15 “Dads Love…” Dad-Isms To Remind You Fathers Are Freakin’ Funny

15 Dad-Isms and a calendar
(thedad.com)

Science hasn’t been able to explain it, but something happens when you become a dad. One day you’re looking up Air Jordans online, and the next, you have a pair of New Balance sneakers for every occasion. Inexplicably, you can now fall asleep almost anywhere in roughly the amount of time it takes to sit down. You belong to more than one group dedicated to lawnmowers. When your kid says “I’m hungry,” something inside of you demands that you respond “hi hungry, I’m dad.” We call that a “dad-ism,” (and there’s an app for that!) and somehow, your brain has downloaded every single one like some sort of app that you can’t disable.

Fortunately, here at The Dad, we celebrate dad-isms. There are few things quite as satisfying as pulling out a perfectly-timed dad-ism, watching your kids roll their eyes so hard it looks like they might fall out. Having your dad-isms on point at all times is essential – you never know when you’ll pass a wind farm and have to say, “look, my biggest fans.” There’s no way to anticipate watching your kids “ooh” and “ah” over a big group of ships before reminding them that it’s a “fleeting pleasure.”

We love dad-isms – in fact, we love them so much that we’ve created a 2021 calendar filled to the brim with ‘em. 365 days of eye-rolling, knee-slapping, pun-packed goodness. Enjoy it on your own, or give it to a fellow dad (if you do, make sure you reference your “tearable” gift at least three times).

BTW, it’s only $16, because they’re 20% off….because we know you’re not a bank and because money doesn’t grow on trees. The discount will show at checkout.

Here are 15 dad-isms to get your motor running, and hopefully, make you laugh.

And to that, we say, “hi laugh, I’m dad.”

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You can buy one for $16 right here. (Originally $20, 20% discount will show at checkout!)

The Dad 2020 Gift Guide for Dad’s Who “Don’t Want Anything”

TheDad Gift Guide
(The Dad)

Buying gifts for dads can be tricky, according to everyone who buys gifts for dads. So what are you supposed to do when the countless family members, spouses, and other people who love and admire you start relentlessly interrogating you about what you want for Christmas? We’re here for you. We’ve got your back on this one, with the annual The Dad Gift Guide, the first (and last) guide you’ll need to buy for The Dads in your life.

As you might have surmised, this is a commercial for our awesome shop at The Dad. But it’s not a typical, boring, “this company gave us money to put them on a list” guide. These are all things designed by the great team at The Dad and have been both Dad-tested and Dad-approved (ie- the best-selling and reviewed items we offer).

The best go-to is our Dad-isms 2021 day-to-day calendar. It’s full of things Dads Love, like great dad jokes, wisdom, and puns. A new page every day full of things to laugh at or roll your eyes at, like “Dads love saying ‘Don’t tell your mother’ before doing something stupid.”

 

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If apparel is what you’re after, you can’t do much better than our ‘Trophy Husband’ t-shirt. Please note the exact trophy isn’t specified, so for some, it’s top of the pack, and for some, it’s absolutely the “participation” kind. But no one has to know that.

Trophy husband t-shirt

Just about every store you enter these days requires you to wear a mask, and since that’ll be going on at least for another few months, he might as well sport some masks with dad jokes on ’em.

Dad jokes exit here mask
Mask Smells Like Updog

If you want all the ins and outs, rules and laws of being a Dad, we have gone to great lengths to debate and compile this advice into one handy location, The Dad Law book. It’s a best-seller for a reason because this advice is universal. Like Law 66: “A dad must give his grill tongs a couple of test clicks before using them. A dad is a grill artist and his tongs are his paintbrush.”

 

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One of our newest items is our marriage memo notepads. The best way to communicate with your marital co-worker, whether it’s an apology (official apologies in writing go a long way) or evidence (hey, you can’t lose every argument!), these will cover your bases and stop you from writing everything important on the back of a CVS receipt.

 

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And finally, an extra personal endorsement. The D is for Dad ABC Book for Kids (and dads) is a great book to read with small kids. I’ve gifted it to several new dads, and their kids love reading it (as much as any baby or toddler likes a book). It’s legit funny for a book like that and is a unique gift for dads-to-be.

D is for Dad

And our shop is full of other great gifts, whether it’s for you, your spouse, or a Dad in your life. We’ve got other t-shirts, mugs, books, and more (including our new Gaming jersey for all gamer dads). Your holiday shopping can begin and end here, and ensure The Dads won’t have to fake excitement when they open your gift this year.

Macaulay Culkin’s ‘Home Alone’ Mask is Terrifying

Culkin Home Alone Mask
(Twitter/IncredibleCulk 20th Century Fox)

Wearing a mask is now part of life in 2020, but the type of mask you wear? That is entirely up to you. Everyone has their own preference, but seeing as how we’re in this COVID state for at least another good chunk of time (masks, social distancing, Zooming, complaining), you might as well have fun with it. That’s the attitude of not-a-child-star anymore Macaulay Culkin, who showcased what may be the most terrifying mask I’ve ever seen during this pandemic.

He rocked a custom mask of his iconic scene from 1990’s ‘Home Alone’, where young Kevin McCallister applies aftershave and yells. Now, put that on the grown-man version of Kevin, and it’s the type of mind and time-altering experience typically reserved for a Christopher Nolan movie.

“Just staying Covid-safe by wearing the flayed skin of my younger self,” he tweeted. “Don’t forget to wear your mask, kids.”

It’s tough to process because Culkin, who became child-famous for the monster ‘Home Alone’ hit, is still a kid in the minds of many. Partly because of the rewatchability of the classic (with your own kids, it’s not like a great sit down and watch it alone type movie) and partly because it’s his most memorable role.

He is returning to acting in an upcoming season of ‘American Horror Story,’ so we’ll get more Macaulay soon, and if his social media is any indicator, his performance should be just as haunting.

He’s also pretty self-aware (especially for a celeb) with how he’s perceived and likes to really lean into it.

As far as masks go, his only works for him. But what works for you? We’ve got that covered too. Again, if you gotta wear em (and most businesses/restaurants/everywhere/etc. require them), you might as well wear a good one. That’s where we’ve got you covered (literally).

“Don’t forget to wear your mask, kids.”

Watch Engraving Ideas for That Someone Who Makes Time Stand Still

watch engraving ideas
(Getty/Chachawal Prapai)

Sometimes words elude you. A person can mean the entire world to you, but that may not always be an easy thing to communicate. For some people, decades can go by with the same partner and it never gets easier or less uncomfortable. If “words of affirmations” aren’t your “love language,” it could always be a struggle. This is especially true when you’re trying to share those feelings with the person you care about while they stand in front of you. It gets even worse when you’re confronted with a word limit, like when you engrave a watch, locket, or anything else customizable. How do you tell your moon and stars that they’re your everything in 10 words or less? Dude. It’s practically impossible.

Except it’s not. It might have felt like it 30-ish years ago when “the Google machine” didn’t exist and you were forced to be original. Now, though, it’s easier than ever to look up “what to engrave on a watch” and find plenty of ideas if you’re gearing up to give someone a special gift. You know this, though. That’s why you’re here.

With that in mind, we’ve gone ahead and rounded up the best — short — engraving ideas for watches and other special customizable gifts.

Quotes From Pop Culture

“You are my person.” – Grey’s Anatomy
“I’d miss you even if we never met.” – The Wedding Date
“I love you. I know.” – Star Wars
“Always.” – Harry Potter
“You will never age for me, nor fade, nor die.” – Shakespeare In Love
“As you wish.” – The Princess Bride
“I love you and I like you.” – Parks And Rec
“You have bewitched me.” – Pride And Prejudice
“You complete me.”– Jerry Maguire
“You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how.” – Gone With The Wind
“Wait for it.” – Hamilton
“Swoon. I’ll catch you.” – The English Patient
“Just as you are.” – Bridget Jones’ Diary
“Ohana means family.” – Lilo And Stitch
“If you’re a bird, I’m a bird.” – The Notebook
“You’re the cheese to my macaroni.” – Juno
“I wanted it to be you so badly.”– You’ve Got Mail
“Happiness is only real when shared.” – Christopher McCandless

Quotes From Songs

“I’m yours.” – Jason Mraz
“You’re my best friend.” – Tim McGraw
“All of me loves all of you.” – John Legend
“I could hold you for a million years.” – Bob Dylan
“All you need is love.” The Beatles
“At last, my love has come along.” Etta James
“And I can’t help but stare, ’cause I see truth somewhere in your eyes.” Justin Timberlake
“Take me to your heart, for it’s there that I belong and will never part.” Elvis Presley
“My world is a better place because of you.” — Celine Dion
“For whatever my man is. I am his forevermore.” — Barbara Streisand
“But nothing’s greater, than the rush that comes with your embrace.” -Leona Lewis
“All of my whole life through. I never love no one but you.” — The Supremes
“I knew I loved you before I met you. I have been waiting all my life.” — Savage Garden
“I can’t fall in love without you.” — Zara Larsson
“‘Cause after all these years. I still feel everything when you are near.” — Camila Cabello
“Whenever I’m alone with you, you make me feel like I am home again” — The Cure

Quotes For Anniversaries

Now and forever.
The best is yet to come.
I got you, babe.
I choose you.
Thank you for loving me.
My North Star.
Life is better with you.

Quotes Referencing Time

Some of these are longer and may require bigger pieces or tinier font. But, for those of you stuck on finding an engraving that actually references time (we get it!), this might be the way to go if you can swing it.

Tempus fugit (time flies).
Forever and always.
Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow.
“Time is the wisest counselor of all.” – Pericles
“I’ve had the time of my life.” Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes (Yes, the Dirty Dancing song.)
“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.” Tolstoy
“Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.” Jules Renard
“It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
“Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.” Ursula K. Le Guin
“Better three hours too soon than a minute too late.” – William Shakespeare
“I would rather spend one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone.” Tolkien
“Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be!” Robert Browning

Love Quotes From Famous Writers

“There is no remedy for love, but to love more.” – Henry David Thoreau
“I love her, and that’s the beginning and end of everything.” F. Scott Fitzgerald
“We loved with a love that was more than love.” – Edgar Allan Poe
“Life is the flower for which love is the honey.” Victor Hugo
“You can’t blame gravity for falling in love.” Albert Einstein
“True love is eternal, infinite, and always like itself.” Honore de Balzac
“Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.” H. L. Mencken
“If you remember me, then I don’t care if everyone else forgets.” Haruki Murakami
“A loving heart is the truest wisdom.” Charles Dickens
“To love another person is to see the face of God.” Lawrence Durrell
“To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others.” Francois Mauriac

App Offers Ohio Dads a Lawn Mow For $1 to Celebrate Father’s Day

$1 Lawn Mow Father's Day Special
(Getty/Elenathewise)

Mowing the lawn is quintessential dad work. The leisurely pace, the friendly neighbors, the greenly shoes. What most write off as dull, laborious yard work is effectively cat nip for dads.

But every now and then, even dad needs a break. And what better occasion than Father’s Day to give him one?

Eden is a Canada-based app that offers on-demand and subscription landscaping services, including lawn care and snow removal. The app recently expanded to the United States and is now offering the dads of Northeast Ohio a pretty sweet deal for the month of June.

If you’re in the Cleveland area, simply download the Eden app and use the promo code LOVEDAD to get your lawn mowed for the low low price of $1.

Eden founder and CEO Ben Zlotnick, a 20-year landscaping industry leader and dad himself, says he wants to give dads a break this summer. And if there were ever a year to give dad a break, it’s this one.

(Eden)

And it gets better! Eden will be reinvesting all profits from this promotion back into Northeast Ohio communities.

“We will be donating that dollar back to a local charity,” Zlotnick said in an interview. “We also recently launched $1 services to healthcare workers and teachers. We look at ways to give back to the community, and this is just one of the ways we have the ability to give back.”

If you’re a dad in the Cleveland area, click here to download the Eden app and reserve your $1 lawn mowing!

One Dad’s Quest To Save His Hair

Keeps Hair Treatment

I’ve always had pretty good hair. I’m bad at brushing it and have no idea what to tell the nice old Russian lady on Lorimer Street who cuts it, but I’ve always had a decent amount of it, and it’s always been pretty easy to maintain. But, like a lot of guys my age, I started noticing that…well, it’s not falling out or anything, but there’s some shiny scalp showing through up top there.

I know there’s no cure for going bald, but I also know that hair loss prevention products have been around since I was a kid, and it seemed like if they were just snake oil, that business model would have dried up.

So I decided to look into it, and here’s what I learned. TLDR; Keeps which is the only FDA-approved medical solution for thinning hair and hair loss, is a medication I can order online for $30 to $105 every three months — and it works. Not sure? You get 50% off your first month. It’s easy, convenient, and I don’t have to subject myself to buying hair loss products at the store.

Natural Options

You can find guys on the internet claiming that anything from caffeine to ice baths cured their baldness, but most natural hair loss treatments don’t have a ton of scientific evidence behind them. Hair loss vitamins, for example, don’t work unless you have a deficiency in the nutrients they contain. Pumpkin seed oil and rosemary oil are good places to start if you’re looking for a DIY treatment with a decent chance of actually working, but the bottom line is that you’re not likely to get mind-blowing results by going the homeopathic route.

Science Options

The FDA has only approved two treatments for male pattern hair loss: finasteride (generic Propecia®) and minoxidil (generic Rogaine®). Finasteride is a prescription pill you take every day that stops hair loss or increases hair growth in up to 90% of men. Minoxidil is an over-the-counter topical treatment you apply to your scalp twice a day. Unlike natural options, finasteride and minoxidil are clinically proven to be effective.

But I Don’t Want To Ask For Bald Medicine At The Pharmacy

Some companies have popped up in recent years that all claim to help you keep your hair from the comfort of your home. Like the elder millennial that I am, I was intrigued by the idea of a subscription service, which is why I landed on Keeps. Full disclosure: they have that minimalist marketing design approach that I appreciate, so I thought, why not?

Keeps only offers the FDA-approved medications for hair loss, and they are the only hair loss treatment company offering minoxidil in both foam and solution.

Treatment plans with Keeps cost anywhere from $30 to $105 every three months, and are delivered directly to your door in discreet packaging – no pharmacy runs or doctor appointments required. You can choose your treatment plan and have your selection verified by a Keeps doctor or speak with a Keeps doctor first who will help you land on the right treatment plan for you. 

The Bottom Line

I don’t know if I’ll have flowing locks when I’m pushing my 90s, but Keeps isn’t snake-oil. The medication is legit, the results are noticeable, and I don’t have to go shopping in the old-man aisle at the pharmacy. If you’re concerned about losing your hair and know that you won’t pull off being a hat guy, Keeps is worth giving a try. Check out Keeps now and you’ll get 50% off your first month

Superhero Cooking Accessories to Make Your Kitchen Marvelous

Infinity Gauntlet Silicone Oven Glove
(Amazon)

There are few things sexier than a man who knows his way around the kitchen. You use the proper cutting technique with that chef’s knife? Oh my. Understand the difference between a saucepan and a saute pan? Impressive! You just cleaned and deboned a bunch of fish for an entire dinner party? Mamma mia!

So, in order to combat all the sexy chef vibes you’re putting out, why not add a little nerd culture to your kitchen? As it turns out, there’s a remarkable amount of awesome Marvel cookware and utensils that will be sure to kill the mood right away – unless, of course, you’re serving a bunch of fellow nerds. No promises, then.

Here are some of our favorites:

Infinity Gauntlet Silicone Oven Glove

Infinity Gauntlet Silicone Oven Glove
(Amazon)

A powerful accessory that makes handling hot pots and pans a “snap,” this Infinity Gauntlet oven mitt is made from food-grade, flexible, heat resistant silicone that can withstand temperatures up to 445 degrees F.

Slip this bad boy on and you’ll be ready to reign over the entire universe with an iron fist… or at the very least, hold hot stuff. Grab yours today from Amazon for $19.99.

Thor Mjolnir Meat Tenderizer

Thor Mjolnir Meat Tenderizer
(Amazon)

Before slapping that steak on the grill, maybe consider attacking with the power of Thor. Truly a magical marriage of cooking and comics, this Mjolnir Mallet is perfect for tenderizing pieces of meat with its silicone grip handle and double-sided stainless steel metal head.

Beef, chicken, poultry, or pork – nothing stands a chance when you’re tenderizing like a god! Summon yours today from Amazon for $24.99.

Marvel Avengers Captain America Shield Cutting Board

Captain America Shield Cutting Board
(Amazon)

Need a cutting board that will withstand anything you throw at it (or cut on it)? One made of vibranium would probably do the trick.

This patriotic cutting board is odor and stain-resistant, heat resistant up to 350 degrees F, and features non-slip feet, so it’s not going anywhere unless you heroically throw it yourself. Pick one up for yourself on Amazon for $22.99.

Marvel Eat the Universe Cookbook

Marvel Eat the Universe Cookbook

Some tasty diddy’s include:

  • Deadpool’s Chimichangitas
  • Storm’s Tournedos
  • Dazzler’s Glittering Pizza Bagels
  • Hulk’s Paillard Arrabiata with Purple Smashed Potatoes
  • Runaways Okonomiyaki
  • Green Goblin Pumpkin Bombs

According to Insight Editions, all 60 dishes will “prepare [you] to eat like a Marvel Super Hero,” which would imply that Green Goblin enjoys a nice Pumpkin Bomb every now and then. We can absolutely get behind this.

You can pre-order now and expect the book to ship out around July 28th for a cool $26.99.

X-Men Wolverine ‘Corn on the Claws’ Cob Holders

Wolverine 'Corn on the Claws' Cob Holders
(Gamestop)

While grilling out is clearly all about the meat (as it should be), it’s polite to at least offer your guests a vegetable of some kind. So, what better way to spice up those boring old cobs of corn than with some adamantium claws?

The “Corn on the Claws” X-Men Wolverine cob holders⁠—a Think Geek / Gamestop exclusive⁠—come in a set of four pairs and definitely aren’t toy, despite their kickass appearance. They’re on sale right here for only $14.99.

Just a heads up, if you buy stuff using the provided links, The Dad may collect a small commission.

‘Deez Nuts’ Scented Candles Have a Surprisingly Pleasant Aroma

Deez Nuts Candle
(The Candle Daddy)

Do You Want to Smell Deez?

Deez What?

Look, nobody wants to smell your nuts. Let’s just get that out of the way here and now. NOBODY. WANTS. TO. SMELL. YOUR. NUTS.

Thankfully, and despite the name of the product I’m about to introduce to you, that’s not what’s happening here.

It’s from a company called Candy Daddy, and it’s a new series of scents being marketed under the name “Deez Nutz.” But don’t worry, the name is merely a joke, Obviously. (Setting aside the fact that the universal disinterest in smelling your nuts is a fundamental and objective truth, I can’t even imagine the logistical difficulties involved with capturing, replicating, and somehow transferring such a scent and into a candle.)

The name “Deez Nutz” is both a playful reference to the classic joke that may or may not have originated – but certainly was popularized – in a sketch on Dr. Dre’s The Chronic album in 1992, and a reference to the scent of a new candle that Candle Daddy is peddling, a triple-layered candle that contains the scents of three separate nut flavors. Actual nuts, not testicles.

The Deez Nutz candle contains the delightful smell of banana nut bread, toasted coconut, and hazelnut, but do you really care what it smells like? Each of those scents is definitely enticing – I am so partial to the smell of coconut that it’s a wonder I haven’t accidentally poisoned myself by chugging my wife’s conditioner – but let’s be honest. If you’re buying a Deez Nutz candle, you’re not buying it for its scents, or its 80-hour burn time, you’re buying it for the laughs.

Thankfully, it’s a mere 20 bucks and would make a great gag gift. Unfortunately, Christmas has come and gone, but Valentine’s Day is coming up. Head over to Amazon to pick yours up for $19.99.

If I were you though, I would think long and hard before you tell your wife you bought her something that smells like “Deez Nutz,” let alone let her unwrap the thing.

Just a heads up, if you buy stuff using the provided links, The Dad may collect a small commission.