A Gift Guide For What She REALLY Wants. Which Is Pockets.

Pockets tweet
(Twitter/@DelilahSDawson)

It’s a question that has spanned generations, toppled nations, and carried one mediocre Mel Gibson movie:

What do women want?

The answer is surprisingly simple: equal rights and dominion over their own bodies. But also, pockets. Moms in particular carry the weight of the world, so get them something that can hold their chapstick.  Here are some of our favorite gifts and stocking stuffers for the mom in your life, guaranteed to make her say “it’s got pockets!”

1. This jacket with more than the normal amount of pockets

SidePocketLongJacket
(Walmart/)

Look at that third pocket up there. They’re not even trying to hide it. Compared to a jacket with two pockets, the storage possibilities here are endless…or at least increased by 50%. This comes in different colors, but she’ll like red one because it says “hey, don’t mess with me. I have more pockets than you normally would expect.”

Zip it up!

2. Some portable pockets that are definitely not fanny packs

GoBelt
(Source)

Okay, hear us out. The Go Belt is super functional. Some genius remembered with a shiver the vacations we all took in the 80s and 90s, took one look at those old-school fanny packs our parents wore and said, “never again.” These things are closer to a utility belt, which is appropriate since moms are superheroes. We’re not suggesting she wear them out to dinner, but this is a mic drop product for playground dates and bike rides.

Strap in!

3. This sweatshirt that tells it like it is

One Strong Mother
(Scarry Mommy)

A sweatshirt? No, a statement. The One Strong Mother hoodie from Scary Mommy tells the truth, yes. But also, it has pockets. She’ll want more than one.

Get it here!

4. A blanket that has, wait for it…pockets

BlanketWithPockets
(Walmart)

This is a no brainer. Not to generalize, and say that women are always cold, but… *Jim from the Office-style look to camera.*

It’s a Dad’s sacred duty to prevent anyone from touching the thermostat, so we are big fans of blankets. This wrap is like a dressed up Snuggie, it’s super affordable, and the reviews prove our point:

This item revolutionized the blanket game. It has the warmth and softness of a traditional throw blanket, but with POCKETS

Wrap it up!

5. These pajamas that prove your loyalty and support a good cause

GoAskDadPants
(Scary Mommy)
GoAskDadCloseUp
(Scary Mommy)

Earn major brownie points with this act of self-sacrifice. When the kids want extra dessert, or a pet tarantula, or to know where babies come from, all mom has to do is  point to her hip, then slide her hands into her pockets, as if to say “I’m chill. I’ve got my hands in pockets.” These pajamas are technically called “joggers” but that’s just so she can wear them to drop off if she wants.  Pick up a pair from the Scary Mommy shop, and a portion of all proceeds will be donated to Every Mother Counts, helping women around the world get access to essential maternity care.

Double points!

6. This cool strapped phone case thing

Bandolier Case
(Amazon)

Phones keep getting bigger, but most women’s pockets are, like, vacuum sealed. Rather than trying to squeeze a phone and wallet into a vice grip, this Bandolier phone case has slots for credit cards, ID, and cash. (Slots count as pockets.) It’s great for beach days, hikes, or when mom somehow ends up carrying everyone else’s stuff at the mall.

Strap it in!

7. Overalls, the unsung hero of mom-wear.

Mom in Overalls
(Getty/Tang Ming Tung)

Overalls don’t get enough love. They’re comfortable, have pockets everywhere, and look great…at least on women. I don’t care if you’re doing Chip Gains-level home maintenance, any dude in overalls looks like Huckleberry Finn, don’t @ us. They’re win-win, because overalls are casual and stylish for her, but practical and comfortable, also for her.

Button it up!

8. This coat with the normal amount of pockets, but they’re really big

Big Pocket Teddy Jacket
(Walmart)

This is called a Teddy Jacket, and without doing any fact-checking, we’re going to say that’s because it looks like a teddy bear. But unlike teddy bears, this gift is useful because of it’s massive pockets! She could fit a whole novel in each, and still have room for keys, and a couple different Paw Patrol toys.

Fluff it up!

9. This sweater that says “my pockets are as vast as time and space itself.”


Galaxy Hooide
(Walmart)

Okay, the pockets aren’t that big, but the design is perfect for telling your wife she’s out of this world.

*Holds for applause.*

…ahem. Fair warning, this isn’t the warmest of hoodies – it’s fairly thin, just like the fabric of our universe. But it’s cool, because that way she can be far out year-round.

Engage!

10. A fancy robe for feeling fancy, even with kids

Robe Mom
(Getty/Paul Bradberry)

It’s time to upgrade the robes you swiped from the hotel on your honeymoon. Little things make all the difference, like having 5-star resort level comfort while getting peanut butter out of a kid’s hair. That means microfiber, baby! Why robes have pockets is something many have wondered. But that is not our place to question.

Check in to luxury!

11. This long hoodie that says “it’s over for you bitches”

Long Hoodie
(Walmart)

The one problem with normal hoodies is the pocket design. They’re too close to hem, and it feels weird. Wasted pocket potential. Well, no more. This shirt/dress/jacket is the best of all worlds.

Make the power move!

Music Video Shows People With Down Syndrome Living Their Best Lives [WATCH]

(Facebook/Wouldn't Change A Thing)

World Down Syndrome Day is here!

Today is the day when those with Down Syndrome, as well as those who live and work with them, come together to raise public awareness and create a single global voice, advocating for the right, inclusion and well being of those with Down Syndrome.

The parent-led Down Syndrome awareness organization “Wouldn’t Change a Thing” is focused on creating a world where negative and inaccurate perceptions of Down Syndrome are a thing of the past.

This year, the organization created a video to the tune of Queen’s “Don’t Stop Me Now” to highlight the ways in which people with Down Syndrome of all ages enjoy and achieve in life.


“This video project lets the fulfilling lives of young people with Down Syndrome do the talking,” they wrote in the description. “It holds up a mirror to society and dares the viewer to challenge everything they thought they knew about Down Syndrome, and to think again.”

Want to show the organization your support? Check out their Facebook page and don’t forget to use #wouldntchangeathing

Bill & Ted Face The Music as Middle Aged Dads in 2020 [WATCH]

Bill & Ted Teaser Announcement
(Twitter/BillandTed3)

You know those guys you knew in high school or college who you could never imagine having kids? Maybe they were burnouts or jelly butts, or maybe they just didn’t seem like they’ ever grow up? We all knew guys like that, and wouldn’t you know it, as unlikely as it seemed at the time, they ended up getting older too!

In related news, Bill S. Preston, Esquire and Ted “Theodore” Logan – Bill and Ted – are coming back in a new movie, and in it, they’re middle-aged dads. And we are all officially old men.

That’s right, a third Bill and Ted movie is coming soon to a theater near you, written by the screenwriters of the first two flicks, with original stars Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves reprising their famous roles. But things are a little different this time because while Wyld Stallyns remain together, they’re now – wait for it – middle-aged dads! And you thought they went through hell in BOGUS JOURNEY!

Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.

Seeing those two as parents is going to be something. Especially without the guidance of the late great George Carlin as Rufus! Here’s hoping they’re not quite as airheaded as they used to be.

Today, the duo went on Twitter to thank fans and officially announce that the film – Bill and Ted Face the Music – will be released on August 21st, 2020.

In the short video, Winter says the film is a result of all the fan support: “It is all because of you guys, so we owe you a huge debt of gratitude and we want to say thank you.”


The official synopsis, from the press release:

Yet to fulfill their rock’n’roll destiny, the now middle-aged best friends set out on a new adventure, when a visitor from the future warns them that only their song can save life as we know it and bring harmony to the universe. Along the way, they will be helped by their families, old friends and a few music legends.

Quentin Tarantino’s Once Upon a Time In Hollywood Trailer Is Here [WATCH]

Once Upon a Time In Hollywood
(YouTube/Sony Pictures Entertainment)

A new Quentin Tarantino movie is always an occasion. A new Leonardo DiCaprio movie is too. A new Quentin Tarantino/Leonardo DiCaprio collaboration that also stars Brad Pitt and Margot Robbie, takes place in late 60s Hollywood, and features a story-line that somehow includes Bruce Lee and Charles Manson?

I’ve already bought my tickets.

ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD is Tarantino’s 9th flick and his first since THE HATEFUL EIGHT in 2015. A lot has happened since then. Tarantino’s benefactor and friend, Harvey Weinstein was outed as ground zero for the #metoo movement and his studio was shuttered. The director himself ran into some trouble regarding past statements defending Roman Polanski and PULP FICTION star Uma Thurman’s airing of grievances over the abusive treatment she received on the set of KILL BILL.

But today Tarantino is back in the news for his work, as the sun-dappled first trailer for his new movie landed on YouTube and looks to be a heck of a good time. The teaser trailer even makes it look a little like it might be the writer/director’s first comedy, the many hilarious moments and quotable lines from his previous films notwithstanding.

Then again, Charles Manson (played by Damon Herriman, aka the affable idiot Dewey on Justified) shows up, and Margot Robbie is portraying Sharon Tate, the young starlet who was infamously murdered by Manson and his acolytes. So maybe “comedy” is a bit too strong a word.

Here’s the official plot synopsis:

A faded TV actor (Leo) and his stunt double (Brad) strive to achieve fame and success in the film industry during the final years of Hollywood’s Golden Age in 1969 Los Angeles.

One thing’s for sure – everyone in the cast seems to be having a great time, and we didn’t even catch a glimpse of co-stars Al Pacino (his first QT joint!), Kurt Russell, the late Luke Perry, and typical Tarantino stalwarts Tim Roth, Michael Madsen, and more.

I can’t wait to see this thing. It hits theaters on July 26th.

Watch the fun teaser trailer:

Stranger Things 3 Trailer: Being A Teenager Sucks With/Without Monsters

StrangerThingsCover
(YouTube)

It’s tough being a teen, no doubt about it.

Hormones, first jobs, mind-flaying monsters from another universe, homework. It’s no wonder kids can be so moody.

The full trailer for Stranger Things Season 3 has dropped, and boy howdy do those Hawkins kids not know how to stay out of inter-dimensional trouble. From this new trailer we can see that Eleven, Mike, Lucas, Dustin and Will are spending their 1985 summer coping with some feelings we saw begin to develop at the end of last season that anyone familiar with high schoolers will recognize. Primarily: Angst. Deep, unrelenting angst. But the Upside Down isn’t done with our heroes just yet, and they’ll have to band together to save the universe during the #BestSummerEver

Max is still a part of the gang, sharing slumber party dance parties with Eleven, because no evil force in the universe can stand against the unbridled emotion of a teenager’s slumber party, while her jerk brother seems to have gotten the ultimate jerk brother summer job as a lifeguard. (Editor’s Note: The Dad doesn’t believe life guards are jerks. It’s just a thing in movies and shows for some reason.)

The highlight of the trailer is world’s greatest honorary dad Steve Harrington sword fighting and fist bumping with Dustin at his mall job. Steve gets an eye roll from his coworker, but how dare you judge a man for showing his adoptive son affection, lady?

This season is set during 1985, meaning Back To The Future is a strong contender for a pop cultural touchstone, the way Ghostbusters was in season 2. The Duffer brothers have also commented that Chevy Chase’s classic P.I. farce, Fletch played a heavy role in influencing this season. Could that suggest a lighter tone in Hawkins this time around?

Whatever happens, the shot of the kids putting up a radio tower to the beat of an 80’s Baba O’Riley, plus the season’s tagline make it abundantly clear this season is a summer vacation adventure. We can’t wait for July 4th.

Mom Vents About Son’s Hilarious School Photos, Ends Up Going Viral

(Facebook/Stronajai Miles)

Despite how thoroughly you iron their shirt or perfectly part their hair, there is simply too much time between when your kid leaves for school and when they sit down for their school photos. Any number of things could happen to jeopardize your little angel’s perfect picture—a ketchup stain from lunch, tousled hair during gym, or, in this very specific case, a magnificent roar.

When Stronajai Miles came across Andrew’s school photos while going through his backpack, she was less than thrilled to discover her kindergartener’s fierce as hell pose.

“I saw the photos and I was like, ‘Oh my God, Drew!’ It was a blood-curdling scream that ran through the house. Like what is this?” Stronajai said.

Obviously annoyed, Stonaraji’s logged in to Facebook to share the photos along with a mini vent session against Lifetouch School Photography, the company who took Andrew’s photo that day.

What she did not expect was for the photos to start going viral almost immediately.

After her conversations with representatives from Lifetouch, Stronajai wrote a follow-up post voicing her appreciation for both her son’s wonderful personality and all the positive feedback that helped open her eyes to how everything doesn’t need to be “cookie cutter” perfect when you have kids.


As for Andrew, he still loves his school photos and thinks all the love he’s been getting, as a result, is just icing on the cake.

And he does not have plans to stop roaring any time soon.

(Facebook/Stronajai Miles)

Father Figures: Heart Deceleration

“I’ve always wanted to be a dad.

Back in 1st grade, when they ask you what you want to be when you grow up, my answer was a dad. To me, dads are superheroes. Super strength, lightning speed, endless wisdom hidden under puns, a being so powerful the scariest monsters under the bed wouldn’t dare to mess with him. I wanted that.

In July of 2015, I got my wish.

My wife said, “It’s time to go.” We rushed into the car and a block away from the hospital I see the red and blue police lights behind me. I stop and yell back to the cop “My wife is in labor! If you’re gonna give me a ticket then do what you gotta do but give it to me a block up the road, I gotta go!” I hit the gas thinking he was gonna think I’m fleeing but he turned his lights off and turned around.

We get up to the room and are listening to the endless beep of my son’s heart monitor on my wife’s belly. All of a sudden the room goes silent….

“Did he move?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, turn on your side or something.”
“Hunny, you should go get the nurse.”

I open the door and immediately got trampled by 12 nurses and doctors rushing in. Everyone starts calling out medical jargon, hooking up tubes, giving my wife oxygen, and most importantly: IGNORING MY QUESTIONS.

I yell “What’s going on?!” And the doctor says “Your son’s heart has stopped. It’s called a Heart Deceleration.”

The next 4 minutes felt like 40 years, and at that moment, I knew what it felt like to be a dad. To immediately be willing to trade places with my child, no matter the circumstances. To feel like I would go through anyone, even God himself, to protect my child. To this day I can’t even type out this story without breaking down into tears. It was the scariest moment of my life.

The doctors are able to get my son’s heart back pumping and it turns out the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck three times, which is what caused the Decel.

My son Ryan was born at 10:46pm on July 15th.”

– Jacob Hord

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

Mario Kart Mobile Game Announced So You Can Pwn Your Kids on the Go

(Nintendo)

Grab your banana peels and variously-colored turtle shells—Mario Kart is coming to your mobile phone!

Nintendo made the announcement on Twitter in late January and ‘Kart’ fans everywhere are buzzing.

The game company tweeted:

The checkered flag has been raised and the finish line is near. A new mobile application is now in development: Mario Kart Tour! Releasing in the fiscal year ending in March 2019.

Unfortunately, the company recently delayed the game for a summer 2019 release “in order to improve quality of the application and expand the content offerings after launch,” but it is still most definitely on its way.

So far, Nintendo’s foray into the mobile gaming scene has been pretty hit-or-miss.

Its first mobile Mario title, Super Mario Run, launched in December 2016 and broke serious records with over 200 million downloads; however, according to analytics company App Annie, the very few paid the $10 it cost to access to the full game.

Other mobile Nintendo titles include Fire Emblem Heroes (2017), Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp (2017), and Dragalia Lost (2018), and an upcoming Dr. Mario title is expected to release for iOS and Android devices by mid-2019, just in case destroying them in virtual kart races isn’t enough.

Imagine pwning your kids at Mario Kart on mobile while inside a Mario World theme park? I can’t wait for the future!

The Gang Is Back for One Last Adventure in Toy Story 4 [WATCH TRAILER]

Toy Story 4 Trailer
(YouTube/Diney Pixar)

It’s hard to remember now, but there was a time when Pixar wasn’t a thing. There was a time when there wasn’t a new animated blockbuster emanating from the computer-animation studio every year or so to delight kids, impress adults, and basically make everyone cry. Nowadays, Pixar’s movies are among the most anticipated releases every summer, and this summer is no different.

Almost 25 years after their debut, Woody, Buzz and the gang are back for their final adventure in Toy Story 4.

The first Toy Story kicked off Pixar’s unprecedented run of animated blockbusters, which went on to include beloved flicks like Monsters Inc., Up, Inside Out, and the two Incredibles movies. And now the original cast of characters is back!

Last time around, the toys said goodbye to their beloved Andy, who grew up and went to college in Toy Story 3. The crew narrowly avoided a sinister daycare and a terrifying incinerator and safely landed in little Bonnie’s room. But the new movie finds them separated and embark on a road trip to reunite.

But does Woody want to?

Spurred on by Bonnie’s new toy, an arts and crafts creation/abomination named Forky, Woody ends up in an amusement park, loaded with rides, games, and countless kids every single day. And this time, tempted by old friend Little Bo Peep, Woody might not want to leave. But Buzz and friends are determined to bring their pal back.

Check out the full-length trailer, and try not to cry: