A story on Goal.com details Rafael Wolf, a goalkeeper for a team called Fortuna Dusseldorf, prevented the opposing team from netting points by using his crotch to deflect a free kick.

Normally, you might want to keep something like that quiet, especially since after getting hit in the nuts with a soccer ball, you probably can’t speak for a while anyway. But Wolf seems almost proud to be a socc-blocker.

“You always say with your balls but this one I saved with my penis,” the 29-year-old said after the match.

That’s definitely true. I do always say “with your balls.” Ask my wife!

His heroics helped Fortuna Dusseldorf overcome Arminia Bielefeld 2-0, which means he could have skipped out of the way to protect himself and still won the match, but no. He refused. He also inexplicably refuses to wear a cup, claiming it stops him from being able to run well. You know what also stops you from being able to run well? AGONIZING PAIN TO THE CROTCHAL REGION.

“I have worn protection as a youth at Hallenspielen. But you can’t run properly – it’s crap!”

Not as crappy as no longer being able to have children? It’s an unanswerable question, except for the fact that running improperly is nowhere near as crappy.

Don’t worry, after the match, the goalkeeper shrugged off the injury and dismissed the pain as no big deal.

HAHAHA, JUST KIDDING!

“First the pain was hellish but after some ice and rest it was okay.”

Yeah, cool. It started at “hellish” and then slowly went to “holy shit I’m dying” before ramping down to merely “torturous” and eventually subsiding. No big deal!

The good news is, with the victory Rafael and his teammates remain atop the “2 Bundesliga table, three points clear of second placed Holsten Kiel after 10 games.”

None of which I understand and am not entirely convinced wasn’t something the goalkeeper blurted out while writhing in pain on the pitch.

Matt’s father Billy suffers from Alzheimer’s Disease, and the symptoms have been accruing rapidly. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t time for more memories, and Matt used the latest Father’s Day as an opportunity to do just that. The 36-year-old drove 12 hours, from Florida to Mississippi, and surprised his parents at their doorstep on Sunday.

He was bearing gifts as well, bringing his dad the jersey of his favorite baseball team, Mississippi State. But that wasn’t all. Matt brought tickets too, to see the College World Series in Omaha in person.

In video of the exchange that Matt posted on Twitter, his dad was clearly taken by surprise.

Surprised my dad today to tell him I’m taking him to Omaha to watch @HailStateBB play. His Alzheimer’s is setting in fast but I know he’s going to have a blast this weekend. Hail State!!! pic.twitter.com/NTtAxcxxIj

— Matt Lea (@tigr2ndbase) June 14, 2018

“I figured it’s probably not good enough just for us to watch the game here,” Matt says in the video as he produces the tickets. “How about we go to Omaha? Do you want to go up to Omaha and watch the College World Series together?”

“Golly,” an emotional Billy responds. “You’re gonna break my heart, here.”

Matt’s gift for his dad received a rapturous response from Twitter, where it’s been liked 46,000 times and retweeted 11,000 times.

Thanks everyone. I live 12 hours away in Florida now so it took him completely by surprise when I showed up. We can’t wait to get up there. Hate we’ll only be there for opening weekend but it’s going to be a great final trip for us.

— Matt Lea (@tigr2ndbase) June 14, 2018

Matt seemed as surprised by the response as his dad was by the gift, as everyone who celebrated Father’s Day yesterday knows, there’s nothing better than sharing meaningful memories with your dad, which is exactly what Matt did. An article on Omaha.com details Billy’s baseball past, the initial diagnosis of his Alzheimer’s, the VIP experience Matt treated him too over the weekend.

Matt’s Twitter account showcased the rest.

Thanks to everyone that made today something we’ll treasure forever. We have a couple things to do tomorrow before have to head home. @HailStateBB keep grinding and believe. You’re a team of destiny. pic.twitter.com/GamW2sEJ9i

— Matt Lea (@tigr2ndbase) June 17, 2018

Thank you @HailStateBB for everything. You’ve given us an incredible time together. Thank you to all that have offered room/tickets for the rest of the games. Dad needs to get home back into his routine and familiar surroundings. Now go get a championship!!!!! pic.twitter.com/5Y0NNORIoo

— Matt Lea (@tigr2ndbase) June 17, 2018

Happy Father’s Day!

– Mike Kuyper

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

Can’t get enough? Check out more creative cosplay on his Facebook page.

You can find more awesome album covers as well as other design projects by Ryan on his Instagram.

2. A streaming stick

“So yeah, you just plug this Roku stick into the TV and you can pretty much watch anything you want.” That’s you. That’s you telling your dad you just spent a boatload of money on a piece of technology. “Instant access to every movie ever made” is your dad’s cue to ask you to retrieve the Best Buy receipt crammed in the console’s cupholder.

3. A dashcam

These are great to have in the event of an accident. Unfortunately, your dad is still under the impression it’s 1999 and all digital cameras cost ten million dollars. Be sure to keep this receipt in your wallet, because this thing’s going right back to the store if it ran you how much he thinks it ran you.

4. An e-reader

What a lovely thought. Your dad, sitting up in bed, every book he could possibly want at his fingertips. What will he read first? A book about World War II? The biography of Henry Ford? The answer is, of course, the receipt for this fancy reading tablet that probably set you back three mortgage payments.

5. A yearly-subscription to a music streaming service

You just want him to be able to listen to the Doobie Brothers whenever he wants. But by his math, if buying a single song on iTunes costs $1, and Spotifly, as he calls it, gives you access to over four million songs, you’ve essentially just bankrupted your family. Good job. Be sure to keep that receipt handy to prove to him that he can still see his grandkids attend college one day.

It’s Father’s Day. Don’t forget to hide charcoal briquettes around the house for your dad to find

— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) June 18, 2017

Commercials: notoriously insensitive to the plight of dads.

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads in commercials who are left in charge of the kids and then get tomato sauce all over the kitchen.

— Ari Scott (@ariscott) June 19, 2016

There’s no better present than an existential crisis.

when your father’s day gift makes you question if you’re still alive pic.twitter.com/OcXz17WyZN

— Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) June 18, 2017

Happy Father’s Day! Enjoy your maple syrupy pillowcases.

For Father’s Day my kids spilled me breakfast in bed.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 21, 2015

We’d like to wish an especially happy Father’s Day to Gene.

the apostrophe in “father’s day” indicates that this day is meant to celebrate one dad only. my guess is Gene, down the street

— chuuch (@ch000ch) June 21, 2015

A stern reminder to not do this.

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there. Unless you refer to watching your kids as babysitting.

— Rich Cromwell (@rcromwell4) June 18, 2017

Get it changed twice just in case.

For Father’s Day, I’m giving my dad a receipt proving I got my oil changed & a detailed description of the route we took to get to his house

— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) June 18, 2015

The easiest way to say “I love you.”

Get your dad what he really wants this Father’s Day by turning off the lights when you leave a room.

— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) June 18, 2015

And finally, a reminder for all dads the other 364 days of the year.

Every day is father's day on your local classic rock station

— Dan gagliardi (@asimplemachine) June 21, 2015