a galaxy far far away.

GOTWAR
(Dorkly)

While we’ve known for a while that Benioff and Weiss were helming a cinematic entry in the Star Wars franchise, today it was confirmed that they’ll be the next at-bat. Their movie is scheduled after an upcoming 3-year hiatus for the films following this year’s Episode IX: Rise of Skywalker.

“The conclusion that we reached was that three years was the proper amount of time to not only take a breather and reset, but to really gear up for the next film’s release.” – Bob Iger

There are three Star Wars films currently on Disney’s film slate for the next several years, and today’s announcement only confirms that the first one will be from the Game of Thrones team. The question remains if we’ll be seeing an entire trilogy or series from this team in one go, or if Disney plans to feature other sides of the galaxy in between each entry. There is, after all, a whole other trilogy in the works from Episode VIII director Rian Johnson.

I know some readers will want to scream into the sky at the mere mention of Rian Johnson, so I’ll hold here to let you get it out of your system. Others, feel free to crack open a cold beer. I’m havin’ one.

via GIPHY

Everyone back? No, people are still yelling? Okay, that’s cool, no biggie.

via GIPHY

Alright, let’s move forward.

It is safe to assume that any Star Wars movies penned by the guys who had Sansa Stark feed her rapist to his own dogs will be probably a bit darker than what we’re used to from the franchise. It would make sense to break those up a little, and I’d wager Rian Johnson’s trilogy will be a little more innocent.

What’s exciting overall, is we still don’t know anything about the stories these upcoming movies will tell. After this December, the Skywalker Saga will have come to a close, opening the entire galaxy for new characters and adventures. Who knows, some may not even be “a long time ago” anymore.

While there are infinite storytelling possibilities, don’t be surprised if the Old Gods of Star Wars – namely, merchandising- demand some familiar faces show up at some point. Rebels‘ Grand Admiral Thrawn and Ezra Bridger in the Outer Rim, perhaps? A crossover where Tyrion Lannister and The Onion Knight join the Jedi Order? That may sound ridiculous, but Avengers: Endgame had a Pegasus, so I think we’re past the point of “grounded” pop culture, don’t you?

Regardless of what stories Weiss and Benioff want to tell, it sounds like they’ve been looking forward to making the jump to the stars for a long time already.

“In the summer of 1977 we traveled to a galaxy far, far away, and we’ve been dreaming of it ever since…We are honored by the opportunity, a little terrified by the responsibility, and so excited to get started as soon as the final season of Game of Thrones is complete.”

In the meantime, Star Wars Episode IX opens December 20th of this year, and the series finale of Game of Thrones is this upcoming Sunday on HBO.

A Young Dad Pops His Neck…And Gives Himself A Stroke?!

WhatTheHealth_NeckPop
(ABC News)

File this one under Holy Mother Forking Shirtballs.

Who doesn’t love popping their neck? That feeling of released tension coupled with the satisfying cracking noise eliciting either a high five or an, “Ew gross” from the wife is one of life’s simple pleasures.

Welp, I’m gonna ruin it for ya.

According to ABC News, Josh Hader, a 28 year old Dad from Guthrie Oklahoma, had a sore neck the other day, as dads often do. But when he stretched it out and popped it, the left side of his body went suddenly numb.

“The moment I heard the pop, everything on my left side started to go numb,” says Hader. “I got up and tried to get an ice pack from the fridge, and I remember I couldn’t walk straight.”

It turns out, Josh HAD A FREAKIN’ STROKE. Fortunately his Father-In-Law was on hand to rush him to the hospital where Dr. Vance McCollom diagnosed Josh with a tear to his vertebral artery. Cracking his neck bisected the artery, causing a clot at the base of his brain and preventing blood-flow. Let’s look at a scary-ass medical diagram thing to see what he’s talking about:

Vertebral Arteries
(Geeky Medics)

Yikes. But as rough as this sounds, it could have been much worse. Had more clots formed at the base of his brain, this simple stretch that we all enjoy could have killed the young dad. Instead, Josh is now thankfully recovering and in good spirits. While he’s still a little wobbly on his feat, he only had to deal with a few days of vision impairment – and oddly, hiccups.

He told CNN: “Those were terrible. Literally two weeks of straight hiccups since the stroke happened. Towards the end, they would make it almost impossible for me to breathe for a few seconds, and that was scary.”

Cool, so everything is a nightmare. According to Dr. McCollom, the hiccups happened because the stroke occurred near the base of Josh’s brain. Which is where hiccups come from? I don’t know. Personally, I like to think about my insides as, like, a spaceship with tiny little versions of myself running around and manning the controls, because that’s what Calvin and Hobbes taught me.

Calvin Strange Dreams
(QuotesGram)

Now, there is a takeaway from all this, or else we wouldn’t be sharing this story. While this isn’t a common accident, but McCollom said it’s not the first time he’s seen it happen either, so we all need to play it a little safe with our neck cracking from now on. According to McCollom, there is a right and a wrong way to pop your neck.

“If you want to pop your neck, just kind of pop it side to side, don’t twist it. Whenever you twist it, there’s a risk of tearing that vessel.”


So everyone stop pushing for that last satisfying pop! Thanks, doc! I’ll probably also be investing in some Batman-level restraining neck gear as well.

via GIPHY

While this is all extremely rough, there is one really inspiring part of the story. After everything he’s been through, the biggest challenge Josh says he faced has been not being able to help his wife take care of their youngest son. A dad, through and through, Josh’s first concern is for his family.

The universe throws us curveballs all the time, and some of them can be life-changing; but as long as dads stay committed to the best job in the world (and don’t twist their neck to hard) they can get through anything. We’re rooting for Josh, and are excited for his road to recovery!

Sonic The Hedgehog Trailer Finally Proves We Are In The Darkest Timeline

SonicFeature2
(youtube.com)

Sonic the Hedgehog is being made into a movie and this is the movie that they have decided to make. And that is fine because there is actually nothing anyone of us can do about it.

Now, I’m not here to dunk on anything. I’m not about that hater life. There is every chance this could be a really fun adventure featuring a beloved character from my childhood, whom I have just realized is essentially a streaker.

….Oh god, what have we done?

Nope! No negativity! We haven’t seen this movie yet, and there’s too much trash talk on the internet to get all judgy about something that isn’t even out yet. So, you won’t find me saying anything mean about this film from now on.  I will, however, suggest a theory that this entire project was conceived, written (possibly by an advanced computer program), filmed and edited all in the span of time since the first Detective Pikachu trailer dropped; because this is obviously going for a vibe.

Something that 90s kids should be excited for is Jim Carrey, playing 90s-era Jim Carrey, playing Dr. Robotnik (and yes, it is Robotnik, you can get outta here with that “Eggman” nonsense, don’t @ me). It looks like the Dr. Robotnik of this story is an evil scientist from Earth, assigned by XO Tigh from Battlestar Galactica to hunt down Sonic. However, the final shot of Carrey shows a more traditional Robotnik, goggles and all, in what looks like the Sega Genesis Universe version of Fury Road.


Robotnik
(Imdb.com)

So! Either Robotnik is transported into Sonic’s world and goes totally crazy over the course of the movie, OR Robotnik is from the Sega Universe, and has snuck into our world for some reason or another, I don’t know, I only played the first one, guys.

Another undeniable plus is Ben Swartz as the voice of Sonic. This was the only possible choice for this role.

Sonic, after collecting all the rings: 

Also along for the ride is James Marsden, because James Marsden is up for anything and we should all strive to have his attitude in life.

Now, I’m gonna call something right here and now: Despite no evidence of this, it is almost guaranteed that there will be an MCU style post-credits scene that teases Tails. It’s just how these movies do things now. As for why Sonic is a fan of the Dangerous Minds soundtrack, or what the golden rings do in this universe, or literally any of the thousands of questions you may have from watching this trailer, we’ll just have to see.

Sonic The Hedgehog power slides its way into theaters November 8.

The Dad Approved “Food Cubby” Gives Kids One Less Thing To Complain About

Food Cubby
(foodcubby.com)

Ah, kids. They sure can be little jerks sometimes, huh? Oh, we love them, they are the light and joy of our lives, and we’d do anything for them, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But they flip out if a pea gets, like a little mashed potato on it (as if they were gonna eat the peas in the first place). Lots of kids hate when food touches other food. Sure, they’ll play in the mud, and laugh about a loogie, but apparently applesauce coming into contact with ham is actually the most disgusting thing in the universe.

Now, it’s not their fault; it’s all because something about sensory development or underexposed taste buds or something or another, who cares, it doesn’t matter, they’re picky eaters and it’s annoying. But if we’re being perfectly honest, it’s not just kids. Personally, if a pickle touches any of my french fries, we’ve got a problem.

Fortunately, there’s a simple solution.

Okay, that video takes itself like one shade too seriously, but the Food Cubby is an awesomely simple solution to keeping rogue foods in their place.

As an added bonus, giving plates a wall that helps scoop up that last bite of mac and cheese is *chef’s kiss.* I’ve chased stray noodles around a plate like one of those dogs who gets lost in the middle of the dog show, so don’t even get me started on a kid’s dexterity.

The Food Cubby is made from food grade silicone, so it’s all good when it comes to cleaning and not poisoning anyone; and while I was skeptical of the suction power at first, it really does work as advertised. It scores pretty high on Amazon reviews, too, so it wasn’t just me.

For a simple solution to one of parenting’s most obnoxious challenges, the Food Cubby is #TheDadApproved.

Pick up a pack at FoodCubby.com, or on Amazon.

The Joker Trailer Will Put A Smile On Your Face

Joker3
(Youtube)

Me: “The Joker doesn’t need an origin story, he’s much more interesting without one.”

Warner Bros:


Me:

via GIPHY

Todd Phillips and Joaquin Phoenix have created what looks like a suitably bananas period piece about expecting your life to go one way, only for it to go totally batshit on you instead. (See what I did there?) If you think about it, this movie is the perfect fit for Todd Phillips, whose Hangover trilogy was essentially the story of three psychopaths, but with jokes.

The new Joker movie supposedly stands alone from the rest of the DCU films, and this is definitely not the Joker we met in Suicide Squad. Nothing against Jared Leto…okay, that’s not true, I actually have several personal vendettas against Jared Leto, but regardless, this new take on the Clown Prince of Crime looks a lot more grounded. After all, who hasn’t had a day go so badly that the only thing we can do is laugh?

And laugh this Joker does. About halfway through the trailer, amidst the glimpses of Arkham State Hospital (pre asylum?), a possible young Bruce Wayne, and general 1970s era grit and grime, Phoenix lets out his creepy version of the Joker laugh, and y’all.

Y’all.

Yah boy’s gonna crush it. Now, there’s no playing favorites here:  Heath Ledger is a legend for this role, Jack Nicholson was awesome, and Mark Hamill’s cartoon cackle is a classic…but there is just something about this Joker’s laugh. It, along with Phoenix’s fully-Jokerized costume brings to mind Caesar Romero from the campy 60s Batman…but a more terrifying, yet unsettlingly relatable one.

Considering the complicated psychology, a lot of comparisons have been made between this movie and Taxi Driver, but the gritty stand up club and De Niro’s late night talk show host character bring to mind another Scorsese classic, The King of Comedy.  It may not seem necessary to tell a Joker origin story if you consider the character merely an anti-Batman. I mean, they are both clearly insane people. But there’s something interesting about seeing the Joker and Bruce share a history of pain and grief, but for one of them to rise above it while the other uses it to justify their descent. Sure to be a laugh.

Joker hits theaters on October 4th…just in time for Halloween.

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New GoT & Avengers Trailers Remind Us That Everything Cool Is Ending

(HBO/Marvel)

This year “April showers” might refer to the many somber, yet very strong and dignified tears that will be shed this month as two of the most universally beloved franchises of the last decade come to an end. Spring is about renewal and rebirth, but first we gotta watch Captain America and John Snow probably sacrifice themselves heroically because joy is reserved for children.

Previously we’ve shared the full length trailers for Game of Thrones’ final season, and Avengers: Endgame, but today we have newly released promos for each that feature new scenes and images of our heroes getting ready to probably all die and make us all very sad.

(SPOILER ALERT AHEAD)

Update: Today another mysterious tease appeared on GoT’s Twitter account:


Of course we don’t really know any of that for certain.

George R Martin, we can probably assume, has just stopped writing the books at this point (wtf, dude), so his reportedly dark original vision to end A Song of Ice and Fire could be amended. Maybe time has softened showrunners David Benioff and Dan Weiss like a dads who used to hate country music, but now appreciate anything that isn’t a cartoon musical. Still, I wouldn’t count on it or hope for everyone living happily ever after in Westeros.  Game of Thrones and the novels it is based on have always been known for subverting expectations and harshly defying the generally accepted rules of a fantasy adventure. So for all we know one of the dragons is gonna end up sitting on the sword chair.

When it comes to Avengers, though, it’s tough to say. On one hand, these guys have had a good run, and all good things must end. On the other hand, please don’t make me watch Captain America freakin’ die. Honestly. Ugh. I don’t want to watch, but I can’t look away.

Will Tony Stark trade his life for Spider-Man’s in the Quantum Realm? We know from the Spider-Man: Far From Home trailer that Peter and Nick Fury are getting un-Thanosed by the end of Endgame, but AT WHAT COST?  Ugh, Maybe Endgame won’t go full dark, and all this operatic trailer music is a fake out? I enjoy mature storytelling, but it’s weird that at this point I’m expecting Phil and Elizabeth from The Americans to join the freakin’ Avengers, you know? It is nice to see Cap and Tony hanging out again, gotta say. Thanks for that, Russo Bros.

Regardless of what happens, GoT and the MCU have done a stellar job of pleasing fans over the last ten years – something that’s only gotten harder to do lately. So congratulations to everyone involved in these monumental franchises, and I’ll see you all sometime in May when I’ve recovered. Fortunately, endings lead to new beginnings and we’ll have new GoT prequel content soon, as well as the next phase of MCU movies to look forward to.

Game of Thrones premieres April 14th on HBO, and tickets are on sale now for Avengers: Endgame, which opens April 26.

These Grown-Up Legos Are A Great Way To Absolutely Dunk On Your Kid

Everblock
(Getty/sturti)

Batman teaches us that you either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain. What could be more true of our most cherished childhood toy, Legos? When we were kids, they were the best way to spend an afternoon, but as we became dads, they turned into tiny booby traps left around the house to torture us for having the gall to go barefoot.

Not to mention, they’ve gotten way too reliant on licensed properties like Harry Potter and Star Wars, too. When I was a kid, I made up my own spaceships, thank you very much.

But now there’s a grown up version of everyone’s favorite construction bricks called EverBlock, and it’s pretty sweet.

EverBlock wants to give the fun of creative building and questionable structural integrity back to grown ups, and that’s great because some of the stuff my kid has tried to impress me with is kinda crap tbh.

Per the company:

“Like the toys of our childhood, which enabled us to express ourselves and realize our vision in physical products, EverBlock was conceived to allow designers, decorators, and inventors everywhere to economically build their dream objects.”

Translation: Cool, like, square roofless house, buddy, but I’m going for a backyard castle or submarine.

We even have an idea for the next time we step on one of our kid’s legos….

The Cask of Amontillado' by Edgar Allan Poe
And I mean STAY in your room! (Getty)

Kidding! Just kidding!!  Besides, these things aren’t sound-proof, and what’s a tell-tale heart compared to a seven year old belting Baby Shark full volume?

Now the price tag on EverBlock is not a joke. A basic wall kit can run close to thousand bucks, and even the least Ron Swanson-y dad knows that’s a big chunk of cheddar to build a wall. But that’s also missing the point of EverBlock. If you just need to a divider for two kids to share one room before turning it into a “study” when they move out in 10 years, this is not the way to go. But the project has been praised for being great in disaster relief efforts, military and police training, and showing up your neighbors in the backyard fort game.

So if you’ve got a tax return burning a hole in your pocket and want reusable, long-term creative project that is a more fun than having your kids hold your tools while you curse under your breath, this could be a great investment!

Amazing High School Kids Put On “Alien” For School Play

High School Alien
(North Bergen High School)

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I had to sleep my way through every vanilla-ass 1940s musical like Meet Me In Saint Louis that you can think of, but dads in New Jersey get to go see their kids do freaking Alien?! Yes, that’s right, the Ridley Scott, H.R. Giger 1979 nightmare factory Alien. As a school play. Unbelievable.

The show looks to be filled with homemade costumes and special effects that showcase even the movie’s most gruesome (and awesome) moments, like Kane getting face-huggered, and then later…well, we all know what happens to Kane. Drama club teacher Perfecto Cuervo and Art teacher Steve Defindini have told NJ.com that the students built all the sets and costumes themselves using recycled materials they found around the school. The titular Xenomorph costume, in particular, is amazing, considering these kids had essentially no budget.


Tickets for this show went for about five bucks a pop. Meanwhile, tickets to the Harry Potter play are like three thousand dollars just to stand in the lobby and try to catch glimpses of the stage when the ushers go in and out. Kids are the coolest. They even put together a sleek little trailer to get the word out, and look, all I’m saying is that this whole thing has EGOT potential.


The show only ran two nights, but already the high school is getting calls to add more performances.  Cuervo said he’s not sure they have the budget to extend the run, but hopefully as more people catch wind, an avenue to send some money their way will open up. Considering they made this on a budget of zero dollars, it’d be great to see what they could do with some crowd sourcing behind them; Could a bunch of high schoolers redo Prometheus to actually be good?

Regardless of what happens, this was an amazing display of ingenuity, creativity and teamwork from the North Bergen High School students and faculty. Simply put, there is not a high five high enough to give these kids.

Stranger Things 3 Trailer: Being A Teenager Sucks With/Without Monsters

StrangerThingsCover
(YouTube)

It’s tough being a teen, no doubt about it.

Hormones, first jobs, mind-flaying monsters from another universe, homework. It’s no wonder kids can be so moody.

The full trailer for Stranger Things Season 3 has dropped, and boy howdy do those Hawkins kids not know how to stay out of inter-dimensional trouble. From this new trailer we can see that Eleven, Mike, Lucas, Dustin and Will are spending their 1985 summer coping with some feelings we saw begin to develop at the end of last season that anyone familiar with high schoolers will recognize. Primarily: Angst. Deep, unrelenting angst. But the Upside Down isn’t done with our heroes just yet, and they’ll have to band together to save the universe during the #BestSummerEver

Max is still a part of the gang, sharing slumber party dance parties with Eleven, because no evil force in the universe can stand against the unbridled emotion of a teenager’s slumber party, while her jerk brother seems to have gotten the ultimate jerk brother summer job as a lifeguard. (Editor’s Note: The Dad doesn’t believe life guards are jerks. It’s just a thing in movies and shows for some reason.)

The highlight of the trailer is world’s greatest honorary dad Steve Harrington sword fighting and fist bumping with Dustin at his mall job. Steve gets an eye roll from his coworker, but how dare you judge a man for showing his adoptive son affection, lady?

This season is set during 1985, meaning Back To The Future is a strong contender for a pop cultural touchstone, the way Ghostbusters was in season 2. The Duffer brothers have also commented that Chevy Chase’s classic P.I. farce, Fletch played a heavy role in influencing this season. Could that suggest a lighter tone in Hawkins this time around?

Whatever happens, the shot of the kids putting up a radio tower to the beat of an 80’s Baba O’Riley, plus the season’s tagline make it abundantly clear this season is a summer vacation adventure. We can’t wait for July 4th.

New Avengers: Endgame Trailer Suggests The Avengers Will Do Some Avenging

Iron Man is almost as tired as a dad during sleep training. (YouTube)

At this point, what doesn’t need a Spoiler Alert?


Rumor has it that the marketing for this movie would only cover the first 20 minutes or so of the film, and Marvel President Kevin Feige has said that is “somewhat accurate.” If true, that means the most extraordinary thing that has ever happened in the Marvel Universe to date is Steve Rogers getting his entire family dressed and out the door in under half an hour.

Assemble
My family when I say “Who wants to go for ice cream?” (YouTube)

Of course, the Avengers aren’t children so getting them to assemble only took about 11 years.

Avengers: Endgame hits theaters April 26

Funny Blank Canvas Bib Turns A Mess Into A Masterpiece

Blank Canvas Bib
(Uncommon Goods)

Ah, the subtle, yet robust art of a toddler with spaghetti.  The graceful arc of a noodle. The subtle speckling of sauce. Simply transcendent.

Is your son Topher the next Kandinsky?

Or are you, perhaps, running on two pots of coffee and barely keeping it together?

Spahetti Kid
At least this little punk uses a fork. (Getty/Becki Bennet)

Uncommon Goods wants you to “embrace the stain” with a cotton bib designed as a blank art canvas and two silhouetted figures staring up at what could be your kid’s masterwork.

BabyArt
The ketchup represent my exhaustion. (UncommonGoods)

Your kid may not be bringing home the honor roll bumper stickers yet, but they’re still going places!

When raising kids, it’s important to remember that no matter how messy things get you really need to keep your shit together, because one day your kid may be successful enough to buy you a house in the Keys.

But also probably not; we just don’t value art as a society the way we used to.  But that doesn’t mean you can’t find some love for your little artist’s masterpieces here!

Bon appetite!

Journey To A Whole New Remake: The Full Aladdin Trailer Is Here

New Aladdin Trailer
(YouTube)

Come closer…..closer…..Ah, too close!


From the Official Page:

“A thrilling and vibrant live-action adaptation of Disney’s animated classic, “Aladdin” is the exciting tale of the charming street rat Aladdin, the courageous and self-determined Princess Jasmine and the Genie who may be the key to their future. Directed by Guy Ritchie, who brings his singular flair for fast-paced, visceral action to the fictitious port city of Agrabah.”

A couple of questions:

  • WHERE IS GILBERT GOTTFRIED?
  • Did Aladdin invent parkor?
  • In the original, why can the bird talk, but the monkey and the tiger can’t?
  • Is Genie the ancestor of Mystique from X-Men?

Lots to think about, but all will be revealed on May 24th.

 

Netflix’s New Show Is About The Most Important Lesson In Sports (And Life)

(netflix)

Winning isn’t everything. But losing still sucks.

Although that might not be what some of the biggest losers in sports history would tell you.


Netflix’s new documentary series, Losers, is a celebration of getting knocked down and getting back up. Directed by Mickey Dujyz, the 8 episodes combine interviews, old news footage, and animation to recount some of the most heartbreaking moments in sports history. But rather than be all melodramatic and sad, the quirky series focuses on who these athletes became in spite of their tough breaks, and how they thrived long after the mockery and shame died down.

A personal favorite? How an English soccer (*cough* football *cough*) player getting bit in the leg by a police dog DURING A GAME actually saved his team from being relegated.

Defeat Bed
Are you even a dad if you haven’t done this? (Netflix)

There are stories from every corner of the sports world, including the only ice skater to do a one-blade backflip but somehow didn’t get the gold, a sledge dog racer from New Hampshire, and of course, the unluckiest golfer…ever.

Jean van de Velde
Jean Van De Velde had a worse day than you. (Netflix)

Dulyz has some history with animating sports stories. He’s previously worked on 30 for 30 and documentaries like The Shining Star of Losers Everywhere (he seems to have a niche). For this show, he’s tapped Augenblick Studios, who you might know from Super Jail, the Jellies, and all corners of the weird and wild internet.

We want our kids to do their best, but being a dad is all about raising our kids up, no matter what. It’s cool to see Netflix highlighting what could be the most valuable lesson any kid -or grown up- can learn in sports or otherwise. Getting knocked down does suck. But it doesn’t define you, and getting back up makes it all worth it.

Check out Losers on Netflix. It’s #TheDadApproved.