Jordan Stratton or something you find in dirty diaper. We aren't sure.

Jordan Stratton

Jordan is one of those guys in his late 20s with a master's degree and no idea what he wants to do with his life. He eats an unhealthy amount of cereal, spends an irrational amount of time on the internet, and somehow swindled his way into a marriage with a beautiful wife who puts up with far too much nonsense. He would be delighted if you followed him on Twitter.

Metallica Drummer Reveals How Cool His Dad Is for 90th Birthday

(Instagram/larsulrich)

“Happy Birthday Dad. Happy Birthday Molly [Torben’s longtime partner]! And congrats on the big week with the release of not one, but two books, the opening of the Art exhibition and the completion of the latest movie… so fuckin’ inspiring on every level possible!

“And what may be the biggest accomplishment of all, the whole gang being in Copenhagen for four days without a single ‘Hurra, hurra etc’ song per your request!

Make sure to scroll through his second post because it includes 10 awesome photos of Lars and his dad through the ages.

“Since we are Danish and the Danes take their ’round’ birthdays very fuckin’ next-level serious, here is some additional shouting out to my beyond inspirational Dad on his 90th for your viewing pleasure!! Far forhelvede, you’re the coolest of the cool.. do NOT delete that!”

I’m not crying… you’re crying.

Torben has always been a supporter of his son and his music career, but many don’t realize his own amazing story.

Born on October 4, 1928 in Copenhagen, Torben Ulrich was the son of professional tennis player Einer Ulrich.

Following in his father’s footsteps, Torben became a tennis pro himself. He played more than 100 Davis Cup matches for Denmark and, in 1977, right before turning 49, he became the oldest Davis Cup player in history.

Danish tennis player Torben Ulrich at the Wimbledon Tennis Championships, London, 24th June 1970. (Photo by William Lovelace/Daily Express/Getty Images)

He wasn’t just an athlete, however. During his years playing professional tennis, Torben also worked as a writer, musician, filmmaker, painter, actor, and director.

The “do NOT delete that” message at the end of Lars’ post is in reference to a line Torben is known for saying in the Metallica documentary, “Some Kind of Monster.” Lars mentions about that moment:

“Metallica fans know that he’s been a fairly large presence in and out of Metallica’s history for 35 years. There’s a famous clip in ‘Some Kind of Monster’ – a scene where he comes to listen to some of the stuff we were working on [for 2003’s ‘St. Anger’] – he’s standing over the mixing desk and he doesn’t look too pleased.

“And I ask him, ‘What do you think of this music?’ There’s a long, long, long pause, and he goes, ‘I would delete that.’ [Laughs] A lot of Metallica fans know him by association, so it’s very cool.”

Such camaraderie between a famous father-son duo is something rarely seen these days, but it’s like a breath of fresh air when it is.

Happy Birthday, Torben!

 

Dad Puts an End to Backseat Brawls With Genius New Product [VIDEO]

(Getty/Epiximages)

Apparently, there’s something about the backseat of a car that incites road rage in kids. Leave them back there long enough and it will eventually turn into a scene from Enter the Dragon (albeit a version where Bruce Lee just slaps a lot and whines that the bad guys are touching him again).

Sadly, kids quickly realize the “I’ll turn this car around!” threat is an empty one. And handheld devices are only effective for short periods until WW3 eventually erupts.

After almost getting in an accident while breaking up a fight from the driver’s seat – one dad finally came up with a solution. Mark Abay, a Sydney-based father of two, created a genius device called ‘Backseat Carma.’ It’s so wonderfully simple, you’ll wonder why you didn’t think of it yourself.

“Every time we got in the car with our kids, they’d fight – it happened time and again which was leading to high-stress levels and distracted driving,” he told Daily Mail.

“Nothing was available on the market, so out of sheer necessity I invented a solution for parents who know the pain and dangers of kids fighting during car journeys.”

Backseat Carma is a large, padded divider that’s secured via seat belt into the middle seat. Not only does it prevent them from touching, the height of the product ensures they can’t even make faces at each other.

In other words, divide and conquer.

(Mark Abay)

The product is constructed out of PI foam—similar to the fabric used in mattresses—and eco-friendly PU leather.

You can pre-order one now for $119, which may seem a but steep for a simple divider, but Abay says the few who have gotten their hands on one early are already raving about it.

‘Most users say peaceful and safe driving is actually worth more than $119 to them. Aside from the high-quality materials used, the real worth is in the problem it solves,’ Mr. Abay said.

And because kids are kids, Backseat Carma is also wipeable and splash-proof, but it still isn’t whine-proof. Looks like we’ll have to wait until Backseat Carma 2.0 for that desirable feature.

Play-Doh Drops a Deuce Inspired Play Set Called The “Poop Troop” [VIDEO]

(Facebook/Play-Doh)

Most parents have experienced or at least heard about a toddler being found playing with his own poo—painting walls, furniture, and him or herself with ungodly amounts of excrement. It’s a trauma that no one deserves.

But what if you were able to replace actual dookie with something a little more delightful?

Introducing the poo emoji inspired “Poop Troop.”

(Facebook/Play-Doh)

Load your favorite shade of brown into the syringe and squeeze out perfectly formed logs. If not for the lack of odor it could easily be mistaken for actual poop! But the fun doesn’t end there! Now it’s time to dress up the dung.

The all-new Play-Doh set allows you to create “giggle-worthy poop monsters” and “famous emojis” with Mr. Potato Head style accessories.

Sure, you’ll be taking some creative liberties since no actual poo emoji has fabulous eye-lashes or suspiciously buff biceps, but it’s still better than the more literal alternative.

(Amazon/Play-Doh Poop Troop)

So don’t let yourself be paralyzed by actual fecal fears; give your kid some poo with personality!

Seems like the type of toy kids will play with regularly, at least once, sometimes twice a day.

Gender Reveal Party Causes Wildfire and $8 Million in Damages

(Getty/Vadym Petrochenko/Josh Edelson)

With every passing year it seems that gender reveals get more and more elaborate. Long gone are the days that a doctor or ultrasound technician simply says, “Congratulations, it’s a…”

These days new parents might opt to cut into an appropriately colored cake to find out the sex of their child. Others release a dole of dyed doves into the sky. Heck, one couple even used the powerful engine of a Mustang to reveal the gender.

The creativity used at these parties can be pretty impressive. But sometimes it’s just downright dangerous.

Like the time a dad-to-be shot his gun at a pile of explosives that was covered in a colored powder.

If you thought that last one sounded a little too far-fetched, you obviously haven’t heard about 37-year-old Dennis Dickey.

Dickey, a Border Patrol agent in Arizona, was expecting a little bundle of joy in the spring of 2017 and decided to go all out when it came to announcing this milestone in the baby’s development.

In this case, “going all out” means blowing stuff up—specifically, Tannerite: an explosive designed to combust when shot with a firearm.

To his credit, he hit his target and the Tannerite did its job. Unfortunately, he didn’t account for the nearby flora which is also remarkably flammable.

According to his lawyer, Dickey contacted emergency services immediately and admitted that he was the one to have started the blaze. The 40mph winds that day, however, meant that that fire was spreading far more quickly than usual.

(Ron Medvescek/Arizona Daily Star via AP)

Despite nearly 800 firefighters working over the course of the week to put out the flames, the inferno ended up damaging more than 45,000 acres of land and cost the state approximately $8.2 million.

Because there were no injuries reported or buildings damaged, Dickey was only charged with a misdemeanor, but has agreed to a sentence of five years’ probation and will pay over $8 million in restitution.

“It was a complete accident,” Dickey told U.S. Magistrate Judge Leslie A. Bowman in court. “I feel absolutely horrible about it. It was probably one of the worst days of my life.”

So if you and your spouse or partner are expecting, you might consider holding off on any reveal that involves weapons or explosives.

The Saint Who Created a Youth Movement to Mow Lawns for Free

(Instagram/rodneysmithjr)

Whether you love or hate yard work, there’s no denying that it’s intensive work that some people simply aren’t able to do themselves.

Enter, Rodney Smith Jr. The man who is changing the world one lawn at a time.

Smith is the founder of Raising Men Lawn Care Service, a group aimed at getting kids involved in community service—specifically, lawn maintenance. They seek out the elderly, disabled, single mothers, veterans, and others who do not have the time, resources, and/or money to manicure their yards.

On top of mentoring young people in his own community, Smith encourages kids all across the country to participate in what he calls the “50 Yard Challenge.”

After sending a picture of oneself holding a sign reading “I accept the 50 Yard Challenge,” kids are sent a white RMLCS t-shirt. For every 10 yards mowed, they earn a new corresponding colored shirt until they reach the final goal of 50 lawns.

According to the website, participants also win a brand new lawn mower upon reaching 50 lawns (a welcome gift considering the wear and tear they undoubtedly put on their original mowers to get there).

So how is all this possible when the services are being provided for free? “Since our organization relies on the generosity of individuals like you, we write to ask you to consider a donation to our cause. No donation is too small. We hope that you will help support our efforts. Thank you family!”

As of August 20th, 244 kids were participating in the 50 Yard Challenge across 42 states and five countries.

As if that wasn’t enough, Smith has also tacked on an additional personal challenge the last two years in which he mows lawns in all fifty states. Starting in Milwaukee, WI this year, he set out to mow 2-3 lawns per state (including Alaska and Hawaii) and finally completed the task on July 17th.

His Twitter and Instagram accounts are full of the happy and thankful faces he’s met along the way.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

I had the pleasure of mowing Ms.Kavett’s lawn for her and her kids in Jackson,MS. Making a difference one lawn at a time .

A post shared by Rodney Smith Jr (@rodneysmithjr) on

Smith is still traveling state-to-state, mowing lawns and visiting participants in his community service army, but he also has his sights set on a new goal.

“My goal for 2019 has been set,” he wrote on Instagram. “7 Continents 7 Lawns.”

8-Year-Old Girl Pulls Ancient Sword From Lake, Now Reigns Supreme

(Facebook/Andrew Vanecek)

According to legend, King Arthur was gifted the famous sword Excaliber from the enchanted Lady of the Lake, identifying him as the future ruler of the realm. As long as those rules still stand, an 8-year-old Swedish girl named Saga Vanecek has a very exciting future ahead of her.

(Mathilda Lavergren)

While swimming in Vidöstern Lake in Småland (a province of Sweden) with her family, Vanecek discovered something remarkable in the water.

“I felt something with my hand and thought it was a stick, and then I lifted it up and it had a handle that looked like it was a sword,” she said in an interview with the Swedish news site Värnamo Nyheter. “Then I lifted it up and shouted at Dad: ‘Daddy I found a sword!’”

Realizing his daughter’s find was probably valuable, Andy Vanecek secured the relic and consulted with friends as to whom he should contact, eventually connecting with Annie Rosén, an archeologist at Jönköpings Läns Museum. Rosén immediately cut her vacation short in order inspect the weapon for herself.

(Jönköping County Museum)

“It’s about 85 centimeters long, and there is also preserved wood and metal around it,” museum head Mikael Nordström told The Local. “We are very keen to see the conservation staff do their work and see more of the details of the sword.”

Not exactly a weapon King Arthur would have used, experts believe the sword to be from pre-Viking times, around the 5th or 6th century.

“Why it has come to be [in Vidöstern Lake], we don’t know,” Nordström added. “When we searched a couple of weeks ago, we found another prehistoric object; a brooch from around the same period as the sword, so that means—we don’t know yet—but perhaps it’s a place of sacrifice.”

(Andrew Vanecek)

Vanecek and her family were initially asked to keep the discovery a secret for months in order for archeologists to survey the surrounding area for similar artifacts.

“I think maybe I found it harder to keep secret than she did,” her father said. “It’s cool that it will be in a museum and it might even say ‘Saga’s sword’ and it might be there for thousands of years. We didn’t put it on Facebook or anything until yesterday, and now it’s really blowing up!”

Vanecek is more than thrilled to finally talk about her discovery, too. She and her family just moved to Sweden from Minneapolis, Minnesota last year in order to be closer to family and her love for Vikings is still no secret.

“The cool thing is that I’m a huge Minnesota Vikings fan, and this looks just like a Viking sword!”

(Andrew Vanecek)

It still isn’t known when or how Vanecek will be honored for the discovery, as the case is now being handled by the National Archives of Sweden, but if Arthurian legend is any indication, Saga’s saga will be one for the ages.

You can get the full update via Andrew Vanecek’s Facebook post:

The Star-Studded Version of “Baby Shark” You Might Actually Enjoy [WATCH]

(YouTube/The Late Late Show with James Corden)

Most parents know the song “Baby Shark.” Hell, with over 1.7 BILLION views on YouTube, it’s crazier to imagine you not knowing it.

For the one or two who are still unfamiliar, “Baby Shark” is a children’s song that simply outlines one nuclear shark family (no, not a family of fricken nuclear-powered sharks, unfortunately). Each successive verse highlights a specific family member: Baby Shark, Mommy Shark, and Daddy Shark.

(YouTube/Pinkfong! Kids' Songs & Stories)

It’s cute, repetitive, and will probably make you rip your hair out by the thousandth time your kid plays it. Because even when your child isn’t listening to it, it auto-plays on repeat deep inside your mind.

James Corden recently kicked off an episode of The Late Late Show with “the definitive version” of the song alongside Sophie Turner and Josh Groban. He’s riding the song’s massive wave of popularity, but to his credit, he comes up with something a tad less grating on the ears.

Sure, it’s no ballad about sharks of the nuclear-variety, but the dramatic ensemble is far and away better than the monstrosity that is the original. With a little luck your kids might like it better too (there’s a troupe of professional dancing sharks, for Pete’s sake!)

As for me, I’ll be over here writing a song about those radioactive super sharks that are actually cool.

Old Milwaukee’s “Hey, Pass Me a Beer” Commercials Are Still Amazing

(YouTube/Old Milwaukee)

Sometimes it’s a troop of Clydesdales charging through a beautiful landscape. Other times it’s an elaborate party setting filled with frolicking females. It’s no secret that beer companies usually funnel a fortune into eye-catching commercials to get our business.

Old Milwaukee (a unit of Pabst Brewing Co) is not like other beer companies in this regard. Despite previously featuring big-name talents like Will Ferrell and Jose Canseco in their commercials they purposefully restricted where the ads were shown. This forced fans to search, record, and upload the comedic gems to the internet themselves. Every new ad rumor led to an internet-wide scavenger hunt.

Then in 2012 Old Milwaukee continued their don’t-try-too-hard ad strategy by jumping at a pitch by two beer-flinging brothers.

Meet Nick and Jack Packard.

(YouTube/Old Milwaukee)

A marketing consultant and a Funny or Die content supervisor respectively, Nick and Jack had been creating funny content together as The Packard Brothers for a while. So when thoughts of creatively passing cans of beer popped in their heads, they knew they were on to something.

“We did some test shots and ended up going through three cases of our own beer. We needed more beer (obviously), so we asked Old Mil, and they were nice enough to supply the rest of the beer for the video.” Jack told Business Insider.

One hundred ninety-two beers later, the Packards called the video a wrap and still had enough for “a wicked afterparty.”

Despite Old Milwaukee wanting a strong promotional push for the ad, Nick and Jack convinced them that uploading it to Funny or Die’s website was a better move.

“It had a very natural build-up,” notes Nick, however, “had there been a money exchange they [Old Milwaukee] would have wanted more control, so because we weren’t really getting paid for it, we were able to do things how we wanted.”

With the success and overall fun experience of the first video, Old Milwaukee and the Packards decided to team up once again for “Hey, Pass Me A Beer II”:

Followed by “Hey, Pass Me A Beer: Hunting Edition”:

And the more recent “Hey, Pass Me A Beer – Summer Finale”:

So the next time your buddy asks for a cold one, maybe take a play from the Packard brothers’ playbook: Spike it off a mini-trampoline, airdrop it from a drone, or fire it at them with a t-shirt cannon.

Whatever you do, don’t hand them a beer.

Pass them a beer.

Father and Son Record Harrowing Escape Through Forest Inferno [WATCH]

(YouTube/The Sun)

When hikers head into Montana’s Glacier National Park, they expect to see crystal clear lakes, glacier-carved mountain peaks, and maybe some rare wildlife—not a life-threatening wildfire. However, that’s exactly what Justin Bilton, 37, and Charles Bilton, 70, faced after their hike along Howe Ridge.

Thinking the blaze was far enough away for them to get out in their rental car, the father and son put the pedal to the metal in hopes of getting out before things got even worse.

Justin began recording their drive as they drew closer to the flames.

Viewers would never know this was a conversation between a nearly middle-aged man and his elderly dad. Justin falls right back into his role as a son looking to his father simply for reassurance that things were going to be okay.

Despite the video ending prematurely, the two did indeed make it out unharmed.

Instead of trying to bypass the roadblock, they decided Justin should reverse back the way they came.

“I was shocked how fast he backed that up, and how steady,” Charles told CNN. “We were on an 8-foot-wide dirt road with a lot of ruts. And it was hard to see because of the flames and because of the intensity.”

“And he did an amazing job. He backed it up. We were able to turn it around, and he drove out of it.”

Back at the trailhead, knowing they still needed an alternative way out of the danger, they were relieved to see two park workers with a motorboat on nearby Lake McDonald.

“We kept yelling and waving, and they just waved back at us like we were saying hi,” he said. “And … we’re going, ‘No, come here, come here, we need help.'”

The workers accompanied them back to their campsite to gather their belongings, and finally escorted them to safety.

The Howe Ridge Fire began on August 11 due to a lightning strike and is still raging to this day, having burned over 14,000 acres of the National Park.

(Incident Information System)

Recalling the incident, Justin still can’t believe they made it back to the trailhead after their journey into the flames.

“Once we saw that downed tree, I really didn’t think we were going to be able to get out of there alive,” he said.

 

Dad’s Before-and-After Photo of His College Football-Playing Son Goes Viral

(Twitter/JudeJeannis)

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. But when it comes to the journey of a father and son – these two combined are worth exponentially more.

“We were down on the field and I just remember it was a crazy feeling to just be on the field,” Tevin Jeannis told The Athletic. He continued to reflect on the moments after his first Oregon Ducks game in 2012, “And then my dad was like, ‘Do you want to do this someday?’ And I was like, ‘Yeah.’ ”

(Twitter/JudeJeannis)

Jude Jeannis, Tevin’s father and University of Oregon graduate, might not have known it at the time but that short exchange on Autzen Field was a defining moment in his son’s life. That was the night Tevin dedicated himself to playing football.

Running track, doing CrossFit, altering his diet—Tevin flourished on his high school field. At wide receiver, he led his team with 39 receptions for 632 yards and six touchdowns to earn second-team 4A All-State status as a senior last fall.

(Twitter/TJeannis)

As impressive as his numbers were, Tevin lived in Scappoose, Oregon: a farming town of about 7,000 and not exactly a hotbed of NFL prospects. An offer came in from Division II Western Oregon, and FCS member Portland State showed some interest. That’s typically as good as it gets in Scappoose.

Then something interesting happened. The University of Oregon—Tevin and his father’s team—offered a preferred walk-on position.

“It was unreal,” Tevin told The Athletic. “I didn’t know what it meant. Like, I thought it just meant I could be only on the scout team and not to get to do any of the cool stuff. But they were like, no, you’re part of this team. You get your own uniform, your own jersey number and you get to ball out.”

(Twitter/TJeannis)

On September 8th, Jude Jeannis and his son took another photo at Autzen Field. They’re standing in nearly the same spot as they did in 2012, but a lot has changed.

At 6’2″, Tevin now towers over his father. Jude settles for an arm around the waist instead of the shoulders. Tevin has traded in his black Oregon hoodie for a green Ducks jersey—a yellow “21” plastered across his chest. The proud smiles, however, remain the same.

Jude posted the before-and-after photos on Twitter with the caption, “It was all a dream.”

Despite Jude’s relatively small social media following, the photo has received tons of attention, garnering over 500 retweets and over 5,000 likes.

“He had like 30 followers and he got like 60 likes and was all happy about it,” Tevin said. “Then I retweeted it, some big names started retweeting it and we just blew up from there.”

While Tevin’s career at Oregon might only be beginning, the Jeannis father-son duo is clearly in its prime.

Flight of the Conchords’ New Song ‘Father & Son’ Puts Fun in Dysfunctional [VIDEO]

(YouTube/The Late Show With Stephen Colbert)

New Zealand’s favorite comedy folk duo—well, fourth favorite, according to them—are officially back in showbiz after going on hiatus in 2009. They’re releasing a new special on HBO, Flight Of The Conchords: Live At The London Apollo, on October 6th. To promote the show, Bret McKenzie and Jemaine Clement joined Stephen Colbert on Monday’s Late Show. They talk about everything from the babies they’ve had (not with each other) to dinner invitations from the Prime Minister of New Zealand.

Taking the stage, the pair debuted a pleasant acoustic ballad called ‘Father & Son.’ A call-and-response-style tune that sounds like it could easily be slipped into a Cat Stevens album. The song depicts a conversation between “a guy and his little guy,” played by Clement and McKenzie respectively.

However, what begins as a sweet conversation quickly takes a turn for the strange when the father mentions the death of his son’s mother, which the son quickly rebuffs.

“You know very well, Dad, Mumma didn’t die / She just hooked up with another guy / His name’s Trevor and now they live together / That’s why you pick me up on Friday nights”

What follows is a first-person perspective of a hilariously dysfunctional family, all through the lens of Flight of the Conchords’ signature dry humor and hooky melodies.

Check out FOTC’s appearance on the Late Show below.

Jim Gaffigan Has Something to Say About Beer

(Getty/master1305/Tom Briglia)

A general rule of thumb when making small talk: Don’t talk about religion, politics, or beer preferences.

All three are bound to erupt into heated debates. In the dad community beer in particular tends to be an extremely touchy subject. Everyone seems to have an opinion on what makes a beer amazing or downright sacrilegious, and comedian Jim Gaffigan is no different.

You’re either in full agreement with Jim’s purist perspective or cracking your knuckles to write a scathing comment touting your superior craft beer palate.

But that’s the great thing about beer, nay… America. We all have individual tastes. Just because some guy doesn’t share your affinity for a specific brew, that doesn’t mean he’s wrong (even though he is!) It just means you get to connect with someone with a differing perspective, while drinking beer!

So, if you see Jim in a bar, don’t make fun of him for his taste in beer. Instead, buy him a round, and make fun of his age – like an adult.

Cheers, Jim!

75-Year-Old Volunteer Literally Takes Catnaps at Animal Shelter

(Facebook/Safe Haven Pet Sanctuary Inc.)

If you’re a cat lover you’ll probably agree that 75-year-old Wisconsinite Terry Lauerman is living the dream. He spends most days volunteering at his local animal shelter snoozing with cats.

Lauerman begins his day at Safe Haven Pet Sanctuary where he brushes any cat that needs it, then ends up catching a few z’s with his feline friends. The cats and staff at the shelter love the service Lauerman provides and so do thousands of others because of a viral Facebook post about him.

Elizabeth Feldhausen, the founder of Safe Haven Pet Sanctuary, told The Huffington Post that Lauerman never signed up to be a volunteer but just showed up one day, armed with a cat brush and dream to help some kitties.

“He just walked in and started brushing,” Feldhausen said. “So eventually we told him he was an official volunteer and had him fill out our volunteer form.”

(Facebook/Safe Haven Pet Sanctuary Inc.)

Safe Haven is a cage-free, no-kill shelter aimed at rehabilitating cats with special needs who would likely be euthanized elsewhere. Feldhausen says Lauerman usually comes in for about three hours every day—he’ll start by brushing a cat but usually ends up dozing off.

“He sleeps for about an hour, then he’ll wake up and switch cats,”

The cats aren’t the only ones benefitting from his visits, though. “He said, [the brushing is] as great of an experience for him, as it is for them,” said Feldhausen.

(Facebook/Safe Haven Pet Sanctuary Inc.)

The post about Lauerman has received tons of positive attention and according to Feldhausen, they’ve received about $20,000 in donations since the post went viral.

While Lauerman is happy to have brought so much attention to Safe Haven, he wants people to know that there are plenty of other volunteers that put in hours of hard work to make sure the cats are loved and cared for.

Unlike them, however, Lauerman can do it in his sleep.