David, let me ask you something.

Let’s say this guy enjoys coming over to your house, but has a habit of whipping out his junk and peeing all over your floors.

You’ve told him to stop, but he still does it — and now your impressionable son is “watering” his 2nd Grade classroom with his dirty lemonade and his teacher is not here for it. Would you write to ask me how you should discuss this with your buddy in a way that wouldn’t hurt his fragile ego? Chances are you’d throw him out on his ass, call the cops, get a restraining order, etc.

You can argue with me all you want that peeing on your floors and cursing in your house aren’t the same thing, but the common denominator is this “friend” of yours is straight up disrespecting you in your own home, and that is not OK. Additionally I can’t help but find it concerning that you’re so worried about this dude’s feelings when he clearly doesn’t give a damn about yours.

I don’t have much to say about how you should handle this other than to put your big boy pants on and set boundaries. Your house, your rules. You don’t want anyone cursing in your house, fine. Firmly tell him again that this cannot continue, and if it does, he simply cannot come back (and the same goes for his son).

If he truly values your friendship, he’ll respect your wishes.

By the way, why is there no mention of how to talk to your son about this? Maybe because you already have that covered? I hope so, because that would be the headline for me. He’s in 2nd Grade and he’s already getting in trouble for his mouth? That needs to end immediately.

Stop me if you’ve heard this before, but your #1 priority in life as a dad is to your family. Unfortunately, I see this with a lot of men where they’re so focused on keeping things cool with their grown ass buddies that their relationships at home suffer (parent-child, partner-partner, etc.). Don’t be that guy.

So are you going to let this guy come into your home and make the rules? Fuck all that. (Excuse my language)

Tried the whole ask your mom how long to microwave a 25lb turkey for…. this is what I got🙂🙂🙂 #blessed pic.twitter.com/J9n2TegNP3

— Christina Leonardo (@chriiistina12) November 16, 2018

Tag-team disappointment.

Soo I’m not sure how well this #TurkeyChallenge went, but here you guys go😂😂 it’s worth reading it🙄😭 pic.twitter.com/mdulHosCqK

— Edmond JBeily (@EdmondJbeily) November 16, 2018

Score!

I was joking with my family and texted them asking how long to microwave a whole turkey for. My mom freaked out, but she didn’t even call me to discuss… she just bought a ham and overnighted it from Miami to Memphis. This joke went extremely well for me!!🤣❤️🍖 pic.twitter.com/YmwT2siJUm

— Alexa Lorenzo (@ALorenzoFOX13) November 16, 2018

And finally, a dad who gets it.

#TurkeyChallenge FAIL pic.twitter.com/BYqtWTERGG

— Julia (@juliaaschwartz) November 17, 2018

Then this person makes an explosive claim:

I don't get the #TurkeyChallenge. My mom has been microwaving our Thanksgiving turkey my entire life. Juiciest Thanksgiving turkey ever! These from a couple years ago pic.twitter.com/Jfhfx0JASu

— Dersh (@MSUDersh) November 18, 2018

…and follows it up with cooking instructions?!

Asked her about it earlier today, close call glad she measured the microwave. Pretty straightforward recipe everyone should try lol pic.twitter.com/wt6BQCjDkq

— Dersh (@MSUDersh) November 18, 2018

Even Butterball recommends microwaved Turkeys!

Geoff, we recommend only cooking up to a 12 lb. turkey in the microwave.

— Butterball (@butterball) November 16, 2018

Then another user provided more specific directions from a vintage microwave cook book:

I tried the #TurkeyChallenge with my mother, expecting her to be horrified. Nope, she just asked if my oven was broken, then sent me the actual instructions from an original 1988 microwave cookbook 😂 FYI the answer for a 25lb turkey in this microwave was 4-6 hours 😬 pic.twitter.com/vWvBX179K2

— Claire G (@AuthorClaireG) November 17, 2018

Turns out it will take 4-6 hours to cook a 25lb turkey in the microwave. Who knew?

“I knew that I couldn’t be the only one in this situation,” Scott, a divorced vacuum cleaner repairman, told the Washington Post. “There had to be at least a dozen people out there who didn’t want to spend Thanksgiving Day alone.”

He was right, although he was off by a bit.

Since that first Thanksgiving 33 years ago, Scott has continued to invite anyone and everyone for dinner, asking them to RSVP via an office phone number he lists in the paper, and plenty of them do. He hosts 60 to 100 people everywhere, but not in his home, thankfully. After his oven broke one year, he moved the dinner to Melrose’s Green Street Baptist Church, which has continued to host it, for free, ever since.

Scott buys everything himself, insisting that to do otherwise “would take away the spirit of it.” The menu hits around $1000 and includes four large turkeys, multiple pies, and all the typical sides, from sweet potatoes, stuffing, and mashed potatoes with gravy to butternut squash and cranberries. But Scott’s Thanksgiving is about more than the hearty meal.

“This isn’t about the food, though,” Macaulay said. “It’s about having a place to go. Silence is unbearable, especially on Thanksgiving. My goal is always to replicate the feeling of having a nice dinner in somebody’s home.”

For thirty-two years, he’s been doing just that.

On one occasion his mom and dad both showed up. Macaulay’s mother was dying of breast cancer and wanted to be with family. As did his father.

“There they were, sitting on the couch together,” he said, “holding each other’s hand, years after their divorce. I can still see them sitting there. That’s a happy memory.”

His 22 year-old son, Walter, pitches in every year to help serve and clean up. He’s also the designated turkey carver, of course.

Here’s a video that celebrated the 27th year of his Thanksgiving tradition:

I love Thanksgiving. Can’t wait to slave for hours over a meal my kids will rudely reject in front of relatives who are judging my parenting

— Ally (@TragicAllyHere) November 16, 2016

Preparation is key.

Make sure your children leave cookies and gravy out on Thanksgiving Eve for Guy Fieri when he sneaks in your house to stuff the turkey.

— Chad Opitz (@chadopitz) November 26, 2015

Always remember the reason we celebrate.

My favorite part of Thanksgiving is when multiple families come together to argue over the pronunciation of pecan pie.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 20, 2016

Show special thanks to those who make the holiday possible.

If a turkey is being a dick to you sometime in the next couple of days, just let it slide, man.

— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) November 20, 2012

Or don’t.

stand up at the Thanksgiving table and whisper to the turkey “Hey Glen, sorry but I warned you not to fuck with me…” then sit back down

— Rob Huebel (@robhuebel) November 25, 2014

There’s a good chance your kids are gonna be picky.

Who’s excited to watch their kid eat one roll and 8 black olives for Thanksgiving dinner?

— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) November 20, 2017

But the apple pie doesn’t fall far from the tree.

If the cranberry sauce isn’t shaped like the can it came in, get it the hell off my thanksgiving table.

— Ray (@SirEviscerate) November 26, 2015

Try your best to watch what you eat.

Thanksgiving Pro Tip:
Never eat any food offered to you by an adorable toddler relative. It might look like a cookie, or piece of candy, but it’s actually the flu.

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) November 22, 2017

But no pressure to keep active.

My favorite thing about Thanksgiving is watching someone else do the dishes.

— Jingle Bell Jawbreaker 🎄 (@sixfootcandy) November 20, 2017

So kick back in that recliner and relax with your family.

Nothing like Thanksgiving with family to remind you how great it is to watch TV alone.

— Alec Sulkin (@thesulk) November 26, 2015

You’ve got a big morning ahead of you.

THANKSGIVING: I’m thankful for this beautiful world we live in
BLACK FRIDAY: *beats an old lady to death with a 42″ Vizio LCD Smart TV*

— The Dogfather (@matt___nelson) November 28, 2015

A few days after he moved out, he asked me if I was doing okay, because he saw how hard it was for me to let my oldest go out into the world on his own. I told him I was fine. I can’t let him know I lied.

I’m not fine.

I know he needs to be able to move on with his life, but my little boy still owns a large part of my heart, as do all of my kids. I worry about him every day, not because he’s in danger, but because I’m not able to be there for him like I could when he was at home. I can’t stand in his way, and I have to somehow trust that all of the time we spent together for the past 19 years will be enough to get him through to become the man I know he should be.

It’s scary to worry that maybe I didn’t do enough; what if I failed him?

I’m not okay with him being gone, and I won’t be okay with any of my kids leaving the nest. But as far as they know, I’m fine.

Writing this is just my way of finally getting the words out of my head that I wish they could hear, but that they can’t know about.”

– Ralph Bennett

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

It’s actually a cornish hen that’s been stuffed inside the bird and used to terrorize unsuspecting children who think they’ve accidentally been party to the murder of a feathered family.

Check out some of the best examples of this hilarious prank below.

1. This one features a “hide behind the curtain” move and dad’s incredulous explanation to his clueless kids:

2. Watch as the horrific “truth” dawns on these women:

3. This video gets bonus points for Joe Buck’s accidental narration of that little boy’s trauma.

4. Mom boasts the turkey is free range and organic, apparently they get pregnant too.

5. Miss Dallas 2014 takes a moral stand:

Alex Archbold, to whom Adam had sold the piece of art, put it up on eBay, and lo and behold, it netted the Commodity Inc. store owner almost $4000. He was shocked that the piece he’d bought for so little yielded such a return, and he knew what he had to do with the some of $3700 he received for its sale.

“I decided the right thing to do was to find him, and whatever it sold for on eBay, I was going to give him half,” Archbold told Edmonton’s CTVNews. “Here’s a guy who needs it more than I do, so I just thought it was the right thing to do.”

So Alex tried to track Adam down. It wasn’t easy – he documented his fruitless search on YouTube. In fact, he wasn’t able to find the man until he returned to the store that Alex was able to give the homeless father of three what was coming to him.

Here’s the moment where he gives Adam the good news:

“There’s $1,600.35,” Archbold told Adam as he handed over an envelope with his half of the proceeds.

“Are you kidding me?” Adam asked.

Adam has been on the streets for three years, trying to save up the money to return to his children in London, Ontario. Alex has even set up a GoFundMe page for his new friend, and he hopes their lucky interaction will pay off even further. The campaign has already toppled it’s $10,000 goal in only 11 days.

“I hope that he sees value in himself again, and that he wants to do the work for the right reasons—for his kids and his family,” said Alex. Both of them men are fathers, roughly the same age and both treasure hunters, “Really, we’re in the same business.”

Unfortunately, that never came to pass, and on November 7th, Neil Olson passed away in a car accident.

While most families will be welcoming the Christmas season by putting up a tree and spending a joyous night decorating it, the Olsons will be doing the opposite in memory of the hopeful man who kept that tree standing for most of their lives.

The tree has been standing for nearly 50 years, and after this Christmas, it’s finally going to come down.

“We’re going to take it outside and light up the Christmas tree for the last time, take everything off and toast to my dad,” Rich told CNN.

“We’re always going to be little Ollies,” Rich says of he and his brothers, “and he’ll always be the big honcho. Always.”