Feeling Down? Let This KitKat Story Cheer You Up

(hoto by: Newscast/UIG via Getty Images)

(Imagine I’m sitting backwards on a chair for this first part.) Listen up, dads. We all get sad sometimes. We all get frustrated, angry, and downright sad. Tough day at work. Grueling weekend with the kids. Life feels bleak sometimes and that’s okay. Now, bearing that fact in mind, I want to tell you all a story that cheers me up when I’m not in best form. Whenever I think of it I smile, and other people I have told it to have said the same.

Next time you’re feeling less than your best, maybe this story will do you a big cheer up.

First off, here’s the context. A friend of mine told me this story seven years ago. The protagonist was her sister’s friend, but for the purposes of coherent storytelling let’s call her “my friend.” Actually, let’s name her. Why the hell not? Let’s call her… what’s a good name? Charly. That’ll do.

My friend, Charly, was on a train. She was sitting at one of those seats that have a shared table between them, and she had a relatively long journey ahead of her. She got out her book and placed it on the table. She got a KitKat (other confectionary products available) out of her pocket and placed that next to the book. She settled into her chair, and looked out of the window. Here is a recreation of the scene. This isn’t Charly, but because I am showing you the gif you now understand what looking out of the window might look like.

(Source: GIPHY)

At the next station, a man got on the train and sat opposite her. I’ve never considered that this man might also have a name so I’m a little thrown here, but fuck it let’s give him a name too. This man, Leighton (good name choice, Tom, I can hear you saying) did what Charly did and put his belongings on the table too. A newspaper, a muffin.

Now, Charly is reading her book, carrying on as you would expect, keeping herself to herself. At some point in the journey she notices something from the corner of her eye. Leighton was eating her KitKat. The bastard literally picked her KitKat up from the table, opened it, and took one of the fingers. And he ate it.

Charly was raging. If this was a cartoon, steam would be pouring out of her ears. She was furious. 

(Source: GIPHY)

But did she say anything? Absolutely not. That would be confrontational, and nobody likes that. She did want to take her revenge though. So, without hesitation, she grabbed the other half of the KitKat and stuffed it in her mouth. She ate it with fury in her eyes, staring at Leighton. He seemed slightly taken aback by her, presumably because she was eating like a complete psychopath.

She went back to silently staring out of the window in a fit of rage. The train journey was fairly lengthy so she had plenty of time to let her fury develop fully as she rode along the tracks. Eventually, she reached her station.

Charly stood up, and gathered her belongings. But she was still furious. She wanted to teach Leighton a lesson about respecting other people’s space, respecting their property, respecting boundaries. And then she noticed his muffin, still sat on the table. Without a second thought, Charly did the only thing any self-respecting person could do in that situation: she punched that muffin.

(Source: GIPHY)

That’s right. She gathered all her strength, and she punched that muffin right into the table, smashing it to bits. Leighton looked horrified. “Take that, you knobhead,” she thought to herself, as she picked the crumbs from between her fingers. Then, she turned, hopped off the train, and watched it pull away. She had won. She had taught him a lesson, and she could continue her day basking in the glow of victory.

As Charly went to leave the station, she went to grab her ticket from her coat pocket. But wait? There was something else in there… Her KitKat.

That’s right, lads. My friend Charly stole some poor bastard’s KitKat.

So the next time life isn’t going your way and you think things couldn’t get any worse, just remember, at least you didn’t steal a grown man’s candy and then look into his eyes and punch his muffin in a fit of rage.

As you were.

Jim Gaffigan Has Something to Say About Beer

(Getty/master1305/Tom Briglia)

A general rule of thumb when making small talk: Don’t talk about religion, politics, or beer preferences.

All three are bound to erupt into heated debates. In the dad community beer in particular tends to be an extremely touchy subject. Everyone seems to have an opinion on what makes a beer amazing or downright sacrilegious, and comedian Jim Gaffigan is no different.

You’re either in full agreement with Jim’s purist perspective or cracking your knuckles to write a scathing comment touting your superior craft beer palate.

But that’s the great thing about beer, nay… America. We all have individual tastes. Just because some guy doesn’t share your affinity for a specific brew, that doesn’t mean he’s wrong (even though he is!) It just means you get to connect with someone with a differing perspective, while drinking beer!

So, if you see Jim in a bar, don’t make fun of him for his taste in beer. Instead, buy him a round, and make fun of his age – like an adult.

Cheers, Jim!

Back To School Photo Fails

(Facebook.com/DaveHannem)

Parents love to capture the moment on the first day back to school, but sometimes that moment isn’t what we envisioned. Check out these hilarious back to school photo fails from The Dad community.

(Instagram.com/cheeksmagee)
(Facebook.com/KellySmith)
(Instagram.com/abbyjmccoy)
(Instagram.com/instagramycohen)
(Facebook.com/DaveHannem)
(Instagram.com/JoyScribner)
(Instagram.com/bullitt.with.a.name)
(Facebook.com/KristenMadral)
(Instagram.com/heatherdtomlinson)

Dad Grades – Hal from Malcolm in the Middle

(Photo Credit: 20th Century Fox)

Years before his dark turn as meth kingpin Heisenberg, Bryan Cranston starred as Hal on the criminally under-appreciated sitcom, Malcolm in the Middle. While his sadistically overbearing wife, Lois, was perpetually at wits end with their four mischievous sons, the much more care-free Hal happily took the passenger seat in their parenting roles.

DAD STRENGTHS

(Photo Credit: 20th Century Fox)

Hal is a loving husband and father. He shows Lois affection through raw animalistic passion and utter dependence. He even admits to it, once telling Lois that he and their boys are not smart enough to function without her, and in return can only offer his total obedience.

He takes a much calmer, more sympathetic approach to parenting than Lois. She has a short fuse, at the end of which is a barrel of dynamite eager to ground someone for the rest of their life. Hal, conversely, seizes any opportunity to bond with his boys by having a sit-down and doling out fatherly words of wisdom.

(Photo Credit: 20th Century Fox)

He’s far more lenient, but will raise his voice and put his foot down when necessary. He’s often creative in his punishments. For example, when Malcolm told him “[bleep] you,” Hal sat him down in the backyard and forced him to look him in the eyes and read aloud a comprehensive list of every vile swear words, teaching him their power.

His biggest strength, however, is his laid-back, often immature attitude. It serves as a refreshing palate cleanser for Lois’ incessant shouting. He is truly the yin to her yang.

DAD WEAKNESSES

He’s more permissive than his wife. In one episode, Hal surprises the boys by letting them skip school to accompany him at some stock car races.

Hal’s lax approach to parenting is, regrettably, his biggest weakness. His spontaneity and often childish behavior sets a bad example for his sons. Case in point: the steamroller. After winning some money on a scratch-off, Hal secretly rents a steamroller.

(Photo Credit: 20th Century Fox)

When Dewey catches him, Hal agrees to let him steamroll over Reese’s bike. Ultimately, Hal goes mad with power and Dewey must talk him down from steamrolling a row of cars. Surely this gave Dewey license to misbehave in the future. His impulsive nature is typically harmless, but still sets precedent for the delinquency of his kids.

VERDICT

Despite shortcomings at the cost of his need to be the parent his sons actually like, Hal is a great father. Sure, all four of his sons are rambunctious hellions, disobedient and destructive at every turn, but that’s predominantly the result of their stubborn, temperamental mother. He’s a big-hearted working stiff, determined to provide for his family however dysfunctional they may be.

FINAL DAD GRADE: A-

Dancing Dad Embarrasses Daughter at Baseball Game [VIDEO]

Being a dad involves a lot of anxiety, drudgery, and stress. Sometimes you get to enjoy the perks of parenting, like embarrassing your children on television. Or in the stands at a Cubs game.

Or both!

This dad knows what’s up. He ignores his daughter’s attempts to get him to stop dancing and then doubles down on the silly moves.

Father Figures: Be Positive

“My twin girls (Faye and Felicia) are both autistic.

Felicia was diagnosed before she was three; she’s non verbal and loves life in her own wee bubble. Once she lets you in, it’s amazing. That’s her circle of trust.

Faye is her total opposite, always singing and chatting up a storm. Once they started preschool, we found out that Faye was showing signs of autism that we perhaps overlooked because she was so advanced.

My wife and I, with the assistance of Faye’s teachers, pushed hard to get her assessed, reassessed and diagnosed. Faye is very smart and fooled the specialist in the first assessment regarding extra help in school. We were very lucky when she was diagnosed, because the specialist ASD doctors could still recognize her traits.

It’s been a long journey and no two days are alike. Through it all we’ve learned that Faye is just a younger, female version of her older brother. From her diagnosis, we were able to recognize the ASD traits in Jordan. He is now beginning the diagnostic process.

But long story short, both our girls now attend an autism unit in a special school. It’s a God send and they are both doing great! They turned 6 in August and Jordan will be 11 this December.

Be positive and always make sure your child gets all they need. Raising a child with special needs definitely puts into perspective what’s important in life!

Everything for the kids!”

– Nic Young

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

8-Year-Old Girl Stuns Crowd at Harlem Globetrotters Game [VIDEO]

(YouTube/Harlem Globetrotters)

When the Harlem Globetrotters called Samaya Clark-Gabriel onto the court at halftime of their game, the crowd at Madison Square Garden wasn’t sure what to expect. But at this stage in a Globetrotters game it would certainly take a lot to impress them.

First she just started dribbling.

But then she started dribbling two basketballs at once. And then she started dribbling two basketballs at once while wearing a blindfold. And then she started dribbling two basketballs at once while wearing a blindfold and DOING A SPLIT.

Wow. Did they sign her yet?

Big Dad Rides Small Bike as a Tribute to Late Daughter

(JustGiving/Peter Williams)

Peter Williams of Penzance, England is showing incredible strength after the loss of his daughter. On Friday at 10am, he began a 211-mile ride to raise money for The Brain Tumour Charity.

In 2015, Peter lost his 7-year-old daughter, Ellie, to a rare form of brain cancer, only six months after she was diagnosed.

To honor his daughter he decided to begin his ride at Bristol Children’s Hospital where Ellie was treated. He’s also making the entire trip on her little pink bike, which is only 20″ high. Given Peter is 6 feet tall, that’s going to make for an additional challenge, but he’s up for it.

Aside from a small modification to the bike’s seat, he’ll be riding the bike as-is. “My knees clear the handlebars by about half an inch so it’s going to be really tight, but it’s a great bike,” he told the BBC. When he factors in his unique mode of transportation Peter estimates the ride from Bristol to Land’s End will take him a week to complete.

Ellie loved cycling and impressed her dad at age three, when she was able to ride without training wheels.

(JustGiving/Peter Williams)

The bike he’ll be riding was her pride and joy – a present she received for her last Christmas.

So far Peter has raised £23,349 (roughly $30K US) through his JustGiving campaign, already doubling his £10,000 target.

What a guy! What a dad! Go, Peter, go!

If you’d like donate to Peter’s campaign, visit his JustGiving page.

If you want to learn more about where the money is going, check out The Brain Tumour Charity.