A Parent’s Perspective: “Carl Goes To Daycare”

(Carl Goes to Daycare)

For those who aren’t familiar with the children’s classic Carl Goes to Daycare, written and illustrated by Alexandra Day, it’s a hyper-realistic tale of a gigantic dog being let loose in a daycare while the primary childcare provider attempts to break in to save the children and her job.

My kids love the vibrant imagery and childish antics. I love the tension of the entire book hanging on the edge of life-altering catastrophe.

Let’s take a closer look.

Things start out innocently enough. A mom is dropping her kid off at daycare. With a Rottweiler. Like she’s in an early 2000s DMX music video. She’s probably just being facetious when she says, “Take care of the children.” Surely Carl will stay outside.

(Carl Goes to Daycare)

Hold up. The dog goes inside, and… what’s this? The childcare provider appears to be locked out?

(Carl Goes to Daycare)

The children are so thrilled by Carl they don’t notice the absence of adults, or that Mrs. Manning is using a crowbar she had just laying around to try to break into the daycare.

(Carl Goes to Daycare)

What is even going on here? Carl has lost control of the children. Someone tell that little girl she is trying to ride a dog with lockjaw mechanism. Your head fits in his mouth kid, watch out!

(Carl Goes to Daycare)

Carl has regained control? Carl can read? Carl is making sure they keep to their daily schedule?

(Carl Goes to Daycare)

What is that wacky Mrs. Manning up to now? It looks like she’s trying to pick the lock with a colonial-era device used to churn butter. Meanwhile, a savage 125 pound beast is teaching the children horticulture tips. I know cell phones aren’t invented yet but FFS Mrs. Manning, go next door, ask to borrow the yellow pages and call a locksmith. You’re legally responsible for those children!

(Carl Goes to Daycare)

Carl in this picture is ALL OF US. Look at his face. Fuck crafting, amirite?

(Carl Goes to Daycare)

Carl is looking burnt out. We’ve all been there. He knows that if he just feeds these little monsters he’s one step closer to the end of this hell day where he can crack open a cold one or dig his teeth into a rawhide bone and imagine it’s the flesh of the loudest, whiniest child.

Meanwhile Mrs. Manning appears to be climbing a pine tree without an OSHA-certified harness and then smash through the skylight like a young Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible.

(Carl Goes to Daycare)

What‘s the deal with this daycare anyway? EVEN IF that moron Mrs. Manning was inside, surely this is not compliant with adult-to-children ratio laws?

(Carl Goes to Daycare)

Wow, Mrs. Manning. Tie your car to it, a reasonable solution to anything. Good luck to any kids in her care with a loose tooth. I hope the bumper flies off your VW Beetle, you realize this is the wrong career for you, and you’re able to get your fucking life together before a lawsuit destroys you.

(Carl Goes to Daycare)

AW SHIT THAT’S RIGHT! CARL CAN FUCKING READ!

(Carl Goes to Daycare)

Carl, you smug son of a bitch. You knew she was out there the whole time and could have opened the door, but you wanted to make her sweat.

(Carl Goes to Daycare)

Carl’s like, “Hey genius, you owe me one day’s minimum wage pay and also I took a crap by your desk.”

(Carl Goes to Daycare)

At the end of every book this lady acts like Carl is the crazy one. “Oh, hey, I just left you in charge of my infant daughter and like 24 other kids but I’m going to put my hands on my hips and be condescending because you’ve got a ladybug on your butt like a dang fool.”

(Carl Goes to Daycare)

You bet your ass you’re glad Carl was here, Mrs. Manning. Your jumpsuit is fly as hell but your judgment is questionable.

(Carl Goes to Daycare)

Memories were made, the entire day’s schedule was attended to, careers were saved. Carl may be a man of few words, but that doesn’t stop him from being a gentleman, a scholar, and above all, an unlicensed childcare-providing Rottweiler. Like, I can’t stress that last part enough.

Bottom Line

While it is impressive that Alexandra Day could switch-hit as both author and illustrator, I felt Carl Goes to Daycare had more plot holes than the last season of Lost. The innocent amusement of the children juxtaposed with a savage beast who would rip them all to shreds if he was held without food for a week was, in fact, interesting. But throughout the tall tale I couldn’t help but imagine what would happen if the story was in modern times, and the daycare had webcams. Helicopter parents would immediately call the animal control SWAT team to storm through the windows with high-powered tranq guns. No more Carl. And after the state licensing agency got involved, no more daycare.

But if you can manage to suspend your disbelief for 10 minutes, Carl Goes to Daycare is an idealistic view of the potential heart of a rottweiler. I just wouldn’t be calling the pound to see if they have any good nannies anytime soon.

Man Gives Hugs To Baby Goats

9-Year-Old With Dyslexia Creates Incredible Rubik’s Cube Mosaics

Benjamin Russo's Mosaics
(Benjamin Russo)

Benjamin Russo is a pretty special young man. The 9-year-old who lives with his family in Canada recently posted a video sharing a talent that he says all stems from his unique superpower.

No, Benjamin can’t fly, nor can he see through walls or leap tall buildings in a single bound.

Benjamin has Dyslexia, which oftentimes makes things such as reading and understanding languages difficult. However, Benjamin’s mom Melanie Russo says his reading disability also comes with a few other characteristics which her son has turned into a heightened ability to perform otherwise complex tasks

Take for example the well-known Rubik’s cubes. The one-time toy that has now become the gold standard of brainy competitions around the world. Benjamin can finish a single side of the cube in about one second. While that’s not a world record or anything, it’s what he does after he has solved them that has people sharing his story and this incredible video:

It opens with Benjamin sharing his story via printed cards, then embarking on what ended up being a 5-hour session spread over several days to complete a pixel-perfect portrait of Professional Wrestler John Cena made completely out of specially solved cubes. The video ends with Benjamin sharing an important message, “Dyslexia is not my disability, Dyslexia is my SUPERPOWER.”

The video went viral, quickly spreading across the web and eventually to the social media feed of the WWE superstar himself. He then shared the clip with a special message for Benjamin and everyone else:

Benjamin shows no signs of slowing down either, recently posting this full-size homage to fan-favorite Keanu Reeves.

It’s yet another reminder that a diagnosis of dyslexia or autism is only a small part of an individual’s full story. We’re excited to see what Ben creates next, which he promises to share on his Instagram page found here.

Toddler Amazingly Makes Five Baskets In A Row

Disney CEO Suggests Baby Yoda is a Packers Fan, Internet Not Having It

Baby Yoda as Packers Fan
(Twitter/RobertIger)

Baby Yoda is having a moment. He’s taken the internet by storm and must be protected at all costs, before being fully exploited. Even the news Baby Yoda was coming to Build-A-Bear was well received and the scale had yet to be tipped.

That is, until yesterday when the head of Disney took things too far, making Baby Yoda officially a corporate SHILL. Robert Iger, Chairman and CEO of the Walt Disney Company, tweeted an image of Baby Yoda decked out in Green Bay Packers colors shortly before the NFC Championship game with a simple “Let’s go @Packers” message.

The internet didn’t take it well. While it’s still unconfirmed if this is a picture from Season 2 of “The Mandalorian” (it’s not), many were not happy with the blatant misrepresentation of everyone’s favorite force baby.

Clearly the Force was very much with the San Francisco 49ers, who thoroughly crushed the Packers and ended their season. Seeing the Baby Yoda magic come up short must make the memes like this sting a little bit more, but this is the risk you take by bringing a beloved icon into the mix.

Honestly, it probably makes more sense for Baby Yoda to be a 49ers fan, given that Lucasfilm’s offices are in San Francisco. Of course, he’s an alien in a fictional universe, so…maybe he doesn’t have any sports allegiances?

And inevitably, some decided to adopt the practice of making Baby Yoda a shill for whatever they wanted.

Disney has made several missteps with the Star Wars franchise in the eyes of many fans, and now their CEO has made yet another, keeping Baby Yoda out of the Super Bowl by tying him to the woefully inadequate Packers.

Boy Finally Able to Hug His Brother With New ‘Hulk’ Prosthetic Arm

Boy Hugs Brother With Hulk Arm
(Twitter/republic)

A 5-year-old boy in the U.K. became the first to receive a full prosthetic arm recently after being born prematurely and missing a significant portion of his left arm. And the thing Jacob Scrimshaw most excited to do with his new bionic arm? Finally hug his little brother.

The parents started looking into the groundbreaking procedure after the boy came home from school crying one day.

“I always thought Jacob coped well without his arm, but when he came home from school in tears I knew we had to do something,” his mom told a British news agency.

They initially had a tough time finding someone who could produce a functional prosthetic arm, as most said it wasn’t a reality when the upper arm was involved. The family eventually found a company that agreed to make it a reality so they crowd-funded to raise the money for it.

The robotic arm is pretty innovative (and not cheap, as it cost more than $20,000) but the boy is most excited because it’s green and modeled after The Hulk. His parents were excited to watch him open Christmas presents with two hands for the first time. And his little brother? Just excited to get a full hug from big bro.

Father Figures: The Face of Success

“The picture is of my husband at his graduation this past Monday, for his Bachelors degree. That’s the face of a proud graduate looking back at his wife and children after 5 years of blood, sweat, and tears…

…working two (sometimes three) jobs, raising three (going on four) kids, no babysitters, no grandparents, aunts or uncles to take the kids during midterms or finals, no nest egg for tuition, and giving up a 10-year career for a better future.

We had lots of emotional support and love, but we did all the heavy lifting… and his face shows it!

That’s the face of success!”

– Bettye Erich

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email [email protected]

Check out the previous editions of Father Figures here.

The 10 Best Comments of the Week 1/19

Best Comments of the Week

Every week we pan for comedy gold in the comments section of our Facebook posts. If your comment cracks us up (or warms our hearts) we’ll showcase it here!

Here’s this week’s roundup of the 10 Best Comments of the Week:

1. Crazy Town 

2. Dependants  

3. 10-4 

4. Strip 

5. Yelpped

6. Cereal Killers 

7. Teach a Man 

8. Tip 

9. Devastating  

10. It’s Personal

Check out the previous edition of the best comments of the week here.

Bloated Dad Physically Unable to Fart Unless Finger is Pulled

Dad Unable to Fart Unless Finger is Pulled
(Getty/ljubaphoto)

HARTFORD, CT – Sprawled out on the couch in agonizing discomfort, local father Gabe White is hoping it’s not too much longer until his son returns home from day camp and can come to his aid, as Gabe is physically unable to fart unless someone pulls his finger.

“I spent so many years conditioning my body to fart on command that I can no longer do it without a very specific stimulus,” said a clearly bloated Gabe, who had no idea that years of pranking his child would backfire so spectacularly.

While Gabe has desperately attempted to squeeze out a fart for the past several hours his efforts have been all for naught, as he’s only managed to strain several ab muscles that he didn’t even know he had as they were hidden under his beer gut.

“I need you to come home from work and pull my finger,” said a desperate Gabe over the phone to his wife, who immediately hung up without a saying a word, thus leaving Gabe utterly despondent and unable to escape this hellish, gassy situation.

Unfortunately for Gabe, little does he know that his son had a playdate scheduled after camp today, which means it’ll be at least several more hours before he can relieve himself. Here’s hoping he gets lucky and the mailman shows up soon and is willing to lend a literal hand.

Despite being completely plausible to parents, THIS JUST IN is satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. For more stories like this one click here.

A Stranger Who Found a Sweet Note is on a Mission to #FindEmmasDad

Woman Finds Note From Daughter #FindEmmasDad
(Twitter/NevadaRoamer)

A woman was leaving the Denver airport when she saw what she thought was a piece of trash on the ground. She decided to pick it up to “put litter in its place” but realized it was a heartfelt note written by a girl to her father. What she thought was trash, was actually treasure – so she decided to try to find Emma’s dad.

“It was just about the sweetest thing I’ve ever read,” the woman, Alex Roberts, told a Denver news outlet. She shared a picture of the note on Twitter and started a campaign to #FindEmmasDad.

The note read:

Dear, Daddy
In all the things I do, I want to do them just like you. Although right now sort of small. Like you I want to be brave and smart, cause I love you, Daddy, with all my heart. When I am older I’ll be so glad if I grow up to be just like you.
Love, Emma

Ok, she is right, that is one of the sweetest things I’ve ever read. Roberts said she wants to find the dad so he can keep the deeply heartfelt letter, something she said she would treasure if it came from her kid. Still, she knows it’s a long shot to #FindEmmasDad.

“I mean what are the chances we find this person? But how cool would it be if we actually did?” she told a Denver News Channel. She surmised the dad is a big part of young Emma’s life.

“I feel like he’s a role model. He’s a very active person in her life and having a lot to do with how she perceives the world,” she said. “And I think that’s the kind of parent most people want to be and it sounds like this guy is succeeding.”

Yes, it is a longshot. But the Denver news stations seem to be signal-boosting the call, and the internet has banded together to solve far more hopeless situations. So, if you know the Dad of an Emma who either lives in Denver or has been in the airport recently (OK, this really may be a pretty big longshot), tell him to come get his letter!