Each week, the dads of Twitter give us a heaping helping of highly-relatable laughs and dad jokes. Whether they’re sharing funny puns, their kids’ most hilarious quips, or questionable parenting moments, we simply cannot get enough. Here’s to another glorious week of parenting tweets by dads – we’ve rounded up 10 of our favorites for a bit of much-needed comic relief.
December 31, 2021
How is this my harshest food critic
my 4yo refuses to eat anything I cook for him but he’s loving dipping his scrambled eggs in orange juice
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) December 26, 2021
It’s called self care
ready for work. ready to attack this fresh new day. ready to melt into the heated seat in my truck. ready to make a little fort in there and sleep all day. ready to tell work I'm sick and tell my family I'm at work and sleep in my truck fort indefinitely
— Village Person (@SvnSxty) December 27, 2021
You and me both
4 year old was having a meltdown so I asked him what would make him feel better. He then calmly told me “I think I just need a hot bath and then to calm down on the couch”
— Paul Palmeri (@ThisPaul) December 30, 2021
Toy Story 5 looks really dark
One of my kids got mad because there was a refurbished sticker on the side until I told her that we "rehomed" it like we did with her puppy so the store didn't kill it
— Nostradadmus (@bigpoppadrunk) December 26, 2021
Must still be morning
I’ve started playing a game where I keep count of how many times I switch off an unused light. Today I’m on 423.
— three time daddy (@threetimedaddy) December 26, 2021
A little ukulele seemed fun in theory
Ok parents what dumbass present did you buy your kid(s) that is annoying AF?
I'll go first, we bought 300 nerf darts.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) December 26, 2021
I once read half a page of a works cited page because I didn’t realize I’d finished the actual book and just kept going
Parenting has unlocked new levels of compartmentalization in my brain. I can read to my kids for half an hour and not even know what book it is.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 27, 2021
The older I get, the more I realize we can simply fake it slightly better
Kids think we have all the answers but in reality us parents are straight up winging it.
— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) December 29, 2021
As nature intended
Having a pregnant wife means you just automatically lose every argument for nine months
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) December 28, 2021
It’s called asserting your snot-minance
the fatherly urge to sneeze louder than everyone in a mile radius
— Adam (@adamgreattweet) December 27, 2021
December 24, 2021
Well, I know whose side I’m on (all of them)
My daughter and her friends started a “Christmas Battle” to see who can donate the most old toys to charity and I think it’s time we officially let 4th Graders lead the War on Christmas.
— Jolly Old St. NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) December 22, 2021
Just reading this made me tired
Me: Your mom is very tired.
Me: She watched you at the children's museum all day.
9: Yeah, she just watched. We're the ones who ran around.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 22, 2021
These past couple years made it painfully obvious how unnecessary non-pajama clothes really are
Child: It's "pajama day" at school.
Me [in pajamas since March 2020]: nice
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 21, 2021
”But I’m thirsty” is basically a freebie
I need a bingo card filled with all my 4yo’s bedtime excuses so I can check them off while he’s refusing to sleep
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) December 22, 2021
He’s a little confused but he’s got the spirit
Don't let my kids send you the 12 days of Christmas or you'll get an ostrich in that pear tree
— Xennaissance Dad (@XennDad) December 21, 2021
Yes. Fine. We can watch Cars again
Jeez, I'm sorry to hear you're bored, son. You know, I haven't done a single thing related to my personal interests since the day you were born, but please, go on.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 19, 2021
An absolute travesty
I noticed my wife and kids were wearing vests so I put one on just so I could say “vest day ever” like a million times. Then I took it off just so I could mention that I wasn’t as invested as they were.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 19, 2021
But seriously, what do you mean “don’t like”
Me: There are people in this world who don’t like bacon.
Son #2: I don’t understand.
— The Dad Briefs™ (@SladeWentworth) December 23, 2021
I did not account for this
You spend 18 years teaching your kids how to do chores and be adults, and then one day they become adults and leave and you are back at square one doing all your own chores again.
— Breaking Dad🧅 (@erichwithach) December 21, 2021
Prepare for the inevitable “wait, I messed up. I’ll start over”
Tears of joy rolled down my eyes as 8YO said she’s half way done with the riddle which she started asking last Monday
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) December 20, 2021