DULUTH, MN – “Cool,” Anthony Stevenson remarked upon discovering that half-eaten suckers apparently belong upside down in the cupholder of his minivan. “Great,” he added.
Stevenson, the 33-year-old father of one, says it was “just fantastic” to learn his Kia Sedona’s cupholders, previously thought to only hold cups, change, and drive-thru receipts, was also the perfect place to dispose of spit-drenched sugar candy.
“A bank teller gave my son this little lollipop yesterday,” Anthony recalled, admiring the lemon Dum Dum’s natural adhesiveness to plastic.
“I assumed he’d finished it and then discard the stick in a trash can. But taking a few licks and then affixing garbage to the bottom of this hole I jam my hand into several times a day, that’s pretty sweet too. Nice.”
Stevenson says he hopes the cupholder’s new functionality will increase the vehicle’s resale value, as should the seatbelt holes that are perfect for storing goldfish crackers.
This Just In…is The Dad Faking News. Despite being completely plausible to parents, it’s satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. For more stories like this one click here.