Ask The Dad: The Dirty Mouth

(Getty Images/Denis Sladkov/EyeEm)

This question comes from David in Cleveland, OH.

I have a buddy in my neighborhood who is a fellow dad and our young sons are really close friends. The problem is, the dad likes to swear a LOT. Every other word is “fuck” this or “bullshit” that, and that would be fine if we’re watching sports together as grownups, but he has no filter around the kids either. I’ve told the dad about this, but he still continues to do it at my house when the boys are playing together. Last week, my son’s 2nd Grade teacher informed me that he’s swearing a lot in class, and my wife and I never swear in front of him at home. How can I get it through to the dad to stop swearing in my house without hurting his ego or impacting our friendship?

David, let me ask you something.

Let’s say this guy enjoys coming over to your house, but has a habit of whipping out his junk and peeing all over your floors.

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You’ve told him to stop, but he still does it — and now your impressionable son is “watering” his 2nd Grade classroom with his dirty lemonade and his teacher is not here for it. Would you write to ask me how you should discuss this with your buddy in a way that wouldn’t hurt his fragile ego? Chances are you’d throw him out on his ass, call the cops, get a restraining order, etc.

You can argue with me all you want that peeing on your floors and cursing in your house aren’t the same thing, but the common denominator is this “friend” of yours is straight up disrespecting you in your own home, and that is not OK. Additionally I can’t help but find it concerning that you’re so worried about this dude’s feelings when he clearly doesn’t give a damn about yours.

I don’t have much to say about how you should handle this other than to put your big boy pants on and set boundaries. Your house, your rules. You don’t want anyone cursing in your house, fine. Firmly tell him again that this cannot continue, and if it does, he simply cannot come back (and the same goes for his son).

If he truly values your friendship, he’ll respect your wishes.

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By the way, why is there no mention of how to talk to your son about this? Maybe because you already have that covered? I hope so, because that would be the headline for me. He’s in 2nd Grade and he’s already getting in trouble for his mouth? That needs to end immediately.

Stop me if you’ve heard this before, but your #1 priority in life as a dad is to your family. Unfortunately, I see this with a lot of men where they’re so focused on keeping things cool with their grown ass buddies that their relationships at home suffer (parent-child, partner-partner, etc.). Don’t be that guy.

So are you going to let this guy come into your home and make the rules? Fuck all that. (Excuse my language)

 

Pro Photographer Dad Photoshops Son Into Epic Scenes

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Adrian Sommeling is a Dutch commercial photographer and editor who creates advertising images for companies all over the world. In his free time, however, he prefers to use his expert image-manipulation skills to create fantasy photography.

The images he creates are truly amazing with a whimsical and dreamlike quality. And many of them feature his son who loves to cameo in his dad’s masterpieces. Whether he’s joyriding on the wing of an airborne airplane or cruising on a flaming bicycle like a la Ghost Rider, it’s hard to tell who is having more fun – father or son.

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Want to see more of Adrian’s work? Check out his Instagram and Facebook.

Want to learn how to create your own awesome surreal images? Learn from Adrian himself by purchasing his tutorials on his website.

Dad and Kids Scrap Photo Session to Clean Beach

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A father’s plans for a scenic photo shoot with his sons was derailed by a beach littered with trash. So the trio performed a good deed and definitely didn’t let their time together go to waste.

John Horton and his sons, Jaime, 13, and Lewis, 9, headed to the beach to take a few photos by the ocean. Upon arrival they noticed their usual lovely seaside view was marred by garbage. Incensed and eager to restore the beach, they decided to scrap the photos and instead focus on cleaning up the beach.

Highschooler Jaime Horton told Isle of Thanet News, “It’s our home and we don’t want to see it in such a state.”

The list of items the family cleared was endless and unpleasant: glass bottles, silverware, broken pieces of plastic, plastic wrap, beach balls, soccer balls, plastic buckets, and used baby wipes.

“We just cleared the big bits and dangerous stuff, we couldn’t do anymore as we had all our camera equipment and only intended to take photos around the coast, but when we saw the beach that plan was instantly scrapped! If we had planned to do a beach clear up we would’ve taken the right stuff with us but as we didn’t we were limited,” said the elder Horton.

He speculated that it had been left behind by daytrippers who’d visited the beach on holiday and had little regard for the state they left it in. He thought their hometown should be charged for the mess they made.

“I think TDC should find out where they were from and charge their authority for the clean up.”

The town of Thanet was grateful for the family’s efforts. Councillor Jason Savage said: “Firstly our thanks must go to the young people for their time and effort in clearing the litter left on the beach. They are a credit to themselves and I will be contacting them to offer an opportunity to meet to extend my thanks in person.”

Dad Installs Defibrillator at School, Saves Son’s Life With It

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Most teens would be embarrassed if their dad worked at their school. But one teenager is incredibly lucky that his does.

Stuart Askew works as the premises manager at Steiner Academy in England where his 15-year-old son Ethan is a student. When Ethan suddenly collapsed into a former student’s arms during phys ed, his dad was on the scene to help. And thankfully so was a defibrillator

As luck would have it – the defibrillator had only recently arrived at the school after the British Heart Foundation approved their application for one

And It get’s even more astounding: Ethan’s dad installed it. 

“Literally two days before, I was sitting in the middle of the staff room putting the battery in it – and then the idea that the first person that it gets used on is actually my son… It’s staggering,” Stuart told BBC News.

Stuart was informed of his son’s collapse by a few classmates, and when he saw someone performing chest compressions on his son, he knew it was no run-of-the-mill sports injury.

“I’m a first-aider at school, and with the number of stubbed toes and things like that you get on a daily basis you don’t really worry when somebody says something like that – but I ran down to the field…As I was sprinting across, I realised somebody was doing chest compressions on him and it kind of takes a couple of seconds to realise what that truly means.”

He used the defibrillator on his own son, and saved his life.

“It was very scary, but as soon as I remembered we had a defibrillator I kind of didn’t doubt it would have an OK ending. It was a terrible and frightening experience but I never really had any doubt that that was it.”

Ethan was taken away in an ambulance and put into an induced coma so that doctors could perform surgery. Turns out he had a narrow artery that was having trouble delivering oxygen during exercise.

I don’t think Ethan has any issues with his dad working at his school anymore.

Father Figures: Make It Happen

“I was so beat down at my job that I was constantly thinking ‘What the hell’s wrong with me?’ and ‘Why do I feel like I’m failing?’ and ‘Why can’t I do this?’ And realizing that I was thinking like that hurt even worse because we just had our first child and I should have had ALL the awesome feels in the world.

I’d go into work every day at 6:30am and come home around 6:30pm, including weekends. And even when I came home, I was never really home. In my mind, I was still at work worrying about things I didn’t get done and constantly responding to work emails and text messages, all while thinking the negative thoughts I mentioned above.

This state of mind wasn’t just hurting me; my wife and child suffered. My wife because I’d barely talk to her as I sat on the sofa lost in my thoughts. My baby girl because I’d never have any energy left for her when I got home. I’d hold her, but mentally I just wasn’t there, all while she was beginning to develop a little personality and relationship with her dad. And I was missing it.

I was so conflicted because I really wanted to leave my job in order to be there for my family, financially, mentally and physically, but I needed the job to support my family. I couldn’t have one without the other, but I couldn’t suffer through one more day at work. Something had to give.

It sure as hell was NOT going to be my family. The family that my wife and I worked so hard to build was NOT going to be an afterthought. The job wasn’t worth losing them. I’d rather be living in a box on the street with a happy family than have money and feel terrible.

After an incident at work that finally broke this camel’s back, a three-minute phone call changed my life. I called my wife, wracked with fear and guilt, finally admitting (about my job), “This is it. I’m done. I’m so sorry for this, but I can’t do it anymore.” And the next words I heard from my wife changed me forever: “Don’t be sorry. I see what this job is doing to you every day, and your daughter can sense it, too. This isn’t worth what it’s doing to you. We’ll be okay. We’ll figure this out.”

So with the support of my wife, and knowing that I could start fresh with my daughter, I went straight to HR and asked to file for my own termination, effective immediately.

As I said my goodbyes to the coworkers I was going to miss, I walked out of the building flushed with adrenaline, feeling immediate panic and regret about what I had just done. I got into my truck to drive home and instantly started dry heaving from the stressful thoughts of what’s to come. I called my wife back, asking her a million times if I’d done the right thing, if I’d made a mistake. No matter how many times I’d ask, she’d always patiently say “You did the right thing.”

But I still wasn’t convinced… until my daughter came home from the sitter.

One look into her eyes with my new found sense of freedom and I knew everything was going to be alright, because we were together. I’d do anything for this little girl, but it had to start by being there for her. And I’ve never stopped since that moment.

After a small amount of time and personal reflection, I’ve moved on to an amazing job with an incredible company, and now I’m really happy. At work AND at home.

For those who are reading this and are feeling (in any way) like how I described above, this is what I have to say to you:

That was the single hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. To walk away from something I needed and into an uncertain future was terrifying! But I had the support of my wife and child to assure me that when there’s a will for a better ‘you,’ there’s a way to make it happen.

This concept doesn’t have to apply to a work scenario. If there is something about yourself that you want to change so bad, but can’t find the courage to do, look DEEP inside you to find that one reason, no matter how small of a reason it may seem, and FIGHT like hell to bring it to the surface. If you don’t have the strength by yourself to fight for it, lean on someone close to you and have them help you. If you feel like you’re fighting alone, read this post again from the beginning and realize that you are NOT alone.

Just. Fight. Like. Hell. But fight for a reason you believe in.

– Robert “Tony” Miller

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