Citing its lack of motor skills and cognitive faculties, new dad Colin Schmidt was skeptical of his newborn baby’s involvement in a recent Father’s Day card.
“How could this possibly be from my wife AND a three-month-old?” asked an incredulous Schmidt, pointing to the handwritten message inside reading “From Beth & Liam.”
“I’m guessing somewhere between throwing up and soiling himself he found the competency required to go splitsies on a greeting card? Give me a break.”
The card, Schmidt tells us, features a picture of Yoda along with the text “A HAPPY FATHER’S DAY, YOU HAVE,” despite his infant son’s utter unfamiliarity with Star Wars, the speech patterns of its characters, and the concept of a holiday.
“This is my wife’s handwriting, no question there,” Schmidt said, analyzing the signature. “I’m just hesitant to believe this was a team effort, considering one of them has no object permanence.”
Schmidt says he’s looking forward to his next Father’s Day, which will be spent wondering just how in the hell an unemployed one-year-old chips in for a necktie.
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