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Dad Thinks He Finds Daughter’s Sex Toy, Is Hilariously Wrong

By Mike Julianelle
(Getty Images/Caiaimage/Chris Ryan)

Dad pays the price for snooping in his teen’s stuff

Parents just don’t understand, the song goes. But sometimes that’s not so much the generation gap as the fact that some parents are just clueless. Combine that cluelessness with tendency to overreact, and you have one dad’s embarrassing story of discipline gone wrong.

Everyone has been busted by their parents for doing something embarrassing, but not everyone has had the luxury of being able to flip that embarrassment back onto their mom or dad.

But my girl @_emmiilly did. And it went viral.

via GIPHY

Earlier this week, Emily posted a text conversation she’d had with her father after he’d snooped in her room while she was at a friend’s house. He found what he thought was contraband, and he immediately went to DefCon 5.

Dad found what he thought was a vibrator and prematurely went all Carrie’s mom on his poor daughter.

“This is disgusting…if you have these kinds of needs I suggest you don’t leave this shit laying around.”

Yeah, pervert! How dare you… charge your phone?

The alleged sex toy was merely a portable phone charger, to the chagrin of Dad and the delight of the internet.

Emily explained to her dad that it’s her phone charger that “I use at Disneyland” which, okay, then asked him why he was in her room in the first place. Dad attempted to escape the conversation that had quickly turned on him with this less than graceful reply, “Don’t tell your mom. Sorry, I needed Chapstick…btw, be safe when you come home.”

Smooth.

via GIPHY

“This was so awkward omg my dad really assumed the worst,” she wrote on her tweet, which more than 37,000 people have since retweeted, many of whom wondered why a young woman’s use of a vibrator is “disgusting” and “the worst?”

They’re right. Dad probably has bigger fish to fry, such as handling those chapped-ass lips of his. Luckily, it seems like he was able to.

Thank god.

Of course, this being the internet, an awkward story wouldn’t be complete without someone coming (sorry) along to out-awkward it. I apologize in advance for this:

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Father and Son Escape Burning Truck in the Nick of Time

By Jimmy Applegath
(News Channel Nebraska)

19-year old Minnesota man Kobe Sammons drove 500 miles to visit his family in Nebraska. When he arrived he told to his father, Jeremy, that his ride just wasn’t running right. So his dad hopped in the truck and the two went for a drive in hopes of discovering what the problem was.

A short while later they pulled over when Jeremy noticed smoke had entered the cabin of the truck. The smoke quickly turned to heat and it became apparent the engine compartment was on fire.

That’s when both men attempted to open their doors but they would not unlock.

The father wondered if this would be their final moments together.

“I told him he would have to break the glass or kick the door open. I couldn’t help him.” the elder Sammons told News Channel Nebraska.

But eventually Kobe was able to kick the door open.

“It was in those moments. Just when it had to open, the door opened.” Kobe’s dad said.

By the time firefighters arrived the truck was completely engulfed in flames. Authorities on the scene considered that the fire may have caused the doors’ unlocking mechanism to malfunction.

The truck can easily be replaced, the important thing is that this father and son duo escaped unharmed.

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75-Year-Old Volunteer Literally Takes Catnaps at Animal Shelter

By Jordan Stratton
(Facebook/Safe Haven Pet Sanctuary Inc.)

If you’re a cat lover you’ll probably agree that 75-year-old Wisconsinite Terry Lauerman is living the dream. He spends most days volunteering at his local animal shelter snoozing with cats.

Lauerman begins his day at Safe Haven Pet Sanctuary where he brushes any cat that needs it, then ends up catching a few z’s with his feline friends. The cats and staff at the shelter love the service Lauerman provides and so do thousands of others because of a viral Facebook post about him.

Elizabeth Feldhausen, the founder of Safe Haven Pet Sanctuary, told The Huffington Post that Lauerman never signed up to be a volunteer but just showed up one day, armed with a cat brush and dream to help some kitties.

“He just walked in and started brushing,” Feldhausen said. “So eventually we told him he was an official volunteer and had him fill out our volunteer form.”

(Facebook/Safe Haven Pet Sanctuary Inc.)

Safe Haven is a cage-free, no-kill shelter aimed at rehabilitating cats with special needs who would likely be euthanized elsewhere. Feldhausen says Lauerman usually comes in for about three hours every day—he’ll start by brushing a cat but usually ends up dozing off.

“He sleeps for about an hour, then he’ll wake up and switch cats,”

The cats aren’t the only ones benefitting from his visits, though. “He said, [the brushing is] as great of an experience for him, as it is for them,” said Feldhausen.

(Facebook/Safe Haven Pet Sanctuary Inc.)

The post about Lauerman has received tons of positive attention and according to Feldhausen, they’ve received about $20,000 in donations since the post went viral.

While Lauerman is happy to have brought so much attention to Safe Haven, he wants people to know that there are plenty of other volunteers that put in hours of hard work to make sure the cats are loved and cared for.

Unlike them, however, Lauerman can do it in his sleep.

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Father Figures: So Be It

By Mike Julianelle

“My money is tight living here in Silicon Valley.

My daughters are both really smart and take advanced classes, which takes a shit load of money for tests, materials and such. I too play the ‘money is tight’ card around holidays and birthdays, but I work my ass off and find side jobs. As many as I can to make sure they have the best day possible on those special occasions.

If that means not buying myself anything for the rest of my life, so be it.

They always come first, and I believe they will appreciate the struggles later on in life, and they’ll be better off for it.”

– Mauro Hernandez

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

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Dad’s Panoramic Photo of Daughter Goes Horribly Wrong and Viral

By Jordan Stratton
(Twitter/sc_x_cs)

With new phones constantly boasting advancements in camera technology, it’s no wonder some people have trouble keeping up—dads in particular.

Just ask 21-year-old Twitter user Simran. She recently came to terms with the fact that her father is a bit more technologically-challenged than she realized.

Here’s how Simran appears when she’s directing the photo shoot:

While on vacation her dad attempted to snap a unique picture of her. He insisted on trying out his iPhone X’s panoramic photo mode. As you probably expect, the photo didn’t turn out quite as planned.

“My dad told me to stand by the apples because he said he discovered a new way to take pano pics vertically,” Simran told Mashable. “I agreed to it and this was the result.”

“When he saw them he said ‘they look great’ and then I saw them and completely lost it. I mean, are you kidding me? I look like an Alien,” she said.

A number of people chimed in and made fun comparisons to some pretty unflattering images.

Clearly, Simran has been a good sport and we commend her dad for a bold attempt at harnessing advanced photo technology. But perhaps he should stick with the old fashioned point-and-shoot method from now on?

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