“Putting Shane (5 years old) to sleep…
Me: Okay, Shane. Lights out. I love you. It’s sleep time…
Shane: Can we talk about butts first?
Me: I think it’s technically a little too late for that. Maybe tomorrow.
Me: What did you have in mind?
Shane: Let’s just talk about butts.
Me: I think, for today at least, I’ve said everything I have to say about butts. How about you start?
Shane: Okay. I love butts.
Me: Okay, maybe you’ll be lucky enough to dream about them. How about you give that a try right now?
Shane: Say something about butts first.
Me: Okay. You know what’s interesting? Most, if not all animals, have some sort of a butt. Ostriches and mice – pretty different, yet… they both have butts, which is pretty cool.
Shane: Yeah – that’s cool.
Me: Yup. I hope you dream about mice butts tonight. I love you more than anything in this world.
Shane: How about a knock knock about butts?
Me: I only know one. (Thinking…wait, I do?) Okay, knock knock.
Shane: Who’s there?
Shane: Oh I know this one.
Me: Okay, you do it then.
Shane: Knock knock.
Me: Who’s there?
Me: Chicken who?
Shane: Chicken butt!
Me: You did know it! That’s a great one. A classic. It’s sleep time! I hope you dream about chicken butts surprising you at the front door.
Shane: One more thing about butts.
Shane: I wish I had a class at school called ‘It’s time to fart!’
Me: I think that’s pretty reasonable. I’ll talk to the principal tomorrow.
Shane: Okay, thanks.
Me: I might not, though. Okay, good night. I hope you dream about a class at school about butts and farts. I hope it’s smelly, too. Okay?
Shane: Can you smell in dreams?
Me: I definitely can. How about you go see if you can? Good night.”
Tim Gillard of University City, MO
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