You Can Now Play Classic Video Games On Your Phone, Old Man
Old school games make new school appearance
If there’s one thing old people love it’s stuff to make them feel young again.
Let me be the first to break it to you, dear child of the 80s: you are old as dirt. Sure, you still rock a sweet graphic tee and may even have (most of) your hair, but you also have kids, a mortgage and a strict 10:30 bedtime or you will be cranky AF in the morning. But just because you’re old (and again, you are), doesn’t mean you can’t play the games of your youth.
Best of all, there’s no need for a frustrating search through all that newfangled hulabaloo in the app store, Mashable did the work and found the “9 Classic Games You Need On Your IPhone.”
These games are guaranteed to bring back fond memories from when you were much cooler. Or could, at least, stay up late, playing stupid games.
The first computer game many of us had as kid tricked us into learning about American history and asking questions like, “what the hell is dysentery?” Basically, if you didn’t die on the Oregon Trail, you won. It’s just like your everyday life now, old-timer! Except, your minivan is even less bad ass than a covered wagon. And instead of dysentery, it’s probably just high cholesterol. Happy trails!
Simplicity was at the heart of many early cellphone games. Simple to learn, but a lifetime to master. And you convinced yourself you would master them! Snake was the ultimate phone game before your phone was a tiny computer in your pocket. Pretty much all your stupid phone did back then was make and receive calls, and play this one inane and insanely addictive game. Now you’re pissed when someone dares call you, instead of texting. The good news is, you can ignore them while you play Snake.
I’m not sure what’s wrong with Mashable, but Pac-Man should have been number one with a Power Pellet on this list of classic games. Pac-Man is THE classic arcade game. As soon as you hear the music a wave of nostalgia hits. You can practically feel the stack of quarters in your fingers and the worn carpet under your feet as you eat or are eaten by ghosts.
As for some of the other games on the list: Battleship and Clue weren’t even computer or arcade games when you were a kid. They were board games. Why were they included, let alone the number one and two picks?? Whoever wrote the Mashable list is probably as old as you are. They must have gotten winded and just threw two extra games onto the list. Also, ignore their coloring book selection. If you’re going to get an adult coloring book, get this one with lots of fun curse words and actual paper.
The point is: you’re old, but you can still have a good time. Go have a nice warm cup of tea (not too hot!) and play Snake or one of these other classic games. Keeping your mind active and stimulated will keep you feeling young.
Even though you’re really, really, REALLY old.
