Jessica Ellis is a filmmaker and writer who had probably buried this embarrassing story deep in the recesses of her mind, only to have it painfully drudged up with the news that AIM was being discontinued.

Champion that she is, Jessica decided to share her mortification with the rest of the internet, because what’s the internet for if not schadenfreude and also screaming at strangers for disagreeing with you about who should play Beverly in the IT sequel?

While you read her story, remember, she didn’t have to do this. She didn’t have to make her shame public. But she did, and for that, we love her.

It starts way back in the 90s, when the internet was young…

Let me tell you a story.

About THE WORST AOL instant messenger conversation of my life.

I hyperventilate just thinking about it.

— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) October 6, 2017

Background: When I was 15 I had a crazy romance with a boy named Josh. We're talking house sneaking, virginity losing, etc. He moved away.

— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) October 6, 2017

So I'm now 18. He's spent the summer in Guam, working for the salvation army. His away message finally vanishes in late August. I'm giddy.

— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) October 6, 2017

She’s older now because it’s 2017 and that’s how math works. Unfortunately for her, her long-lost love had made the jump to adulthood a bit more quickly than she had…

What he tells me is that he got a girl PREGNANT in Guam.
(I died)
But they BROKE UP
(alive again)
But he's going to RAISE THE BABY
(dead.)

— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) October 6, 2017

Because she doesnt want to keep it and he wants to raise it in the US
(Dead, eternal)
So he's going to raise it in WA, where he lives?
Well

— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) October 6, 2017

SO, I am like "Josh, you cannot be serious...are you??"
And he tells me I'm the love of his life, he can't imagine doing this without me.

— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) October 6, 2017

Here, she pauses to remind us how much she dug this dude. Her little teenage heart was smitten, besotted, dare-I-say obsessed. She was ready for anything.

Except baby Guam.

So I'm like - I need two seconds to think about this. Flip on my away message. Breathe into a paper bag. I'm supposed to start COLLEGE soon.

— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) October 6, 2017

Would I really throw it all away to raise someone else's baby with the love of my life?? WOULD I?
Yeah, cause I'm stupid.

— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) October 6, 2017

Cool, man, good luck with that. Ima head off to college so I’ll catchya on the flip-flop — wait what?

So I head back to the computer. Kick my dad off. Type in, "I've thought about it, and yes. Yes, I want you so much. Let's do it."

— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) October 6, 2017

Bruh.

BRUH.

Maybe it’s because I’m a dad now, and the thought of one of my kids throwing away their life to raise someone else’s lovechild makes me want to throw up all over myself, but I’ve never been happier to learn this was a cruel joke.

Look, I was 18 once. In fact, I’m 41 now but I’m basically still 18 (don’t tell my kids.) And I remember the early days of online life. They were heady, full of excitement and promise. We could talk to anyone, anywhere, at any time. Catfishing wasn’t a thing – at least, it didn’t yet have a name. It was a more innocent time…

But shit, Jessica. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

And it’s here that things go from romantic and stupid to embarrassing and humiliating. But also THANK GOD.

It turns out that his asshole best friend, who had been anti-me when we dated and was still anti-our friendship, had been over.

— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) October 6, 2017

And had signed onto Josh's AIM and used it to convince me to throw away my life and reunite with my lost love while raising his baby.

— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) October 6, 2017

She was ready to ditch school for this guy! And despite the fact that the pranker was a twisted individual who deserves congratulations for pulling it off to burn in hell, the fact that it was a practical joke turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to Jessica.

And I honestly don't remember how this story ends, because I blacked out.

— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) October 6, 2017

She’d unwittingly dodged the bullet, and the blame obviously lies with the jerk who played her like butter plays toast. But one can’t help but think Jessica is none too sad that AOL’s instant messenger service, the method via which she was humiliated, has finally met its demise.

AIM was a cruel master of fate.

— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) October 6, 2017

But that’s the great thing about beer, nay… America. We all have individual tastes. Just because some guy doesn’t share your affinity for a specific brew, that doesn’t mean he’s wrong (even though he is!) It just means you get to connect with someone with a differing perspective, while drinking beer!

So, if you see Jim in a bar, don’t make fun of him for his taste in beer. Instead, buy him a round, and make fun of his age – like an adult.

Cheers, Jim!

He takes a much calmer, more sympathetic approach to parenting than Lois. She has a short fuse, at the end of which is a barrel of dynamite eager to ground someone for the rest of their life. Hal, conversely, seizes any opportunity to bond with his boys by having a sit-down and doling out fatherly words of wisdom.

He’s far more lenient, but will raise his voice and put his foot down when necessary. He’s often creative in his punishments. For example, when Malcolm told him “[bleep] you,” Hal sat him down in the backyard and forced him to look him in the eyes and read aloud a comprehensive list of every vile swear words, teaching him their power.

His biggest strength, however, is his laid-back, often immature attitude. It serves as a refreshing palate cleanser for Lois’ incessant shouting. He is truly the yin to her yang.

DAD WEAKNESSES

He’s more permissive than his wife. In one episode, Hal surprises the boys by letting them skip school to accompany him at some stock car races.

Hal’s lax approach to parenting is, regrettably, his biggest weakness. His spontaneity and often childish behavior sets a bad example for his sons. Case in point: the steamroller. After winning some money on a scratch-off, Hal secretly rents a steamroller.

When Dewey catches him, Hal agrees to let him steamroll over Reese’s bike. Ultimately, Hal goes mad with power and Dewey must talk him down from steamrolling a row of cars. Surely this gave Dewey license to misbehave in the future. His impulsive nature is typically harmless, but still sets precedent for the delinquency of his kids.

VERDICT

Despite shortcomings at the cost of his need to be the parent his sons actually like, Hal is a great father. Sure, all four of his sons are rambunctious hellions, disobedient and destructive at every turn, but that’s predominantly the result of their stubborn, temperamental mother. He’s a big-hearted working stiff, determined to provide for his family however dysfunctional they may be.

FINAL DAD GRADE: A-

It’s been a long journey and no two days are alike. Through it all we’ve learned that Faye is just a younger, female version of her older brother. From her diagnosis, we were able to recognize the ASD traits in Jordan. He is now beginning the diagnostic process.

But long story short, both our girls now attend an autism unit in a special school. It’s a God send and they are both doing great! They turned 6 in August and Jordan will be 11 this December.

Be positive and always make sure your child gets all they need. Raising a child with special needs definitely puts into perspective what’s important in life!

Everything for the kids!”

– Nic Young

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

Aside from a small modification to the bike’s seat, he’ll be riding the bike as-is. “My knees clear the handlebars by about half an inch so it’s going to be really tight, but it’s a great bike,” he told the BBC. When he factors in his unique mode of transportation Peter estimates the ride from Bristol to Land’s End will take him a week to complete.

Ellie loved cycling and impressed her dad at age three, when she was able to ride without training wheels.

The bike he’ll be riding was her pride and joy – a present she received for her last Christmas.

So far Peter has raised £23,349 (roughly $30K US) through his JustGiving campaign, already doubling his £10,000 target.

What a guy! What a dad! Go, Peter, go!

If you’d like donate to Peter’s campaign, visit his JustGiving page.

If you want to learn more about where the money is going, check out The Brain Tumour Charity.