It’s the gift that keeps on smelling
Stealing someone’s packages is a downright dirty thing to do. Stealing them around Christmas time, when, odds are, they are gifts? Well that’s just plain despicable.
One dad has had enough of his deliveries being swiped from his doorstep, and has devised a devilish way to get even with the Scrooges who are stealing from his family.
Tom Bulser lives in Denver, and he loves Christmas. Don’t believe me? Please see the image at the top of this post. I said good DAY, sir!
Like many of us who do whatever we can to avoid the holiday rush at actual brick-and-mortar stores, around the holidays he receives a lot of packages. Lately, though, he’s been receiving fewer than normal.
That’s because some brazen thieves are taking them right off his doorstep in what’s become an increasingly common occurrence in the age of Amazon. Already this season he’s had some packages swiped, and he’s fed up. He turned to a community watch group on Facebook for suggestions for preventing the theft, and he found one he liked. And then Tom turned it to 100.
According to Colorado’s 9News, Tom adopted the decoy-box technique, in which one leaves a weighted-down box on the stoop to entice thieves and hopefully trick them into leaving with the bogus package, instead of the actual ones. But Tom added a dirty little twist to the plan.
“I decided I’d use our 2-year-old son’s dirty diapers so that when they went home to open and check for their – what spoils they had plundered from our porch, they were in for an entirely different kind of surprise,” Tom told the local news station.
Now, when the thieves get home, they’re not greeted with an Amazon Echo or another expensive gadget. Instead they get a collection of poop. And trust me, as someone who empties a toddler’s Diaper Genie on the regular, a box of poop is a hell of a lot worse than a lump of coal.
Adding insult to injury, Tom scribbles “Eat shit, thieves!” on the bottom of each decoy box, because he couldn’t resist leaving both an extra “fuck you” and little joke. The man is Dad AF.
“We’re done putting up with this crap, so we’re putting out the crap,” he added, cementing his status as one of the dadliest dads in Denver.
We reached out to this hero to ask how things have been going.
“Well, it has all kind of caught me off guard. What started as a lighthearted effort to put a somewhat mischievous spin on a neighborhood-wide decoy effort has really gained steam! Probably not the best metaphor to use when you’re talking dirty diapers.” Did I tell you or I did I tell you? DAD TO THE EXTREME!
Unfortunately, none of the neighbors have taken up Tom’s offer to borrow diapers for their own decoy packages, but he has heard of a few people using dog poop instead.
Tom’s final message to anyone who might try his anti-theft system? “I hope that people have fun with it more than anything. And that porch pirates think twice about what they’re doing! It’s someone’s Christmas that they’re stealing. We don’t need any more Grinches than we’ve already got.”
Ain’t that the truth.