Shoppers may be used to long lines and flustered staff during the holiday season, but nobody was prepared for the pandemonium at a local preschool’s play market over the past week. Ms. Meredith, the class teacher reported that the 3 to 5-year-old little entrepreneurs were committed to creating the “ultimate best super holiday store,” as early as five minutes before opening the doors, but parents were baffled by almost every managerial decision made by the group of mostly potty-trained children.
For starters, Shirly’s Farm-to-Market stand made no effort to switch to a more seasonably appropriate inventory. You would typically expect an artisanal merchant to stock some pumpkin-spiced goodies during the fall and winter, but instead she is standing by the more rustic veggies that made her spring offering such a success.
When asked if this was a calculated move to offset oversaturation in the market, Shirly responded by holding up a couple of bright red tomatoes, and insisting audaciously that “no, these are pumpkins now, see?” When challenged on that claim, the young farmer pivoted to asking whether pumpkins were fruits or vegetables, and this reporter was forced to concede that while pumpkins are technically fruits, it does seem like they should be vegetables, and the point was dropped.
It should be said that while the preschoolers may have been unprepared to manage a bustling pop-up market, some children at least had an eye for clever branding opportunities.
“It’s like a popsicle, but it’s cake. Those are my two favorite foods,” said aspiring baker Timothy, showcasing a decadent cake-pop display. Pressed for details about his inspiration for opening a cake pop shop within a pop-up market, the aspiring baker replied, “This one is blueberry, even though it’s pink.” Genius isn’t always articulate.
Still, the cracks of Timothy’s business plan began to show early on. Originally hoping to include a selection of charcuterie and other snackable treats, the young restauranteur was forced to let his friend Melanie take over that side of the budding business. There is a strict sharing policy in place at the market that helps prevent monopolies and the occasional tantrum.
Asked if he would do anything different, Timothy looked thoughtful for a moment, then informed me that the cake pop icing doesn’t always fit on top of the macaroons, but he can just put it in the middle and hold it together. Hopefully the same is true of his business model.
It’s not just the food merchants facing a heavy hit during the holidays. Caden mans the sheers at the market barber shop, but patrons coming in for a family holiday photo sometimes walked away a bit confused.
“I don’t really think of myself as a ‘hipster,” said Caden’s mother. “So I was a little confused when he styled me with this beard right out of Brooklyn,” she chuckled. “It just doesn’t fit my mom-aesthetic, you know for a few reasons.”
If anyone got ahead of the curve, however, it was local jack-of-all-trades Cynthia, who was on hand with her trusty toolkit to help with the holiday decorating. While you wouldn’t think hanging decorations required a full-caliber wood saw, the young handywoman seemed adamant about hacking away at every surface she found. An eager superintendent might be a dream to some, but Cynthia’s enthusiasm left not a lot of decoration-baring structures standing.
“I mean, you expect a little chaos, but this is just insane,” said one local shopper, who conceded that even though her shopping experience was more tiring than usual, she’d still be a repeat customer. “The kids are just so freakin’ cute. What else do you want?”
Pretend Play, a new line of pretend toys from Fisher-Price®, encourages children to explore the wonder of their imaginations with toys that mix wood, plastic, and soft materials. Find out more about Pretend Play here.
Despite being completely plausible to parents, This Just In is satire and intended for entertainment purposes only.