A Gift Guide For What She REALLY Wants. Which Is Pockets.

Pockets tweet
(Twitter/@DelilahSDawson)

It’s a question that has spanned generations, toppled nations, and carried one mediocre Mel Gibson movie:

What do women want?

The answer is surprisingly simple: equal rights and dominion over their own bodies. But also, pockets. Moms in particular carry the weight of the world, so get them something that can hold their chapstick.  Here are some of our favorite gifts and stocking stuffers for the mom in your life, guaranteed to make her say “it’s got pockets!”

1. This jacket with more than the normal amount of pockets

SidePocketLongJacket
(Walmart/)

Look at that third pocket up there. They’re not even trying to hide it. Compared to a jacket with two pockets, the storage possibilities here are endless…or at least increased by 50%. This comes in different colors, but she’ll like red one because it says “hey, don’t mess with me. I have more pockets than you normally would expect.”

Zip it up!

2. Some portable pockets that are definitely not fanny packs

GoBelt
(Source)

Okay, hear us out. The Go Belt is super functional. Some genius remembered with a shiver the vacations we all took in the 80s and 90s, took one look at those old-school fanny packs our parents wore and said, “never again.” These things are closer to a utility belt, which is appropriate since moms are superheroes. We’re not suggesting she wear them out to dinner, but this is a mic drop product for playground dates and bike rides.

Strap in!

3. This sweatshirt that tells it like it is

One Strong Mother
(Scarry Mommy)

A sweatshirt? No, a statement. The One Strong Mother hoodie from Scary Mommy tells the truth, yes. But also, it has pockets. She’ll want more than one.

Get it here!

4. A blanket that has, wait for it…pockets

BlanketWithPockets
(Walmart)

This is a no brainer. Not to generalize, and say that women are always cold, but… *Jim from the Office-style look to camera.*

It’s a Dad’s sacred duty to prevent anyone from touching the thermostat, so we are big fans of blankets. This wrap is like a dressed up Snuggie, it’s super affordable, and the reviews prove our point:

This item revolutionized the blanket game. It has the warmth and softness of a traditional throw blanket, but with POCKETS

Wrap it up!

5. These pajamas that prove your loyalty and support a good cause

GoAskDadPants
(Scary Mommy)
GoAskDadCloseUp
(Scary Mommy)

Earn major brownie points with this act of self-sacrifice. When the kids want extra dessert, or a pet tarantula, or to know where babies come from, all mom has to do is  point to her hip, then slide her hands into her pockets, as if to say “I’m chill. I’ve got my hands in pockets.” These pajamas are technically called “joggers” but that’s just so she can wear them to drop off if she wants.  Pick up a pair from the Scary Mommy shop, and a portion of all proceeds will be donated to Every Mother Counts, helping women around the world get access to essential maternity care.

Double points!

6. This cool strapped phone case thing

Bandolier Case
(Amazon)

Phones keep getting bigger, but most women’s pockets are, like, vacuum sealed. Rather than trying to squeeze a phone and wallet into a vice grip, this Bandolier phone case has slots for credit cards, ID, and cash. (Slots count as pockets.) It’s great for beach days, hikes, or when mom somehow ends up carrying everyone else’s stuff at the mall.

Strap it in!

7. Overalls, the unsung hero of mom-wear.

Mom in Overalls
(Getty/Tang Ming Tung)

Overalls don’t get enough love. They’re comfortable, have pockets everywhere, and look great…at least on women. I don’t care if you’re doing Chip Gains-level home maintenance, any dude in overalls looks like Huckleberry Finn, don’t @ us. They’re win-win, because overalls are casual and stylish for her, but practical and comfortable, also for her.

Button it up!

8. This coat with the normal amount of pockets, but they’re really big

Big Pocket Teddy Jacket
(Walmart)

This is called a Teddy Jacket, and without doing any fact-checking, we’re going to say that’s because it looks like a teddy bear. But unlike teddy bears, this gift is useful because of it’s massive pockets! She could fit a whole novel in each, and still have room for keys, and a couple different Paw Patrol toys.

Fluff it up!

9. This sweater that says “my pockets are as vast as time and space itself.”

Galaxy Hooide
(Walmart)

Okay, the pockets aren’t that big, but the design is perfect for telling your wife she’s out of this world.

*Holds for applause.*

…ahem. Fair warning, this isn’t the warmest of hoodies – it’s fairly thin, just like the fabric of our universe. But it’s cool, because that way she can be far out year-round.

Engage!

10. A fancy robe for feeling fancy, even with kids

Robe Mom
(Getty/Paul Bradberry)

It’s time to upgrade the robes you swiped from the hotel on your honeymoon. Little things make all the difference, like having 5-star resort level comfort while getting peanut butter out of a kid’s hair. That means microfiber, baby! Why robes have pockets is something many have wondered. But that is not our place to question.

Check in to luxury!

11. This long hoodie that says “it’s over for you bitches”

Long Hoodie
(Walmart)

The one problem with normal hoodies is the pocket design. They’re too close to hem, and it feels weird. Wasted pocket potential. Well, no more. This shirt/dress/jacket is the best of all worlds.

Make the power move!

Teen With Autism Surprised With Visit From Polar Express Conductor

Teen with autism receives special visit
(Facebook/ Angie Swartout)

Autism can make things very difficult for those on the spectrum, as well as their family and friends. Public events and activities can present unique challenges that often require unique solutions. Thankfully, there are good people all around us who go the extra mile to ensure all people have the opportunity to enjoy life to their fullest. 

So when 18-year-old Ty Swartout was recently unable to attend a special event, staffers and volunteers came together in an incredible way to make his dream become a reality.

A huge fan of “The Polar Express”, Ty makes a point to watch the movie monthly and has read the book literally hundreds of times over. So when Ty’s grandparents found out that the Polar Express rolls down the tracks just four hours away from his home, the couple planned a visit for the family.

While the trip to get to The Grand Canyon Hotel’s Polar Express went as planned, upon arrival, Ty was simply too overwhelmed to actually board the infamous train he has loved for so many years. After overcoming two prior meltdowns, Ty and his family were unable to enjoy the ride. But that didn’t stop the train staff from refusing to leave without him. After his parents insisted they continue on, the train departed. “The staff of the Grand Canyon Railway tried so hard to help,” Ty’s mother Angie wrote in a Facebook post.

“They even held the train. Finally, I had to say let’s go back to the room. Angie admitting the initial disappointment was devastating. “I cried all the way back. My heart was shattered,” she says. “I wanted this so badly for my son.”

However, upon arriving back at the hotel, the family had a knock on their door. It was a hotel staffer popping by to check in on Ty. The hotel assisted the family in rebooking their visit with free special needs accommodations. But that was only the beginning, as moments later, another visitor came knocking. While angie and Ty were curled up reading the book, the real-life conductor from the train entered in full attire. “He sat next to Ty’s bed and chatted with him. Ty was star struck. He was so excited and happy. Then the conductor gave Ty his pocket watch! They said that they wanted everyone to experience something special and magical.”

“They succeeded,” she continued. “We may not have gotten to ride a train but we got something even more magical… We got the gift of human kindness!”

With the holidays just around the corner, this serves as a simple reminder of how a small gesture can truly have a massive impact on not only those involved directly but to anyone who encounters the act as well. 

No, a Joker Sequel Isn’t Happening Yet, But Let’s Be Serious

No Joker Sequel, Yet
(Warner Bros)

It probably isn’t going to surprise you, but remember that Joker movie that came out like two weeks ago and broke all sorts of box office records, toppling the two Deadpool movies to become the highest-grossing R-rated movie of all time?

Well, guess what? It’s probably getting a sequel.

Shocking, I know. Usually, when something makes money, Hollywood gives it a round of applause and goes back to the drawing board to create original content, right? I kid, I kid. Everyone knew as soon as Joker made a mint on opening weekend that Hollywood was not only going to be making 50 different, increasingly bad versions of it over the next 5 years but that despite the director’s initial hesitations, there would be a sequel.

I’m not casting aspersions here. I enjoyed Joker just fine – though there’s absolutely zero chance we’d be having this discussion if it were a movie called “Arthur Fleck” or “Taxi Driver, Only Not” and had nothing to do with Batman. Besides if someone wanted to pay me millions of dollars to write a sequel to one of my The Dad articles, I’d sell out in about 3 seconds, especially if it was this one (DM me!).

Anyway, according to the Hollywood Reporter, director Todd Phillips (Hangover 3) and writer Scott Silver are in talks to bring the further adventures of Arthur Fleck to the big screen, though Deadline refutes it:

At this point there are no deals for a sequel, nor even any negotiations with director Todd Phillips or his co-writer Scott Silver to craft one.

Whatever.

Everyone knows this is going to happen, but what will it look like? Will Batman show up? Will it somehow tie into Matt Reeves’ The Batman? Who knows? But after a collection of hits and misses (mostly misses) with their DC comics characters, Warner Bros. has to at least be thinking about tying Fleck into the larger DCEU, right?

I personally prefer the idea of different directors taking one-off shots at various characters from the stable, without being beholden to continuity or uniting via one singular tone. You can’t out-Marvel Marvel! I say stick with the weird non-comic book movie comic book movie thing Phillips did with Joker. The Hollywood Reporter article even said that Phillips inititally pitched a series of origin stories for DC characters, but that has also been refuted. I say forget origin stories, just do standalone stories!

Can David Fincher direct a Zodiac-type movie in which Clark Kent investigates Lex Luthor’s ties to the corrupt government? Maybe Adrian Lyne can do something with Wonder Woman’s love life or Cronenberg can do a body-horror thing with Hawkman?

I’m just spit-balling here.

Walter-White-Wanna-Be Chemistry Professors Get Reaction From Police

Real Life Walter White
(AMC / Inside Edition)

Most of the time, when we worry about television being a bad influence, it’s about our kids repeating swear words, or taking up smoking. Adults should be old enough and mature enough to know the difference between fact and fiction, and to avoid emulating some of the behavior they see on TV.

Emphasis on “should be,” because there are a couple of guys in Arkansas who definitely didn’t get the memo. At least they have good taste?

Two college chemistry professors were busted by cops for following in the footsteps of one Walter White, the chemistry teacher turned meth kingpin in Breaking Bad. Bradley Allen Rowland, 40, and Terry Bateman, 45, both associate professors of chemistry at Henderson State University in Arkadelphia, Arkansas, were arrested last week for manufacturing methamphetamine. One of them even was even known as “Henderson’s Heisenberg,” thanks to a mention in the college paper, in which he said he appreciated Breaking Bad for helping kids get interested in chemistry.

Not everything is the same, though. For one, they’re college professors, not high school. For another, they didn’t cook in an RV. No, these geniuses used a science lab AT THE COLLEGE WHERE THEY WORK.

That’s how they got caught, obviously. Someone reported an overwhelming odor emanating from the science lab on October 9th, when it was supposed to be closed. An environmental services company were the ones who knocked, presumably, when they came to campus to ventilate and clean the lab, shutting it down for nearly a month. Tests came back that the odor was caused by Benzyl chloride, which is one of the ingredients in meth.

Apparently it didn’t take the school long to figure it out as the two men were put on administrative leave on the 11th and are now awaiting their court appearances.

These guys may have taken inspiration from the show, but they clearly aren’t as smart as Bryan Cranston’s evil mastermind. I mean, they cooked where they worked. They might not even be as smart as Jesse!

Watch Tom Hanks Learn He’s Actually Related to Mister Rogers

Tom Hanks Related to Mister Rogers
(Facebook/Access)

Sometimes, you learn something that, at first, seems shocking and bizarre, but then you take a step back and realize that it actually makes perfect sense and you were crazy for not realizing it earlier.

This is one of those things.

If you don’t know, national treasure and America’s Dad Tom Hanks is starring in a new movie about national treasure and America’s Dad Mister Rogers. The movie, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, is about a reporter who is assigned to do a story on Fred Rogers, the children’s TV show host.

It’s based on the real-life experiences of writer Tom Junod, who was writing the story for Esquire magazine. He went into the project cynically and came away convinced, as anyone who grew up watching Mister Rogers already is, that the minister turned television star is the real deal.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

“The most heartfelt and uplifting film of the year.” #ABeautifulDayMovie in theaters November 22.

A post shared by A Beautiful Day Movie (@abeautifuldaymovie) on


If you go back far enough, we’re all related. But that doesn’t make this news any less exciting.

Tom Hanks isn’t actually Mr. Rogers, but he might as well be. He looks like him in the movie, and he seems to act like him in real life, evincing the same kindness to seemingly everyone he meets (check the social media receipts) that the cardigan-wearing host is famous for. Now, after a surprising revelation, we have an actual genetic reason why!

It turns out Hanks and Rogers are actually related! The entertainment show ACCESS confronted the movie star, along with wife Rita Wilson, at the premiere of the film, with the incredible news. The reporter hands the couple a document from Ancestry.com that shows that the two men are 6th cousins, much to Wilson’s astonishment.

The ever-humble Hanks takes it all in stride, saying “It all just comes together.”

The universe works in mysterious, and actually quite logical, ways!

Father Figures: Video Games

“I’m the single father of two handsome boys and a beautiful girl, the boys with one mom and the girl with another.

We’re apart most of the time so we have to find ways to keep in contact. They say video games are bad for kids and that they need to get outside more but I think we keep missing all the good that they bring.

Me and my kiddos play video games together often – both when they’re with me and when they’re away. All 3 kids are growing up to be very intelligent, they make good decisions, and they are well behaved. Yes, they play video games often, they hop on their phones and they are well connected with all their gadgets… but so am I.

And we share our passions so that they’re not just my kids, but they are my favorite people to be around.

They get along well, they play online together, and when good grades come in, I don’t hesitate to take them to go get that new game.”

– Benjamin Salcedo

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email [email protected]

Check out the previous editions of Father Figures here.

Twitter Remembers the Most Embarrassing Things Their Parents Did

(Twitter/JessicaRS; Getty/PhotoAlto/Sigrid Olsson)

Parents are embarrassing. It’s a fact of nature.

As you get older, you become more and more secure in who you are and simply stop worrying about some of those silly social norms that used to mean so much. And yes, sometimes this results in the absolute mortification of one’s kids.

Many will even remember these moments for the rest of their lives, which is exactly what Nick Harvey hoped when he posed the question, “What is the most embarrassing thing your parents have ever done in front of you?”

He shared his own to get the conversation rolling:

Nick’s mom strolled down to a bar and dragged him and his hardcore, punk rock persona right out of there in the middle of a show.

While definitely humiliating, others had stories that were even worse, or at least, equally bad. Admittedly, most of them involve fathers.

Some stories initially framed themselves as being embarrassing, but actually turned out to be remarkably sweet.

Do you have a particularly humiliating story from your childhood involving your parents? Have you already gifted your own kids with one?

Hero McDonald’s Worker Admits to Adding Extra Chicken Nugget to Every Box

Cody Bondarchuk Nugget Hero
(Facebook/Cody Bondarchuk & Getty/picture alliance)

Like a modern-day Robin Hood, an ex McDonald’s employee revealed he put an extra chicken nugget in boxes during his entire tenure at the fast-food chain.

Cody Bondarchuk of Alberta, Canada worked under the golden arches for two-and-a-half years. While not necessarily a noteworthy time, he admitted to willingly breaking company policy for the customers’ benefit, à la chicken nuggz.

Whether they assumed it was a simple mistake or a rebellious act of deep-fried generosity, the sight of an 11th warm, crispy nugget in that 10-piece would surely be enough to brighten anyone’s day.

The fast-food confession is on the verge of passing 80,000 retweets on Twitter and an astounding 900,000 likes, with countless people responding with various forms of praise and hero-worship.

When asked if he had ever received recognition for his acts while at the store, he responded, “The location was mostly drive-thru so not that I can remember, but I’d like to imagine they went home, saw the extra nug, and smiled a little.”

Other folks even chimed in to share their own generous acts of insubordination as employees in the food industry.

One person asked if there is a statute of limitations on ‘grand-theft-nuggets,’ to which Cody expertly responded, “I hope so because I calculated it and I would owe Ronald about $1,600.”

Well, here’s hoping the mighty clown never comes to collect. Cody, our professional nugg-napper, is truly an American, err… Canadian hero.

Toddler And Family Dog Excitedly Greet Dad At Door

‘Dad Bods & Rescue Dogs’ Celebrates Two Awesome Things in One Calendar

(Lucky Bulldogs Rescue)

Few things are as irresistible as puppies and dad bods, so it makes sense that there’s a calendar dedicated to the appreciation of both.

Lucky Bulldogs Rescue is a non-profit based in Council Bluffs, Iowa specifically focused on rescuing brachycephalic (short snout) dogs from the commercial breeding system, rehabilitating them, and then finding them forever homes.

This year, considering how crucial funding is to keep their mission going, they’ve decided to sell a sultry 12-month calendar featuring professional photos of French Bulldogs, English Bulldogs, Boston Terriers, and Pugs along with volunteer models showing off their best dad bods.

(Lucky Bulldogs Rescue)

Lyndsey Wright, co-founder of Lucky Bulldogs Rescue and photographer responsible for the adorable shots in the calendar, told Scary Mommy that the ‘Dad Bods & Rescue Dogs 2020’ calendar was a collaborative effort only made possible thanks to co-founding board member Stacy Perkins and a handful of hunky, shapely dudes.

“We just launched it last week in hopes of raising funds to get our rescue going full speed ahead,” she said. “We already have a handful of foster dogs and the more funds we raise, the more dogs we can save.”

(Lucky Bulldogs Rescue)

“We focus on English Bulldogs, French Bulldogs, Pugs, Boston Terriers, and other short-nosed breeds we like to call the smushie faces,” Wright continued.

“All our dogs are fostered in the homes of volunteers who work hard to gain the dogs’ trust and teach them that positive human interaction is possible while also maintaining medical care and sometimes dealing with dogs with special needs.”

(Lucky Bulldogs Rescue)

According to Blue Cross, short-snouted pups like bulldogs and pugs are susceptible to a variety of health issues, including respiratory, tooth, heart, and neurological problems, many of which are due to over-breeding.

Wright specified that Lucky Bulldogs Rescue is always aimed at finding these dogs a loving, permanent family where they “can experience the spoiled pet life after spending their first years being bred.”

One hundred percent of calendar sales go to the non-profit.

(Lucky Bulldogs Rescue)

So, if you’re interested in helping these wrinkly-faced pups find forever homes, you can pick up the dog-filled calendar for yourself on here for only $20 – the dad bods are just an extra Christmas treat.