Science hasn’t been able to explain it, but something happens when you become a dad. One day you’re looking up Air Jordans online, and the next, you have a pair of New Balance sneakers for every occasion. Inexplicably, you can now fall asleep almost anywhere in roughly the amount of time it takes to sit down. You belong to more than one group dedicated to lawnmowers. When your kid says “I’m hungry,” something inside of you demands that you respond “hi hungry, I’m dad.” We call that a “dad-ism,” (and there’s an app for that!) and somehow, your brain has downloaded every single one like some sort of app that you can’t disable.
Fortunately, here at The Dad, we celebrate dad-isms. There are few things quite as satisfying as pulling out a perfectly-timed dad-ism, watching your kids roll their eyes so hard it looks like they might fall out. Having your dad-isms on point at all times is essential – you never know when you’ll pass a wind farm and have to say, “look, my biggest fans.” There’s no way to anticipate watching your kids “ooh” and “ah” over a big group of ships before reminding them that it’s a “fleeting pleasure.”
We love dad-isms – in fact, we love them so much that we’ve created a 2021 calendar filled to the brim with ‘em. 365 days of eye-rolling, knee-slapping, pun-packed goodness. Enjoy it on your own, or give it to a fellow dad (if you do, make sure you reference your “tearable” gift at least three times).
BTW, it’s only $16, because they’re 20% off….because we know you’re not a bank and because money doesn’t grow on trees. The discount will show at checkout.
Here are 15 dad-isms to get your motor running, and hopefully, make you laugh.
And to that, we say, “hi laugh, I’m dad.”
Dads love leaving dishes in the sink “to soak” and counting the job as done.
— The Dad (@thedad) November 5, 2020
Dads love standing around with the trash bag on Christmas morning to collect any wrapping paper the minute it hits the ground
— The Dad (@thedad) December 10, 2020
Dads love saying “that’s a scary mask” to a kid who is not wearing a mask
— The Dad (@thedad) October 31, 2020
Dads love saying “long time, no see!” when they see someone twice in one day.
— The Dad (@thedad) November 23, 2020
Dads love saying “glad we’re not going that way” when they see traffic on the other side of the freeway
— The Dad (@thedad) December 4, 2020
Dads love saying “Back already? How was it?” when you run back inside because you forgot something.
— The Dad (@thedad) May 19, 2020
Dads love saying “Nice of you to join us” when you get out of bed after sleeping in.
— The Dad (@thedad) May 25, 2020
Dads love saying “no your other right” when someone mistakes left for right
— The Dad (@thedad) December 26, 2018
Dads love saying “I’m just resting my eyes” when they are caught sleeping.
— The Dad (@thedad) May 31, 2020
Dads love saying “You’re goin’ the wrong way” when they see someone leaving work while they’re walking in.
— The Dad (@thedad) June 3, 2020
Dads love knowing what roads you took to get somewhere and then telling you why that route is not the fastest
— The Dad (@thedad) August 3, 2020
Dads love telling kids to turn off the dome light in the car because it’s illegal.
— The Dad (@thedad) May 25, 2020
Dads love telling kids “oh no they’re comin for ya” when they hear police sirens
— The Dad (@thedad) March 3, 2019
Dads love quoting movies that came out before their kids were born and then telling them the entire movie to explain the quote.
— The Dad (@thedad) June 9, 2019
Dads love saying “Can’t get very far without these” when they come right back in the house after forgetting their car keys
— The Dad (@thedad) April 24, 2019
You can buy one for $16 right here. (Originally $20, 20% discount will show at checkout!)